Misunderstood

The air was warm, and the beams of sunlight were glowing on my skin. I could hear the laughter of small children and the bark of a dog in the distance. A jogger ran past us with headphones plugged in his ears.

My friends and I had just been released from school for the day, and we decided to walk down to the nearby park since we hadn’t been there together for a couple of months.

We had already walked through the large iron gates and were walking on the white gravel path surrounded by lush greenery. We were heading to the playing ground with jumping frames and swings: my favourites.

I was watching a little girl who was sitting on the bench with her mom and making origami cranes in various colours. We were about to pass her when she stopped folding the blue paper and looked up at us. She looked very angelic. My thoughts were interrupted when Sooyoung suddenly shouted out an unfamiliar name. I followed her gaze, and what appeared in front of my eyes really startled me. It was a whole bunch of… boys. Looking at their faces from a small distance, I’d guess that they were about the same age as me and my friends. They were wearing uniforms from our school.

And before I had even realized it, Sooyoung had already taken the lead, and myself and the others followed her, approaching the boys. They all were looking over at us, and even though my friends alleviated the situation a bit, it still made me uncomfortable to be observed by boys. I noticed Daehan, and seconds after the heavy feeling by my heart got worse. It was almost like if I was having heartburn. My mind went blank, totally blank. I couldn’t help it; it just happened every time I met him. I myself didn’t understand the whole thing.      

“Kyungsoo!” That was the name Sooyoung had called a moment ago: Kyungsoo. Who was he? “What are you doing?” Sooyoung asked with a bright smile on her face.

“Hey, Sooyoung, we want to play cops and robbers! We are splitting into teams now,” the boy said. He was an average height and average weight. His face was round, and aside from his full lips, I didn’t see any other outstanding facial features. His hair was naturally black like everyone else’s here. He didn’t drag much of my interest.

“Oh, cops and robbers! It's that game from the kindergarten!”

“That's right!” Kyungsoo laughed and the upper row of his teeth showed.

“I want to join!” Sooyoung raised her hand eagerly.

“Huh, really?”

Sooyoung nodded. Kyungsoo glanced behind Sooyoung at me and my friends, who hadn’t spoken yet, before turning his head to his friends. They just shrugged carelessly. “Everyone, come on!” Sooyoung encouraged us to join. Both sides seemed to hesitant for a moment, but eventually smiles came out, and both groups came forward to create one big team.

“Huh, what should we do?”

“So it’s gonna be girls versus boys?”

“Hey, we should get to know each other more before we play the game.”

“Eh, are you serious?”

They were all saying things like huh and eh, yet they were still smiling. But I hadn’t found playing with boys to be a good idea. The truth is that I had always disliked boys (with an exception). I had never understood them; that’s why I’d never talked to them or played with them. Someone suddenly poked my arm.

“What do you think, Yoona?” Taeyeon asked me, the corners of her lips curving up.

I blinked several times before I awkwardly diverted my eyes from Taeyeon to the ground. I knew that once I’d refuse to join, my friends would try to convince me. They’d always been stubborn like that (in a good way).

“I…” I could have waited for my friends, watched them while sitting on the bench. I wouldn’t have minded. But one thing was for sure, I would not have played with boys.   

I put the streaks of hair behind my ear before I lifted my head up, and the moment our eyes were at the same level, they happened to meet. I panicked and stuttered out the words I didn’t really mean. My eyes widened in surprise, and I had to quickly look away. Even though Daehan wasn’t standing as close to me as the others, my eyes still found their way to his. It had happened so fast that no one noticed it. My body became warmer due to my heartbeat speeding up.

“Great, everyone is playing!” Sooyoung announced.

What did I actually say?

“We’re counting to one hundred!”

The cops had been decided, and now it was time for the rest to go hide.

I thoughtlessly ran away from the cops’ counting place until I was a safe distance away, and then I slowed down my pace. There weren’t many good places to hide. I was surrounded by trees and bushes only. There was the playing ground but that would have been the first place the cops would check, I thought. The outdoor gym was not a choice.

All at once, the picture of the wooden shelter popped inside my head. I could see it from a distance even then. The sides were partly dented, the front was open, and there was the slanted roof. That place would surely be checked, too, but after all, I didn’t care much. I ran and eventually knelt down behind the low wooden wall. Only then did I notice that the spot was already taken by someone.

A surprised, “Oh,” escaped my lips.

“Sorry, I’ll go somewhere else.” I blurted and was about to stand up when he unexpectedly grasped my wrist.

“It’s not safe right now. The cops are here.” Daehan said, his eyes again fixed on the situation outside there. His fingers remained wrapped around my wrist for a few more seconds before he let go of me. I realized that I had been holding my breath until then. Coming back to my senses, I peaked over his shoulder; indeed, there were two, maybe more, cops moving around.

“You’re right. Thanks,” I said as I withdrew my head back a little to support my weight on my arms.

“Yeah,” he replied.

We both then stayed quiet as we had nothing to say anymore; the footsteps and shouts coming from the cops were the only noises I heard. The leaves were quivering ever-so-slightly. Now that I had thought about it, I wouldn’t have said that Daehan was pretty strong if he hadn’t grabbed my wrist. It was surprising. My gaze wandered down to his arms. The bones of his were really prominent. Without being aware of it, I leaned a little closer to him.

Daehan suddenly flinched backwards, almost bumping into me. “Woah. Dangerous,” he sighed in relief, “That was close. I was almost seen just now.”

His fragrance slowly wafted over me. He smelled of shampoo and just a bit of sweat. I wondered if this was what all boys smelled like.

I didn’t know what I was doing until Daehan looked over his shoulder and his eyes shot right at me. I gulped hard, and chills surged within me. The blood rushed up to my head, and my skin turned a bright red. I casted my eyes shamefully to the ground.

What could I have done? If Daehan could have read minds and known what I was thinking just then... ‘I am sorry, I will stop thinking about the weird things! A-E-I-O-U.’ (thoughts for him in case he really had ESP).

“Hey, did you check the shelter?” The words coming from a cop were accidentally heard by both of us and got our attention.

“I'm going to check,” the other cop said. The footsteps were becoming louder by the second.

“Stay here,” another voice spoke. But this time, it was much lighter and softer. It was Daehan's voice.

Bewildered by the words, I quickly lifted my head and found that I was left on the spot alone. I rushed to the corner of the wall and looked out. Daehan somehow managed to dodge the nearest cop by jumping over the bush and was now running for the escape, “Ah, I thought so!”   

“Get him!”

“Surround him over there!” I was watching the whole scene, how the three cops chased after Daehan and how he was out of breath when one of them managed to grab him by his uniform shirt.

“Caught!” He laughed out loud and gave up. And if it wasn’t just me dreaming again, I would say that he glanced in my direction. Because... He did it for my sake.

Daehan was now sitting inside the circle drawn into the sand, the prison. He let his head rest on his arm and looked at the swings just a few metres away from him. I assumed he was getting bored. He did it for my sake, and now I was feeling bad for him.

I stopped nibbling on my upper lip. If an ally touched him, he could break out...

I stood up and ran out of my hideaway. I ran with a blank mind yet with a lot of determination. I heard the shouts and the loud, heavy footsteps. When I looked behind me, my hair whipping into my face and blocking most of my vision, I saw the cops chasing after me. The adrenaline rush took over my body. Daehan spotted me.

‘Wait for me, Daehan.’

“I was trying to help you...” I said, once again being stuck with Daehan. The attempt to rescue him had turned out differently than I expected. The shame still hadn’t left me, and I wasn’t able to drag myself out to say something more.    

“Yeah,” he replied in a low tone with one short word. Was there a chance that he didn’t want to talk to me? Silence fell between us.

“… Thanks,” Daehan spoke again, and I found myself resisting the wrinkling of my face. A soft cough came out from the back of his throat and I assumed that he still had something to say, “When you came running for me, I was pretty, no, really... happy.”

Daehan was different from the rest of boys, for sure.

“Yeah,” I said, but my voice trembled, and I wasn't sure if he caught it.

“Yeah,” I repeated.

“Yeah,” he echoed.

I didn’t dislike Daehan at all.

***

It had been a little over a week since the day at the park with the boys, and the days were again passing by without anything special happening around.

“What do we have next, again?” Jiyoung asked and moved a little closer to me, dodging the people walking up and down the stairs. I was in school, and Jiyoung and I were returning to the classroom after we had helped the teacher to bring the books to the teacher’s room. It was a short break-time.

“Math, I guess?” I answered.

We turned the corner when we reached the end of the stairway, and my eyes immediately fell on a group of boys talking among themselves on the right side of the hallway. I had been recognizing their group frequently. We were getting closer, and I was going to avert my eyes when my gaze suddenly halted.

His naturally black hair was turning brown from the sunlight streaming through the window, and his hands were stuffed deep in his pockets. He looked at ease with a smile on his face. The moment our gazes met, I knew what would come next.

Whenever our eyes met,

we would look somewhere else,

and then, without fail,

our eyes would meet again.

It happened naturally, and it was impossible to pinpoint how and when it had started.

In the afternoon that day I headed straight home after school. The sky above me had begun to drift its colour from the clear blue and white to the dull grey, and the thick clouds covered the sun. Soon, it began sprinkling, and the little droplets of water hit everything they met. I continued walking at my own pace down the old, cracked footpath of the neighbourhood, assuming that the rain would stop after a while.

The light pitter-patter of rain turned into wet thuds as the pitiless water raced to shatter against the ground in no time. The rain seeped through my school uniform and chilled my skin. I grumbled and hugged my school bag to protect the books while I ran to shelter myself.

I ran past the large, old gates through the trim garden and made it to the small, wooden house; a tea house, which was used for the tea ceremonies now and then. Now standing under the shield, I gazed at the downpour, the drops falling from my eyelashes down my cheeks as I blinked. I was soaked from head to toe, the streaks of hair where clinging onto my face, and the clothing stuck to my body uncomfortably. I wiped my face. Now I’d have to wait until the rain stopped. I sighed in frustration.

There was a sudden jingle from my right side, and I turned my head just to look over the protruding wall beside me. The object that got in my eyes made my legs weak, and there it was again-- the heavy feeling right by my heart and the heat that would fill my whole body even though I was soaked wet. We looked at each other, and shortly after he greeted me with a slight nod of the head. I just repeated the movement, my mind going blank.

And right when I managed to calm myself down, Daehan spoke out with his soft voice, “It’s pouring all of a sudden, huh?”

“Yeah,” I said without thinking much about the answer. Seconds after my heart twitched in regret. I could have come up with a better reply than just a simple, boring ‘yeah’! But I didn’t want to make him wait and rushed the answer. I wondered why I felt so nervous around him.

And as I was wondering, a nonsensical thought passed by my mind at the speed of light, and I berated myself for having such thoughts. Why am I even thinking about these things? Like… liking a boy? I felt embarrassed just thinking about such stuff and smacked my cheeks several times.

The noise of the rain was the only thing that was saving the muteness of ours, yet I couldn’t deny that the silence was awkward. I needed to start a conversation if I didn’t want to look like a coward. Fortunately for me, it didn’t take me long to think up the topic.

“Are you going to the upcoming festival?!” I exclaimed through the rain but my voice came out much louder than I expected. Why was I embarrassing myself that much?

“Huh...?” He said only, and even though I couldn’t see his expression at the moment, I knew exactly what he meant by that. It sounded like an invitation. My question sounded as if I asked him out.

I coughed. “I wonder if Sooyoung is going there. I’ll have to ask her.” I tried to fix the situation. However, there was no reply, hence making it even more uncomfortable for me. What was Daehan thinking about me…?

I snapped back from the thoughts when I felt something on my head. Part of it fell over the top of my head in front of my eyes, blocking part of my vision. My vision of Daehan standing in front of me with wet hair tips.

“You can use this if you want,” he said and stuffed his hands inside the pockets.

I looked up. “Gym uniform?”

“Use it to wipe your hair dry, so you don’t catch a cold.” He was...

“Don’t worry, I haven’t used that one.” ... so kind.

“More than once.”

“What? Then you have used it!”

And then his mouth opened wide, and all I could do was to stand there and observe him secretly. It was the laugh he had whenever he was with his friends. He had a soft, calm voice, but he could laugh pretty loud and... charming.

“Whatever, I’ll use it.” I looked down, staring at my shoes. “Thank you.” I added.

“No problem,” he replied.

I wondered what face he was making then... And so my eyes carefully wandered up, and looking through his shirt, I saw him biting his lower lip, and his cheeks turned pink, which wasn’t the colour that he would usually have on his face. His partially opened eyes were staring blankly at the heavy rain. I wondered whether he also had these unique feelings when he was with me. I wondered whether his heart also pumped so fast and whether he had this heavy-yet-warm feeling inside.    

I looked at the sky as the droplets of water fell straight down. A comfortable silence settled between us, and we waited until the rain stopped.  

***

The next day I walked to school with a shirt packed inside my bag, washed and clean, ready to be returned to its owner.

“Here, your T-shirt. Thank you once again.”

He nodded and took the shirt into his hands. Our fingers accidentally touched each others’ skin. It was warm.

“Then...” With a tiny bow, I was ready to walk off when he suddenly spoke, “The summer festival, are you going?” His speech was rather quiet and fast.

I froze mentally; my mind was unable to think. “Huh?”

“Did you already make plans with your friends?”

“Um...Not y-”

"7 o’clock,” he interrupted. He lifted his arm to cover part of his face and looked away.  

“In Sankaku park, by the clock,” he said and returned his gaze to me. The words came from his mouth so fast, yet I heard them clearly. It was hard for me to believe that he had actually… invited me.

We both turned toward the door of Daehan’s classroom when he heard someone utter the exclamation. It was the guy from the park: Kyungsoo, I think. He was leaning against the door frame and had a naughty expression on his face. “What are you two doing, just the two of you?” He asked Daehan.

“She just returned something.” Daehan said without care and walked back to his classroom, passing Kyungsoo.

I turned around to return to my friends when Kyungsoo suddenly scooted over to me and grabbed my wrist, signalling that I wasn’t to go anywhere. I frowned. His grasp was tight, too tight-- completely different from Daehan’s.

“Say, you two...Was that really all? Tell me!” Kyungsoo demanded. I really didn’t like boys. Daehan was the only one I was okay with.

“C’mon!” Only Daehan.

“Stop it already. This is exactly why I don’t like boys.” As for the rest, I disliked them all. They were all the same: rough, violent and impolite. “You act like idiots!” Kyungsoo’s eyes rounded, maybe in fear, maybe in surprise. I didn’t care at the moment. I just had to… let it out.  “I really hate boys!”

And then Daehan walked out of the classroom and I paused, my furious expression slowly fading off my face. Kyungsoo walked over to him, and slowly they left the hallway. Had he heard it just then? But he knew I thought of him in a different way… right? I watched his retreating back silently.  

***

Since the day I shouted out my true opinion about boys, Daehan changed a little.

Whenever our eyes met,

we would look somewhere else,

but then… He wouldn’t look at me again.

“7 o'clock. Sankaku park, by the clock.”

It was fine. He understood. He knew I thought of him differently. Even if I didn’t say it, even if I didn’t spell it out.

Summer was approaching fast. Whenever I thought about the summer festival, I would feel an unmistakable surge in my stomach, but I couldn't tell whether it was excitement or nervosity, maybe a mix of both. And although there was no connection between me and Daehan these days, although he never responded to our eye contacts anymore, I knew that he would come.

“7 o'clock. Sankaku park, by the clock.” Or I sincerely hoped so. 

And that was the main fault. I shouldn't have hoped that much. I shouldn't have believed that he would look at me the same way after the day I bursted out. Because if I hadn't done so, I wouldn't have felt like I did right now. 

Daehan never came that day. Maybe he changed his mind. Maybe he started to hate me. In the first place, maybe he never invited me.

“7 o'clock. Sankaku park, by the clock.”

I came in the right place at the right time, but after all, it was all wrong. Maybe it wasn’t a plan for us to meet, or anything like that. After thinking like this for a while, I felt like finding out for sure what he’d really meant, and the only thing on my mind was how nice it would be if the summer holiday ended sooner. I waited impatiently...

It was a surprise to find out on the first day of the new school year that he had moved from the town. I wasn’t sad or heartsore, just surprised, because I had never thought of him suddenly disappearing. He just left his friends behind without saying goodbye to them. Daehan was gone, and I couldn’t believe the news in the beginning. But I didn’t look backwards for very long. I moved on. I continued talking to friends and hanging out with them as if nothing different had happened. Days were passing by slowly as ever. I was okay. 

***

It was Thursday a few weeks after school had begun. I was on my way home when the buckets of rain started pouring from the dark clouds. The weather was gloomy, not pleasant at all. Fortunately, I managed to go hide before I’d get wet. The tea house was it.

Out of curiosity, I looked over the wall. I found no sunlight, no rainbow nor happiness. Of course he wouldn’t be here now, I thought.

“It’s pouring all of a sudden, huh?” … Not just ‘yeah’. I had to come up with something better next time.

“Don’t worry, I haven't used that one… More than once.”

“What? Then you have used it!”

“Haha!”

Next time... I looked up as I fought with the tears gathering in the corners of my eyes. When would that come?

“I want to meet you right now! Do you hear me?!” I cried out.

No matter how much I tried, our memories were stuck on replay in my head. His eyes. His laugh. How happy he made me. I covered my face with my palms. The tears ran down my face, the drops falling down my jawline onto my blouse. It was vague and fumbling, but… I liked Daehan, and nothing had even started. Nothing at all.

‘Daehan, right now, what face are you making?’

[A/N] Hi guys! I’m bringing up the edited prologue. Recently I’ve put YR on the editing status and will be editing the whole story since I wasn’t satisfied with the writing and so on. I'm so sorry for sudden changes, I hope you guys don’t mind and will continue waiting! I’ll upload the other chapters as fast as possible. This chapter was beta readed by bleached sand. Thank you!