==

Shim Changmin had just walked out of the hotel, waving and smiling at Boa, congratulating her on a job well done as she walked in the opposite direction. He talked and laughed with the staff and dancers that surrounded him, only stopping when they had reached the car.

It had been by chance that he had turned back to glance briefly at the hotel. For, out the corner of his eye, he saw a familiar figure step out of a black limousine, parked only twenty feet away, pausing only to fix his jacket and waited patiently for one of the security to appear beside and walk him into the hotel.

Changmin stood still, stunned, as he watched as his former bandmate glided gracefully past him, completely oblivious to the eyes that stared at him so intensely, boring holes into his body. Changmin’s heart pounded and his breath caught his throat at the sight. God, it had been so long since he had been this close to the man.

The man who he had loved and admired.

No, the man who he still loved and admired…

A man who was over ten feet away and yet, he could still smell and recognize that cologne the older male had always worn, even after four long years. Could still admire the way the lights of the city seemed to bounce brilliantly off that pale, smooth skin and making him appear even more ethereal. Could still hear and smile softly at the lovely sound of the man’s laugh as he walked by a couple of eager fans.

And even though, he looked smaller, thinner up close, Changmin knew he was still the same person. The same spunky, cheerful, moody, honest, motherly, and most violent hyung he knew. That hyung. His beautiful hyung.

Only a few feet away. There he was. His Jaejoong-hyung.

As the lovely man moved closer and closer towards the hotel and farther and farther away from him, Changmin’s heart began to cry out, screaming, begging him to call out to the man. To get his attention. To make those doe eyes look upon him with love and affection once again. To make him flash that stunning smile at him again. To hear him talk. To make him listen. To finally let out those bitter feelings between them. To put the past behind them. To say something.

To say anything.

“Jaejoong-hyung, it’s been awhile.”

Anything.

“You’re looking well.”

Just simple words.

“Hyung misses you. I miss you. I miss you so damn much. Especially your cooking.”

Just a simple action. Is all it would take.

“Congratulations on your album, hyung. I knew you could do it.”

Then they could finally be at peace.

“I hope you’re happy. That you’re all happy now.”

They could finally let it all go.

“Yes, I think I’m happy too.”

And he could finally say what he’s been wanting to say these past 24 hours…

…but the second he opened his mouth, he suddenly began to choke, trying to swallow the sudden lump in his throat. Tears began to form, his eyes and throat began to burn as his lips refused to form the words…

…He didn’t say it. He couldn’t. For his mind and body still held onto the bitterness and regret that would constantly rise and fall over the past four years. And no matter how much his heart screamed and tried to burst out from his chest, his mind and body refused to give in. He couldn’t call out; he couldn’t reach this man.

It was just too painful…

And now it was too late. His first real chance in such a long time was now gone. And he could only watch helplessly as the man he so loved and adored walked into the hotel, out of his sight, out of his reach, out of his life once again. Just like before.

But this time, he could only blame himself.

He jerked from his thoughts when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned to see one of the staff members, who only smiled sadly at him as he let himself be pushed into the car, his whole body limp, his mood totally destroyed, his heart aching, bleeding.

He turned back to gaze at the hotel once more and said those simple words that he should have said only a few minute before, hoping beyond hope that those words could still reach him.

Even if he didn’t have courage to.

“Happy Birthday, Jaejoong-hyung. I love you….”

Maybe we can get this chance again…someday.

We can only pray…

==

This happened in like February (the whole Changmin leaving a party held for Boa at a hotel and Jaejoong arriving a few minutes after they all left to hold his birthday party thing). So it's an old fic. But I still wanted to post it anyway.

Thanks for reading!