I just want you
I just want you
Warmth, comfort, peace. These are the things people yearn for. Perhaps with the exception of those who are in a wild run after money, fame or just place career before anything else and constantly suppress any hints about the things that can mislead them. Although in the end, they too will want a simple human happiness and comfort... and, perhaps, a cup of warm tea by the fireplace on a cold winter evening.
I'm one of those people who put the notorious happiness on top of my priorities. For me, happiness is waking up in the same bed with someone you love, listen to music together through his headphones, drink up the already cold tea that my dear boyfriend left on the table in a hurry because he was late for work... Yet again. As usual, in a matter of fact.
I came into my apartment a little over 11PM. The day in the office was tedious and the week... A hello from Hell itself. But the weekend was just around the nearest corner, and whenever I remembered it, I felt a huge relief wash over me. I didn't even have enough strength to undress properly, so, by the time I was in the bedroom, anyone could easily find a way out of the apartment by my thrown on the floor like crumbs clothes.
The bedside lamp was lit up which made the whole room fall into a warm twilight. And even in this dim light, the facial features of my sleeping man were more than just attractive. He's all grown up already - a man in all his glory, but the moment he closes his eyes, he turns into an incredibly sweet and innocent boy, whom you never want to leave. It's so amazing... When he's asleep, his face always has an expression of serenity on it. Even after a long and tiring day with more troubles to come the next day, he still manages to sleep with the most calm expression ever! It's as if he dreams of Paradise or, maybe, he really is... I sat on the bed next to Yixing and, stooping down, kissed him lightly on the cheek. He probably wanted to wait for me to come home as always, but fell asleep. I sat there and looked at him. I sat there and felt an incredible rush of affection for him. He was waiting for me. He wanted to see me before falling asleep. He loves me and I don't know why. This amazing man chose me out of all the girls around him. I suddenly wanted to thank him for that, but instead, I quietly got up and went into the bathroom to wash up. All the words of gratitude, love and devotion I can tell him in the morning.
We were lying embraced. It was a rather hot summer outside of the window, so the blanket had been laying forgotten in the dresser for almost a month now. I felt his steady breath hit my face and, from time to time, he'd hug me a little tighter. Maybe, he was actually dreaming of something? It was so hot that I couldn't find a comfortable pose for myself to fall asleep, and the heat from Yixing's body, even though I loved feeling his warmth, didn't make it any easier. I turned my back on him and the next second I found his hands pulling me to him.
"I know it's hot in here, but I will not let go of you," His quiet whisper was barely discernible. I thought that my tossing-and-turning's might have woken him up, but when I turned to face him, Yixing was fast asleep again. I smiled to myself and thought "Damn, I wish I could be like him! Wake up, say something and then immediately go back to sleep'. Although, at this rate, I'd be content with just falling asleep as fast as possible.
After a while, my mind and my body finally gave in to the fatigue and my eyes began to close on their own. I didn't feel the heat from his hands anymore, it felt more like a veil of warmth while his breath was gently ticking my neck. Stamping somewhere on the border of consciousness, I found myself thinking that I felt incredibly secure. That I was sure that whatever life throws at me, my beloved will help me to overcome it all. Suddenly I could see an image of us right now on the inside of my closed eyes. His eyelashes trembling slightly, dryish lips, tousled hair - "his y bed hair" as he prefers - and his hands resting on my stomach... He seemed so vulnerable. Being half asleep, I carefully turned my whole body towards him and wrapped my arm around his waist, pulling our bodies closer. I wanted him to feel as secure as I was feeling. So no one could disturb his and our little private world. No one and never. And it didn't matter that I have already been far away from reality and, at times, my body shook a little sending signals to my brain that I was still very much alive. I felt his chest rise and fall and his fingers twitch a little. Yixing snuffled a little and I smiled - he was indeed asleep.
At some point, when I was already asleep, he squeezed me so hard, that a part of my consciousness immediately came back to me. I tried to gently ease the hug, but he did not relent, just started to mutter something in his sleep, while continuing to squeeze my ribs and burying his nose in the crook of my neck. I already wanted to wake him up, but through all his indecipherable mumbling, I could clearly hear a few words and all thoughts flew right out of my head in this instant.
"I just want you, that's all. All your flaws, mistakes, smiles, giggles, jokes, sarcasm. I want everything. I just want you."
With that said, my body went limp in his embrace and I fell asleep. What was I saying? Warmth, comfort and peace? Check, check and check. I don't need anything else.
And the whole world can wait.
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