Youth. Just one word and it'll be able to bring back so many memories. Those were the times when we were too naive to know anything but think we're mature and old enough. Those are the times when we want to rebel, live with no rules and have fun. People said being a teenager, being a youth, is beautiful and i do agree. During those years we learn how to live, how to love, how to have fun, how to rebel. But during those years too we learn how to face the reality, how to stand up again when something brought us down. But never once did i ever regret those time in my life.

Everything was so beautiful at the moment. And in the next second it can turn to be such a burden in life. That's how life is. We were too focused on one thing in the moment, we were too focused on the happiness that we didn't know we're going downwards, falling. But that's the beauty of youth times. We learn about life.

15th September 2023

Tiffany wake up earlier this morning. She was making breakfast in the kitchen. She doesn't usually cook for breakfast but instead of bread with jam, today she's preparing Kimchi soup or you can call it as Kimchi Jiggae.

"Good morning mommy!" Hazel approach her and hug her mom on the waist. Tiffany turn to her and pat her head as she turn off the stove. "Good morning sweetie. Mommy will put the soup on the bowl for each of us so you wait there okay," Tiffany says and smile. "Oh, new breakfast? Now bread and jam and butter for today?" Hazel asks, her eyes are twinkling. Tiffany nods as she lift up her daughter and put her on the chair.

"Mommy I had a weird dream last night. No, actually not a dream," Hazel says. "Wait, honey. You can tell me your dream once i finish moving the soup," Tiffany says without looking at her daughter. Hazel just nod but she was 'that' curious.

Tiffany places the bowls of soup and rice and sit across her daughter. "So what is it, honey?" Tiffany asks as she began to eat her dishes.

"Last night, someone visited me," Hazel started.

-oo-

I suddenly woke up, having the urge to urinate. I rubbed my eyes and stayed laid on the bed, staring at the ceiling for a while. Then I slowly sat down on my bed. As soon as I wanted to step down, I noticed a figure standing on the window, inside my room, looking outisde. It was just another chilly beautiful night in Los Angeles.

I couldn't notice much of the lady because her back was facing me. Instead of being afraid like how a 9 years old should be, I kept looking at her, being curious.

She has black long, and a little bit wavy hair. It looks so smooth, even in the dark. She was wearing a white t-shirt and pink shorts and white sneakers with lace which i couldn't tell the color in dark. Then slowly she turned to me and gave me one of the warmest smile ever. It seems like mom's smile. But soon the smile turn to be a playful, cheerful, and bright smile just like how a girl at the age of 5 when receiving a new barbie doll. She looks so beautiful and cute and cheerful and energizing and kind all at the same time. I tilted my head as I went to her slowly. Just as i reached in front of her, she bent down and her smile become even brighter. "It'll be alright," she says in a language i never heard before but just somehow I manage to understand. Then she walked away.

And that's how that night ended.

-oo-

Tiffany was in silence for a while before she started to realise what her daugther had just told her. Her mind was back to Summer 2013 where everything happened. The ending and the new start. 

-oo-

"Girls! Come quick and change your clothes!" The dressers gave everyone their outfits and the girl entered the dressing room. They only had 2 minutes before they have to go on stage again. Little did they know it would be one of the last. 

People said you could never cherish something until it's gone and it's true. I experienced that myself on Summer 2013 at the age of 24. 

Taeyeon, Tiffany, Seohyun, and Sunny are the first ones to come out. "Tiffany unni must be liking this outfit a lot since it's pink," Seohyun said as they walk towards the stage where it would lift up. Tiffany nodded and put on her eye smile to Seohyun. "And because she likes it, i likes it too," Taeyeon said and both of them cringed and started to make funny faces which made both Sunny and Seohyun laugh. The other girls arrived just in time, 1 minute and 45 seconds. 

"One last time... And i'm sorry for everything," Taeyeon mumbled before the microphones and speakers were once again and the extended stage lifted up. 

Saranghae neol i neukkim idaero.. 

I never know Into The New World would be the first song we sing as 9 and the last song we sing as 9. The truth hurts but you need to live through it. As soon as the acapella ended, Taeyeon fell down, singing her last word. "I love you," she said and closed her eyes with a smile plastered on her face. 

I remembered when she told me that she wanted to die at her happiest moment. And even though on July 20 2013 it's hard to accept the reality, the truth on what's happening, I know that both of her last dream came true. One, performing in front of SONE till the end. Two, die at her happiest moment. I'm sure she did. And even though everything changed after that, I would never regret anything in my youth days. 

-oo- 

10 years later, i came back to realise i haven't reconcile with my own feelings from back-on-the-days. I haven't gave much thought about my youth days as i'm busy with life. I guess it's true that everyone changed cause nothing last forever and it's true. I learned life at the age of 24 mostly on July 20, 2013. 

And now, it's still hard to accept that destiny is playing to me, slapping me hard on the face. 

"No, Hazel! You must be dreaming! There's no way someone would visited you on the middle of the night! You're totally dreaming. Now just finish your meal and mom we'll go to the playground," I said, without realising, raisin my voice a bit. But Hazel wasn't shock. She was shock in fact, a bit but she would care less. Her mind was telling her that she wasn't dreaming and she'll keep that lady in her mind.