~Yunho~

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After I was done showering, I went to the livingroom to see Junsu and Yoochun discussing very intense, not even noticing that I had arrived. I sat down right next to Junsu and put the towel around my neck..

"Oh Hyung.." Yoochun said

"Where's Jae?" I asked

"bedroom.." Junsu answered

"Is he sleeping?" I asked

"Probably. I guess he needs to sleep a bit after everything.. He's.. really heartbroken at the moment.. Probably lost his way on the road" Yoochun mumbled

I leaned back onto the couch and closed my eyes

"What were you talking about?" I asked

"Nothing special. trying to figure out why she.. even left him in the first place.." Junsu said

I looked up and looked at them

"And your conclusions are?"

"We don't know yet. still the same here for us. But obviously it has something to do with her disability.. Now when she's going to be blind.. right?" Junsu said

"And also, her parents left. Without saying anything. Where could they have possibly gone ? Do you think they went with her?" Yoochun asked

I shook my head

"I have no idea.. But for some reason, I think that Yumi.. is kind of considering and thinking about what is best for JaeJoong. BUt what she doesn't know is that Jae needs her and no one else..." I said

"true.. We were reading her letter here.. and we think that she thinks of herself as a burden to him" Yoochun said

"That is exactly what she is thinking"

The three of us looked up as we saw Changmin entering. He pushed his glasses back on it's right place and sat down

"Guys.. Being blind is something very.. heavy. A big burden in fact" He said

"What do you mean?" I asked

"If you look at it in this way. Once she goes blind, she won't be able to do the stuff she used to do when she could see right? Like.. seeing everything, meeting new people, know how they look like.. And how did Hyung and Yumi meet each other?" Changmin asked

"Through the letters?" Junsu asked

"Exactly. I think that she chose to break up with him since she doesn't want to be burden. Cause you know, even though Hyung said that he wants to be by her side, even though she's blind, He kinda forgot about her own feelings as well. She is loosing her independence. Since girls are already pretty fragile, not being able to defend themselves against guys or so, can you imagine yourself that becoming blind is harder? She needs assistance 24/7, she needs help. And it takes time to get yourself used to it..." Changmin said

"But Hyung said that he was prepared to do all that for her" Yoochun protested

"Even though he says he is, do you guys know if JaeJoong hyung knows how heavy the burden is? People who's blind.. won't be able to see ANYTHING. Not your face, not the food you're eating, not reading, not watching television, not taking a walk outside. You won't be able to do anything since most of the time, you use your eyes.."

"You lost me now.." Junsu said

Changmin took a deep breath and looked at us

"Hyung, when you meet a new person.. you don't go straight to the person and chit chat with the person right?"

"Hmm.. right" I said

"And what do you do instead?"

"You're observing at first. First impression"

"Exactly. You can tell a lot by how the person acts and look like. The way they dress, the way they talk. She won't be able to do that.. She won't be able to see herself age, see her kids growing up. Her parents as well.. She needs to adjust herself to the new routines in life. Cause being blind, has so many disadvantages. And probably.. she doesn't want JaeJoong to feel burdened. Cause if the case is that if she's blind and Hyung wants to break up with her.. He won't be able to do that since he would pity her .."

"Omo~~ So you think that she thinks that Hyung would date her out of pity once he looses his feelings for her?" Junsu asked

"EXACTLY! She doesn't want that..." Changmin asked

No one said anything..

All of us quieten and leaned back onto the couch as we were thinking about it..
She left Hyung since she doesn't want to make him feel responsible and that if he chose to break up with her, she doesn't want her blindness to be one of the reasons to WHY he can't break up since he would pity her. And he won't be able to do it. Also, she must have thought about it, that it would be better if he would break up with her instead of cheating on her.. Right ?
Cause he's not suppose to date her out of pity..

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~JaeJoong~

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I couldn't sleep. The clock was 2 am in the morning but still.. I couldn't sleep.
I could hear the heart crying and even though I was feeling, empty, cold and just.. dead.. there was no tears falling anymore.. I guess.. I had cried enough for the day

I sighed heavily as I got up from the bed, put on scarf, loosy pants and a big sweater. I went outside my room and the entire dorm was silent. Everyone was sleeping..
I went to the front door to put on my sneakers and I went outside the dorm..
As soon as I got outside, the nights coldness hit me instantly, but there was no flinching from me. I was feeling colder inside of me than the outside..

I started to walk. With no destination, I just walked..
I had no idea where I was heading but I knew that I had to get out of the dorm, go somewhere to get some fresh ear cause it felt like I wasn't breathing..

But sadly enough, about 40 minuets later, I ended up, outside Yumi's house which was now empty. No sign, no living being in there. Just complete darkness and the night's quiet wind passing me..

Memories started to flood inside my mind as I kept looking at the house.. When I had rushed over here to .. tell her that I was going to stay by her side.. I don't care if she can't see.. Cause her heart.. is what makes her to Yumi..
Even if she had no arms.. were in a wheelchair or whatsoever, I would still love her..

And when I had gotten sick..
She took care of me, bathed me.. and .. hugged me, not caring if I was sick or not. She didn't care if she got sick.. cause she would still be by my side..

Automatically I looked to the right spot right next to me, the spot that belonged to her.. but of course it was empty. The couple ring I had given her, I had made it into a necklace, I was wearing it around my neck, my heart somehow hoping that she might return to me and I will give it to her then..

With a heavy heart I started to walk away from there and about 30 minutes later, I ended up by the river, staring down at the stone where we used to send each other letters..

The first tear of many hours, finally escaped the corner of my eye as I looked down on the stone, remembering all the times.. we had been here.. putting our letters that we had written down, from the bottom of our hearts..

I looked up to see the beautiful scenery in front of me but why did it feel so meaningless at the moment ?
I looked to the left to see the playground, spotting it behind the trees and I started to walk towards it..
I passed the swings, seeing them swinging because of the wind and I leaned against the tree, watched the trees as tears were falling.. Sobbing once in awhile..

"I'm right here JaeJoong"

I was trying to remember how her voice sounded like. How it always soothed and eased my heart with just one simple sentence.. one simple word..
Somewhere inside of me, I felt like I could hear her say that she was right here with me.. But the swing stayed empty..

I walked towards it.. and sat down on the swing where I had sat when we had been talking to each other on this place for the very first time..
I started to swing myself and I then lied down and closed my eyes.. tears still escaping from my eyes..

I started to get flashbacks, of us talking .. Not about anything special.. just.. random talking..
I sat up slowly as the swing stopped and I got out and walked over to the swing where she used to sit. My hands somehow automatically got up and I started to push it.. Remembering the first time I had pushed her..
When we had talked about her life at the countryside was..

A tear fell as I chuckled quietly, remembering her talking about it..

"How .. couldn't I realize that it .. was you then?" I whispered

I stopped the swing, Held the swing's chain in a hard grip as I closed my eyes and started to sob quietly..

"How couldn't I see that it was you?"

I started to cry harder, feeling the chest of mine being ripped into two as I fell down on my knees, leaning myself against the swing and cried harder..

"Just come back to me and make me feel whole again.. please.. Just bring me back to life Yumi.. "

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~Yumi~

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"This is.. A.. This.. is .. B.."

I stared blankly ahead, not even listening to my assistant that were trying to teach me how to read embossed printing, the language for blind people.. so that I one day would be able to read it..

My sight were slowly becoming smaller and smaller and I could hardly make out what I was reading anymore. I had been here for 3 days already but there wasn't a single progress in my studies, or lessons.. or anything at all..

Ever since I had left JaeJoong it felt like I had already gone blind..
I had called mom and dad.. and I had requested, asking them to move back to the countryside as soon as possible. I didn't tell them where I was which was driving both of them insane.. and I was still trying to convince them to let me have some time, adjust myself to my disability before.. dragging them into my life of burdens..

"Yumi? How about.. you go and rest instead? I think that's enough for the day"

I nodded slowly and got up from my seat, grabbing the books like I was some kind of zombie and with help of the arrows along the walls, I soon made it into my own private room where I was staying.. I grabbed the numbers with my hands and once I had confirmed that it was my room I stepped inside and closed the door. I put the books onto the shelf and slowly made my way towards my bed..

I grabbed the remote that I had left on the bed this morning and i soft piano music that I had found in the library and I closed my eyes, lied down on the bed, crouched myself into a baby as I let out the tears..

I had been doing the same ever since I had left JaeJoong. The staff on the hospital thought that I was sad because of me going blind but of course.. I wasn't grieving over that..

I was grieving cause I needed him..
Everything reminded me of him and without the ring on my finger.. I felt so empty..
I know that whatever I did, I was going to pay for it.. and I had already done that.. My heart was aching so much whenever I was awake and when I was asleep, at least I could dream about having him right next to me..

I sobbed hardly as I took a hold of the pillow, holding it tightly against my chest as my breathing started to increase..
I missed him..
I wanted him right here with me..

My heart was empty..
You can't even call it a heart anymore since the only that was left of it was the empty hole, the heart painted in color of black..
There was no world for me anymore..
Cause when JaeJoong was here.. I could see everything. I could see.. the colors, the life.. feel it.. Smell it..

But ever since I left him.. It felt like I had already gone blind..

How am I suppose to go on . .carry on as if nothing had happened? Trying to erase him from my life.. ?
I couldn't stop thinking about him and I was constantly wishing for the days when we were together to come back..

My heart refused to leave him. The memories refused to disappear..

They had become a pain.. A nightmare..

But I couldn't regret it now..
I don't care if it would kill me to see him with someone else..
Cause as long as he's happy.. I'm sure I would get use to it..

As for me.. I know already deep inside that I won't be able to let go of him..

Cause he will always be the one..
No matter how long time it takes.. And it doesn't matter if he gets married.. have children..

Cause I will still be happy.. for him..

Cause he will always be the first and the last one..