(NINE DAYS LATER)

The crying just wouldn't stop, no matter what Mir did. He tried feeding her, changing her, rocking her, burping her, and even putting her to sleep at his side, but nothing was working. Joon was sat up in his bed, his hair frazzled and dark circles under his red eyes as there was no way he was going to get any sleep so long as a newborn was screaming next to his ear, and even G.O. and Seungho stopped in to see what all the fuss was about, their expressions just as bad as Joon's. The only one who seemed absent at the moment was Thunder, who was actually back at his family's house for the night so he could bring Dara and Durami—and maybe even their mother, if he could convince her it wasn't going to be a burden to do so—back in the morning to see Lexi for the first time since her birth. And how lucky he was to be in a peaceful place where there were no upset newborn baby girls to hinder his sleep for most of the night.

"Cheolyong, what did you do to her to make her this unsettled?" Seungho asked tiredly, stepping in closer to the stressed maknae who was bouncing Lexi in his hold to get her to calm down. "You must have fed her too much for dinner or something. Normally babies don't cry this much just because they want to."

"I know, I know, hyung," Mir replied, his voice strained and his eyes bloodshot; he didn't even remember what sleep felt like anymore, and he hadn't had a proper wink of it ever since their debut. "But I fed her the same amount as yesterday, and I made sure to stop when she didn't want anymore. I burped her good too, so she shouldn't have a stomach ache. I just... I don't know what else it could be. I did everything already."

Seungho sighed and rubbed at his eyes, before he held his hands out for Mir to pass the baby over. "Let me see her," he said, and Mir was more than happy to hand her over... just so long as it meant that they could all get some sleep that night.

Seungho brought her in close and let her snuggle up in his shoulder, her behind cradled in one hand, while the other rubbed the back of her head to get her to quiet down and feel safe in his arms. And it worked; her wailing simmered down to a whimper, and then to a few gurgles, before she fell silent and drifted off for what had to be the first time since Mir had met her.

"Oh thank you, Seungho-hyung," he said, his hands clasped together as if he had been praying hard for it to work (and he had). "Thank you, thank you, thank you."

"Yeah yeah, you're welcome," Seungho waved his hand dismissively. "Look, just put her back in her bassinet before she wakes up again, and let us get some proper sleep tonight before Byunghee, Joon, and I have to attend our schedules in the morning."

"Nae, sorry, hyungs," Mir nodded his head and placed Lexi back into her bassinet, being careful to cover her up and put her panda in beside her feet as Seungho and G.O. retreated out into the hall again before they got caught up for a third time. Joon, in the meanwhile, slumped back over in his bed, his blankets pulled up around his chin and his pillow shoved down onto his head to hopefully drown out the sounds of any more baby cries... but he knew that it was futile to do so. Lexi was loud when she wanted to be, and she was persistent just like Mir, so it was hard to get her to stop once she started, even if it was over nothing special that she was upset.

"Goodnight, Cheolyongie," he murmured, when he heard Mir climb into his bed as well, and snuggle deep into the sheets even though it was the middle of summer. "See you in the morning."

"Nae," Mir whispered. "Goodnight, hyung."

He stretched himself out on the mattress and waited for sleep to wash over him, but it never came. No, instead all he got was tears on his cheeks, and an odd clench in his heart that doubted whether he was really cut out for this or not. He loved to see her, and hold her, and talk to her, but then when it came to times like this: when he had to feed her, or hold her, or get her to sleep, or change her, he knew he was a failure at it. Seungho could get it done in the blink of an eye and not even have to think twice about it. G.O and Joon were good too, and could stave off her discomfort by singing or making weird sounds; and Thunder, well he was just incredible at it. All he had to do was look at her, and she knew to relax.

But whenever Mir got close, or whenever he tried to soothe her worries, all he got was crying, kicking, even louder crying, and what seemed to be nothing but total resentment out of her. And he hated that, since he had been the one to carry her for eight and a half months, and since he was the one who needed to connect to her the most out of the group—he was her umma for goodness sake—and yet he was the one she disliked the most, the one she didn't want to be near, while the others had all had her love and affection from day one.

He'd done everything in his power to make amends, to make her even somewhat comfortable when in his hold, but none of it had worked. Thunder had suggested that maybe it was because she could sense his fear, and that it was causing her to be nervous herself, but would she really take it so far as to push his affections away whenever he got close to her? Were mothers and their babies really that close that their feelings melded together so closely? Seungho had said it was so, and even his sister had told him something about how Hajin had acted towards her when he was born, but that only made Mir feel worse in the end. To think that he was making her suffer through his own insecure tendencies utterly broke his heart, and he'd become more and more distant from her as the days passed to keep its happenings as scarce as possible. He would be an even worse mother if he let her take on his burden instead of handing her over to someone else for a little bit for some much-needed comfort and peace.

He reached out to wheel her bassinet in closer to his bedside, before he ran his hand up over her head in slow, careful movements so as not to disturb her and cause another nervous outburst. He really, really loved her, every single thing about her, including all of the little noticeable imperfections that made her different to all of the other babies that had been taken care of in that hospital alongside her. Yep, he even loved her inherited double eyelid (but he loved it on Thunder too), and her pale skin tone, and the small strawberry-colored mark on her right hand that the doctors said would go away within her first year. There was not one thing that he would want to change about her, not now or any time in the future. All he asked for, was that she returned his love when she was old enough to realize how much of it he had for her.

"I do, Lexi-ah, I love you so much," he murmured, rubbing his thumb up over the top of her forehead. "And I really want you to love me too..."

She wriggled in her sleep, stretching her hands out in front of her before settling back as she was, only this time, she turned her head in just the slightest to rest in the crook of his hand, and when he tapped his thumb on her cheek once more, the corner of her lips twitched, almost as if she had been trying to smile (even though she was still a few months too young for that). That was more than enough for Mir though, and he sat up as best he could to lean into her bassinet and kiss her nose, then her cheek, then her hand, before he lay back in his own bed, his hand still cupped to the side of her face, and let sleep crash down onto his exhausted body.