this was the part i posted on tumblr, feel free to read it again ~ (i made a few little changes though)

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                He took a drag of his cigarette and exhaled – letting the milky smoke escape his from mouth and into the cold night air. “Ellison, you better stop smoking.” he could almost hear her scold. “You’ll rot your teeth and they’ll fall right out.” A small parted smile appeared on his face but once again he held the cigarette up to his lips and inhaled deeply for a good seven seconds before releasing it out into the air. “Didn’t you hear me Eli?” her strained voice played in his head. “I told you to stop.”

                He bitterly rubbed the end of the cigarette onto the ashtray that laid on top of a nearby trashcan and then shoved his hands into his pockets. His eyes were fixed on the familiar dark clear sky. “Full moon huh.” he muttered as he nuzzled the bottom half of his face into his jacket. “You always liked the moon.”

                “It’s pretty.” her voice chimed.

In that moment he could feel an arm link with his but that was just all his imagination, she wasn’t there, she never was, after all, it had been a year since he had last had actually seen her. At first, he thought he was going crazy, “seeing” her everywhere and “feeling” her there wasn’t well, normal. However, his psychologist, AJ, had told him it was fine, you couldn’t expect to lose a loved one so suddenly and not miss them one bit but then again, it had been a year.

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“It’s fine,” AJ had reassured for the six hundredth time this month. “things like this take time.” Eli simply narrowed his eyes on the man in front of him. “I feel like I’m only paying you to tell me that everything is ‘fine’.”

                AJ looked up from his clipboard and pushed up his square glasses. “It is fine.” He clicked his pen and neatly placed it inside the pocket on his shirt. “You’ll get over it sooner or later.”

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                Eli let out a deep sigh and glanced around. It was two in the morning and the streets were empty even most of the lights in the apartment building behind him were off. Without another word, he turned around and proceeded inside the warm structure, losing the feel of her arm linked with his.

He stepped into the elevator and pressed the number 7, her favorite number, and they floor that they - he lived on.

DING!

The doors opened and ahead of him was one large empty dark hallway. Each door he passed he could hear faint sounds like someone snoring awfully loud, a toilet flush, and even the low buzz of a TV that played some action movie that involved a lot of guns. His feet carried him down the hall.

710..711..712..and then he stopped. 713.

How ironic was that? Seven thirteen otherwise known as July 13^th, the day she had died was his room number; it was like the universe itself didn’t want him to forget her.

He pressed several numbers on the padlock and the door opened. “Get to sleep, its late.” her voice echoed in the back of his head and with that, he shut the door and went straight to his room, collapsing on his bed in a matter of seconds.

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“You’re late, Ellison.” AJ said as he leaned forward on his desk.

“I told you not to call me that.” Eli muttered groggily. Last night he had slept at two and had gotten up at nine for therapy. He plopped down on the couch and glanced over at the man. "Okay Ellison, how have you been?"

"Same as usual." he shrugged completely not in the mood to argue with him over his name – only certain special people had permission to call him that.

There was a short pause and the sound of a pen scraping across fine paper filled the room. "Any problems lately?" He blinked a few times and sunk back into his chair. “Same as usual.” AJ simply let out a sigh and scribbled something down once again.

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                He found himself at home again right after therapy staring at the bottle of thick blue pills. These were different from the ones AJ had previously prescribed. This time they were stronger, bigger, and more effective, or so he said. Eli flipped over on his stomach and buried his face into her pillow. It smelt like her, that light refreshing perfume he got her a few birthdays ago and ever since that year she didn’t stop buying it. It was her favorite scent and his because after all, it was her scent, the one he craved for every day.

                Unknowingly his eyes fluttered shut and he took in a deep breath while nuzzling that oh-so-cold pillow of hers. “Tell me Ellison.” she sighed. “Why do you have to go to therapy?” His eyes snapped open and right in front of him was the love of his life. “Everyone says you aren’t real.”

                “I am real. Would I ever lie to you?” she questioned while gently dragging her fingertips along his cheek with that hurt look in those brown eyes of hers. There was a sharp pain in his chest. He hated that look from the bottom of his heart; the way her face scrunched up with so much confusion to how those big eyes of hers just seemed to glisten, he couldn’t handle it. “No.” he mumbled. “You never lie.”

She placed those plump pink lips of hers to his forehead and slowly slipped the bottle of pills out of his hands. “You don’t need this then, right?” And without hesitation or another thought he closed his eyes, wrapped his arms around his lover, and pulled her closer.

“I only need you.”

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word count - 961