She had slipped out of her apartment early in the morning, quietly closing the door behind her. She wasn’t ready to face Jessica again, and as much as she hated being wrong, this time Jessica was right. Kim Taeyeon was bringing out the worst out of her, her inner demons and it was either time to let go or face them. She was just unsure of which one would be less painful.

She headed out to the library, still having two hours to go before her first class. The place was empty, except for the meticulous postgrad student that sometimes worked part-time as a librarian, now scanning the pages of Immanuel Kant’s “Critique of Reason”.

She walked past the aisles, to the back, where the old leather-bound books were kept. Since they were barely used, the area was often empty and she could always find a table and evade the procrastinating students who spent their time hitting the screens of ipads, cutting virtual oranges.

She pulled her hoodie up and pressed her exposed forehead against the scratched wood surface of the table. She closed her eyes.

“Sorry-I”

“it’s okay”

“so what’s your name”

“No, I haven’t eaten”

“I don’t like to be on my own”

“What are you doing tonight?”

“Isn’t it a club night?”

“Hey, you okay?”

“Hey, hey, don’t mind him”

“Homesick?”

“What are you d-doing?”

“Do you want me to?”

“Time”

“Let’s go back”

“Are you leaving?”

“I’ll be back”

That’s what she does Jessi, she goes up to people when they are at their lowest.

Just to her ego.

Everyone is stupid in their freshman year. I know I was.

Somebody tapped her shoulder.

She kept her head down. She really wasn’t in the mood to interact with human beings at the moment. After all, she was reliving the memories of possible her worst interaction ever with the worst-

“Uhm, excuse me, but your bag is over my notes and”

Her eyes shot open.

A surge of adrenaline.

Her heart began to beat faster.

She kept her head down.

“Excuse me”

She would have expected the voice to become more impatient, more aggressive, violent even. A rough shake of her shoulders. Not to waver, to sound so insecure.

“Erm, are you okay? Are you feeling well?”

She felt the girl’s hand accidentally brush the hair that flowed out of her covered head.

She still looked down.

A hand on her back.

Tiffany clenched her fists at the memory.

“I hate myself” she replied in a gruff voice.

She heard the chair next to her being pulled up.

“I understand”

“Do you?”

The girl snorted.

“Do you know who I am?”

Tiffany didn’t answer.

“You would think” the girl continued “that everybody would despise right now, right? But they don’t. That’s why because I give them what they want. I make them feel special. I approach them and I’m this over-confident untouchable , with the smirk, the attitude. And hey presto, once I let them come near I pretend to be this poor vulnerable little girl who needs them. And they think, they feel that they must all be incredible people if I let down my guard in front of them. Doesn’t matter what I do to them from there onwards, even if I send their whole world crashing down, they still cling to the idea of the lost and confused girl in need of affection.”

“I think that’s pretty hateful. Don’t you?”

Tiffany struggled to speak.

“Why are you telling me this? You don’t even know me”

Kim Taeyeon gave a small laugh.

And Tiffany knew at that point, that it was all part of the act. The same act she had fallen for all those years ago.

She hurriedly got up and left, making sure that her head was still obscured by the hoodie, and covering her face as well as she could with her hands.

She only pulled her hood down once she was outside in the open air. She ran as quickly as she could back to the locker area so as to stuff her jacket inside, passing through the increasing crowds of sleepy-eyed students. One of which, she might have rammed against especially hard.

“Ouch” they gasped.

Tiffany turned around to quickly apologize.

“Sorry, I’m just in a hurry and- Yoona!”

The other girl smiled.

“Tiffany, right?”

“Yeah, listen, I’m so sorry. I just have to drop some stuff in the locker area-“

“Oh me too. Mind if I tag along?”

Tiffany was slightly confused. She knew Yoona from afar, having talked to her a few times and despite her constant presence in the poisoning shadow of Kim Taeyeon, she was alright in her books. But from there to suddenly walking together to the locker area was a bit of a stretch in their relationship status.

“So how’s the year so far?” Yoona asked nonchalantly.

“Erm, good I guess. Nearly done, right?” she grinned.

Yoona smiled back.

“Yeah, nearly. Any plans for this summer?”

Tiffany was still taken back by the polite conversation.

“Erm, maybe Europe with some friends but, yeah, that’s very vague. You?”

“Taeyeon’s family has a house in a resort in the Caribbean Islands, from like some sort of investment program where they get it for some time every year. So, I think this year, we may be using it ourselves.”

“Sounds nice”

“Yeah”

“Yoona?”

“Hm?”

“Can I ask you a personal question?”

“…maybe.”

“Why are you always with them? Specially Kim Taeyeon- don’t take it badly, it’s just that you seem so different…at least from the way that girl treats people”

Yoona stopped in her tracks.

“You think so?”

“Huh?”

“You think Taeyeon treats people differently from the way I treat them?”

“Well, yeah-“

“And from the way you treat them?”

There was something piercing in Yoona’s tone.

“I- is this about the club?” she asked tentatively.

“Maybe, maybe about the class, the bathroom”

“I’ve just being having a bad week and she, I-…“

She burst.

“You’ve seen how she treats people right, Yoona?!” she raised her voice.

“Don’t tell me you haven’t seen it, come on” her voice got louder and louder every second “someone, SOMEONE, has to stand up to her”

“But why now, Tiffany?”

“What?”

“I don’t understand it. Why is it coming out now? It’s been three years”

Tiffany lowered her voice and pulled Yoona closer.

“What are you talking about?”

“You know what I’m talking about- the reason why you really hate her so much”

“Why do you know?”

“Huh?”

“Why do you know?” she tightened her grip around Yoona.

“Because she told me”

“But why?”

“Why what, Tiffany? You’re hurting me!”

She let go of Yoona’s arm.

“Why would she tell you?”

Tiffany’s voice did not denote angriness or confusion. Instead there was a tinge of sadness.

“Why wouldn’t she? I’m her friend”

“You don’t understand” Tiffany shook her head. “Why would I be so important?”

A shadow crossed Yoona’s face.

“I-I, she tells me everything, really, every single one. She’s like that, you know. Boasting and bragging”

Tiffany furrowed her eyebrows

“I guess, I should’ve known she’d be like this.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry but it’s not like Miyoung’s case would be different or anything-“

“What?”

Yoona covered , realizing her mistake.

“” she mouthed silently.

“Yoona, how do you know my Korean name?”

Yoona opened again, but found herself unable to answer.

“Tiffany” she finally said “when she’s with me, she doesn’t treat people differently”                  

Tiffany was already running back to the library.

“…sometimes there’s just someone out there who can ease the pain…”

“And sometimes, there’s just someone out there who can send everything crashing again”

The memories pounded at her brain, as if bursting to get out.

Kim Taeyeon.

Always at the centre of everything.

She arrived at the library, completely breathless and mustered enough energy to practically crawl up the stairs and push the door open, just by leaning on it.

“Is Kim Taeyeon here?”  she asked the surprised postgraduate, who could only shake his head in response.

“But you know who she is, right?”

“Everybody does.”

She let out a sigh of frustration and ran back outside the library.

“Where are you?” she said more to herself than anyone in particular.

Someone stood in front of her.

“Tiffany?”

“Hey Jessica” she said, in a defeated tone.

“What-what’s going on?” she asked, appalled at her friend’s state.

“What always goes on”

“Huh?”

“Do you know where Kim Taeyeon is?”

“Kim- wait, Tiffany, what are you going to do?!” she jerked her friend by the shoulder. “Stop it okay, you have this ing weird obsession with her, it´s turning you into an ugly person”

Tiffany cracked a smile.

“I know”

Jessica pushed her away, disgusted.

“For ’s sake, you guys even have the same smile now”

Later, Tiffany thought, as she went down the library steps for the second time in the space of an hour, later I’ll explain everything to her.

Kim Taeyeon watched from the side.