She ran helplessly around campus, until it was time for her class. Dejected, she walked into the faculty buildings. She caught her reflection in one of the large windows of the ground floor, aimed to make the whole place look less like a prison and more like a place for inspiring young minds. Tiffany’s opinion was that they were failing miserably.

She went into the bathroom to fix her hair, since she still had a few minutes ago. Even if she was late, nothing would compare to the little spectacle she took part in with Kim Taeyeon at her 9am class.

She was waiting for her, leaning against the wall, the paper towel dispenser to her left.

Tiffany wanted to lash out, scream as she had always done before. But her energy was drained from all that running and she was psychologically tired of all the emotions that Kim Taeyeon made her feel, all the actions she made her took.

So she let herself fall to the ground, hands covering her face.

“Because I hate you, I hate myself” she whispered into her hands, her voice shaking.

“You’ve made me lose my temper, become someone I never wanted to be, made me fall out with my best friend. And this is only in the past week, because for years, for years you´ve just being always on the back of my mind. In my dreams. Everywhere, you and your stupid smile”

Tiffany looked up.

Kim Taeyeon was staring straight ahead.

“You’ve won. You’ve won you stupid moron. Here I am on my knees, begging you to just give me closure and leave me alone. And don’t pull the whole, ‘Miss whatever your face is, too plain for me to remember’. You told Yoona about me. You told Yoona my Korean name. So” she stood up, slowly gaining confidence “so I’ve won as well, Kim Taeyeon because you didn’t forget about me, not that easily anyways. I’m not like another of your stupid conquests, one night stands, whatever you call them.”

Kim Taeyeon didn’t speak. She didn’t even blink.

“I don’t want to hate you anymore, it’s too draining. Just stop pulling your act around the people that I care about. That’s all I’m asking. Leave them alone, please. It’s still very convincing, well done, you’re a genius. I think you’ve even perfected your skills. That was me at the library, ” she still couldn’t control the urge to hurl insults at her smug face. “That was me.”

Tiffany walked to the sink to splash water on her face.

Kim Taeyeon moved, so as to stand right behind her.

“You still have beautiful eyes” Kim Taeyeon said.

“And I knew it was you at the library”

Tiffany tensed her hands, running them through cold water.

“Why?”

“Why are you doing this to me, Kim Taeyeon?”

“Why do you call me Kim Taeyeon, Tiffany?”

“Why have you pretended not to know me for more than three years?”

“Because I felt like it” the girl replied.

“There’s your answer”

“What?” the girl was confused.

“The Taeyeon I knew, even for a few hours, would have never given me that reply. But Kim Taeyeon, the national champion at - let’s just say it´s a trademark”

“Shut up”

Kim Taeyeon, had, for the first time, raised her voice.

“Shut up, Tiffany, I’m not like that.”

Tiffany gave out a heartfelt laugh, bending over the sink.

“Good one, Kim Taeyeon, almost had me fool for about-“

She was face to face with her. Kim Taeyeon had grabbed her arm, spun her around and pulled her close, all under three seconds. Their faces were now centimetres away from each other, and Kim Taeyeon held Tiffany’s face with her hands, forcing her to lock eyes.

“I’m not like that, Tiffany”

“Really?” she thrashed against her hold, but she was holding her tightly, pushed up against the sink.

Kim Taeyeon moved her head put of the way as Tiffany’s hands nearly made contact with her face. Then, the thrashing stopped.

Tiffany stood dumbfounded, staring at her eyes.

Actually, not exactly her eyes, but a few centimetres down.

“You’re crying”

Taeyeon looked down, hoping to conceal her tears.

“Taeyeon” Tiffany gulped at the unfamiliarity of the name, now dancing on her lips. “Why are you crying?”

“When she’s with me, she doesn’t treat people differently”

“I hate myself, because I hate you. I told you at the library, isn’t what I do hateful?”

“That was just part of the-“

“I knew it was you, Miyoung. I would recognize your bag, your clothes, your hair, even your nails.”

“Isn’t this part of the act then? Pretending to be all vulnerable so that you can later walk all over me”

“I never pretended with you” Kim Taeyeon’s tone was serious.

Tiffany smirked.

“How could I ever-“

Her words were cut short. Kim Taeyeon’s lips were now on hers. Kim Taeyeon pulled away.

“You never came back” Tiffany whispered.

“It was the first week of university, I bumped into you, looking probably like you had just come out of another one-night stand, with your stupid red hoodie and that look in your eyes and I- I was alone, scared, didn’t know anybody and everything was just too different. And you knew this, you knew I was vulnerable which is why you invited me out to lunch, which is why you hung out with me the whole day, which is why you asked what I was doing at night and invited me to go the freshmen’s club night.”

“And then you did to me what you tried to do to Jessica that night and I fell for it. I stupidly and drunkenly fell for it, and went back with you. But you, you never came back in the morning.”

She pushed Taeyeon away.

“And you know what hurt me the most, Taeyeon, do you know? Do you even know why I despise you so much? It’s the fact that you-“

“I was your first”

“I hate you so much and I’m not even sure why. Why it’s coming back after all these years.”

She slumped against the sink.

“I trusted you. I was so stupid, we only knew each other for a day, but you were so nice and I trusted you. Goddamit, I hadn’t even thought about being with a girl but you clearly have no qualms with it- girl, boy, it’s all the same to you. Really, tell me, was it worth all the hassle just so you could get into my pants? Even taking me to the club? I was just so sure…you were just different from anybody else…” she broke off into an incoherent mumbling.

“I was just so stupid!” she punched the mirror and it shattered into pieces.

“Miyoung, are you crazy?” Taeyeon reached out for paper towels and placed Tiffany’s now bleeding fist under water, before wrapping them as best as she could with the paper towels.

“Are you out of your mind?! Thank God it´s only small cuts” she hastily inspected Tiffany’s hands.

“Why-why didn’t you come back, Kim Taeyeon?”

“Stop calling me that.”

“Stop calling me Miyoung, you have no right to that name either”

“I was scared. I was just really, really scared and I ran away”

“And that’s why you pretended not to know me, right? Because you’re just a moronic coward with a taunting half-smile”

“I was scared”

“Scared of what, Jesus Christ?”

“Scared of being in a relationship, properly, with a girl!”

Tiffany gaped at her.

“Yes, it was worth the effort, just to get close enough to smell your hair and I wanted, I wanted to come back but I was too scared of taking it further. Yes, there’d been other people, other one night things but this was different. This was a real relationship- with a girl”

“You…”

Taeyeon was almost afraid to look up.

“I tried to explain in the next days, but it was already too late. You didn’t want to have anything to do with me so I just thought, well, what does it matter anymore. And became this. This type of person. Kim Taeyeon. But when you pushed me away at the club, I remembered, I remembered who I was, who I used to be. What you were to me. And I didn’t want to live this life anymore.”

“You deserve it” replied Tiffany, but she herself was only half-convinced by her words.

“I thought so too. I thought that, in that case, I should act like the kind of person you thought I was, because what did it matter anymore. You didn’t even want to see. I was childish and I thought, well I shall give her a proper reason to hate me then. And if it hurt, and if I hated myself, well, I deserved it. But I couldn’t keep living like this. I couldn’t because I didn’t realize how much your hate hurt me, I didn’t realize until I was physically facing it at the club”

“I was so angry at you, for the way you were making me feel, for reminding me of everything and embarrassing me in such a way, that I was harsh to you during class”

Taeyeon gave a sad smile.

“But you were even harsher, and I wanted to at least, try and explain before you left. I called out your name but you ignored me.”

“You never called out my name”

“I did. You just decided to slam the door really hard so it was drowned out”

“I tried to tell you in the bathroom, but you were so defensive and somehow I still couldn’t bring myself to do it. I was just too used to living like Kim The Taeyeon to suddenly stop”

“I told you in the library, when you said that I didn’t even know you. Because you’re right, Tiffany. How can anyone be like this, unless they don’t know how much people despise them? But I did know. I know because I despise what I am too.”

“I’m sorry for not coming back. I hate myself all of the time for it”

“Why now?”

Kim Taeyeon shrugged her shoulders.

“I don’t know. Maybe I didn’t realize just how much you hated me, and when I did, I wanted to change.  Or maybe, I’ve always wanted to change, just for you, and when I saw you staring at me while I slept in class I thought that, maybe, maybe, there was still a chance, maybe this is it.”

“You noticed?”

“I also saw you talking to Jessica outside the library about me, that’s why I was waiting around here”

They stood in silence, avoiding each other’s gazes.

“We should probably get out of here, seeing as you smashed the mirror” Taeyeon broke the silence.

“Where do we go on from here?”

“Well, you still have class-“

“I wasn’t talking about that”

“It’s been three years, Tiffany”

“So? You’ve moved on?”

“I-I”

“I haven’t. I don’t think”

“Maybe, you should wait until I stop being a ing moron, then until we give each other time to sort out three years of intense hate and finally, until your hand heals.”

“And until then?”

Kim Taeyeon smiled. Her eyes crinkled and a dimple formed on her chin. It was the most sincere smile in years.

“Until then, call me ‘Taeyeon’”