Dear Bom,

Let me tell you first that you not talking to me is driving me crazy. So if this letter seems off and will make you even angrier at me, please realize that I’ve been overtaken by my crazy self while writing this.

Not that I’m blaming you for me being crazy. I mean what’s the big deal with my girlfriend not talking to me, right? It’s not like my world’s crumbling to a freaking million tiny fragments just because you decided that the best way to punish me is by silent treatment. Or that it’s not like my heart’s bleeding out and dry because the only girl relevant to my life is mad at me.

Okay, so you’re mad at me and I totally get that. I snapped. You’ve been hanging out with Siwon for play practices every day for the past two weeks and it’s pissing me off because I, your boyfriend, hardly gets to spend any more time with you.

Yes, I’m needy, I’m whiny and jealous and if you think I like being even either one of those, I don’t. Hell, no.

And it pissed me off even that you think I don’t trust you.

Because I do.

I ing do.

What I don’t trust is that son of a who had a crush on you since freshman year and had made cocky statements days ago at the gym locker that he can easily steal you away from me just because he’s a A-straight student like you are, he’s talented, and a whole lot of other things that I can never amount to.

That’s why I punched him, and yeah, maybe that was uncalled for. But I don’t regret doing that for one second. The guy’s an and he absolutely deserved that big hideous bruise he’s sporting around on his face. Maybe it would have been perfect if there’d been a cast on his leg, too. Lucky him, I was on a much tamer side at that moment.

Then again, it didn’t matter if he deserved my beating or not, because obviously you didn’t. And now you’re mad at me, and worse, punishing me by not talking to me.

But the stupid picked a wrong time to confront me, okay? I was missing you, I was jealous (actually I still am), I was pissed…

And now I’m scared. Immeasurably scared.

I mean he was right. I look at both of you and I see how well you fit with each other. If I was out of the picture, I bet you’d be together. And no one will dare question it.

Last night, I was asking myself what you’re doing going out with me. After everything I’ve put you through for so many years, it wouldn’t be surprising if one day, all of those will get back to you and then realize that there’s someone out there who’s much better for you than me.

Because I know there will be. Because you are amazing. (Even if you say you don’t.)

Look, I’m sorry—not that I punched that cocky bastard—but that I angered you for punching him. I can promise you that that will never happen again. As long as,

1)      he doesn’t touch you in places I don’t want him touching you;

2)      he won’t provoke me like the last time he did (because I swear to God, he’s really going to get that cast I’ve been dreaming of him to have);

3)      and that he won’t do anything to steal you away from me.

I may not be as intelligent and as talented as that asswipe, but YOU ARE MINE. And I intend to keep it that way unless you realize you don’t want me to anymore.

I love you.

And I missed you.

Please talk to me again? I don’t think I could get through one more day without hearing your voice.

And I love you.

Oh, I already said that.

Doesn’t matter.

I love you.

Yours,
Seunghyun

P.S.
I love you.

~*~