"Hello Kitty Diamond World is the most rad game ever," Sehun gushes, looking over the shoulder of Jongin. Jongin smirks smugly as his nimble fingers guides the stylus over the screen of this platinum white DS consol. The screen flashes blue, red, pink and Jongin lets out a triumphant howl as the feline-with-no-mouth did a star jump on the screen and stars burst along the sides. 

Congratulations! You've passed Level 88!

"Kyungsoo hyung," Jongin smirks, waving the consol under the bespectacled male's nose, nevermind that Sehun's whining at him to will you let me have a go now because this is Hello Kitty, Hello Kitty Diamond World, at that too and Kim Jong In had just passed Level 88 at that itself is no mean feat; Jongin thinks he deserves an Oscar Award or maybe a feature in the front page of the Seoul Daily Times.

“Look, hyung,” Jongin says, pouting just a little because Kyungsoo just slapped his hands away and continued reading that stupid book of his, like it didn’t matter that he, Kim Jongin had just passed level 88 of Hello Kitty Diamond World and that the feline was still doing spins and jumps on the screen and that golden stars and little pink hearts were still fluttering down the sides of the screen congratulating him on his magnificent feat, “I just passed Level 88, hyung!”

Kyungsoo swats Jongin away one more time, creased lines at the side of his down turned mouth saying, “stop disturbing me, Jongin,” and he pushes up his thick rimmed spectacles again, going back to his book. Jongin scoffs and sneaks a look at the cover of that stupid book of Kyungsoo’s. 50 Shades of Grey. Pfft, was that book even that intriguing, Jongin thinks bitterly as he walks away from Kyungsoo, choosing to flop over onto the sofa next to Junmyeon.

“Can I get a go now,” Sehun whines suddenly bouncing down next to Jongin and Jongin scowls because no this is Hello Kitty Diamond World they’re talking about and as far as Hello Kitty Diamond World is concerned, Jongin is certain that only he, and only he alone is allowed to touch that beautiful screen and make the cute furry petite lovable amazing feline jump and spin and purr and well, you get the point. “No,” he growls, kicking the younger away with his foot, “go away” But then that annoying -face maknae is making a show of curling up in a ball and tears are streaming down his cheeks and Junmyeon’s gasping at Jongin like he’d just killed a cat and he looks ready to launch into another of his “world peace” campaign speeches and Jongin has no choice, really, but to bitterly shove the consol into that -face’s hands.

“You are ,” Jongin glowers as he watches the screen of his beloved DS light up blue, red, pink, and gets a painful flick on his forehead as Junmyeon clicks his tongue, “language”

This day is getting ier by the minute and Jongin decides to retreat back into his room, walking past Kyungsoo with his eyes wider than ever, mouth opened with the largest scandalised look Jongin has ever seen before in life—wait. What? Kyungsoo lets out a shrill squeal and the book is flung across the room and it almost hits Jongin square in the face.

“Ouch, hyung!” Jongin cries, just managing to duck the book by a hair’s breadth, “what’s wrong with you?”

Kyungsoo looks up at him, cheeks growing a deeper flush of red.

“I—“ he splutters, pulling at the hem of his shirt, “it’s nothing, Jongin, it’s just that I have to talk to Kris, just give me a moment.”

“Is it cause of this stupid book??” Jongin demands, stalking over to the book lying on the floor, about to bend over to pick it up when Kyungsoo launches at him and just about tackles him to the floor, grabbing the book out of his reach.

“No,” Kyungsoo splutters, dusting his knees as he stands up again, like it’s no big deal he’d just tackled his best friend, his room-mate, his confidante to the floor and probably broke all his bones and cracked his skull, “no, don’t ever read this, Jongin. I’m just going to burn this book. Or feed it Manager’s dog. Or stuff it up Kris’ .”

“What is going on here?” Junmyeon sighs, exasperation tinging his voice “first maknae and now Kyungsoo?”

His eyes are accusing and Jongin wants to cry, because c’mon, it wasn’t his fault; he was the one who had to sacrifice his princess to some spluttering -face, and he was the one who was tackled to the floor and probably knocked out cold for a few years; but Junmyeon was making it sound like this was his fault when it wasn’t.

“Nothing’s going on,” Kyungsoo splutters, pulling Jongin up to his feet. Well at least he had the decency to help me up, Jongin thinks as he scowls, looking over to the sofa where that -face was still squealing, not like some brat over there. “I just have to talk to Kris about something.”

Junmyeon eyes Kyungsoo warily but Kyungsoo’s smiling and scratching the back of his neck; and well he looks harmless so Junmyeon gives a quick nod, alright. But then there’s a sound that sounds like something breaking and Junmyeon rushes to the room Kyungsoo had entered just a mere 3 minutes ago and he finds the shorter male flinging all sorts of stuff at the taller Chinese giant who obviously just got the most memorable wake-up call in his entire life.

“You stupid ,” Kyungsoo shrieks as he grabs the pillow underneath Tao’s head and flings it at Kris. Kris yelps as the large lump hits him in the face and Tao jolts up from his slumber, eyes large as he finds himself sandwiched between an angry midget and a jumpy giant.

“In the name of wushu pandas and flying nunchunks, what is going on?!” Tao screams, shielding his face as a bottle of hand lotion flies across his head and smacks Kris on his calve.

“I don’t know,” Kris shrieks back, jumping as SK2 Facial Wash for skin as soft as a baby’s hits him square in the stomach, “what’s going on, Kyungsoo?! And can you not throw my beauty products, Jesus Christ!”

“You tell me what’s going on,” Kyungsoo glowers, brandishing the book he’s been reading moments before (albeit a little torn and creased at the edges), “you giant twit, why did you tell me to read this?! I WAS INNOCENT AND YOU RUINED IT ALL”

“What’s that, Gege?” Tao asks, tugging at the hem of Kris’ shirt.

“Do you want to read it to find out for yourself, Tao?” Kyungsoo snarls dryly and Tao’s nods are eager and enthusiastic. Kris slaps the back of his head.

“No, don’t listen to him, he’s bad influence.” Kris states and he gets a faceful of blankets thrown in his face.

“Me?! Bad influence??” Kyungsoo pounces onto the Chinese giant, determined to smother all the air out of him with the Pororo briefs he’d managed to grab out from the opened drawer, “in the name of xiumin’s steamed buns, I am going to smother you alive today, Kris Wu!”

Kris thanks his lucky stars that his guardian angel in the form of an exasperated Junmyeon appeared at the door way at that very instant. Junmyeon massages his temples and gestures towards Kyungsoo, who’s still clinging on tightly to the Pororo briefs like his entire life was dependent on it. His two minions in the form of Chanyeol and Baekhyun just about dragged Kyungsoo off  Kris and Kris heaves a sigh of relief, running over and hugging Junmyeon’s calves.

“Lord praise Junmyeon,” Kris whispers and Junmyeon softly plucks his hands off. His eyes are sad and weary and Kris feels a little bad about this but hey, this isn’t my fault, it’s Kyungsoo’s fault for being such a prude, does he think he’s a nun or -- , so Kris doesn’t say anything but smiles at Junmyeon again before leaping off back to bed to console a currently traumatised panda.

Lunch is a quiet affair. Jongin pinches at Sehun underneath the table and Sehun flings a piece of cabbage at him, laughing as it lands square on Jongin’s left eyebrow; you look so stupid—ouch!. Kyungsoo stabs at his carrot with his fork, making sure he has eye contact with a certain someone whenever his fork plunged into the orange mush. Chanyeol has somehow gotten hold of the book when he was patching Kyungsoo up and he and Baekhyun are literally glued to the book, plates of food left untouched. Tao’s whining and craning his neck and wanting to read that amazing book everyone’s addicted to. Chen is stuck in the toilet, must be those damned buns Xiumin forced me to eat and Xiumin is currently locked up in his room sulking because how dare you imply that my heavenly buns caused you this disgusting poop-blockage?! Luhan and Yixing are the only seemingly sane ones quietly eating their food but on closer inspection, Junmyeon realizes that holy is that a piercing on Yixing’s nose? Holy mother of cheese, is it just me or does Luhan have a tattoo of a pony on his left arm? A pink pony with hearts that says “I love Mum” on it, at that too? Junmyeon’s headache is more splitting than ever and he massages his temples as his eyes do a quick glance-over at the 11 guys.

Junmyeon can feel the group breaking apart, he can feel it in his bones and he must do something about it before it’s too late. As the leader, he has to salvage this situation, he has to.

“Exo,” he begins, serious voice drawing the attention of even Chanyeol and Baekhyun who quickly throw the book under the table, cheeks really red but Junmyeon decides not to pursue the matter, “I think we need to talk.”

There’s a moment of silence before Sehun, that brat, kicks his legs in a fuss and whines, “not another one of your heart to heart talks again, hyung!”

“Can you at least get a better venue,” Jongin joins in, face bored, “I mean last time you picked the poolside café and you all know that they serve the most disgusting omelette ever, I mean it tastes like Luhan’s nose combined with his killer farts—ouch!” Jongin glares at Luhan who calmly plucks at his cabbage, like he didn’t just reach over the table and pull out 3 strands of Jongin’s newly bleached hair out from his scalp.

Junmyeon thanks his mum mentally for signing him up for anger management courses when he was in his angsty teenage years, cos boy, those courses did pay off. He smiles and says, “I’ve found a really good café this time, guys—“

“That’s what you said last month,” Baekhyun reminds, (finally) chewing on his meat.

“And the month before,” Chanyeol chimes in; and Junmyeon curses in his mind, damn why do all annoying things come in pairs?

“This time it’ll be different,” Junmyeon says in between gritted teeth, “I’ve found this Hello Kitty themed café—“

“OK LET’S GO,” Jongin says, practically gorging everything down his mouth and standing up, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand,” I’m ready, let’s go.”

“I’m ready too,” Sehun quips, and Junmyeon swears that he still had a whole slice of fish uneaten on his plate a mere second ago but now it’s gone and just wow.

Junmyeon guesses that Hello Kitty (Diamond World) isn’t that bad afterall. 

--

Just about the looongest crackiest thing I've ever wrote. This will probably be a twoshot or a threeshot. Comments are loved! <3