Not proofread. Will be edited never.

BLOCK B - BE THE LIGHT / TAYLOR SWIFT - BEGIN AGAIN

A sigh escapes from my lips as I stare out the window, hugging my legs to my chest, resting my chin on my knees. Why aren't you back yet? My eyes haven't blinked once for the past five minutes or less. I didn't know how long, it just felt like a long time. I could hear the clock on the wall tick as the seconds fly past, but was unable to count how long it has been. Maybe it's because the pitter-pattering sound of the rain shower against the window is distracting me from counting the seconds. I don't know what it is, but I hate it. Why does time go by so slow for me? When I close my eyes, it seems even slower. I just wish that time would pass by faster.

. . . .

Call me a loner, I don't care. I'll agree with you because I am. I am a loner. Let me tell you the truth, for this whole week, I haven't even set one foot out of my apartment. I just sit here at my window, and stare outside, watching it rain. Yes, I barely have any friends to be around. But I do have friends that care, I just don't want to be around them at this moment. This is me, and my alone time. A very long alone time I should say. Yeah, my friends have asked me to hang out with them, but I'd always turn out rejecting them in the end. To be frank, there's just one person that I want to be with, but they're too far away for me to even visit. 

I'm an idiot. There, I admitted it! I've wasted two years of my life after high school just waiting for IT to come back. Oh how much I miss them, even though I always denied it in the past. Would I be called desperate for just sitting here waiting for them? IT left me because they wanted to. They had nothing to do with me, which hurts my heart. We were friends in the beginning, but we started to pull apart and become strangers. I'll take the blame for that. I was just focused on one thing, and I never gave IT any affection. But to be truthful, I didn't now what I was focused on the most, my studies, or searching for the right time to the IT the truth. The problem grew for me, to the point where I couldn't let any words out, until the day IT left. Damn the family for dragging them overseas. But I guess it was the right thing to do. I mean, here in Seoul, there's not much you could do. Maybe it was just the best opprotunity that they were granted. But what about me? I should be in college right now, studying, getting a degree, or maybe out on a hot date.

I'm calling myself a pathetic girl here. Don't stop me. Here I am, a grown girl woman, not out in the streets to catch her dreams. But why does it matter? Sooner or later, we'd have to let our dreams go, and give it to someone else. It always happens, if we want that person to be happy, that is. But what makes me more pathetic is that I'm waiting for IT to come back. God damn it. I really am desperate. Desperate for their presence beside me and to make me smile again. One of my huge regrets was not taking the chance to try and aim for what I was going for.

Somewhere, out there, IT is probably having the time of their lives. Probably with their lover, on a date, happily attending to an elite college and living the life of a high society family. When they think back to the past, they'd probably think, "Wow, I wasted in my life. Worst friend ever." I know they could be thinking that, it's because they did. I was the friend who did things on my own, one who had a best friend, but ignored them. People called me rude for ignoring IT, but here's the real reason why. They don't really deserve to be with a friend like me. I was young, timid, and embarrassed to have a friend. Okay, I was that student that everyone teases me because I was the "ugly" girl or "too smart" girl. But being with IT, made all that go away. Maybe it was they were well known and had an amazing reputation. Yet, I felt like I was using our friendship to have a better life. Because of IT, I was a well known girl. So the reason why I ignored IT, was because they didn't deserve to be around me, someone who deserved to be alone in the shadows. I didn't like using our friendship for a better reputation, but it seemed like IT didn't mind.

IT once told me I was one out of five people that they wanted to be friends with. I didn't believe them at first, but after seeing how much of an effort they tried to make me like them, I realized how much they wanted to be my friend. But it turned out to be something else, IT had a huge crush on me. He hide the secret until we graduated, which meant I met him on my first year of high school. Unfortunately, for both of us, I had to reject. Damn, I was an idiot. I ruined my chance to be with him! I admit it! I liked IT. No, I loved IT. I didn't know what I was thinking when he confessed. But I knew I liked him, I just didn't know at that time. It took me a while to notice it. I noticed on the day he was about to leave to chase his dreams. It was hard for me to get over that. Sure, we were just friends. But I didn't know that I was crazy about them. Sigh.

. . . .

I remember day after our graduation, the day after he confessed, he told me that he would found someone that could replace me in his heart. But not in a hurtful way. What he really said was, "You're right, maybe us being friends and suddenly dating wouldn't be a good thing. If we got into a relationship and suddenly break up the next day, it would be very awkward for us to be friends, right? I want us to be friends, but I don't want anything to ruin our friendship. That's why I decided to find someone else to replace you. You'll still be my friend, the one I used to like, but we're just best friends, right? We're young now, mistakes happen. But it doesn't mean that we don't have a chance in the future right?" God, I remember his sweet smile when he ended that sentence. But does that mean that we'd be able to be in a relationship in the future? If it was, then come back and I'll tell you everything that I wanted to tell!

After hearing that, my world seemed to just crash down, and so many questions came to me. So, he'll find someone else? What if he's happy with them? Would he forget our friendship after that? Am I disliking the fact that he's moving on, while I'm just here, smiling like an idiot and pretending to agree with every single word he's saying? God dammit. I am an idiot. If you liked him, YOU SHOULD HAVE JUST SAID SOMETHING! I scolded myself several times, every time that memory came back to me. But what was I suppose to do? I was a teenage girl who was only focused on school, not love.

To this day, I still regret my rejection.

. . . .

The day he left was different. "I'm leaving, but I don't know if I'll ever come back since it's my parents decision. Contact me, okay?" I laugh. I never talked to him after that. What the hell do you think I was suppose to do? Rush home immediately, wait for him to arrive in a foreign country and call him until he replies? I'm not that desperate. Well, before. There was something about that sentence that echoed in my mind as if it was really saying: "This friendship isn't working out. I'm leaving Seoul with my parents, and I don't know when I'll come back because I don't know when I want to come back and see you. Try and contact me, please. If you can't then, I guess you can't. I'm not going to force you." Or maybe, I'm just being crazy here. Seriously, there's no way that IT would say that. He was nice and such an amazing guy who would never want to break someone's heart. But I don't know what he thinks, right? So I can't say that at all.

I can remember that after watching him disappear through the crowd in the airport, I was pretty calm on the outside, but I was really going crazy inside. I scolded myself and mentally killed myself. GOD DAMMIT, YOUNGHEE. WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY ANYTHING?! YOU'VE LOST YOUR CHANCE. I think I knew why I didn't say anything. IT had always wanted to study as a psychologist overseas. He says the best place to study would be overseas. It was the greatest opprotunity that he could get after that. It really was. He was smiling widely when he told me the news. At first I thought he would be at the same university as me, but no. It had to be overseas. I didn't want him to lose such a great opprotunity. Holding him back might make me happy, but I don't know what his feelings would be like. For all I know, he would be upset. I care about him too much to ruin that opprotunity. And if he comes back, that idiot better thank me for not keeping here.

. . . .

"Are you seriously going to glue your inside here instead of going to class?" my friend, Kai, asked. "You've been falling behind you know," he says as he watches me copy down his notes from class. Besides, IT, Kai was my greatest friend. Probably the second best person that I can go to whenever I have a problem. Kai sits himself beside me at the table and crosses his arms over the table, "Is there's something wrong? You don't look like your usual self, Younghee." This idiot knows me best. After only nine years of meeting each other, he knows me more than I do. (It's weird how my friendship with Sehun was stronger than mine and Kai's. It was probably because Kai barely knew me well enough before.) Or maybe he has this crazy sixth sense to know what I'm thinking. Whatever it is, it scares the out of me sometimes. "You know you can tell me anything, Younghee. I'll listen. Or is it because of Sehun?" Two reasons why I love this idiot: he knows me too well, and he will actually listen to whatever I have to say and try to be the mature adult and help me resolve the situation.

I looked up at Kai and sighed, "How'd you know?"

Kai shrugged his shoulders with a calm face. Certainly obvious that he's been through all this with me before. "I see that face on you a lot for these past two years on these exact months. It's like your girl periods, except this thing that you go through is yearly, and doesn't last for fourteen days," he slightly jokes, making me smile just a tad. He ducked his head to meet my eyes, "Hey, tell me, okay? I'm worried about you, that's all."

"I know you are, Kai..." I replied. We stayed in silence for a while as I gathered up my words, "Have you ever regretted telling someone something because you knew that once you told them, something bad would happen? Like, your relationship with them, their decisions, feelings, etc.?"

Kai stares at me for a second before replying, "All the time..." He looks away for awhile and asks, "So it does have to do with Sehun?"

I shrugged, "Sure," replying hesitantly. Yes, I wanted to say.

"Hmm... Someone told me that he was coming back to Korea... Did you know that?" he asked.

My eyes shot towards him, "What?"

Kai stares at me, but then lets out a laugh, "I knew it. You liked him!" he teases, making me avert my eyes back to the notes and copied them down on my notebook. Kai notices my silence and clears his throat, pretending as if he didn't say a word, "Why'd you reject him anyway if you liked him?" he asked. "I mean, he liked you, you like him..." he trailed off.

I stared at him. There was something in our conversation that made me feel as if he was trying to tell me something, but I shrugged the feeling away, "Would you reject someone that you liked and they liked you back, but they had opprotunities to catch up to? Or that they didn't deserve to be with you?" I let out a sigh and glanced at the table.

"Ah... So you don't want Sehun to stop doing what he wants because of you... I see..." Kai replies. "I see you're regretting it," he comments as he looks at his friend. "Don't worry about it. I bet Sehun's feelings haven't changed at for you."

"We can't be sure of that..." I mumble.

"Oh, believe me, he hasn't. I talked to him last time, and counted how many times he had mentioned your name. It was an unusual high amount," Kai says. "But if he doesn't, I'll hurt him for you. It's not your fault for letting him go, it's his fault because of his dreams. But, hey, I understand what's going on," he tells me with a sweet smile. "To be honest, I regretted telling this girl that I liked her for a long time..."

"Really? What happened?" I asked, looking at him in the eye.

Kai smiles and averts his gaze elsewhere, "She started liking someone else. She might haven't noticed, but I noticed a long time ago... But it doesn't matter anymore. I have to move on since she still has feelings for this guy..."

"How long have you liked her?" I suddenly asked, tilting my head to the side, and he looks back at me, slightly chuckling. I could see his face starting to redden up.

"Seven years. I didn't notice for the first two years I knew her. But after two years, I knew I liked her..." A sad smile appears on his face as he looks at me. "But enough about me," he mutters. "Let's talk about you. Are you feeling better? Maybe a little bit?"

I slightly nodded, "Yeah. Sure, I am," I lied. I really wanted to see Sehun now after finding out that he was coming back. Hopefully this was just a stupid rumor and I don't have to start having those crazy feelings again.

. . . .

Weeks later and sure enough, the rumors were true. And holy , you had no idea how excited I was to see that idiot again. Damn, I missed him. I found out he was staying with Kai for the week until he could find his own place to live in. Ugh. Now how was I suppose to talk to Kai about my feelings when IT is there?! I mentally slapped myself everytime I see him walking around campus with that sweet, small grin on his face that I liked seeing. He would always glance at me, as if he thought I seemed familiar, but didn't know if it was really me. Sehun, it's really me.

Another week passes, and I pass by Sehun on campus for the umpteenth time. You don't know how many times my heart beats, but also wants to break whenever I rush past him. It was time I finally knew that Sehun was enrolled at the same university as I went to. Thanks for letting me know Kai, 'cause now my feelings are all over the place! If I was notified eariler, I would have been ready to have my heart burst out of my chest any moment.  Kai teased me about how I would always avoid the two whenever I walk past them. I complain back that it wasn't my fault, but it was my mind's fault. Sigh, but really, I'm blaming myself. Excuse me for being in love with my friend for the past how many years. 

At first I thought it was just the teenage love, the one where a girl will fall for this guy, but the next day, she will fall for someone else. Well, if it wasn't teenage love, then what was it? What is it doing to me? And can I ignore it? But I learned things the hard way. It wasn't teenage love if I was experiencing extreme jealousy when the other is with another female, or have that feeling of sadness hit my heart whenever I see him smiling because of someone else and not me. It was really love, even if it didn't seem as real to me before. What this "love" was really doing to me was leading me to experience happiness, the hard way. And, no. I cannot ignore it. The more I ignore this, the more it hurts me. It's like ignoring IT all over and over again.

Two weeks passed and I finally then realized that Sehun was in at least two of my classes. Maybe more, but I didn't want to find out anymore. But for whatever classes I had with him, I kept my head down, knowing that if I looked up, letting my eyes wander, I'd see him. God, does life have to be harder? I felt like a teenage girl who was experiencing her first crush. But no, this is just more than a first crush. This is something, but I don't know what it is. Come to think of it, I really don't know what is anything anymore. Another reason to why I'm pathetic. Don't believe me, then fine. I believe I do. 

It has to be a month since Sehun had came back. Kai told me he knew who I was whenever he points at me. But if Sehun knew it was me, then why hasn't he approached me? Is he just waiting for me to approach him? I laugh to myself. I can't, I can't. I can't even walk beside him everytime we were heading to the same place. Or maybe, he's just trying to avoid this friendship stage again. I wouldn't blame him. If I was in love with myself, but got rejected, I would ignore me too. But that's okay. I deserve to be ignored, yeah. I totally do.

. . . .

I noticed something, like finally. It was that the more I waited, the more my happiness was slipping away. Just a month ago, my heart was jumping in glee, and today, it's like my heart had stopped everything. Damn it. Late once again. This time, he had a girlfriend, says Kai. I hoped that he wasn't just saying that to make me angry, but it turns out it was real. Damn it, damn it, damn it! Why didn't I just walk up to him when Kai told me he was here? Why didn't I just restart my friendship with him again like a normal person would? Why didn't my heart remain quiet and calm years before so I wouldn't be like this? The news saddened me. I shake my head, trying to ignore the news. But like my experience before, the more I tried to ignore it, the more the pain came. So I tried to be happy about it.

"So? He has a girlfriend, I'm happy for him," I lied to Kai as he watches my every moves as I walk around my kitchen. "There's nothing wrong with Sehun having a girlfriend."

Kai stares at me, obviously not buying anything, "So you're okay with Sehun being back, but not with you? Younghee, you've waited for two years for him to come back-"

"I know I have," I interrupted him. "But I can't stop him from doing something that I don't want him to do, Kai. Other's happinesses comes before mine. I learned things the hard way. And it's to never wait too long. I waited too long, and avoided too long. I can't do anything about it, Kai. It's Sehun's life, not mine."

The boy gives me a frown, "At this point, I should be agreeing with you. But, no. Younghee, I've watched you suffer too much from your separation with Sehun. But seeing you both ignore each other saddens me."

I looked at him, letting out a bitter laugh, "Why do you care so much, Kai? It's nothing to worry about-"

"I only worry because I do," he interrupts. "And because I like you too much to ignore your feelings. You deserve better, Younghee."

I stare at him as he stares at me back. Did I just hear that correctly? Kai... He likes me? There's- There's no way that he could. No. Even if he does, he also doesn't deserve to be with me. "Stop it," I say.

"Stop what, Younghee? I'm freaking serious right now," he admits. "I knew you'd never accept my feelings for you anyway, but I still want you to be happy. I cannot stand a sad Younghee, a friend of mine that deserves so much love. I know you liked Sehun, and you still do. If you're afraid to admit it, then I'll admit it for you. I don't care if what I just said doesn't make sense, but Younghee. You are in love with your friend, Sehun. And you still do. Don't deny it to the world, don't even deny it to yourself," he admitted for me. "I'll accept your feelings for him. You don't have to like me back because I'm someone who can move on happily." He gives me the best smile that he could put on at that moment, and I sigh.

Thanks, Kai. But I still can't do anything. Sehun's with another girl, and avoids me now.

This feels like the end for me.

. . . .

Anew is something that I've waited for. Sure, I'm not with the person that I wanted to be, but I got my friendship back with the person that I liked. Kai stayed the same and acted as if his confession hasn't even happened. And for Sehun, well he was still the same.

Two months passes, and he finally approaches me with a simple, "Hey." I was a bit shocked at first. It's been two months since he came back and now he finally speaks to me? But I didn't care. The fact that we're friends again was alright. I met his girlfriend, Eunhwa. She was pretty, smart and nice. Very lucky to be with Sehun. My sudden feelings for Sehun soon descends, and it makes my relationship with he and his girlfriend less awkward. I was happy for them. In fact, this was the most happiest I have been since, forever I guess. There was this feeling in the back of my heart that tried to reach out to me, but I pushed it back in, not letting it get back into me, fearing that it might turn me into a different person all over again.

Weeks passed, and I finally had some time alone to myself. That day, I laid in bed and stared at the ceiling, asking myself why I was so happy for Sehun. Shouldn't I be angry and jealous about his relationship? Shouldn't I be mad at him for ignoring me for the past two months? My feelings for Sehun suddenly disappeared, and I realized something: the war was over, and I'm finally free and back to my normal self. My mind suddenly asks me about Kai. He seemed to be doing well, he's trying to keep our relationship happy like always, which I'm glad about. Because if I lose this idiot as a friend, I don't know what will happen to me anymore. He smiles whenever I smiled, which I'm glad, because in our world, it meant that we were still on good terms.

My conversations with Sehun were somewhat awkward, but he tries his best to keep the conversation going. "So, what is your major then?" Sehun asks.

I smiled and sipped on my coffee before replying back, "Philosophy and physics."

Sehun gives me a smile, "So you're still that big thinker like before." His smile disappears as he asks me another question, "But isn't it hard to find a career with those majors?"

I just smiled at him, "Does it really matter?" I sigh as I looked out the window of the café we met up in. "As long as I make a good amount of money that I can live on, I'm fine. As long as I'm doing something that I want to do, I'm fine. As long as I'm letting myself choose my own decisions, then I'm fine," I say.

"I see you started the philosophy thing already," he says and chuckles. "Now our relationship went from friends to enemies."

I raise a brow at him, "How so?"

"Well, you know. I'm studying psychology, you're studying philosophy. Psychology changes people's relationship with the world, philosophy changes the way people look at the world," he simply says. 

"So what you're saying is, psychologists are better than philosophers?" I question him and slightly laughs as he nods. "Just because we're studying the opposites of each other's doesn't mean that we can't work together, Sehun. Opposites attract and can work together, remember?"

He stares at me a little before smiling, "Amazing," he mutters. He looks down at his coffee in his hands, "How are you still the same after I left?" he asked, making me blinking slightly. "I thought you'd be so different after letting me go," he says and looks at me. "I know you liked me. If you haven't known, Kai can never keep his mouth shut." I bite my lower lip, my smile disappearing as he chuckles. "I'm glad we're able to be friends again," he confesses. "It's hard to ignore you when you meant so much to me..." I stay quiet as he glances at his wrist watch and gather his books and bag. "I gotta meet Eunhwa in a few." He tosses his half empty cup of coffee into the waste basket and smiles down at me while I try to return the smile back, "I'll see you later then, Younghee," he said and rushed out of the café.

For the first time talking to Sehun alone, I felt normal. I'm proud.

. . . .

Exams grew closer, which meant Christmas was coming soon. I studied crazily, reminding myself of how I was back in high school. Yep, still the same studious girl. Even Sehun agrees. Kai suddenly disappeared from the world after meeting a girl in his class and had fallen head over heels. Hopefully that idiot doesn't forget about his friends once he confesses. I was happy about Kai, and he proved me right that he could move on to the point that I have forgotten that he even had a crush on me.

Even though things were going well, there was one thing that bothered me. My old friend was struggling to keep his relationship with his girlfriend happy. Everyday he met me, I always saw stress on his face. Eunhwa and Sehun argued more often, and Sehun would always end up give up on the fight to keep their relationship. But the more he does, the more he regrets, he tells me. Sometimes I wonder why he comes to me with these questions. Shouldn't Sehun ask Kai about all this? I mean, they're both guys whom understand each other. I'm a girl with different experiences. But I try to give him the best advice as I can, which helps him a bit I guess since he still comes to me. Soon their relationship goes back on track, which I'm glad about. Now Sehun could study for exams without any stress like he said he wanted it to go like.

Christmas was coming soon, and guess what I was going to do. Well, Sehun was going to take his girlfriend out on a date, Kai was going to ask the girl he liked out. I'm alone for Christmas. I guess that's okay. Right? I could go home and spend it with my parents. Yeah, that'll work. I haven't seen them for a while. I don't think my friends would even notice that I'm gone. Yep.

So I did. Packed my clothes, presents and all sorts of other crap right after my exams and got in the car and headed towards home. When I arrived, I found my elder brother waiting for me outside with a cigarette in between his index and middle fingers. He greets me with a smile and a hug as I try my best to not inhale the smell of cigarettes that surrounded us before stepping inside the family house. 

I wanted to spend a quiet Christmas, and being with my family was the best choice. No crazy, random strangers over to drink beer with my father, no loud neighbors or friends of my brothers over. Nope, none of that. Just quietness. We spend most of our Christmases like this, and I like it. But to me, there was just one thing missing, and maybe this quiet Christmas is too quiet for me. Whatever it is, I miss it, but I'm used to it. Maybe it was because I'm too used to sharing my Christmases with Kai now. But he's a bit too noisy, so it's gotta be someone else who's loud in the quietness, but quiet in the loudness. I think I knew who it was, it's on the tip of my tongue, but I can never find out who or what it was.

The family Christmas went great, until the doorbell rang. The door opened, letting the winter's cool wind creep past the opened door and blow against our bare feet. I shivered slightly before looking up at my brother who opened the door. He grinned widely and greeted his friend, then introduced his friend to us, "Guys, this is my friend Luhan. He's from China, but he's studying in the same university as Younghee." I blinked, The same university as me? I stare at the doe-eyed boy in front of me who looked years younger than me, but happened to be at least a year older than me. How come I've never seen him before? The doe-eyed boy smiles at me as our eyes meet, and I couldn't help but return the smile back. He was friendly, so I was friendly back.

The Christmas night continued on. My brother and his girlfriend and my parents gathered in the living room, enjoying a Christmas classic that was being played on television. I stayed at the table with Luhan, but didn't really pay much attention towards him, though I could feel his eyes on me. I was busy receiving crazy texts from Kai who was panicking about me not answering my door. I later explained to him that I was away, and he immediately calmed down. Ha, I love how he's such a... Great friend. Yeah, let's go with the word "great." I didn't notice that I was smiling the whole time as my conversation with Kai extended, until Luhan's sudden comment echoed in my mind, "You look really pretty when you smile." He gives me a sweet smile that seems to might make many girls swoon all over for him. I blinked and gave him an awkward thanking, feeling my cheeks burn up before looking back down at my conversation with Kai.

Suddenly, Kai decides to end his conversation with me sleep on me while we were texting. That idiot. Now I'll feel extremely awkward while conversing with Luhan. I set my phone down gently on the wooden table and looked up at Luhan who looked at the television. I opened my lips to speak, but no words managed to escape. I close my mouth and sank back in my seat as I stare at his side profile. What's this? Unable to speak, red and hot cheeks, racing heart-- I've felt this all before, what is it? I quickly averted my eyes elsewhere when I see him turn his face to glance over at me. He slightly chuckles, making me notice that he knew I was staring at him. I opened my mouth to start a conversation with him, "S-so, you go to the same college as me? How come I've never seen you there?"

Luhan raises his brows at me and grins, "How come I've never seen you there? I go to classes everyday, but I rarely see you on campus."

My cheeks are growing more red. Damn it. "O-oh... Right, I stopped going to classes for a while..." The boy only smiles at me before glancing back at the television. "So what are you majoring in?" I asked. Why do I ask the most uninteresting questions ever?

"Business," he simply answers. "You?"

"Philosophy," I say in a small voice.

I sense him smile again. Is he a smiler? Or is today just a special day for him to be smiling? "That's nice. So you're a vast thinker. I would have chosen that as a minor, but one is enough."

"R-really? What do you minor in then?" I ask.

"Mathematics."

"So I guess you will be a successful CEO then," I say.

Luhan chuckles and slightly nods, "Sure, let's think of it like that." Silence grows in between the two of us as we pay attention to the television. "I didn't really chose business and mathematics to be my major and minor. It's more of my parents' choice."

I stare at him, but this time, I'm back to normal. "So you're from a rich family?" I asked.

He nods and smiles at me, "I would have chosen philosophy like you. There's a lot of my own opinions of the world that I want to tell, but according to my parents, I can't run a company with a philosophy degree," he says and sighs.

I smile at him, "Why'd you let your parents choose your life for you then?" I question, making him glance at me. "You're an adult now, so you should have the chance to do what you want to do. They're not in charge of you anymore. Besides," I say, ending with a pause before continuing. "Shouldn't you be the person who's happy with what you chose to do? You're only making your parents happy, but you're not happy with what you're doing. Are you just going to get the career that you don't want, walk inside and say, 'Wow, I hate my job' every single day?"

Luhan stares at me again, a smile slowly lights his face, "I guess..." he replies.

I let out a breath and took a sip of my hot cocoa after my "speech." I kept my head down, a tad embarassed from my words when I felt his eyes continue to stare at me. "So don't do something that you're not happy doing," I mumbled.

"I see why you're studying philosophy..." Luhan says as he removes his eyes from me but smiles. "Maybe I'll listen to you. You're advice is... Good," he compliments as he looks at me with a sweet smile on his face.

Our conversation continued for the next hour, until my brother hurried him out of the house. Just when I was about to close the front door, Luhan's hand stops me from closing the door and he pokes his head inside and asks me for his number, which I gladly gave him. By the time he left and I was able to escape to my room, I received a text message: 'Thanks for everything. Insert my smiling face here. I'll see you after the holidays? If you're planning on going to classes again, I mean. Haha.' I smile at his text before replying and settled in bed for a good night sleep.

. . . .

"Younghee!" I heard my name being called as I walked with Kai and Sehun towards a restaurant that we usually ate together for lunch. I turned back to see Luhan smiling and waving at me. I smile back at him as he runs towards me, while Kai asks me who he was, and Sehun only had an unreadable face on. "So you did come back," Luhan says with a sweet grin as he stands in front of me. "How was the rest of your break?"

I smile up at him, "It was great, thanks."

Luhan looks up to see the two boys beside me, his smile disappearing to an innocent face, "Oh, sorry, am I holding you guys back?"

I look up at my friends, finding Sehun opening his mouth to speak, but Kai butts in first, as usual, "No, no. Not at all. We were just going to grab some lunch. Wanna come?"

The doe-eyed boy blinks at the sudden request, "I can come?" He shakes his head, slightly smiling, "No, it's fine. Besides, it'll be awkward and rude of me to suddenly join in your lunch group-"

Sehun opens his mouth to speak again, but Kai butts his mouth in, again. "It's fine! Besides, we'd like to get to know Younghee's new friend here," he says, nudging my elbow with a grin.

"Well... If you don't mind, then sure. I'll join," Luhan accepts with a smile.

I hurried out of the cold and into the warm restaurant, towards the seat that we usually sat in. Sehun pulled out the chair beside me, but was suddenly pushed aside by Kai. "Luhan, sit here," Kai says, grinning as he pushes Sehun towards the seat beside his. "So, what do you guys want to eat?" Kai asks as he pulls out the menus that was on the table.

I gazed down the menu, looking for something warm to eat, "Mm... Don't they make homemade ramen?" I questioned as I continued to look at the menu. "I'll have the spiciest one," I say, smiling widely. "And a hot latte."

Kai nods, "Alright, then Younghee will have spicy ramen, I'll have that special dish, Sehun-"

"I'll have the same as Younghee," Sehun interrupts Kai.

Kai blinks and nods, "Alright, the same for Sehun then. What about you, Luhan?"

The Chinese boy bites his lower lip as he quickly searches for a dish to eat, "I don't know..."

"Hmm," Kai looks at the menu to search the meal for Luhan. "How about you share Younghee's meal? She barely eats hers anyway," Kai mutters.

"That would be awkward though..." Luhan says.

"Aish, don't worry about it!" Kai says, grinning widely. "We're all friends here. It's fine to share. Right, Younghee?"

I slightly blush as I reply, "S-sure..."

Kai's face brightens up with a smile, "Great! Then, two spicy ramens for you, Luhan, and Sehun. One hot latte for Younghee, and a special for me. I'll go order," Kai says as he hops out of his seat to go order.

Silence surrounds the three of us for a while. I glance at Sehun who stares at me. The look on his face was unusual, and rarely seen, making me worried, "Sehun, what's wrong?"

Sehun removes his eyes from me and looks away with the same expression on his face, "Nothing," he mumbles, almost inaudible.

Lunch goes by quickly for us. Kai happily chattered, wanting to know more about Luhan. I knew where this was going. Oh ho, that idiot thinks that either I or Luhan like each other. "So, Luhan," Kai begins to say as he swallows down the last bite of his food. "Do you like Younghee?"

Kai's sudden question makes Luhan choke on his water, making me pat his back and give him a napkin. "Excuse me?" Luhan asks after he managed to get out of the choking session.

"Do you like Younghee?" the tanned boy asked. "Because in this friendship, Sehun and I both liked her."

I send Kai a glare, who was grinning widely, obviously wanting to hear a 'yes' coming from the deer-like boy. "U-uhm..." Luhan says and glances at me. "I don't really know?"

"Well if you do," Kai continues. "Here's some advice. Don't like her. Then she will like you."

I threw my spoon at the boy and glared, "Shut up, Jongin!" I huffed and crossed my arms as Kai laughed on the other side of the table. I glanced at Sehun who continued to stay emotionless, staring at me again. When our eyes met, I quickly looked away, feeling my face start to color.

. . . .

Winter passed quickly, and a new year of college started for us four. I grew closer to Luhan, but suddenly grew distant from Sehun. I barely saw him on campus, which worried me. Kai, I don't even want to talk about that idiot. We all know how well he's doing with his big mouth. Just the week before college restarted, I received a sudden question from Luhan that shocked me, Kai and Sehun. He asked me to be his girlfriend, which I said I would take some time to think about it.

It took me two weeks to think about it. I realized how my heart always beated whenever I thought about his request. I always get that klutzy moment whenever I'm around Luhan. Remember those weird effects I got whenever I was with Sehun back then? Yeah, I'm feeling those at the moment. Was I experiencing love again? Is this too soon? I feel my face burn up whenever I think about me and Luhan together, and in a relationship. I've never thought of that with Sehun nor Kai when they confessed. But then again, they never really asked me out when they confessed. Maybe, this could be a good addition to my life. Maybe this is a chance for me to be really happy once again. I thought and thought about it, and finally returned to Luhan with the answer I wanted to tell him: Yes. Our relationship started out happily. Kai was crazy happy, but Sehun was suddenly gone.

Was it weird that when Luhan and I started going out, Sehun and Eunhwa suddenly disappeared? I mean, I saw Eunhwa on campus a couple of times, but it started to become rare, and she was never with Sehun. I always wanted to ask her where Sehun was, but she'd run away after. That idiot, why is he hiding now?

A week passed, still no Oh Sehun. Where the hell is he? I don't ing know. But he needs to get his back so I can confirm that he's alright. I tried calling him over the week, no answer. I texted him, no reply. I even went on social media to wait for him to come on, still nothing. I started to grow frusturated, and Luhan noticed. He tells me that he'd take me to Sehun's apartment later on that day, and I'm eager, but yet angry. I sat quietly in Luhan's car as we drove towards Sehun's apartment. I called Sehun again, but still no answer, making me sigh. "He's fine, Younghee. Don't worry," Luhan assures me with a smile as he glance at me for a second before returning his attention to the road. I sigh as I close my eyes, wanting to hurry to Sehun right now. I hope he is...

Before I knew it, I was standing in front of Sehun's apartment, ringing the doorbell. Luhan left when Kai was calling him over and over again to get his back to campus. He tells me that he will either pick me up later, or I'd have to ask Sehun for a ride, if he's there. I waited and waited for an answer. A few moments passed after I rang the doorbell the second time. I gave up, and turned away. I suddenly hear the door click open behind me. "What are you doing here?" the husky voice behind me asks.

I turned around to see a tired out Oh Sehun. Dark circles under his eyes, his lips chapped, and it seemed like he barely ate. I was sadden to see Sehun in that stage, "Sehun..." I say, but cannot get other words out past my lips. I bit my lip as I lower my gaze to the ground. When did we become so awkward? "Sehun... Are you okay?" I managed to speak.

Sehun stayed silent for a while before replying to me, "Fine. I guess."

I frown. I guess? That something that all liars tend to say. I looked at him, extremely angry at him. "You guess? Sehun stop lying!" I say. He only stares at me with that emotionless face that I hate to see. "Sehun... Why have you been absent lately?" I ask as I hug him tightly. Damn, I miss hugging him.

I hear a bitter chuckle in my ear, "So you noticed? I thought you'd be so busy with your new boyfriend there that you wouldn't notice."

I frown as I tighten my hug around him, "Of course I would. You're my friend, so why wouldn't I?"

Sehun stays silent for a while. I hear his even breathing against my ear and slightly smile as he finally returns my hug. "...Right."

He soon invites me inside his apartment and I sit on the L-shaped sofa beside him. I ask him questions to start a conversation, but he barely gives good replies. I ask him about his relationship which takes him a moment to reply. He finally tells me that the two were no longer together. Was that the reason why he never shown up to the first few weeks of college? "You didn't have to stay here the whole time though... You could have still came to classes and meet other people. Forget her then," I say. Dang it, bad advice.

Sehun stares at me, "Forgetting people isn't that easy, you know."

"But you forgot about me easily when you left," I said.

Sehun continues to stay still as a stone and doesn't reply to that mention, "How are you and Luhan?" he suddenly asks.

I blink at his sudden question, "Uhm, great."

"Shouldn't you be with him right now?" he asks.

I pout towards him, "But I want to see my friend," I whined. "It's been weeks and I missed you."

He sighs and sits back in his seat, "I missed you too," he replies, but says nothing more.

. . . .

Days pass, and Sehun does go back to his classes, but barely does. "At least he's coming," Kai says as he watches Sehun eat his lunch at another table. "And he's eating." We see Sehun take his fifteenth bite of his food before pushing the dish away and hurries away to pay for his lunch. Kai and I exchange glances and I frown, "Or not..."

"Kai, I'm worried about him!" I said and frowned.

"I'll think of something to break him," Kai says. "Like I always do. But shouldn't you be going back to your date with Luhan?" Kai asks as he jabs his thumb in the direction behind him towards Luhan.

"Oh!" I say and hurry out of my seat and sit across from Luhan. "Luhan, sorry..."

Luhan smiles at me like usual, but something lacks in his smile. "It's okay. I know you've been worried about Sehun..."

I smiled as he understands my situation. I was glad to have someone who understood what I was going through. "What did you want to talk about?" I ask.

Luhan's smiles slightly wipes away, "Uhm... Oh, that... See, someone told me that I should tell you this because... It's important." I nodded in acknowledgement. Luhan hesitates a tad, searching for his words, "I... I'm leaving Korea."

I blink and nod again, "Oh, like for a vacation?" I ask.

"Ye- No." I pause at his answer and he looks at me in the eyes, certainly not joking at all. "I have to go back to Beijing..." I lowered my head to the ground as Luhan continues as he notices, "I really don't want to leave you or anything." He holds my hands in his, "But I have no choice but to. I liked you, love you and I still will even though I can't bare to leave you. But I'd have to face this anyway."

. . . .

Just like that, he left. I understood his situation, and I'm fine. Maybe. Not. Truthfully, this was my first heart break. The first one with Sehun was totally a different story. This was my first relationship. Although we didn't have any problems in our relationship, it ended badly for me. Losing someone you liked all over again. Now I'm wondering again, When is my end coming? The more I live, the more it feels as if the end to all this is years away. I want the end of all this depressed phase, or whatever. Because the longer I'm in it, the more pain I get.

I stopped going to classes for a while, but then Kai forces me out of my apartment again. Damn him for being such an amazing friend. To be honest, without him, I'd be that person who would have done something dangerous to end myself. I'm glad he's a friend who has that ability to stop me. But Sehun... What's gotten into him? He hasn't been that friend like he was before. He avoids me often when I need him, and he rarely smiles towards me anymore. So now he and I are both somewhat depressed.

I finally got IT to meet up with me. I haven't called him that for a while, but ever since he started to avoid me again, it was best for me to call him that. He and I sit quietly on opposite sides of my sofa. I hug my knees to my chest as Sehun stares at the muted television in front of us. None of us say a word for the past fifteen minutes or so. I was the first to start a conversation, "How are you?"

"Good," he simply answers. "You?"

I lowered my gaze to my hands, "Same I guess."

More silence between us. God, we haven't been like this since we first met each other. Was this going to continue? I was about to ask him another question, but he speaks first, "I don't think you are."

I looked at him and sighed, resting my chin on my knees, "Is it that obvious?" Sehun stays quiet as I crawl over to his side and rest my head comfortablely on his broad shoulder, "How did you feel when she left you?"

Sehun sits still and doesn't move a bit. I thought he would after mentioning Eunhwa, "I can't feel anything," he answers. "That's the best feeling that I've ever gotten to be quiet honest."

I tilted my head up at an angle to look at him, "You're not sad?" He shakes his head, "Hurt?" Shakes again. I sigh and rest my head back on his shoulder, hugging his arm. "I've gotten this same feeling again. I always hated it..." After not hearing him reply, I continue to speak, "Sometimes I wonder when the end of all this is coming. I'm tired of this stage in life... I always end up learning things the hard way." I pause for a second to think over my words before continuing, "I regret something, Sehun..."

It takes him a while to reply, "What is it?"

"I regret starting the beginning, letting it end so it can begin all over again."

. . . .

A whole other week starts differently for me. I started attending classes again, only because Sehun says that if I go to class, the he will too. And he's still my friend, and I have always cared about his life, so college, here I come back. When we got back, Kai was extremely happy to see us back. He was the only one who manages to smile, but for me and Sehun, that doesn't work.

Kai scratches the back of his head and sighed, "It takes Sehun a while to make himself feel better... But with you, all I need to do is take you out for lunch and do all the fun things with you!" he says and laughs. I just smile slightly at his words, to assure him that I was okay. Not that I didn't want to go with him- Actually, I'm terrified to go with him. He just drags me everywhere and tries to make me do everything. How can I be happy about that? But his hyper self makes me happy enough, if only I can tell him that. But that idiot misunderstands me too much to let me explain, so no way josé. 

Of course, I start to become a tad bit better with myself. I told myself that at least the break up wasn't anything bad that I did. It was just something that would usually happen, separation. I had to it up and move on, like how I did before. Yeah. I should tell Sehun that, but he doesn't even listen to what I say anymore, so I don't even try to. I started noticing a change in me a little. More social and just a tad different is all I can describe myself right now. I knew more people than I did before, and became friends with so many. I find it amazing of me how whenever someone asks me about my relationship with Luhan, I just simply answer truthfully with a smile. I could never do that before. Wow, something's different.

Now that I look at it, it was as if Sehun and I had totally switched personality. I was now the social one, and Sehun became the anti-social one. Well, not much of an anti-social anymore. The "emotionless" boy started to become less emotionless, which I'm happy about. I was happy, he was (kinda.) But there was one thing that I missed from our relationship: being in the relationship we used to be in. No, we weren't the same anymore. He barely tries to get my attention as he did before and he doesn't even try to make that sweet smile that made my heart melt inside anymore. He does at times, but it would always be unnoticeable. I wish we could be the same again, and act as if none of this crap happened. I would be so freaking happy.

And suddenly it seems as if my wishes have been granted. Sehun began to talk to me more, and tries to gain my attention. He smiles more, but there's something odd. I don't really have that whole heart-melting-lovey-dovey feeling anymore. Or do I? Whatever that feeling was, it was slightly bothering me, and it seems to bother Sehun too. Have I changed a lot too?

The three of us finally go out again on a free night and eat at a restaurant. I eat less than the boys who eat like pigs. I wonder why they haven't gained weight yet. Must be a weird boy thing. The three of us converse normally, sharing smiles and laughs throughout the night. I knew that our friendship was still the same, which gave me the greatest feeling ever: real happiness.

Kai leaves us for his new girlfriend, and Sehun and I begin to walk home, side by side. "So how have you been?" I asked as I smiled at Sehun.

Sehun shrugs and smiles lightly, "Good, good. Better to be honest."

I smile at his response. Great. Just great. I'm really happy for you, Sehun. Now I had the chance to ask him what I always wanted to ask, "It seemed like your break up didn't go very well for you. What happened? You never told me."

Sehun's smile disappears. Damn it. Did I say something that I shouldn't have said? But wait, he's smiling at me. "Sure, it didn't go well," he says. But I'm not convinced.

"Really? Are you sure about that?" I questioned him.

He shrugs, "It wasn't because of the break up that got me like that. Actually, I didn't even care about Eunhwa."

His answer makes me gap at him, "Excuse me? Sehun what are you saying-"

"I'm saying that, I never liked Eunhwa. It was just... Something," he says and slightly chuckles to himself.

I raise a brow. Okay, what was going on? I'm so confused. "What are you saying?"

Sehun stops walking and looks at me, "It wasn't really a 'relationship,' Younghee. It was more of... An experiment."

Still confused, but, "O-okay then..."

We both continue to walk in silence. Sehun sighs, stuffing his hands in his pockets, "The weather's nice tonight," he comments. I just nod. "Are you still confused?" he asked. I look up at him. He's reading my mind. Oh my god. He laughs a bit and looks ahead, "Don't be, okay? She knows everything anyway." I just nod, but I didn't understand a single bit of it. "How'd you feel when I left?" he suddenly asks, the smile not going away from his face.

I lowered my head to the thought of that, "Do you want to hear the truth?" I asked. I was ready to tell him the lies, but I was more ready for the truth.

"Truth is better than lies, even if it hurts," he says and smiles down at me.

Huh, this was the moment that I missed. His sweet words and smiles, and that feeling of having butterflies in my stomache again. "I... Wasn't very happy about it to be very honest."

"Hm. Me too," he confesses. "I didn't like parting away from my best friend," he says and pats my head. "I was really sad to be honest... Kai told me that you didn't get over it for what, two years or something?"

I sighed and facepalmed myself, my face flushed. Last time I'm letting out my feelings to Kai. "Er, yeah. Don't worry about it... I stopped caring about it anyway..."

Sehun stays silent for a while before speaking up again, "What's that suppose to mean?"

I shrugged, "I thought that it was an opprotunity for you to study overseas, and if I could have the chance to hold you back here in Seoul, I wouldn't have."

A slight chuckle comes from him, "I would have, for you. Being overseas was just so tiring," he says as he hesitated to search for the words. "I missed having my little Younghee beside me whenever I was troubled."

"Why didn't you call me then? I would have talked to you."

"After receiving Kai's constant calls about you being all depressed and stuff, I decided it wasn't best." He stops walking when we arrived outside my apartment building. "I thought it would be best for both of us to leave each other's side for a while. 'Cause, you know. After that rejection, I didn't really feel well even though I always showed this happy face. I never liked frowning at you. Even if I could, I don't think I could stop smiling at you." I blinked at his words and glanced elsewhere to avoid eye contact. Did we have to really talk about this right now? "Besides, when I came back, you looked fine. But I just couldn't get myself to talk to you."

I feel his eyes glued to me as I glance at the ground, "Trust me, you're wrong on that..." I mumbled. I then decided to change the subject, "So what did you mean by your relationship with Eunhwa was an experiment?"

When I thought that this would make our conversation shift towards another direction, it only keeps coming further down where it started. "I wanted to see how long I could last to be with someone else that's not you," he says. "I might have thought it could make you jealous and start to like me again, but I realized that that wouldn't be love if I did that. Eunhwa knows what I was trying to do, and she didn't mind. But I told her to be as much lovey dovey towards me as possible, so I can get a certain someone out of my system. But then finding her with Luhan, that just makes my plans crash down into a pit of nothingness. For the first time, I was jealous when I should have been the one that made you jealous. At that point, I decided that it would be the end for me." Silence grows in between us for a moment. "But what's past is past right? Don't be bothered with what I said... You moved on, that's good. Don't feel sorry for me because I haven't yet," he says with a smile before turning to walk away.

I stand there and stare at him as he leaves, Wait. Does that mean that he still likes me?

. . . .

The weekend passes, then another full week. A total of nine days of awkwardness. Sehun was his normal self, but I couldn't help but always wonder if he really does still like me, or if he was just playing with me. I didn't talk about to Sehun nor Kai, fearing that I might be wrong. There was no way Sehun could like me. Everything he said was just a way to make me happy or something! Now that I think about it, when I was with Luhan, Sehun was always rude and quiet, which was unusual. I feel like he has something to say to me, but he's just waiting for me to make a move. Why can't he just come out and tell me? I was confused. With my feelings and his thoughts.

Sehun wasn't that kind of guy that was easily readable like many others, that was one thing that bothered me. I could never know what he was thinking or doing. And his face wasn't helping in this situation. I needed to know what he was thinking! Maybe I do have to make the first move. I'll ask him, if I got the guts to. 

As of my feelings for Sehun, I don't really feel the same as before. It was stronger than before, god damn it. Oh if only I could tell him...

"Younghee." I look up from my daze to find Sehun waving his hand in front of my eyes to get my attention. "You okay there?"

I nodded in response and bit on my lower lip as Sehun nods and turns back to his "new" friend. It was a she, and I was growing jealous, and this time, I felt the jealousy. But I tried to not show it. I could tell he liked her. And I'm fine with that. Oh, and hey. I told Kai about everything, and he wants me to be the first to say something. For once he's actually helping me out, but I'm not going to tell Sehun. Well, not now. I don't actually know when though.

"Bye," I hear Sehun say before turning his attention back to me. "Let's go," he says and walks towards his car. I somehow sensed his smile disappeared when he looked at me.

Earlier, I asked him to take me home, which now that I think about it, it is a bad idea. Especially if you're going to be stuck in a car with someone you liked. During the whole ride it was dead silence that surrounded us. I tried searching for the correct words to start a conversation with him, but I couldn't get anything to escape my mouth. And to make things worse, we were stuck in traffic. More alone time, great. Sehun the radio before removing his hands from the steering wheel and rest his elbow on his door while looking out the window. Once in a while the traffic moves a little bit, and Sehun inches his car forward, but he doesn't say anything. To let time painfully pass, I began to text Kai about the awkward situation I was in now. And what he keeps sending back... 'MAKE YOUR FREAKING MOVE.' But no. I won't. I tell him about the girl that Sehun's been getting close to, and finally he stops. I guess he knows now, but now he doesn't know what to do next. I wouldn't blame him, I too don't know what to do.

Should I be happy for him, or should I be not? I know that I can't get rid of the jealousy feeling that I've been feeling since. Maybe I should try moving on again... Or maybe I could call Luhan. Yeah, Luhan. I miss talking to him. And maybe he knows how to help me... I look back down at my phone and search for Luhan's contact. Just when I was about to press on his name, Sehun finally starts to talk, "Let this be the last time I take you home." Wait, what?

I looked up at him and blinked, "What?"

Sehun sighs as he rubs his finger against his lower lip, "I can't drive you home anymore."

Can't? Sounds more like don't want to. I looked away and reply, "Oh, okay." Conversation ends here. Ugh. Suffering another hour of silence here. Here's my chance then, to ask him: "Sehun, do you perhaps, still like me?"

Sehun glances over at my while my gaze is still outside. I can feel his stare actually. It took him a while to reply, "...No."

Wow, okay. "Oh. Okay then. Just... Just wondering since, yeah..." I awkwardly say before letting out a tired sigh. He doesn't like you anymore, okay? So it up and don't go into your depressed mode anymore. "Uhm, you can just let me off at the next stop," I say when traffic starts to move again. Indeed, he stops his car at the side of the road and unlocks the door for me to leave. I gather my books and bag before opening the door and stepping out with an inaudible, "Bye," towards him. I close the door shut and after I do, he speeds away, back into traffic. Damn. I sigh once more and started to walk in the direction of my apartment.

Is it normal for me to feel bad after hearing his answer? Is this what all girls would feel after they find out that their crush doesn't like them back? At this point, I feel nothing but utter embarrassment. Embarrassed from asking him that, embarrassed from even trying to ask him that, embarrassed from liking him back years later. Somehow, at this moment, I feel as if I have been suffering from under a mask that hides my sad face. And when people say that moving on was a good thing, they never mentioned how hard it was to.

. . . .

Kai tells me that Sehun's been looking for me. Yep, it's been another week that I've skipped classes. And he claims that Sehun had to tell me something. God damn it, here I am at home, trying to "move on," and that guy is looking for me and wants to talk to me. How the hell am I suppose to move on when he wants to talk to me? Wait, has Kai told him that I liked him? Hope not. If he did then, that boy won't be able to see sunlight anymore, or anything anymore. Sigh. Why can I just accept that we're friends? Isn't that good enough? I hate to ignore a friend that I cherished for a long time, especially one that I had many memories made with. When I came into this world, why didn't anyone tell me that life was going to be this difficult?! But right now, I don't want to speak to Sehun. I'm not going to ignore him forever. I just want some time alone, so I can think. Yeah, a vacation. That seems nice. Yeah. In fact, I'll even start planning one. I need one anyway. I'm tired of being stuck in a box-like house. I need to get out and enjoy whatever I can.

Yeah. Just let me think of a place to go and- The doorbell rings and I freeze. , who the hell is that? My eyes trails up to the door and I start to get out of my seat and peek out the peephole. And guess who I see: Oh freaking Sehun. Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn! Should I just pretend to not be here? Should I hide? Or- "Younghee, I know you're there. Open the door for me. I need to talk to you..." I sigh and hung my head low, biting my lip sadly. O. T. L. JUST FACE HIM. I held my head high before opening the door widely for Sehun. He gives me a simple smile of his. Could you please stop that? You're making it harder for me to forget my feelings for you, idiot. "I knew you were home..."

I just give him a blank face. I tried, but a small, unnoticeable smile appears on my face, "What are you doing here?"

He bites his lip before entering inside my house, "I need your help on something." So do I Sehun, but not from you. But what a coincidence! Ha- no. I just nod and sit down on my sofa as he sits beside me. "So, there's this girl that I like and-"

"Hold up," I say before looking at him. "Shouldn't you be talking to Kai about this?"

Sehun frowns, "Kai is no help in this situation. Anyway," he says, quickly changing back to his topic. "There's this girl that I like, and I've been liking her for a while. Well, for a long time, I mean to say. And, really want to ask her if she likes me or not, but I'm afraid of another rejection. You remember my first rejection right?" God dammit, Sehun, do you really have to remind me of that?! "So, I was just really worried that when she tells me no, I don't know if I can accept that... What do I do?"

"Why are you asking me? A girl who's got no experience whatsoever?"

He stares at me and sighs, "You dated Luhan..." he mentions sadly.

"That's different from your situation, Sehun."

He pouts, "But help me! Please! I- I don't know what to do. And every time I try to tell her that I like her, no words come out of my mouth. I feel miserable the more I wait and keep the secret in!"

I stare at him. Glad to see you're suffering the same thing I am suffering from. But no, you don't deserve it... I sigh before replying to him, "Just... Tell her how you really feel. If you can't talk to her face to face, then... Just write to her or something? Show her that you like her, in a non-creepy way of course. And if she can't take a hint that you really, really like her then... Just tell her. She will eventually say that she does likes you back because you're an amazing person."

He smiles, "Do you really think I can?"

I bite my lip and nod, "Yeah. You can..." I can too, but it's too late, huh?

. . . .

Another week has yet past, and I spend it thinking about Sehun and the girl that he likes. It's obvious that he really likes this girl. I should just ignore it, and move on. I can't interfer with their relationship. Ugh, Younghee... Why are you so late? I sigh as I stare at my phone, doing nothing. Aren't I interesting? Hah. I've been regretting a lot of things lately, but the thing I've been regretting most is not telling him that I like him. But I suppose I did the right thing, right? I helped a friend with a situation, and I need to learn that the world doesn't give me everything that I want. Gotta stop being a brat here.

My phone vibrates in my hand as I receive a text from Sehun. Multiple ones to be exact:

'Okay, so how do I say this.

uHM.

YOUNGHEE.

MY BESTEST FRIEND,

THANKS TO YOU,

I WILL CONFESS TODAY.

But I can't tell her in front of her face.

So... Here goes nothing.

Yeah.

So.

Younghee, I'm in love with you. Always has and always will.

So, you said that this is the part where the girl will say that she likes me back.

So are you willing to say that back to me?

Uhm. I'll be outside waiting for you. You know, waiting for you to come back to college is tiring.

And stressful.

Because I can't see you anymore...'

I stare at his messages, speechless.

'Oh, and Kai was the one who made me do this. , did you know how hard it was to- You know what. I'll tell you later.'

I continue to stare at it. Was he just playing with me? I waited for him to send me a text that told me that he was just kidding, but nothing came but:

'Uhm, are you going to continue to let me wait. I'm freaking cold and I'm standing in the rain. So, please tell me to come up to your apartment. Smiley face here.'

Oh! I quickly texted him back, letting him come up. But I was still wondering if what he really said was true or not. I hope he wasn't just playing with my heart here, because I'm not ready for that yet...

The doorbell rings and I hurry to open it. Once I had, my lips meet another warm pair, with hands on the sides of my face. Soft, soft, so freaking soft against my lips. I then realized that it was Sehun's against mine, and he kissed me. He then pulls back and grins before stepping inside and closing the door. "Thank you for letting me up. It was getting cold out there," he says with a pout. "So... I gave you a very long, cold five minutes to think about it... And, do you like me back?" he asks. Hell yeah! It took you time to ask- Calm down Younghee. Be normal. I just nodded. Girl, that ain't normal, and Sehun could tell too. "Can you at least say that you do, straightforwardly towards me like how you always say towards others?"

I bite my lip, wasn't ready for that. I lowered my head, "I like you too," was whispered towards him. I then feel strong arms around me. It wasn't an ordinary hug that we would usually give each other. It was that feeling of being liked that I craved for a long time. Wow, is it really how it feels like? Warm, loving, and just plain crazy?

Sehun sighs as he presses his lips against my forehead. "Do you know what I learned during my years overseas? I still liked you. Do you know what I learned while you were away? That Kai has a big mouth and will do anything to get two friends to be with each other. Do you know what I learned from murdering someone's feelings? Telling them I love them, and ending up never speaking to them again. And from the stories Kai told me, we've both suffered. But it was worth it," he says, and I could sense him grinning.

. . . .

Relationship this, relationship that. Sehun and me, blah blah blah. I can't really describe to you how it all was, because it was all such a blur. Yes, Sehun and I began to date, and it was different than what I thought. And it was better than what I thought. I never knew that I could smile so much, or laugh. Or even make so many memories with just one person by my side. And I learned that it hurts to be ignored by someone you love most. But it hurts more when you ignore the situation instead of trying something knew to solve it. So yeah. Happy ending. Smiley face here.

And Kai... That idiot purposed too early to his girlfriend, but as long as Sehun and I were going to be at his wedding then... Never mind that. Oh, and he continues to tell Sehun every ing secret I told him. I can never tell that idiot anything anymore. From now on, I'm keeping my mouth shut, or I'm stapling his mouth shut so that his blabber mouth doesn't run on again. He's just lucky to be my friend, if he wasn't... I don't know what I'd do. He's just lucky.

"Ew," Sehun and I say as we watch Kai and his "fiancé" holding hands and being all lovey dovey across our table. 

"Ew yourself. You two don't know how annoying it is to watch you two be so lovey dovey all day. Makes me jealous," Kai says, glaring over at us.

"Stop spending time with us then," Sehun says with a grin.

"Nooooooo!" Kai whines. "I can't leave my friends' sides! I'm not used to doing that."

"You're such a child..." I mumbled the comment and Sehun and I laugh.

Kai frowns, "You know what, just leave! Since you two didn't want to come anyway..." he mutters.

"But-"

"Come on, Younghee. You heard the idiot," Sehun said, interrupting me and drags me out of the restaurant. He holds me close and holds my hand tightly as we walk. "Now... I heard that Kai liked you before... Tell me everything," he says and glances at me. "Now. Oh, and everything that you and Luhan did too." , I almost forgot about that relationship.

I smile and get out of his grip and steps away a little, "Uh... I need to go do something... I'll see you later!" I say before running away with him screaming and following behind me.

Yep. Happy ending.

. . . .

Uhm, so remember how I said that I wanted to put an end to all this ?

Let me take that back, because...

Sometimes I thought that I would never be able to start all over again. I've hid in my shadows for years, a mask covered myself from letting the world know what I really felt. And I waited for IT to come back for too long. I waited and waited until what I thought was the end, but it turns out to not be.

It's just me beginning all over again.

But it's a new beginning.

It's too long to be a oneshot. lmao. please note that this is all in 11 pt, and not the normal font. equals, a lot.

I don't even know what the message is in this story. l0l. i fail as an author. haha.

Confused? I'll explain it if you comment. But, maybe next time. I got no time for that now.