"I know you are more than this."

Sehun blew smoke into the air that came from his cigarette. He laughed sadistically; thinking; ‘My lungs are already dead’. His grandfather had smoked, his father had smoked, his mother had smoked, basically everybody had smoked in his family.

 

“Here ya go,” Kai said with a smirk as he passed Sehun the weed. Sehun knew where he was taking with this. Sehun smiled. He took it and inhaled it in, blowing smoke out from his cigarette. Oh, he was high now. Sehun let out a laugh as Chanyeol high-fived Kai.

 

Sehun knew this was wrong. He knew this was bad for him, but with self-esteem like his, he needed all the friends he could get. Hell, he would even crawl to the desert if it meant him having friends. And oh boy, he was in deep. The only thing that stopped him from free falling into the bottomless pit was Luhan.

 

Luhan.

 

Sehun smiled at the memory of Luhan. Luhan was weird- childlike, forgetful- no doubt.

 

He had the price tag hanging on the back of his shirt, his shoes were constantly undone and his hair was mostly in a mess. He’d roll the windows down when it started to rain, he sang along when he didn’t know the words of the song, he’d lock his house keys right next to his wallet in the car. He shows up only right out of the blue. He shows up twenty minutes late because being 5 minutes late is too early for him.

 

Luhan was too good for Sehun, Luhan didn’t need somebody who smoked weed and cursed. He didn’t need somebody who was stupid beyond help. He didn’t need somebody who loathed himself. He didn’t need Sehun, most of the time, Sehun wondered why he’d stayed.

 

Then, Luhan would always reply that he loved Sehun, whether he smoked or cursed. He would remind Sehun that he wasn’t stupid, he would tell Sehun that he’d love Sehun forever and that he really needed Sehun.

Sehun laughed at how pathetic he was being. Here he was smoking weed, being high and thinking of Luhan. Maybe that was the effect that Luhan had on Sehun- probably the only reason why Sehun hasn’t killed himself yet.

 

“What ya thinking ’bout?” Kris had asked him as he noticed his friend being silent, deep in thought, Chen nodded, as if asking the same question as Kris.

 

“Luhan.” He replied and smiled. He loved the way Luhan’s name felt on his lips, like it was the most precious thing in the world. He loved it really, he loved it a lot. Kris and Chen’s mouth formed into an ‘O’ shape as he immediately understood the effect that Luhan had over Sehun. It was exactly like how Baekhyun had a hold over Chanyeol, how Kyungsoo had a hold over Kai or how Tao had a hold over Kris and even how Xiumin had a hold on Chen, even though Sehun has no idea how.

 

Magical really, how somebody could have a hold over somebody even though they weren’t physically there. It was just there, the invisible red strings of fate held them all together.

 

Chanyeol, Kai, Kris and Sehun had all met their significant other half at the therapy office. All of them hopeless, broken, cracked and addicted to smoking and weed. That was about the only thing that they didn’t get rid of- their addiction to smoking and weed.

 

The therapist had assigned them to the volunteers, all of them which were oh-so-innocent, oh-so-young and oh-so-good. They just had to assign them to the four who would have done nothing but taint the other four.

 

The first few months were hard for the eight of them.

 

The three had once changed their anti-depressions into mints, which when founded out, the scene wasn’t all that nice.

 

Whenever advice was given, it wasn’t reciprocated- it fell on deaf ears.

 

Sehun doesn’t know the story of the three on how or why they snapped and decided to shape up a bit, but he knew his reason was Luhan. Purely Luhan and not himself, after all, he hated himself, why would he want to listen to himself?

 

---

 

“So have you been taking your medication, Sehun?” Luhan asked the boy sitting opposite him.

 

“No.” Came Sehun’s curt and rude answer. It was always like that- most of the time. Luhan brushed it off- he was used to it already, him asking questions and Sehun giving him a short and rude answer- nonetheless, he still smiled, ready for another therapy session.

 

“So how are you feeling these days?”

 

“Like .”

 

“Do you want to talk about why you feel that way?”

 

“Nope,”

 

“Do you want to talk at all?”

 

“Nope,” Luhan was annoyed. It had been eight months since Sehun was Luhan’s patient and the supposedly ‘patient’ wasn’t even responding to Luhan- the one word answers wouldn’t count.

 

“Why not?”

 

“I don’t like you.” The younger boy stated simply, like it would make the answers oh-so-clear.

 

“Why not?” Luhan was a bit hurt, he really was, over the past eight months that he had Sehun as a patient, he was determined to help the poor boy, he had known what depression could do to people; especially since he was in that situation before and especially since it took his mother away from him. He was determined to save this boy, no matter the cost, and somewhere along the blurred lines, he had fallen in love with the boy. The only reason why he hadn’t gave up yet was because of the false hope that Sehun would sometimes give him and that he was hopelessly in love with the other;

 

Not because of his curt or rude replies, but because of the scars Sehun had. The scars that had brought Luhan to Sehun, the scars that were adamant proof that Sehun loathed himself. The scars because Luhan wanted them to heal, he wanted to be with Sehun along the way as he healed.

 

Maybe it didn’t make sense to an average person on street, but it sure made sense to Luhan, and he was sure as hell not planning on letting that reason go.

 

Sehun stared at Luhan, as if he was reading the latter’s eyes the whole time, knowing what he was thinking. Sehun sighed sadly; the only feeling he had given out besides rudeness. He may or may not have fallen in love with Luhan too.

 

Luhan had spent eight months with Sehun, not giving up on him like the rest of his other ty therapists. His heart softened a bit at the thought of Luhan spending eight whole months with him; bailing him out when he was in jail for the he did, bringing him to the hospital when he got into fights and subsequently paying for his medical bills and getting scolded from his superior because Sehun wasn’t getting better at all. Sehun could go on and on, really, about what Luhan did for him, there were just too many to list.

 

Their eyes landed on each other, eyes locking together, not backing down. For a moment there Sehun thought Luhan was going to cry. Sehun could really see the pain in his eyes. It looked so familiar, he seen it before. He’d seen it in himself when he looked at himself in the mirror of the bathroom. Somewhere where he’d never seen it before was in his parent’s eyes. They didn’t care at all so why should Sehun? And more importantly, why should Luhan?

 

“Don’t know,” Sehun mumbled. He will not crack under any circumstances. He will not.

 

“If you don’t know, how can you hate me? God damnit!” Luhan shouted. It was the first time Luhan had cursed in front of Sehun. Luhan had grabbed a fistful of Sehun’s shirt with both his hands and brought Sehun up to his feet. Sehun didn’t react, he couldn’t and if he did, he’d hate himself even more.

 

“Do you even hate me? Or are you telling it to me because you want to spite me?” Luhan spat with venom in his voice.

 

“I really hate you,” Sehun said half-heartedly.

 

“Really? Why don’t you tell me in the face that you do, and when you do, I’ll leave you alone. I’ll leave you in the ing care of another therapist. I’ll ing leave you alone.”

 

‘I will not crack, when you’re gone, it’ll be better for me. The other therapist would give up on me, and I’ll just get a new one. I. Will. Not. Crack.’ Sehun thought to himself.

 

“I hate you,” Sehun stared into Luhan’s eyes and said it.

 

That was a done deal.

 

Luhan let go of Sehun and turned around. He packed Sehun’s file in his bag, zipped it up and took one strap and slung it over his shoulder.

 

“I was planning to give you this when you got better or even today, but how stupid of me,” Luhan paused.

 

“ To think that I could actually help you when you hated me. Well, I’m sorry if I wasted you time,” Then calm Luhan had returned.

 

“For what it’s worth, I like you.” Luhan gave a soft smile before sliding an envelope across the table. He turned around and left the room.

 

“And Sehun? I’ll tell them to send you a new therapist.” That was the final thing Luhan had said to Sehun before he left the room.

 

Sehun stared at the four walls that surrounded him. He remembered when he had first met Luhan on their official meeting and subsequently, his other memories with Luhan.

 

---

 

“New shirt?” Sehun asked in amusement as Luhan turned around to close the door. Sehun had seen a price tag hanging on the back of Luhan’s t-shirt. That was strange, Sehun never felt the need to laugh. He unconsciously smiled before reverting back to his rough demure.

 

“W-what? How did you know? This doesn’t even look new…” Luhan mumbled to himself as he walked towards Sehun, almost tripping as his shoelaces were undone. Sehun could see that Luhan had rushed here, after all, who doesn’t have the time to at least comb their hair or tie their shoelaces? Unless you were in a rush, that doesn’t happen.

 

“Price tag.” Sehun mumbled, resisting his urge to ask Luhan, ‘if it doesn’t look new, why did you buy it?’ Sehun ignored that. He had to minimize contact with Luhan at all cost.

 

---

 

“Sehun, oh, god! I rushed here once I got the news, to think you actually remembered my number…” Luhan was flustered. He had gotten a call from Seoul’s police force at 2 in the morning, telling him that Sehun was in jail, of course Luhan had hung up thinking it was a prank and saying that ‘he didn’t know of a Oh Sehun.’ It was only when they had called again and told Luhan that Sehun had insisted that they called only Luhan and that Luhan had known him. It then hit Luhan that Sehun was his patient and he did, indeed know the boy. He apologized to the policeman who called him, for hanging up on him. The man laughed it off and told him it was alright and that it happened all the time. The man just wanted Luhan to come to the station immediately to bail Sehun out.

 

“Just sign here and he’ll be free to go,” The policeman told Luhan. Luhan took the pen- not before reading what was on it- and signed on the piece of paper

 

“What did he do, officer?” Luhan asked the policeman that had handled Sehun’s case.

 

“He tried to steal a couple of things from a 7-11 with a couple of friends of his. Their bail partners are coming soon, the owner wants to press charges and the punishment we’re looking at isn’t good. 15 months of juvie because this definitely isn’t his first time doing a thing like this.”

 

“O-oh, thanks officer,” Luhan had thanked the officer before walking out to meet Sehun, who didn’t want to be involved in bail-out talks. He knew Sehun had been in juvie before, he just didn’t get how or where Sehun had gotten the confidence to do something bad again.

 

“Here.” Sehun passed Luhan a stick of gum. Luhan looked at Sehun questioningly.

 

“I knew you were coming to bail me out so when I stole the things, I took a stick of gum for you, the police thought it was mine so they let me keep it, I see that you eat gum like ever hour.” Luhan smiled even though it was wrong. Sehun had stolen for god’s sake! But, Luhan was happy Sehun knew of his liking of bubblegum. Maybe they were actually going somewhere.

 

“Thanks,” Luhan smiled and accepted the gum, and then he continued.

“How many?”

 

“What?” Sehun spat as he lighted his cigarette.

 

“How many people were involved in this?” Luhan asked again.

 

“1. Me.” Sehun replied curtly.

 

“I’m not stupid, Sehun. If you have the balls to do it, you have the balls to admit what you did,” Sehun smirked at Luhan’s choice of words. Luhan was definitely not stupid.

 

“Fine, 5, me, Chanyeol, Kris, Kai and Chen,” Sehun smirked.

 

“It would have totally worked though, if the bloody cashier didn’t see us,” Sehun laughed out loud.

 

“Sehun, this isn’t funny. The owner is pressing charges! You could go to juvie for 15 months!” Luhan said exasperatedly- how could Sehun be so calm?

 

“Why not? It’s not like I’ve never been there,” Sehun said with a shrug.

 

“Sehun, I don’t want to see you there, we both know you’re bigger than this, why did you steal?” Luhan said, dropping the part about juvie.

 

“Felt like it,” That was when all the hopes- that Luhan had of them going somewhere- died. Sehun shrugged again before turning around to walk away. That was the end of their conversation.

 

And both of them knew that.

 

---

 

Luhan had spent days trying to get the boss of the 7-11 franchise to drop the charges. It wasn’t easy as the boss insisted on pressing charges, telling Luhan that ‘those teenagers need to be thought a lesson or not they’ll do it again.’

 

Luhan had seen the boss for many days; and eventually, the boss got annoyed and let up. He would not press charges. Luhan was elated by the news, he bade the boss farewell, but before leaving, the boss told him that Sehun was very lucky to have somebody like Luhan. It left Luhan puzzled as he didn’t know what the boss meant, so far, he hadn’t help Sehun at all; or at least that’s what he thought.

 

---

 

Few days after that event, Sehun walked into the therapy office, heading to the toilet before his session started. While he was in the cubicle, he had heard the janitors talking fast and loudly to each other.

 

“Did you hear? Luhan managed to get the boss of 7-11 to not press charges against Sehun and the 4 other boys!”

 

“Really? Wow! I heard Luhan spent a long time trying to persuade the boss. I don’t get why Luhan keeps helping Sehun, the chap clearly doesn’t deserve it!”

 

“True, but what Luhan does is his business, good boy he is, but too naïve,”

 

“True, too naïve for his own good. Actually thinking he’d be able to help Luhan. Sehun has been here for a long time… longer than me!” Their conversation halted to an abrupt stop as Sehun slammed opened the cubicle door.

 

---

 

“Why did you persuade the boss of 7-11 to drop the charges?” Sehun asked Luhan when he walked into the room.

 

“You know…?”

 

“Of course I know, Luhan. The janitors are talking about it and how I don’t deserve your help,” Sehun said sarcastically.

 

“As long as you don’t feel that way,”

 

“Don’t avoid the subject, Luhan.”

 

“I did it because I don’t want to see you in juvie, okay?” Luhan sighed before taking out a stick of gum.

 

“Why do you care anyway?” Luhan said nothing and merely offered Sehun a stick of gum, which Sehun refused as always.

 

---

 

“Luhan, I’m in the hospital…” The paramedic had forced Sehun to call somebody he had known to get his paperwork done. He had called Luhan.

 

“What? Why? What happened?” Luhan was asleep, it was 3 am in the morning, not exactly an ideal time for somebody to be awake.

 

“Got into a fight, yeah, the paramedics made me call you, bring my files so you can do the paperwork, I’m at Seoul’s International Hospital,” Luhan had barely manage to reply an ‘okay’ before Sehun had hung up on him.

 

---

 

“He’ll be fine, he just needs some rest, that’s all,” The doctor ensured Luhan. He had rushed over and after filling up the paperwork- and paying the medical fees- he’d gone straight to the doctor on duty to ask him about Sehun’s condition.

 

“Thank you,” Luhan bowed profusely to the doctor before turning to Sehun. He had a cut on his cheek and a huge gash on his arm that was covered up with a bandage.

 

“How bad was the other side?” Luhan groaned.

 

“Oh, you should have seen them, my injuries are nothing compared to theirs,” Sehun said with a smirk.

 

“Let’s get you home,” Was all Luhan could manage without yawning.

 

---

 

“Sir, I know Sehun’s not responding well, but if you give me time-”

 

“We’ve given you a lot of time, Luhan.” Luhan’s superior was mad. Sehun wasn’t getting better.

 

“At least, I haven’t quit like the rest, sir.”

 

“Make it work, Luhan.” The boss said coldly, leaving the room but coming to an abrupt stop as he saw Sehun by the door. He greeted Sehun before leaving.

 

“Oh! Sehun! You’re here! Come on in!” Luhan said with a bright smile, not even caring if Sehun had heard what had happened with his boss. Luhan was always like this, caring for Sehun over himself, and sometimes, Sehun wondered why.

 

---

 

Sehun stared at the envelope. It was brown and it had the words “To Sehun” scribbled neatly in the middle. Sehun reached out to it and opened it slowly. He took out the white piece of paper that was inside the envelope.

 

“Sehun-ah,

 

You’d probably get this when you feel better or when I probably can’t keep this and want to give it to you, but let me just say.

 

I’m really proud of you for the accomplishments we made, I know it may not be many but we have at least did something.

 

If I’ve given this to you when you’re better, I’d want to say to you that I’m really proud of you, I know you are more than this. I knew you’d get better, really. I really did.

 

Let me just say, Sehun. I like you. I can never say this in person fully, maybe one day I will but I like you. I like you because… Actually I don’t know why I like you, but I like you because of your imperfections. I want to be there with you when you get better, I want to be there with you every step of the way. I like you not only because you’re hot (this part had made Sehun smile) but because you just called out to me, you just, you were just there, you know? I don’t know, I just felt that I wanted to be with you along your healing path, next to you… Does that sound stupid, Sehunnie? I think it does.

 

Sehun, I love you.

 

If I gave you this too soon, I really love you and hope that you’ll get better. I really do.

 

Love,

Luhan

 

Sehun smiled at the letter, Luhan liked him. He really did, he didn’t do all these things for Sehun because he had to. He did it because he loved Sehun.

 

It hit Sehun hard.

 

He knew what he needed to do. He frantically got out of his seat and ran towards the door. Oh dear god, he hoped Luhan hadn’t clock out yet.

 

“Eh!” Sehun shouted rudely to the admin staff. The girl turned to Sehun puzzled.

 

“Where’s Luhan?”

 

“Oh, Luhan, he left. He looked really sad-” Sehun didn’t even let the girl say what she wanted to so before rushing out of the main office, looking for Luhan. He ran to car park. He knew Luhan had a car. Funny, how he knew small things about Luhan subconsciously.

 

---

 

Sehun had found Luhan. He body was towards the car, one hand on his car supporting his head. He was facing his car, he looked like he was sleeping, but actually the said boy was tearing up slowly. Sehun walked towards Luhan, careful not to make a sound.

 

“I’m sorry.” Sehun spoke first. Luhan lifted his head before turning around.

 

“Oh, it’s you…” Luhan said, heaving a sigh of relief.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“I heard you the first time,”

 

“I’m sorry, I acted this way, it’s just that… it’s not easy. It’s not easy battling this and it’s not easy to want or reciprocate advice. It’s not easy because all I think is that I’m alone and the reason why I never seem to want to open up is because if you get too close, that’s where my demons hide and I don’t ever want you to meet them,” Sehun said, letting his load off his chest. He’d never said this to anybody, anybody at all. However, he did feel lighter after his load was lifted.

 

“I-it’s okay… I know it’s tough for you… I’ve gone through it, but hey, I survived, and I know you will too,” Luhan said, giving Sehun a small smile.

 

“Y-yeah, I know it’ll be hard but are you going to come back and help me?”

 

“I- I- As long as you promise you’ll listen to me and tell me everything, I know I can’t expect it instantly but as long as you open up, we’ll take our time,”

 

“I- I’ll try…” Sehun said, really, he wasn’t going to make empty promises. He shuffled his feet towards Luhan before engulfing the other into a hug.

 

“I love you, too.” Sehun mumbled. He didn’t see how Luhan reacted but he knew that Luhan was smiling through his skin.

 

---

 

“Sehun! Stop! Sto-” Luhan couldn’t even finish his sentence because he Sehun had attacked his sides, tickling him.

 

“! Se- Sehun!” Luhan gasped. They were in the kitchen and Sehun just decided that he would flick water at Luhan and then tickle him.

 

 “Se- Sehun! There’ll be a mess in the kitchen!” Luhan desperately wanted Sehun to stop tickling him. Sehun let out a smile— he’ll take care of it later… eventually.

 

“I’ll take care of it, later.” He smiled softly at Luhan— the angel that saved him.

 

“P-please, stop,” Luhan had laughed too much— his stomach hurt and he had tears welling up in his eyes.

 

Sehun stopped. Things had changed for them, but for the better. Even though Sehun was still a man with few words and Luhan would be the one mostly talking, things had gotten better.

 

In the past, when Sehun had just started with getting better, there were times when Sehun would go out and not tell Luhan where he went. That alone, could cause them to have a big row- not including Sehun smoking again. The argument would end up a massive jumble of shouted words and Luhan would lock himself in the room and cry because he was at lost on what to do- Sehun, on the other hand, would sober up and apologize to Luhan and tell him that he would try- yet again- to be a better person.

 

In the end, the arguments ended with Sehun and Luhan hugging, kissing, and cuddling on the couch, whispering sweet nothings into each other’s ears.

 

Sehun had stopped smoking weed, he tried to be a better person, for Luhan but more importantly for himself. Luhan was proud when Sehun passed the 27 day mark for not smoking. Luhan was so proud of Sehun, he cried buckets on that day while smiling. Sehun had to tell him to stop crying- because it wasn’t such a big feat- which resulted into Luhan crying even more. Sehun couldn’t lie, he felt happy and proud of himself too, but he was happier to know that there was somebody that was proud of him too.

 

“I love you.” Sehun said in a soft voice. Luhan’s face softened, this was when he loved Sehun the most, when he was stripped of his emotions and was just Sehun; where his walls came down to let Luhan in.

 

This was when Luhan loved Sehun the most.

 

“I love you, too,” Luhan smiled.

 

“Thank you,” Sehun smiled.

 

“For staying with me, believing in me and more importantly, loving me.” Touched tears streamed down Luhan’s eyes, he cried. He cried very hard. Sehun smiled with tears falling from his eyes. With him still on top of Luhan, he leaned in and closed the distance between them and their lips met.

 

“I know you are more than this.”

---

word vomit. thanks for reading. ((: check out my other stories maybe?

 

i had fun writing this tho, even if i was supposed to be sad. my heart broke when i posted this. so yeah :))