Crashing sounds all around me as I slowly sink into the darkness. Eternal peace was what I’m after. Freedom from this constraint in my heart, constantly mocking me for being shoddy and useless.

Yellow, bright yellow. That was the last color to ever enter my eyes. I like them, I like yellow. It reminded me of sunflowers.

Sunflowers always grow in the direction of where the sunlight came from. That was me. He was my sunlight. However, when the sun started to shift away, leaving the flimsy sunflower to stand on its own, against all odds of wind and rain, the flower began to see the end of its journey.

Slowly, day by day, the flower began to waste away. Losing its color, disposing its integrity. It began to wither, bowing down bit by bit, until one day, its just laying there, decaying….

Being forgotten by everyone around it.

Yet, one day, after it was all dried up, the seeds released will be of function for the birds.

I hope I will be, too. I hope with the disappearance of my physical existence - menial, may I add, my ‘bird’ will celebrate his life even more.

Goodbye, sun. Goodbye, bird. This sunflower shall go for now.

~

He’s always superior in all aspects. Study, physical appearance, and even EQ. I was always the mere commoner, looking up to him in full awe amongst others. What I found terrible and utterly confusing is that we came from the same womb, thus the same gene. Yet, how is it possible that one could be Midas, while the other is ugly Betty. Justice, the word that never fails to crack me up.

Suho, he was my sun. I grew up looking at him, just like a sunflower that grew up in the direction of the sun. He shines above me, while I merely remain as a measly creature branded as ‘Suho’s sister’. Many even lightly spit out the word ‘adopted’ to my face. It gets me thinking. Am I? To which Suho would always shut me up with tidbits like chocolate and ice cream.

Yet, this brain never failed to trash his assurance. How can I when I was also treated like trifle even in the institution of what many referred to as ‘the family’. None acknowledge me during gatherings, let alone my parents. My existence was always comfortable brushed off their everyday life. Suho is in it, for sure, and there have been many instances of him trying to squeeze me in, too. His attempts never seem to flourish, as I was still far from the Venn diagram of  ‘love’ in this household.

“You still have me. I will take care of you, forever.”

Promises were soon blown away by the wind. Suho found his other half, who, with no surprise, reject my existence, subtly. She began to pull; sundering the two of us, scraping any little family bond we possessed. Soon, I found my self-standing on my own, shaking. Homeless, parent-less, brother-less…

… life-less.

My entrance to the University meant evacuating from whatever place of residence I was in before and into the world of messy drinking and animalistic parties. I, of course, always opted to stay in my room. Milking the knowledge out of all the books and available resources. Friends are for the privileged, those socially acknowledge beings, meaning not myself. I have no friends. That was why it was beyond me of how I managed to attain myself a partner.

His name was Chanyeol. He was my bird. Being the complete opposite of myself, his prattling seemed to have no end. He is social, happy and blessed. All of which I have never ever dare to dream of. Everyday, he would praise me, reminding me of how good and pretty I am. All of which seemed to instantly melt on the surface of my ears. Is he that blinded by happiness? Is he that unmindful of the truth because the world has been such a dear to him? How could he spit out those sugary remarks to a person as vile as myself? Yet, I will always smile, pretending to believe all of his words. And he always believed.

Of course, good things never last for someone like me. Chanyeol began to roam around and be slapped in the face by the truth that he deserved someone finer. Came her, the depiction of perfection. When she began to show interest of my Chanyeol, his eyes glimmered. Following her tails, I was soon faded to dark. Our relationship was never ended. Thus, every minute of day I was slapped by the reality that my partner is now a mate to another wolf woman.

I wither. I began to bow down. Living with a thorn stabbed into your heart every minute of the day was not exactly cotton candies and rainbows. Thus, that night…

“Bye, oppa. Thank you for spending some time with me today. I know how busy you are,” I gleefully said as I gave my brother my last hug in this world.

“It’s okay, anything for my sister…” lies “… make sure to eat more, okay? You are losing too much weight these days,” he reminded me, again.

“Okay, I will. See you…” in another life.

As I entered my dorm, I began to look around. Tonight, yes. Tonight is the perfect night. I’ve spent my last hours of existence with the person I love most, now I can depart in peace, knowing that everyone I love have someone to take care of them.

Mom has dad, Suho has Krystal, and Chanyeol has Dara.

None of them are going to be in grieve.

Standing by the roadside, it began to scare me. What would it feel like? Will I die soon after or will I just suffer minor injuries and still be trapped in this world of injustice? How should I do it? As question began to popped, my sight began to turn hazy. Fat droplets of cold sweats rain down my forehead. My heartbeat went faster.

Thud.

Thud.

Thud.

Thud.

Chanyeol. I haven’t sent my last message to Chanyeol.

 I struggled fishing out the device from my back pocket and pressing 2, connecting me straight away to the love of my life.

“Hel…hello,” his sleepy voice came into the line.

“Chanyeol,” I whispered.

“What is it?” sounding irritated, he hoarsely asked.

“I love you.”

“…Okay.”

Okay. That was the last human word I heard in my existence. The last sound I heard was the sound of roaring truck horn as I stepped into the middle of the street.

As lovely as it is, as peaceful as it will ever be.

And that is the story of a sunflower, the sun and the bird.