“Hold still… just… a bit… longer… Got it!” Yoseob whispered excitedly, snapping a picture with his phone. Junhyung looked over at the picture and muffled his laughter behind his hands.

“Hyung, hyung, take picture with me in it!” Dongwoon said, posing next to the spectacle.

“I got it. Look here,” Doojoon said, taking out his phone. “1, 2, 3!”

“Masterpiece,” Hyunseung decidedly said, playing with the marker in his hand.

The masterpiece in question? His name was Lee Gikwang, and he was fast asleep in the KBS radio waiting room. Yoseob started with a small heart next to Gikwang’s ear, and then Doojoon added some snot, Dongwoon added a beauty mark, and Hyunseung finished it off with a unibrow.

“Okay, guys. We’re airing in ten minutes,” Beast’s manager said, walking in from the recording room. The boys all got up—all except for Gikwang. “Someone wake him u—” a double take and then “—Gikwang! Your face!” He erupted in laughter, and so did the other members.

Gikwang’s jumped up from the sudden noise. “Wh—what’s going on?”

The members said nothing, choosing to go into the recording room first. Junhyung took one step into the room before he looked back at Gikwang. “You better wash up quick—there’s an audience on the other side of the glass.”

“Aish, radio’s meant to be seen, not heard,” Gikwang mumbled. He rushed to the bathroom with his head down, not noticing you as you walked out of the bathroom. The two of you bumped into each other, and you recognized him immediately.

“Ah, you’re—I’m—” You were about to introduce yourself, but Gikwang mistook you for an intern and cut you off.

“Sorry, I’m a bit busy. We can talk later,” he said, trying to cover his face. You watched as he entered the bathroom, and could hear the sink running water almost immediately.

“Tch. These idols are really something.”

 

-

 

Yoseob was sitting closest to the audience, with an empty seat next to him for Gikwang. He waved and did some aegyo while the other members read the script or chatted with you.

“Yes, I’m from Los Angeles. I’ve only been here a few weeks. Can you tell?”

“No—not at all,” Doojoon answered.

“I could tell,” Dongwoon suddenly said. “You have that California girl charm,” he explained, saying the last bit in his best English. You cracked up—half for his cheesiness and half for his confidence in his language skills.

“We’re starting now,” the producer said, ushering Gikwang in. The fangirls in the audience all cheered. Gikwang only half-heartedly waved, afraid that he couldn’t get all the marks off. As he sat, he could feel s studying his face, so he pretended to be busy with his headphones.

You cleared your throat and waited for the ON AIR sign. Once it turned green, you smiled wide and introduced the show. “Hello~ everyone! This is Sincerely Amy on KBS. I’m Amy, and with me tonight are some very, very special guests! With the amount of fans lined up in front of the station today, I don’t think there needs to be much introduction, but please—go ahead.”

All of Beast sat up straight and introduced themselves. “So… BEAST! Hello, this is Beast.” It was just like any other group introduction, and yet it was different this time. Perhaps it was Yoseob’s voice, which you thought was songlike even when he was just talking, but most likely it was Gikwang stopping halfway. He lifted up his head for the first time with an eye smile, but once he made eye contact with you and recognized you from the bathroom, his plastic smile became shy and embarrassed, and he had to turn away from the microphone to laugh.

 

-

 

“Ah, here we have a question from listener 0667,” you said, reading through the comments on the online stream. “She says, ‘Oppas must be busy with their comeback schedule, but you must laugh every day. Is there anything fun that happened today?’”

The members all looked at each other with hesitancy, as they all tried to go through the day’s events. You took one look at Gikwang, who had been quiet and nervous the whole broadcast, and knew what to do.

“I’m sure you’re all bursting with stories, but I want to know about one in particular. Gikwang came in right before the broadcast started, right? I remember bumping into him just a few minutes before, and I was so shocked!” That was all you had to say, and all the members started laughing uncontrollably. Doojoon even slapped the table. Gikwang, of course, hid behind his hands.

“Can someone explain to me why his face had marker all over it?” you asked, once they quieted down.

“Ah, yes. Our schedule is very busy, so we try to get in sleep any place we can, but it seems that our Gikwang-ie needs more sleep than the rest of us,” Doojoon explained, “Like today, we were all awake in the waiting room, but he was fast asleep. Yoseob found a marker and drew a heart next to his eye as a joke, but then…”

As the rest continued to tell the story, Gikwang began to come out of his shell. He whined and insisted he had washed it all of—but upon Yoseob’s close inspection, he hadn’t. You insisted he face the audience, so he did, to their delight. The rest of the broadcast was relaxed and comfortable, and Gikwang would actually look you in the eye.

Actually, Gikwang almost couldn’t keep his eyes off of you.

 

-

 

“This has been Sincerely, Amy. Good night!”

“Good night!” Beast said, following you. Music started playing, and everyone took off their headphones. The fangirls all screamed, and all the members waved to them. You tried not to laugh at the absurd relationship between idol and fan—you had been yelled for it already.

“Picture time!” you sang, as the PD walked in with her phone. Beast lined up and posed, while you held up their new CD. As everyone adjusted their poses, Gikwang put a friendly arm around you. When the picture was taken, he let go, but still looked at you.

“I’m sorry I didn’t recognize you at the bathroom. Did you get your revenge?”

You laughed at first. Most idols weren’t this friendly, even with you, the “American”. “I don’t care about revenge, but I would love to see some pictures,” you replied.

“What? No way! I already feel so embarrassed,” Gikwang said, following you out of the broadcast room.

“Hm, then should I be mad that you didn’t recognize me? You thought I was an intern, didn’t you?” you asked. Now that you were out of sight from the fangirls, you dared to poke his arm, but from the back of your head, you heard your PD insisting that skinship is off limits!

“Only because you look like a college student,” he replied, grabbing onto your finger.

“I actually just graduated,” you replied. But then you thought, Why am I telling him so much?

“And you got a job right away? Heol.”

“I’m just a substitute, really. And I had my own show, back in LA,” you explained.

Gikwang stared at you for a second, blinking a bit and smiling wider the longer he stared. “Why don’t we talk informally, then?”

“Okay. Gikwang,” you said. And then, you decided that you had said too much, so you began to walk away, but Gikwang pulled you back.

“Say it again,” he said, staring at you.

“What about it? I just said Gikwang—you want me to call you oppa?”

“No—that’s not—” Gikwang stopped himself, stumbling on his words, unsure what to say. Blink. Blink.

“Oppa,” you repeated, feeling a little playful. Gikwang laughed and blinked a lot. “Well, bye, oppa. I think your friends are waiting for you.” When you turned around earlier, you saw the rest of the members of Beast and even their manager not-so-secretly watching Gikwang’s interactions with you. This time, when you turned around, they were still watching, but you pretended not to notice, and walked right towards them.

Behind you, Gikwang just watched you—blink blink blink—and his friends knew he needed help.

“Wait, Amy,” Dongwoon said, blocking your way to your office. “Why don’t you go out with us to eat? You seem like a really fun person. We’d love to show you around Seoul.” You looked at Dongwoon, then to their manager who nodded in approval, to Yoseob who kept making signals to Gikwang, to Gikwang himself.

Be careful, your old PD had warned, but you shook her voice out of your head. This is a friend thing. I’m just making friends. And so, you said, “I’d love to.”

 

-

 

“건배!” Everyone toasted and drank. You were sitting in a small restaurant with Beast, their managers, and the radio staff. And though you had eaten out with idol groups before, you never really ate with them, as you were with Beast. When you entered, there just so happened to be an empty seat on the edge of the table, which just so happened to be next to Gikwang.

You were nervous at first, but conversation between you and Gikwang flowed smoothly, and by the end of the night, you were punching him for teasing you on your pronunciation.

“Like you guys say English any better!”

“Well, none of us plan to live in America, or grew up in an English-speaking household,” Gikwang responded.

“Aish!”

“Aish!” he said, mocking you. You punched him again, but he just laughed. After all, you were way too weak to have any effect on his arms.

“You’re too strong,” you sighed, feeling his biceps and triceps. Gikwang giggled and flexed, all the while staring at you—adoringly, you now knew.

You met his eyes, and for a few seconds, the two of you just looked at each other. You noticed he had a single eyelid on one eye, and a double eyelid on another. You noticed the even golden tan he had that you couldn’t even get in LA. You noticed his thick lips that looked…

“Are you tired?” Gikwang asked. You looked around your surroundings, and realized that all the rest of the radio staff and even some of the Beast members had left already—but it felt like you and Gikwang the whole night, anyway. Gikwang stretched out a hand and tucked your hair behind your ear, making you blush.

“I’ll take you home,” he said, grabbing your hand. Both of you stood up and left, without even waving good-bye to the rest of Beast because neither of you even remembered them. All Gikwang thought of was you, and all you thought of was Gikwang.

And soon, the two of you were in front of your apartment, where you lived alone.

“Sorry it’s so late,” Gikwang nervously said. He started blinking a lot again, but not as much as before.

You reached out and touched his face. “I can still see the heart here,” you giggled.

Gikwang took your hand and lead you closer to him. And then he leaned over you, his lips over yours, hesitating before he kissed you. And it was deep and smooth and full of love and—

You pulled away from him and held him at arm’s length, staring at him intently. He was confused, and what you were about to say wasn’t going to help him.

“Good night.”

You spun around to quickly unlock your door and made your way in, leaving behind a dazed Gikwang. He his lips and stared—blankly, now—at your door before knocking.

“A-Amy, I’m sorry. That was a little fast. I—Can we talk?”

You looked at the door, and stepped away.

“Amy, I really like you. I mean—we can just be friends. Amy?”

Step away.

“Ah, this is a little embarrassing. Amy, let’s just talk. As friends. We’re friends, right?”

Step. Away.

“I’m sorry—I didn’t mean to—please, just open the door so we can talk. Amy, I don’t want to make things awkward. Please—”

A neighbor ajumma came out of her door in her nightgown. “I’m trying to sleep here!” she yelled.

Gikwang bowed and apologized and promised to not make any more noise. You imagined his face and couldn’t help but laugh. It became completely silent, so you assumed that Gikwang had left. You sat on a stool at your kitchen counter and thought of everything that just happened with Gikwang.

“We just… clicked,” you said out loud, even though it was hard for you to admit. You remembered the way he looked at you during Beast’s introduction, the way he naturally put his arm around you for the photo, the way he blinked when he was nervous, the way…

There was a single knock on your door. A paper was slipped through the cracks.

You stared at the paper on the floor for a second, and then at the door, and then back at the paper, as if it were about to explode. And when you heard Gikwang’s footsteps disappear down the hall, you ran for the paper, grabbing it and rolling over on the floor and reading it out loud.

“Amy… I’m sorry… Let’s talk… This is my number… Please forgive this pabo… Lee Gikwang.”

When you were done with it, you sighed and stared up at the ceiling.

“I really like him,” you said, pouting. “Ah, I’m a pabo.”

And as you said those words, Gikwang was in a cab back to his dorm, embarrassed, but so incredibly in love.

 

-

The next day you woke up, like all other days. You had a cup of morning tea you brought with you from America while catching up on some news. You took careful note of celebrity stories that you would be talking and joking about on your radio show last night, and one story caught your eye: Beast debuts new song at concert with 10,000 fans.

You clicked on the link and skimmed through the article, which was mostly fluff you already knew about from the radio show last night. But at the end of the page, there was an album of photos from the concert, and when you scrolled through them, you froze at Gikwang.

Last night was still surreal to you—it could have been the alcohol, or that you still hadn’t gotten used to the nightlife in Seoul, but you knew it definitely had something to do with the singer you were staring at on the computer screen.

The thought of love at first sight made you shudder. You weren’t a romantic, and yet a part of you yearned to be. So you shut it down. You denied yourself the thought, but it wasn’t that simple. You were waiting for the subway to come when someone bumped into you.

“Sorry!” you mumbled, barely glancing up at the other person. His hair was dyed bright red, and he had a hoodie and sunglasses on. You gasped—“Gikwang?”

“What?” he asked, in a heavy Busan accent. You apologized again, and went on your way. When you sat down on the subway seat, two high school girls behind you began playing music on their phones—Beast’s new song.

“Wahh, this is Gikwang oppa’s part!” one squealed.

“Cut it out,” an ajumma complained, waving her newspaper at the girls.

When you got off at your stop and passed by the 7/11 store like usual, the worker stopped you. The young worker looked at you brightly and asked, “Aren’t you Amy?”

“Y… Yes,” you hesitantly replied. She had never spoken to you before.

“I watched your show with Beast last night! You’re so lucky,” she gushed.

“Ah, ye…”

When you finally entered the KBS building, you gave a sigh of relief. Finally, free of reminders of him…

“Amy!” the receptionist called as you passed by her desk. “You should check your mailbox today. There’s a lot of letters and gifts for you! You worked really well with Beast.”

“Ah, thank you—”

The secretary leaned over the table and asked you in a low voice, “Do you know if any of them have girlfriends? I heard your team ate out with them after—something must’ve slipped, right?”

“No, I don’t think they said anything about girlfriends,” you replied, as controlled as possible.

The secretary slapped you playful. “Ah, unnie~ There must’ve been something, right?”

You sighed and shook your head. “I’m going to the mailroom,” you said dismissively. When you faced your mailbox cluttered with thank-you letters and small gifts, you weren’t surprised. They were the typical Thank you for taking care of oppa cards. You nearly tossed them out when you got to your desk, but one caught your eye: It was in a full-sized white envelope, with your full name messily scribbled on it. It looked like a submission for the Ask Amy corner of the radio show, so you opened it up, revealing a full-page letter:

Hello.

Um, this is a little awkward. I’ve never written a letter like this before… an ask-for-help letter. Keke, yes, I really, really need your help, Amy!!!! Let’s see. I should explain my situation, right? Oh—and please excuse the messy writing (I’m writing this in a car because the idea of sending a letter just came suddenly)

Anyway, I’ve been in love for… just under ten hours now. It’s been just ten hours since I first met the girl.  At first, I thought that she would be just like any other girl—and I meet a lot of girls in my line of work—but she wasn’t. Not to me.

She was instantly cute and funny and smart. She was witty, and we made new memories together, instead of going through small talk and sharing old memories to pass the time. She was different. She was memorable.

It happened in just a few hours, and I think I’m going crazy because of her, but…

Amy, do you believe in love at first sight?

-  sincerely

You set the letter down on her desk with a smile, but you quickly wiped it off your face. “Too obvious, Lee Gikwang. Too obvious.” You thought that stuffing the letter away and forgetting about his number on your phone would be the end of it, but it wasn’t.

You still saw him in people on the subway, heard his voice as you passed through the subway mall, were asked about him by strangers.

And the letters—those kept coming, too.

The next day, it read: Dear Amy, I don’t know if you’ve read my letter yet, but I’m more confused than ever. You see, the girl isn’t contacting me at all! And I’ve left her my phone number and I even left her messages at work, but I’m not getting any response. So, Amy, what do I do now? Please respond…

Dear Amy, I’m a little offended that you’re not answering my question. It’s far more interesting than the domestic/overseas college question you answered last night. Keke. Anyway, about the girl, perhaps I’m not being obvious enough with her? But that night we met, I… we…

Dear Amy, can I write informally with you? We’re very comfortable with each other already~ Please understand my heart~ Answer me, please!! I’m a pabo who only knows love when he sees it… And I’ve never seen it until now.

Amy-ya!!! If you don’t want me to keep bothering you, you have to tell me, okay??? Otherwise I’m going to find you myself!!!

And each letter was still unmarked, in a white envelope, with your name scribbled on it. After a week, the letters stopped coming. You even checked your mailbox twice. Nothing.

“I knew he wasn’t being serious,” you mumbled to yourself, as you rode up the elevator. But as you approached the office, you couldn’t get your mind off of it.

“Writing me love letters like a third grader. Tch. So immature and cowardly.” You stood still at the door. “But did I fall for it? His absurd letters?”

Before you answered your own question, the office door swung open, and a laughing Yoseob spilled out.

“Yoseob… ssi?” You watched as he slowly stood back up, holding his sides from laughing so hard. “What are you doing here?”

“Didn’t you hear? We’re doing a follow-up show,” Yoseob replied, between his gasps for air. He opened the door for you to enter, and when you did, you were completely in shock. The radio show staff and Beast were spread out throughout the office, chatting with each other, playing games, and watching videos.

“Their schedule was open, and they offered to come in,” your PD explained, with Doojoon and Hyunseung next to her.

Your eyes scanned the room carefully. “But where’s—”

“Amy,” Gikwang said, tapping your shoulder. You turned around immediately, with a smile. But he was closer than you thought, and you ended up bumping into his chest.

“Ah, Gikwang,” you said, with a hand still on his chest. You were scared to speak. Gikwang wasn’t.

“I think you already know, but I’m sorry for kiss—” You punched him before he could finish his sentence. You could tell that everyone was watching. Gikwang just laughed, and held your shoulders. “But you owe me an apology, don’t you?”

“I’m sorry,” you said, barely above a whisper.

“What was that?” Gikwang asked loudly.

“Yah, could you not?” you asked, shaking his arms off of you. He smiled at you, and you couldn’t help but smile, too. “Follow me,” you said, leading him to your room. Everyone’s eyes followed the two of you, but you pretended not to notice.

Once both of you were in the office, you closed the door and closed the window blinds.

“For someone whose show is called Sincerely, Amy, you’re not very sincere,” Gikwang commented, playing with your show’s poster on the door.

“It just takes a while,” you said, swatting Gikwang’s hand away from the poster. “And maybe a few letters.” When you admitted this, his face lit up. Giggling, you grabbed his face and slowly kissed his lips.

“You’re different,” he whispered, in between kisses.

“Only because it’s you,” you told him. Gikwang wrapped his arms around you and spun in circles with you out of glee.

Not in your wildest imaginations did you ever see yourself meeting such a genuine idol, let alone falling in love with him.