A year. A short and passing time blown like a wind. Nothing much changes. Nothing much happens. That was what I used to believe. I want to believe. It was summer when I met him. He was sitting on his bed folding paper cranes. His big eyes concentrated on his work. His long hands clumsily folding the colorful paper neatly. Thinking back, I would have appeared very stupid. I was gaping at him before I was scolded by his doctor, Dr. Yixing. Nevertheless, he smiled at me warmly. A smile that beats even the sun in its brightness.

Everyday, on my breaks and after my shifts, I would visit him on his ward and I would found him folding paper cranes. I asked him one day "Why are you always folding paper cranes?" He glanced at me with a warm smile on his face. His eyes were still on the paper. His childish features was tainted with grief when he answered "My friend told me it can grant a wish" I was unable to say anything. 

The soft and light moments with Minseok became a routine for me. His warm smiles and cheerful laughs gives a tingling feeling in my body. His cute expression when annoyed to his loud angry shouts when teased everything he was became everything I want. It was a bittersweet sensation I remember. He was near enough for a hug but too far for an embrace. I was tormented then with the want to hold him and kiss him passionately. I would walk alone at night with the summer cicadas laughing at my grief yet I was looking forward to tommorow where I will see him again. My world was already revolving around him and it was unbearable.

Autumn, was it? That I mustered all that I had to say the words "I love you, Kim Minseok". He was taken by surprise. He smiled. It was a smile full of mix feeling he once explained. Though hesitating, he replied to my emotions. I was happy that time. Too happy that even now my heart lightens up thinking I was loved by Kim Minseok. It was no exageration that I practically hopped around the hospital during my shift. I even danced cheerfully in front of Dr. Wufan and Dr. Yixing. I was really stupid. I was the luckiest man, I thought and still believe. 

Our love was not perfect. We get into stupid fights. Then one time, we were at the edge of the cliff and was about to fall.  He was cruel.He stared at me blankly with a pained smile on his face and I felt the stab in my heart killing me softly. It was like poison taking my life from the inside. I can do nothing but cry and he would be silent and unmoving. I felt that it was only me who loved. It was only me who wants this to last. That it was too good to be true. And I asked him why? His stared at me with eyes holding back its tears. He called my name softly. His voice filled in agony and weak. It was then that I realized that I was wrong. I called his name lovingly, apologetically. It was then that I saw his small body shivering. He was so fragile that time that if I had not realized it I might have broken him. Minseok loved me, that I was assured, as he burst into his fits of uncontrollable sobs and wails of agony. "Forgive me" He whispered as I pulled him into a silent embrace. "Don't leave me" He plead. I assured him that leaving him will never be an action that I will take. Our silent exchange of I love yous made me confident that I had his love. 

Winter came. The cold gloomy atmosphere winter gave me that year still remains in my heart. Minseok was getting weaker. Dr. Yixing's visits increased and became a everyday phenomenon. Knowing our relationship, Dr. Yixing would smile at me sadly. "He wont last until next year" Those words became my worst nightmare. I started counting the days I have left to be at his side. Time was cruel. Every moment with Minseok happens so fast. So fast that he was closer to leaving me. He knew of his remaining days yet Minseok was happy. I once asked him "Do you have any regrets living this life, Minseok?" He shook his head and smiled at me lovingly. "Rather than regret I am afraid to change it" He said as he enveloped me into an embrace. It was warm and comfortable. "If I change anything there would be a possibility that I won't be able to meet you, right?" He placed his head on my shoulder as he whispered "That is my greatest fear".

The paper cranes increased. Minseok was getting weaker every minute. He was suffering and pain became his constant visitor. His round cheeks gone. His body slowly losing all his muscles. Dark rings under his eyes. Minseok was feeling tired. Everytime I would step inside his room that time, I would find him weakly folding paper cranes. He would then smile at me sweetly. I did my best not to show my weakness. It took every control to force myself not to cry in front of him. It took all my will not to breakdown in front of him. I was weak and helpless as he was dying. I was unable to do anything as he scream for the pain. I was useless for I cannot save him. One night he asked "Do you want to end it, Lulu?" I shook my head calmly. I know that he was feeling guilty. He wants me free. He wants me to be happy. I refused. "I rather suffer and drown in despair than lose a single moment with you, baozi" He smiled. It was filled with love and grief. 

Winter left. Spring graced us. Minseok was weaker than ever. He cannot even get up of his bed anymore. Still, his smile was beautiful. I graduated from the university and took my time taking care of Minseok. His room became my home. I tell him stories about outside. About every silly little things I found on my way to the hospital. About how the weather was good and how it was not. About how the cats from my backyard would fight against our landlady. About how the new tenant at my apartment love Gucci. About how Dr. Yixing fell in love with the chancellor's son. About every random ideas that pops in my head. Minseok would just smile as he was no longer strong enough to laugh and reply. He would hold my hand tightly as if assuring me that everything is alright. That I will one day see him smiling at me while running on the vast fields. I cried.  "Just one more" His weak voice almost inaudible softly whispered. I silenced my sobs hoping to silence the deafening pain in my chest.

He left. As I entered his room that rainy morning, Dr. Yixing was standing there already. His expression full of sadness. I pushed my way through and I found him motionless. Lifeless. I checked for his heartbeat desperately. I checked for any pulse. It was no use. He was gone. My knees gave in. I felt every energy leaving me. He is gone. The thoughts repeated in my head. He is gone. He will not be here. He'll not be with me. He won't kiss me again. He won't act cute in front of me again. He won't smile at me again. He is now gone. Tears poured out as I felt everything left me. My heart died with him.  I shouted from the top of my lungs cursing the cruel fate that was cast on us. WHY? WHY? WHY?

Weeks? I was holed in my room for weeks. Unable to do anything. Unable to accept it. Refusing to believe it. Refusing to accept the world where he was not a part of. A package arrived. It was a box. The sender was Kim Minseok. I grabbed it. My heart pounded. Trembling, I opened it. It was paper cranes in different color and lying atop of it was a  letter. 

Dear Luhan, 

The time you read this letter I have already left you. Sorry, Lulu, I can't hold much longer. I did my best to fight against it, you know. Every night when you would go home I would quickly sleep so that way time would became fast and it would be morning again, you would be by my side again. I love you, Lulu. You are my everything. That's why I clinged till the very last second I have. Don't blame Dr. Yixing, it was not his fault nor yours. It was no one's fault. Its just the way it is. I love you, Lulu that's why I want you to be happy. To be free. But, your stubborn. You wont leave me! Truthfully though, I was happy. I was happy that it was I that you love. Happy that I was able to love you even for a short time. 

I am selfish, I know. My happiness was your pain. I was unable to fulfill our promise of together till the end. Forgive me. I dont want it to happen. I want to be by your side laughing, arguing, walking hand in hand, just like any other couples. I'm sorry bout that, Lulu. Remember, when we you asked me why I was making paper cranes? I said it was because it can grant wishes. I believed so. It was a tradition, Dr. Wufan told me. He said that a thousand paper cranes can grant a single wish. So I did my best to fold every piece of it with love. I placed all of my dreams and hopes in every fold. I made as I imagined a future with you. I did my best, haven't I? So I am giving it to you. It's exactly one thousand pieces. I had Dr. Yixing count it. I was worried since the last one was destroyed so I had to make another one but everything worked. Yippee! I shouldn't be rejoicing, right? Ah but~ I did it, right? right? So my wish became yours. Live my life Luhan. See the world that I can't. Hear the melodies that I can't. Feel everything that I can't. I will always be by your side Luhan. I promise. My body may have buried into the soil but my love will be there till eternity. 

This is goodbye then. See you in some other lifetime, Lulu! I'll be sure to have a healthy life by then! 

Your one and only, 
Kim Minseok. 
 

I was smiling with my tears pouring out. How can be so cute and clumsy even in the letter? How can he do this? "You're cruel, Minseokkie. So cruel" I remembered that I cried my whole eyes out that night as I clutch to his letter. 


How many seasons have passed? I lost count of it. It's been almost three years since Minseok left. I can still remember the touch of his skin and the warmness of his body everytime I try to remember. I smiled as I touched the cold hard marble where his name was engraved. "I'll come again, Minseok". I left leaving only the bouquet of pink carnation and red tulips I clumsily arranged and painstakingly raised. I smiled with satisfaction. "Now you won't say I'm so unromantic, Minseok" I murmured as I continued heading towards my car. I hope it will be another great day.

My love for you is undying and I will never forget you, Minseokkie.