Title: Lifesize Cookie Human Man Guy

Summary: Woohyun is a lonely baker and Sunggyu is his creation

Rating:

Genres: Dumb, Crack, Comedy (?)

I wrote this in five minutes tbh. I'm sorry I just felt bad for not updating in a while OTL

-

Woohyun was a simple little baker who had his own little bakery. But Woohyun was very lonely. One day on television he watched a movie about a guy creating a robot girlfriend and that gave him a great idea.

He went into the kitchen area of his bakery, strapped on his red polka dot apron and got to work. After hours of toiling away in the hot kitchen, he managed to complete his creation—a cookie girlfriend. However there was one thing a little bit off…

He poked the life size cookie on the head and there was something missing for sure.

“Ah!” Woohyun gasped. “She needs more hair!” He turned around to grab for some icing to make pretty hair for his cookie girlfriend, but then the cookie sat up on the baking tray.

“Damn its hot in there.”

Woohyun faced the cookie that was now sitting up and rubbing its cute eyes.

“Cookie…is a boy?” Woohyun pouted.”

“Yes cookie is a boy.” The cookie snorted. “Your fault for not making any s.”

“What’re these then?!” Woohyun poked the cookie’s chest area.

“That’s my well defined and broad chest area! I am a man!” The cookie exclaimed.

“Ok fine.” Woohyun gave in easily. “I’ll call you Sunggyu. You can be my cookie friend and help me make a cookie girlfriend.”

“Nah, sounds boring.”

“B-Boring?”

Just then Woohyun’s loyal customer, Jang Dongwoo walked in. Woohyun left the cookie in the kitchen and went to the front of the store to greet him.

Unfortunately the cookie followed him.

Woohyun and Dongwoo exchanged greetings as Dongwoo inspected the desserts in the glass display case.

But then he spotted the huge, man sized cookie behind Woohyun and gasped.

“That…that’s perfect! I’ll take it!”

“Huh?” Woohyun looked behind him to see Sunggyu subtly scratching his gum drops.

“No he’s not for sale—.”

“He’d be a perfect gift for my sister!” Dongwoo exclaimed.

“No!” Woohyun hissed, clutching onto the cookie’s arm. “You can’t have him!”

“Here, I even have the cash all ready.” Dongwoo took out some money and placed it on the counter. Then he made a grab for Sunggyu’s arm, but Woohyun protectively slapped him away.

“No!” Woohyun cried. “You can’t! He’s my cookie husband!”

Dongwoo stared at him for a moment before smiled sheepishly.

“Gee…I-I didn’t know that, sorry buddy.” Then he patted Woohyun’s shoulder sympathetically and walked out.

Woohyun thought that was going to be much more difficult so he was relieved he didn’t have to lose Sunggyu or make some big sacrifice in the process.

“Husband?” Sunggyu snorted. “What happened to your plans to make a cookie girlfriend?”

Woohyun turned to him with sparkly eyes. “I realized all I ever wanted in life was right there all along! Come here cookie husband!” He cried dramatically and went in for a hug. But Sunggyu placed a sweet smelling hand on his face, successfully stopping him.

“What a load of crap. I’m a cookie. My purpose is to be made and then eaten, not be some delusional sap’s husband.”

“Awww,” Woohyun whined cutely. “Don’t say that Sunggyu hyung~!”

“Hyung? Why are you calling me hyung? I’m a damn cookie you baked in your stupid oven less than half an hour ago!”

“Anyways,” Woohyun smiled, completely oblivious to the cookie’s rather bitter attitude towards him. “When we get married should I take your surname or should you take mine?”

Sunggyu gave him the most sick and tired look humanly possible (and that was quite a feat considering he wasn’t even human.)

“Are you serious?!”

“Ok, ok I’ll take yours~” Woohyun chuckled. “Biscuit Woohyun?” He laughed lightly. “That sounds kind of funny though~”

“Who the hell’s surname is biscuit?! Don’t just make up things!”

-

And so their new life began as man and cookie. Everyday was heaven for Woohyun and hell for Sunggyu. However after a long day, manning the front of the bakery, Woohyun headed to the back in the kitchen to see it was empty. He was pretty sure Sunggyu was in there an hour ago.

But then he spotted a note on the counter, beside a single banana.

Eat this, its healthier. Goodbye.

Tears welled in Woohyun’s drooping eyes as he sunk to the floor in despair.

“I didn’t need healthy hyung! I just needed you!” He cried out to no one, replaying the two and a half days of memories he and Sunggyu shared. Sure, they mostly consisted of Woohyun fawning over Sunggyu and Sunggyu rejecting him in every way. But still, to Woohyun, those moments were magical.

And now they were gone.

Gone forever.

“Ok, ok I lied.” Sunggyu walked up behind him. “I’m still here, I was just bored.”

Woohyun turned around in an unnecessary slow-mo fashion yelling out Sunggyu’s name with tearful eyes.

“You came back for me!” Woohyun sobbed, hugging the cookie tightly. Sunggyu sighed, but let Woohyun hug him nonetheless. “Let’s be together forever, ok?” Woohyun rubbed his cheek against Sunggyu’s sugary collarbones.

Sunggyu snorted. “That’s impossible. I’m a cookie, I mean you’ll probably want to eat me eventually.”

Woohyun pulled back with a pout. “How could you say that?! I would never eat you! Ah…plus you’re kind of old and stale now, you probably don’t even taste good—.”

Sunggyu grabbed the banana, peeled it and shoved it in Woohyun’s mouth.

“Eat my .”