pandemonium

Name: Jang Jinsung
Age: 21
Previous Profession: Band Member

Fans of the band ografix may feel bittersweet about the addition of Jang Jinsung, also known as Jason, to the line-up for the up and coming idol group Pandemonium. After ografix split up following the overdose of the lead singer, Jinsung came to Korea in hopes of starting over again. Fans had been stunned to learn of Jinsung's addiction to when his father took him from the band to put him into rehabilitation. We're on the edges of our seats, wondering what the talented young man will be able to bring to Pandemonium, and who the next member to be revealed will be!

"Jinsung, like any other young man, has had his ups and downs. He has made mistakes, and he's hit rock bottom before. But like a phoenix rising from the ashes, Jinsung will come back stronger than ever."

One month later...

As the group wearily climbed what they had now dubbed as the "stairs to hell", Jinsung sighed heavily, unable to feel anything but a little defeated as he made his way up to his least favorite session in the whole wide world; publicity. It wasn't that he didn't like Boyoung, really. She was actually super nice as an older sister figure and always trying to do her best to help him out with his past and situation, ensuring that he was as healthy and happy as the others the best she could. Really, out of most of the staff members, he could even say that she was the most tolerable and definitely one of the more likable ones. So the only problem is was that he just really despised her 'plans' for him. Why did he have to be the cute one? Why couldn't Kyugeum, who was actually so cutely derpy in real life, be the cute one? Or Haneul, who was shorter and the youngest one of the group? Just because Jinsung resembled a panda in her mind with his shadowed eyes, remnants that still lingered from his past, he had to be the aegyo freak of the group?

Sticking closer to him than anyone else, Taechul nudged Jinsung with his elbow, beaming down at him like a warm afternoon sun - his warmth was something that one couldn't help but just absorb up naturally even if they didn't want to. For in the past month, Taechul had worked hard, even harder than he could have put in, to befriend Jinsung, who was usually left to his own devices in the group. Mostly because of his language barrier, only half of the members could communicate with him, and out of those three, only one was truly determined to really know him well in between their stressful schedules.

Jinsung wasn't an antisocial person by any means however - he was actually quite amiable and chatty towards people he liked and was comfortable with, which was more or less no one in Korea at the moment and definitely not that ByunTaechul. And even though Jinsung might not want to interact with anyone, he was painfully aware of the fact that Kyugeum thought he was scary even after living through two months with him already and Haneul thought he was some type of drug addict, still somehow wary of him. So generally, he couldn't help but feel as if he was the most unliked one in the group at times, except for those when Sangjeon decided to throw tantrums everywhere, still feeling as if he was living in this isolated bubble that he know or want to get out of.

So when the tallest trainee continued to playfully bump at him, Jinsung simply frowned and shot a piercing glare at Taechul, but there was no malice behind it even when he tried to shove back, but anticlimactically, hardly even made Taechul sway at all. Instead, he was meant with a “What's wrong, Jinsunggie?” that Taechul asked in a quiet voice, cocking his head to the side and feigning innocence.

“I just don't want to go to see Boyoung-noona again today. It's exhausting pretending to be cute,” Jinsung quietly answered gruffly, glaring down that the scarf he'd been told to wear that day by the terror twins because apparently his favorite article of clothing, his hoodie, wasn't acceptable to wear in public when they were traveling from building to building. Or practically anything else he wore, considering that somehow, they knew exactly what he wore - frightening to even think of. Honestly though, he couldn't care less if he lost fans because he didn't dress well because seriously, if they were going to be that vain and that picky, he didn't want them as his fans anyway.

But instead of being turned away by that answer as some of the other members had been, Taechul gently smiled back to Jinsung's sour expression, reaching out a large hand to lightly ruffle the shorter boy's hair, some weird affection ritual he often performed on the boys that only some of them enjoyed at all. Jinsung was part of the not enjoying half. “Oh? But you're super cute Jinnie,” he cooed out softly as that same hand reached down to pinch Jinsung's cheek, earning a swat from the irritable male as he really hated it when Taechul treated him like a child. He was twenty-one for heaven's sakes, even if he looked like a freshman in high school! He could take care of himself, or so as he had told himself to believe. He didn't need Taechul to be worrying about him all the time - or so he thought. Because secretly, he really did enjoy the fact that Taechul took the time to come and speak to him when everyone else was too busy with their own lives. But to himself and everyone else besides Taechul, the giant was the most annoying and ridiculous person on the planet that Jinsung had ever met. And Jinsung would never in a million years thank him or tell the others that he was lonely. He'd die before admitting that he wasn't as strong as he pretended to be.

Maybe that was what drew Taechul to him though? Perhaps Taechul, the naturally parental figure among all of them, could sense the pain and bitterness that battled in Jinsung's heart. He didn't know the reasons behind Jinsung's pain or why he closed himself away and kept a distance from the others, but Taechul knew that he'd find out when Jinsung was ready to tell him. And... Perhaps not only that, but a deep and hidden part of Jinsung couldn't help but compare Taechul to Andy, his past lover. There were... Many similarities between them, but he wasn't ready to admit that yet. That beyond the fact that Jinsung felt as if he could just have Taechul be his stress reliever, there was a part of him that still reached out for an echo of the love that he had for his deceased lover. But he didn't think of that now, and Jinsung hoped, not for a very long time amid all the busy work they had to do to debut. So instead, Jinsung shot him an icy glare, his face turned the slightest bit pink as he growled back, “I'm not cute, Taechul,” only succeeding in making the older male smile. Because as much as Jinsung wanted to irritate him, all the younger male did was just make the oldest member amused and think even more that he was so cute when he was being all stubborn and embarrassed. And with a soft chuckle and another affectionate hair ruffle, they parted ways in between of stifled protests from Jinsung before the smaller male entered Boyoung's office with a scowl and Taechul went to practice in the dance studio with a pleased grin on his face.

As the door opened almost reluctantly, Boyoung's face lit up when she saw him and a coy smile spread across her lips as she lounged in her seat behind her desk, sipping at a red iced tea. “Oh, my favorite little panda!” she called out cheerfully in English, moving some paperwork off of her desk and placing her tea aside as Jinsung made his way over very slowly and almost with a dark thundercloud booming over his head. “We've got tons of fun stuff planned for today since we'll be working on that lackluster aegyo of yours, and working on building your persona. Now have you been practicing like I asked you too?” she continued on, hiding a smile and a soft giggle behind her hand when Jinsung deepened his scowl at her, his arms crossed over his chest as a means to protect himself from the onslaught he knew was coming.

“No, I didn't practice aegyo,” he snapped lowly, instantly earning a sigh from Boyoung as she rubbed her temples. She had spent the past month and a half trying to crack Jinsung's hard outer exterior, and much to her dismay, there hadn't been much progress at all. She should be good with this - she was good with all the other boys as they had been willing to work with her, but Jinsung was a totally different nut to crack. All of the techniques that she had tried; being nice and being complacent hadn't worked at all, but she was still driven by the hope that one day he would wake up and smell the coffee and realize that this was his career on the line. If he didn't make the cut, she didn't even know where else he could go, or want to go for the matter. Just getting him off the streets was already hard enough since they literally had to do that, and who knows what he might just end up if this didn't work out. Jinsung was a valuable member to the team, but it didn't mean he wasn't replaceable if he wouldn't actually cooperate with their grand plans for the group.

But for now, she simply tried to keep the frown from her face but really, she couldn't help it anymore. “How is recording going?” she asked softly in an attempt to steady herself, feeling like she was fighting a losing battle against the younger male who did nothing but stare back at her with his piercing dark eyes.

He didn't answer her at first. In the past month or so, he spent a lot of time with Boyoung and resisted her charms as best he could. Jinsung knew she only wanted to help him and that she cared about him, but he couldn't help but try to resist. He had his own identity, he had found himself already, but she wanted to change him? No way he would do that, but at the same time, he did feel bad for being such a thorn in her side for all this time. She had been nothing but kind to him, even spending precious hours of her time trying to teach him Korean so that he could communicate better to the others. And how had he been repaying her? By being a totally selfish jerk.

But what was he supposed to do? Act cute? Do aegyo on stage like some kind of circus animal? He wasn't some tamed animal that acted on the command of the pretty lady with the whip, he was a man that had his own identity and intentions. Shrugging half-heartedly, he answered blandly, “It's going well,” staring blankly at a spot somewhere beyond Boyoung's head, not wanting to meet her eyes and see her rising irritation.

The PR knew what his complaints were, but frankly she was fed up with them. She might be much more friendlier and patient with all of them than some of the other staff members, but even her patience had a limit - and Jinsung was cutting dangerously close to the breaking point. “Jinsung, we've been over this. Because you had such a bad image back in the States due to your struggles with addiction, we have to cut all ties to that image and make you look as nonthreatening and sweet as possible. Which has to start soon or else there's nothing we can do to help you soon.” At those blunt words, Jinsung couldn't help but be stung at her words and bit his lip. Even worse was that he could even feel that he was starting to shut down emotionally, to cut the bond he felt he'd developed with the older woman.

“Stop it,” she barked angrily then, slamming her fist on the table hard enough to startle him and to shake her tea cup. This earned a glare up at her, which she immediately shot down with her even more intense gaze. “You're going to have to stop feeling sorry for yourself, Jinsung. Do you think you're the only one whose being forced to do things they don't want to do? Do you think you're the only one in this company who is suffering?”

Almost immediately, Jinsung bit down on his lip and continued to scowl at her, leaning back in his seat. He had shut himself down, and refused to respond to anything else Boyoung said. Or at least, that was his intention. “You've had a rough life Jinsung, and you came to Korea to start fresh. What better way is there to start again than to rebuild your image? I'm not asking you to turn into a damn fairy or anything, I just want you to open yourself up a little more. What would it hurt if you started letting people in again?” she asked sharply, but the anger in her tone had already diminished. Now, she just sounded worn down, exhausted and sad... And Jinsung knew that it was all his fault really. He hated that he was being like this; unbearable, and he wouldn't blame her if she gave up on him and cast him out of her office.

But contrary to his thoughts, Boyoung then took another deep breath and instead of continuing on, she smiled, “Well, let's start discussing your image, shall we? It's not that we want you to be a total aegyo prince, Jinsung. We just want you to be the shy one, the one that hides behind the others and wears a sweet smile. If we can start there, we can really work on selling you as a sweet, down to earth boy. I'm sure your fans and potential fans will be inspired by the fact that you managed to move on from your past,” she explained quietly before grabbing up some paperwork and began glancing over it, her intelligent eyes catching small details with insane speed and accuracy that Jinsung couldn't help but be amazed by the speed that she could always read at.

“So lets try some more impromptu interviews and see if we can make a prince out of you yet, eh?” she continued on, beaming happily at him once more with that smile that always managed to dazzled and surprised Jinsung with her ever loving and ever forgiving heart. Despite how rude he treated her, how closed off he was to her, she simply showered him with neverending kindness and love. And even when he said rude and hurtful things to her, Boyoung always had the strength to smile at him and forgive him for his attitude. Maybe... If she could handle him like this, he thought, it wouldn't hurt to learn a thing or two from the woman that opened her heart so easily to all of them despite their issues and their problems. Maybe, he thought, he could go through with this after all.

Weekends in the Pandemonium dorm should have been a time of relaxation and relief considering their schedules offered them small breaks during this time, mostly grinding them from dawn all the way past dusk every weekday. However, with Byun Taechul being the cleanliness dictator that he was, weekends soon became a dreaded time for practically everyone besides him and Haeyeon.

“Who left these empty milk cartons in the fridge? Looks like someone wants snuggles~!” he purred out in the nearly quiet Saturday morning, humming an old Shinhwa song under his breath six in the morning on the only day of the week any of them could sleep in. On the other hand, there Taechul was, prancing through the house shirtless and only clad in a pair of dark red boxers and shorts like a sadistic drill sergeant, threatening his platoon with cruel and unusual punishments for the messy house. And most of the time, it was Jinsung who had left the empty milk carton, of course, since he was usually the only one to put empty things back into the fridge. In fact, he was all around a pretty messy guy from habits he had developed during past tours, back when he was used to being able to trash hotel rooms and leave the mess behind him without care.

“Ooh, lookie here! I see a trail of clothes set to lead me to the perpetrator! Who is it going to be this time? Jinnie again~?” Taechul's voice was floating closer as he walked up the stairs, smiling at the more than obvious trail of Jinsung's discarded clothing. When he was tired, Jinsung would literally just remove his clothes on the way to his room until he was down to the bare basics to be decent, too lazy to actually pick them up or wait until he got to the room he was sharing with Taechul.

“Jinsunggie, are you going to pick up your mess?” Taechul cooed out quietly as he was now magically in the room, hovering over the half-asleep male with a mischievous grin. Regardless of all of those scowls and "fearsome" glares that Jinsung would ever try to shoot at him, Taechul was more than willing to cuddle and snuggle with the boy who refused to clean up after himself. Mostly because he was more or less impervious to said angry expressions that were directed towards him after handling his siblings - and besides the fact that most of them were just closer in age to him, they were really just like his little brother and sister. Although the other males were fairly clean (with random exceptions, usually from Kyugeum and Sangjeon who almost always would rather hide from Taechul than clean), Jinsung was really the only one in the house that made disasters everywhere he went.

Instead of even trying to deal with Taechul at the moment, Jinsung simply grunted and tried to pull the covers up over his face. “Go away, ByunTaechul,” he grumbled darkly, trying to kick at Taechul as the smugly grinning male began crawling onto the bed.

“You never learn, do you Jinnie? Sometimes I think you secretly like my cuddles,” was the only warning from Taechul before he pounced on the smaller male, scooping Jinsung effortlessly into his long arms as he began the process of molesting the desperately squirming male.

“No, stop it, BYUNTAECHUL HYUNG! STOP ME!” Jinsung roared as Taechul caressed his thighs and with surprisingly gentle but mischievous hands that squeezed occasionally at the toned skin, laughing as Jinsung began fighting against him. (Un)fortunately, Jinsung was too small to stand a chance against Taechul,especially when he was still tangled in his sheets and he wasn't nearly strong enough to worm his way out of his grip.

“Aw don't pretend you don't like it Jinsunggie,” Taechul murmured close to Jinsung's ear as he pinned the struggling boy down by laying his heavier frame on him, easily sprawling out with his full 184 centimeters of his body. “If you hated my cuddles, then maybe you'd start cleaning up after yourself. In fact, you know what I think?” Taechul asked softly with an innately sensually tone in his voice, his eyes swirling with the amusement of a cat that was toying with its prey.

Jinsung could only glare up at him, trying to suppress the blush that was threatening to dust his face with pink by pulling up the sheets to his narrowed eyes, “What?”

“That you leave messes on purpose. Just so that I'll snuggle with you. Aw Jinnie, all you had to do was ask you know. I'll gladly touch you all over any day of the week, whenever you want me to. Especially your thighs and , you know how much you love it when I do so,” he purred out in a low and husky voice, touching the mentioned body parts for good measure. Almost immediately Jinsung couldn't hold back as his face flared to a complete red and began flailing again, harshly yelling at Taechul that he'll clean up, and for him to just get off. And much to his surprise, Taechul simply grinned smugly and rolled off the bed, shrugging as he answered, “Your wish is my command,” before sauntered cheerfully out of the room.

When the Taechul threat was temporarily alleviated and Jinsung managed to get his racing heart to calm down at least a bit, he then rolled his eyes and kicked the covers off of himself in a huff. Still trying to calm himself down from the attack he just suffered at the hands of Taechul, who was now roaming the house in search of Kyugeum who had left his midnight snack out on the table and dishes in the kitchen, Jinsung really wouldn't have cared about if the bed was made (surprise, surprise, Taechul's bed was perfectly made) but today, he somewhat managed to kick the blankets on straight on the bed. Good enough, he wasn't going to devote any more effort to something that he was just going to mess up that night again. So amid much grumbling and growling to himself, he then pulled his pajamas off and slipped into a pair of old sweatpants and a tee shirt before stomping downstairs, his hair a bird's nest atop his head.

It wasn't at all that he didn't like Taechul as he warily looked around for the then absent ert. In fact, the opposite was true; he actually liked Taechul quite a bit. The boy was a fantastic piece of eye candy to have wandering around especially shirtless as he usually did in the dorm (as was Haeyeon even if he didn't quite show over as much, because hot damn Haeyeon was built) and he was a really nice person, who just had a nasty habit of being too friendly sometimes. When others might either be too tired or just not care about him, Taechul was always there to chatter away almost with magic when Jinsung was feeling lonely or stressed. And while he pretended to hate it, expressing his distaste by shooting the taller male irritable glares, Jinsung couldn't help but silently and secretly appreciated having someone to talk to very deep inside.

But at the same time, he could not like Taechul, not after everything that had happened to him and all the things he himself caused. He couldn't help but to blame himself for allowing his lover to go down such a bad path, and for allowing himself to screw up his own life as bad as he did. He had to change, that was for sure. The old Jason had to be gone, which was exactly why his name was now Jinsung and he couldn't risk opening himself back up and exposing that soft and vulnerable side of himself any more. He could have had everything in the world - he was already famous, he had already reached his goal that he had worked so hard for. He had been so happy just touring with his friends and lover, playing little loser gigs before they'd blown up and everything went insane.

Jinsung had himself almost thrown his life away, he had already admitted that to himself. If his father hadn't came and forced him to go to rehab, he probably would be dead right along with his lover. But just the thought of thinking that was hard enough and that didn't make him want to think of it any more than he had to as Jinsung clenched his jaw, scooping up his clothes up off the floor and tossed them into the hamper in the laundry room, surprised to find Kyugeum hidden in there looking down at him with a sheepish smile.

“Don't tell Taechullie-hyung~,” Kyugeum whispered in an absurbly loud voice and put a finger to his lips, his eyes wide with fear. Feeling a pang of sympathy Jinsung simply nodded and shut the door right before Taechul stepped into the bathroom with a huge grin.

“Have you seen Kyugeum? He's overdue for some cuddling~” he asked sweetly, eyes glittering with amusement as he took a moment to pat down Jinsung's hair into something that looked more acceptable, getting his hand swatted away by said male.

His face contorting into disgust, Jinsung shook his head and pushed his way past Taechul, shooting another glare back just for good measure, “I think he left early or something, because I haven't seen him.” He didn't have a particular reason for helping Kyugeum out besides the fact that he didn't want the hyper active idiot who sometimes waddled through the house calling himself a penguin to be afraid of him. Jinsung knew he had left a scary first impression given his now usual sour attitude and expression, but he was sure of himself that he wasn't a bad person and didn't want anyone to be afraid of him.

“I don't understand why you have to wake me up for some damn clothes and a milk carton,” Jinsung complained over his shoulder at Taechul, who was just about to open the closet in the bathroom where poor Kyugeum was hiding in now (who for the most part didn't actually mind the cuddles, he just liked playing hide and seek and really didn't like cleaning). Distracted from actually opening the door, Taechul now turned towards Jinsung instead and grinned playfully, tilting his head innocently to the side.

“I just like touching your thighs, really~ There's no harm to it, Jinnie,” Taechul answered sweetly, pantomiming grabby hands as he approached Jinsung again, "And don't pretend you don't love it because I know you do." Like a hawk swooping down onto its prey, he then reached behind and caressed Jinsung's once again, laughing when Jinsung took a swing at him and yelled indignantly for Taechul to stop molesting him.

“Jinsung-hyung,” Haeyeon called out softly and stepped into the room holding the phone for the house in one hand with Mayumi seeming to judge them in his other arm; though was frozen to the spot when he noticed the awkward position of the two and blushed, immediately stammering out an apology. “S-Sorry to interrupt, but Boyoung noona is on the phone." Then he immediately casted his eyes downward as he handed the phone over to Jinsung, shuffling away awkwardly with his face still completely red.

“You're not interrupting anything,” Jinsung said through clenched teeth in vain as he took another swing at Taechul, who gracefully dodged and ran away chuckling, even managed to get another hair ruffle at Jinsung in right before he disappeared around the corner. Then after closing the door shut to regain some privacy after Kyugeum had awkwardly crept out of the bathroom now that Taechul was gone as well, Jinsung was finally able to talk into the phone.

“Noona?” he asked, before immediately being overwhelmed with the PR's chatty and bright voice. And after all "pleasantries" had been exchanged, Boyoung quickly told him she wanted to meet for breakfast soon because she needed to talk to him about a few things. As he put the phone back onto the receiver, Jinsung groaned and rubbed his face for a moment; he knew for certain that she would be sitting down and talking to him about images and whatnot again. What else could they be talking about? The staff members knew that the weekends were the boys' only rest days and for her to have called him like that meant that it had to be something serious. She had told him to dress comfortably and to be downstairs in thirty minutes, so to use the least effort to meet her requirements, Jinsung simply ran some water through his hair and brushed the mess out; that was what he called himself ready. Then he quickly pulled on a pair of old beat up sneakers and made his way down stairs right on time to see Boyoung pull up in her expensive luxury car.

“Hey there, handsome,” Boyoung called out brightly as she pulled down her glasses and winked at him. Unlike him, she was dressed in a lavender colored cashmere sweater and a tight pair of designer white jeans that ended in high wedges, looking like a model that just stepped off the runway. On the other hand, Jinsung glanced down at his ratty sweatpants and his faded-blue tee-shirt in dismay, wondering how he could possibly spend any amount of time in her presence without feeling self-conscious. However, Boyoung instantly saw his discomfort and laughed softly, pulling a bag from her back seat up to the front before passing it to him with a smile. “I come bearing gifts. You have to look good if you're going to be with me, darling.”

Jinsung laughed nervously, taken from his experience with the two things to have anything in a bag not be a good thing to wear and warily peered into the bag as he stepped into the car. Surprisingly, he was pleased to see a very fashionable leather jacket, a pair of dark denim jeans, and a gray sweater that looked to be softer than clouds. To say he was stunned would be an understatement. “This must have cost a fortune,” he mumbled in awe, pulling the sweater out of the bag and pressing it against his face as he relaxed back against the seat, an act that caused Boyoung to giggle.

“And you say you're not cute,” she teased lightly, her eyes twinkling as she started up the car. Suddenly realizing what he was doing, Jinsung blushed and slightly rolled his eyes, but he couldn't fight the smile that broke out across his lips. “Put it on, I won't look,” she promised happily, noticing the way he was trying to hide his excitement. And Jinsung didn't even have to be told twice, knowing that Boyoung wouldn't look at him as he changed within the car, thanking the fact that her windows were tinted as well.

Within fifteen minutes, they were half-way across town in a small but homely looking restaurant tucked behind a night club, and Boyoung was ordering for the both of them. “It's an Italian place,” she chirped contently without looking up at him, a relaxed smile on her face. “I ordered you an Italian caramel soda with cream and a slice of pizza. Sound good?”

Instantly, Jinsung smiled again, a natural feeling that felt so unnatural to him thanks to the fact that he hadn't smiled this easily in such a long time, and rocked back in his seat, probably looking something like a kid in a candy store considering the look Boyoung gave him. “Yeah, that sounds great,” he responded eagerly, totally one hundred percent thrilled to be getting a slice of pizza and soda after the past two months of suffering under Youngwoo's diet. And as the soda arrived, he was practically bouncing in my seat with saliva pooling in his mouth with desire for the drink.

Boyoung's eyes softened at the sight as she took a delicate sip out of the tea that she ordered and quietly spoke, “So, Jinsung, I just wanted to go over once more why images are so important. I know it's not nice to bribe you like this but... I like you, kid." Then, she reached out and batted the side of his head gently like the way a mother cat would do to her mischevious kitten, her smile almost a little mournful. “If I can't help you clean up your image before debut, you're not going to debut, Jinsung. They'll pull you out of the group.”

Jinsung then paused, his smile freezing on his lips as his eyes hardened at her. “My image is that bad, huh,” he commented wryly, looking down at the imperfections in the table. Imperfections just like him, things that he couldn't hide even when he had went to another country.

Boyoung noticed his suddenly downcast and stormy aura, nodding but gently speaking in a soothing voice, “But it's not hard to fix. You've just got to open yourself up a little and stop being so quiet and reserved. You've got a sweet, loving personality somewhere under all that gruffness, don't you?” she asked with a wink, earning a shy laugh from Jinsung before she continued, “We're not asking you to change over night, Jinsung. Just take baby steps. Forgive yourself for your mistakes, and make up for them by learning from them. Because right now, all you're doing is pitying yourself and it's not helping anyone. Let some of the other boys help you, they too have their own pasts and I'm sure at least one of them can help you through with this training all of you guys are going through."

Her words slapped Jinsung like a harsh wake up call as he was stunned into silence, unable to do anything else besides blink at her for a few moments. She was right. He had made mistakes and he had done stupid things, but his fears and his pains were holding him back from moving forward and making new friends, forging a new life, and forming new relationships. Wasn't that why he left for Korea? To turn the page and make a new chapter in his life - America had too many painful remnants of his past where ever he went, and he couldn't just keep letting himself sink in the quicksand of his despair. It was a scary prospect but... He wanted to move forward; he had to move forward. Or at least try to, and as Boyoung had said, maybe he could try to take a different look at all of his group mates. It was true that some of them had even more stressful schedules than him, coming home later in the night when he was already asleep. Sangjeon, he knew, was one of those, and while he complained sometimes, he seened to have a burning determination to succeed and push through that left Jinsung in envied awe sometimes.

So right there as he contemplatively sipped his caramel soda, that was when Jinsung decided that it was time to move forward and break away from the bonds that were holding back to the safe but now decayed memories and pains of his past. He was ready to break away from that cocoon that he had hidden himself in and spread his wings, though slowly and warily of course. He still wouldn't give up his precious hoodie, not now and definitely not ever, and he still hadn't found the strength to get over his ex-lover or forgive himself for all the things that had happened, but he could start to rebuild and slowly step back into the world.

Quietly satisfied with his thoughts, Jinsung then returned to reality as he smiled lightly at Boyoung, not sure what else to say to her besides give her a slight nod as their meal arrived at the table and their attention was distracted instead to the food. But they now had a mutual understanding and trust that was the start of Jinsung's plan to rebuild himself, and throughout the meal, he found himself sometimes smiling back at Boyoung.

When they got back from their little brunch, Taechul had been waiting for him in the living room, lounging back with a book in his hands but occasionally glancing at the door for the only missing member from the dorm. Jinsung guessed that Taechul was probably worried that he would be grumpy, so Jinsung fulfilled his expectations and pretended to be incredibly irritable as he stomped up the flight of stairs, having changed back into his ratty clothes for fear of hurting his stylish new outfit. As the door opened, the oldest member was already out of his seat and helping Jinsung to open the door and hold his bag, a relieved but still slightly concerned expression on his face as he asked cautiously, “You okay, Jinsunggie?" and instantly earned a even deeper scowl from Jinsung.

“What do you think? Boyoung-noona told me if I don't shape up soon, I'll get kicked out of the group. I'm starting to think it's not such a bad idea myself,” he grumbled quietly, huffing and about to open his mouth to complain before Taechul grabbed him with both hands, leaning in closely and carefully scanning his face. Taechul's face had turned so unexpectedly serious as he stared down at Jinsung with such an intensity that the smaller male felt himself blushing.

“Don't say things like that, okay Jinnie? I don't want you to be kicked out of the group... You're too talented and amazing to do so, one of a kind you are. We need you here, it wouldn't be Pandemonium without you,” Taechul quietly said, his warm voice laced with so much worry that Jinsung then broke out into a shy smile, almost affectionately pushing the taller male away from him with a roll of his eyes.

“I'm kidding, alright? She actually bought me pizza and soda. And look in the bag. Look at that y outfit. Aren't you jealous of that? I'm sure Boyoung-noona loves me the most,” Jinsung gloated with a now smug smile as he watched Taechul peer at the nice clothes in the bag, whistling in appreciation at the quality of the outfit. He wasn't really jealous, but it was pretty darn cute how Jinsung was gloating at that moment. So letting a slight pout appear on his face, Taechul gently whacked Jinsung on the with the bag and pushed him up the stairs to their room, whining that none of the staff members had bought him anything and that it was impossible, Boyoung-noona loved him the most while Jinsung cackled triumphantly with a pink dusting across his cheeks.

Jinsung wasn't ready to fall in love again. But he knew he was getting there soon.