It didn’t help when the camera lens were staring back at him, glaring and reflecting the fear in his eyes. His palms were getting damp and he held on tighter to his microphone. The interview was initially for him to showcase his talents as an emcee and an interviewer, which he fared well so far (if he is in the right mood now). But when Chanyeol raised the question on his hyung when he is sleeping, he found himself carried away by that statement.

Chen’s boisterous laughter resonated through the studio as Jongin tried to keep up with the façade of finding the situation humorous, but the heat emitting from the reflector and soft box worsen his condition. Beats of sweat was trickling down his temples and behind his neck, wiping them down and fanning himself from too much ‘laughing’. He was thankful though, for Chanyeol to step in and stop them by changing the topic.

Yet he couldn’t help to feel uneasy, not sure why but he was. He wasn’t sure how or when did it happen, but it was something he had never felt before. It was never meant to be more than just platonic friendship, neither was it supposed to be greater than just brotherly care. But to experience this first hand made him feel uncomfortable. Should he be concerned? He is unsure, but he knew it was just that.

“When we return to the dorm from our night cycling trip, my heart hurts when he were greeted with the sight of Suho hyung sleeping,” he allowed his emotions to flow through his words far too quickly for him to catch it. He left his statement hanging halfway and Chen could only eye him cautiously, afraid that a slip off the tongue could reveal far too much for the viewers to know. Thinking back, Jongin doesn’t know how to exactly feel or think about this situation, but it was something that prompted him to see his hyung more than just his leader and a brother. It hurts, but he understood.

Post winter hues dusted the sky and it slowly absorbs the welcoming of spring: orange, violet, magenta and red, all of which swirled above them as the boys took their time to cruise along Hangang on their bicycles. Slim tyres of neon colours and reflective lights zooming past citizens who were making their way home from work. There was an atmosphere filled with fatigue, but the cheery laughter and shouting from the children by the parks brightened the mood. It was when the sun set that Baekhyun suggested that they take a ride down to Lotte World before heading back, both Jongdae and Jongin took the other route back home. The company felt that it was time to give them their well deserved rest before the big day for the comeback stage for ‘Wolf’, since they might never have this freedom ever again.

However, Joonmyeon didn’t had that enjoyment prior to their stage set as he had to return to SM building with their manager to prepare for the hectic schedule ahead. “Go ahead, don’t worry about me. Enjoy your time off.” Although Kris had offered to take his spot or follow him, Joonmyeon shook his head and chased Kris away, telling him that he didn’t want to deprive his second leader of his freedom. While everyone slowly filtered their way out of their dorms, Jongin caught a glimpse of Kyungsoo giving Joonmyeon a pat and reminding him of the packed food left on the dining table. He saw short of the smile that graced his fatigue-ridden face.

Joonmyeon waved them goodbye, but Jongin managed to catch the subtle forlorn beneath his grin. An unsettling feeling tumbled in him as he rode his bike out to Hangang, thinking of various ways to make his hyung feel better, especially after returning to the dormitory at dawn to perfect his dance. His hyung is never good at it, but he tries hard, just like his seven years of training.

It was a quarter to eight when the two returned to the dorm. The stench of sweat flooded the dormitory as Jongin staggered to the kitchen for a glass of ice cool water and Jongdae heading down the hallway.

A soft snore was heard and Jongdae turned towards the unsuspecting source. Jongin, however, was in a stand still. He felt his heart plummeting downwards and slowly rising up his throat, he took a deep breath that he never felt he was holding. It was a pitiful sight that made him want to abandon his poodles for. He knew that Joonmyeon has been training harder and longer than anyone else, but to see him this worn out and this helpless, it made him feel as if he didn’t do as much. Even though the sight they are observing was just his hyung sleeping on the couch, which was seemingly warmer than any part of the dormitory.

Jongdae eyed his cautiously, gently placing a hand on his shoulder and shaking it to get his attention. “Grab his a blanket, the one in his room. It’s almost 12 degrees out there. We will not want a freezing wolf out on stage tomorrow, won’t we?” With that, he squeezed his shoulders and took off down the hallway, turning left on the first door. It wasn’t until Jongin heard the water running that he realised that he had been staring for far too long.

Shaking his thoughts away, he slowly stumbled down the hallway finding his hyung’s room. It wasn’t far from the living room nor his bedroom, but he still had difficulties finding it. It was not as if he had never been to Joonmyeon’s room, he has, far too many times when those in the living room gets too noisy or when there is an argument going on. But to enter his room now when the picture of him curled up on the sofa just made this getting of the blanket more problematic.

Taking timid steps in; he took in his surroundings. It was organised like Minseok hyung’s, clean like Kyungsoo hyung’s, cosy like Kris’ hyung, but it has a comfortable warmth, as if it is radiating warmth to those living with him. He managed to find his blanket. It wasn’t difficult really, since it was terribly outstanding in that room. It was not the usual blanket you would see in the dormitory, then again, Joonmyeon was not the usual guy you’d expect owning that blanket. He remembered when Tao found that blanket when they had moved in together, Joonmyeon was embarrassed to the core, his face was as red as a bell pepper and he started stumbling on his words. From then on, the whole team lost the respect towards Joonmyeon, but the latter was fine with that. He appreciated having brothers rather than a team. Yet the topic is always brought up whenever Joonmyeon is too strict with certain stuffs.

It was neither big nor small, just the right size for Joonmyeon to be wrapped up in during the winter solstice. It was thick, but thin enough to remain bearable beneath it during the summer period. It was soft and puffed up, reminding him of the parental love. The same people who granted Joonmyeon the chance outside their family background to train tirelessly for seven years, the same people who allowed him to leave his hometown for Seoul, and might not even return home for Chuseok. It was a reminder of home, the warmth and the comfort that the dormitory tries so hard to replicate.

Grabbing it as a bunch, he tiptoed his way back into the living room and covered Joonmyeon with the blanket. He noticed his hyung shivering from the winter breeze and proceed to tuck him in, pushing the material beneath him, covering every nooks and crannies so that there will be no possible passage way for the air to enter. Turning around, he went to close the windows, leaving a tiny gap facing the other way for ventilation. He drew the curtains close, allowing enough light for Jongin to look at Joonmyeon from the window.

The guardian’s face was snuggled beneath the covers, tip of his nose red as it twitched from the sudden drop in coldness. It was like a baby that has been born, buried under the covers of a mother whose care that allowed him to stay far from harm. Absent of any cruelty that could present itself. No fatigue, no burdens, nothing but its world.

Joonmyeon’s soft-pitched sneeze jostled him out of his reverie. He chuckled at his sleeping antics and approached him, softly brushing away his fringe from his face to prevent him from sneezing again. The soft hydrated skin beneath his fingertips, tracing the chiselled jawline and pulling the blanket up, Jongin wanted more than anything else was for time to stop. He wanted to hold his hyung in his arms and whisper positive words, like how everything will be fine, nothing will stop them, and they will be EXO forever. The curled up position with tucked in legs had made Jongin feel so free. Like he was able to do anything, like when they were children, clinging on to their parents without a care in a world.

Wiping at his tear ducts, Jongin took a deep breath and steadied himself before heading to the kitchen. He was withholding his tears because he is a grown up, and he doesn’t want to pressurize his hyung anymore. He noticed his trembling hands cupping the water. With a sigh, he gulped down the water in his hands before heading the showers that Jongdae just got out from.

“Not bad, Jongin. Now they will definitely jeer him at when they arrive home. Seriously, why couldn’t you just get his other blanket?” He heard Jongdae sighed, but he was too busy hearing his heart beat.

 There was a rare smile that graced its appearance on Kai’s face. It wasn’t something that Kai would usually show, especially something that was full of love. Jongdae nudged him in the elbow and laughed at his face. They shared a look that they both know, before breaking out into fits of laughter in front of the camera.

When the interview was over, Jongin took the longer route down to the waiting area on the other end of the building. The previous retrospection had prodded more memories at the back of his head. Jongin was glad that his route was deserted for they would have been able to see his innocent smug plastered on his face. “How adorable…” It was as if he was reading a manga where the guy was describing the girl, but he shook his head, knowing that this was different.

No one would be able to ask whether the red tingle on his cheeks was due to the heat or that he is sick. If so, he would just lie and say that it is his skin tone.