gantz47
La Lune aux Étoiles Review ShopSo, so, so hello^^ I'm MinWook89 This is the first review of the shop <3 So as you know there is five judging criterias that are worth 10 points each: Character development, Grammar, Plot, Originality and Spelling. Read on!
Story: The Elders Scrolls
Author: gantz47
Characters: Exo <3
Genre: Action, fantasy.
Character development: Sooo, your story is only at chapter 4 so it will be hard to grade this ^^' Unfortunatly the characters were not my favorite parts of the story. See you made them kind of cliche. I like Exo, but in most stories i read the members all have a defined personnality. Like Kris being the millitary genius, Luhan a young rebel, Chanyeol and Baekhyun the funny duet. It's not a bad thing but in the future you have to get their personnalities to "unravel" themselves if i may say or it will turn out boring. And also i think the thing about Sehun being Luhan's only friend growing up and then leaving is a little cliche too BUT cliche is okay as long as you add your own twist. :)
Grammar: Excuse me for saying this, but your grammar is terrible. See, bad grammar can ruin a good story. Your prologue was awesome, i thought, but the grammar just made me want to stop reading. And the weird thing is that some of your phrases were excellent and then the next phrase: bad grammar and also a bad use of tense. So for this i recommend you read other (good) fanfics and try to see the differences and all. I also recommend to just learn basic tense and also the orders of the words in the phrase are sometimes wrong but i get the feeling that those kind of mistakes are just a lack of attention^^. You can also hire a beta-reader who will correct your mistakes. Unfortunatly there is one thing the beta-readers can't fix and that's the flow. The flow in very important. The problem is you directly go from a completely different sentence to the other witout any transition. Example:
"It's very crowded with people busy trading some fresh goods here and there. Then he noticed there's a inn
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