Nichkhun gels his hair to hold it in place as he prepares to go to work. Charlotte ruffles out of bed to prepare her husband as she ironed his black slacks and baby-blue dress shirt. Their son Nicholas was still sound asleep in his room. Six in the morning wasn't the right time to have a four year old up. The weekend ran by and Monday came just too quick.

 

"Honey, here's a cup of coffee and your favorite French bread." Charlotte placed the small breakfast at the table just to be rejected.

 

"I'm fine, but thanks. I'll eat at work." Nichkhun walks on by and closes the door.

 

With a deep sigh, Charlotte decides to devour it herself as she watch the sun make its way up the sky. Lately, her husband seems to not be himself. She believes he must be having it hard at the university as a professor. Is it because she resigned from her job to take care of Nicholas that he's stressing about finance? It can't be though because they're financially stable, with every bill paid for and due at the right time.

 

 As the clock nine, indicating it was time for the little one to wake up to a new day. Charlotte attended her precious baby and brought him over to the living room to accompany her.

 

---------------------------------

 

Nichkhun reaches the university as he parks his car next to a red BMW. A female silhouette could be spotted through the glass windows of the vehicle.

 

"Good morning, Mr. Horvejkul." Miss. Kang seductively greeted.

 

"Hello there, Miss. Anna Kang." Nichkhun waved off.

 

The two philosophy professors walked into their adjacent classrooms.

 

"I waited to eat breakfast with you." Nichkhun commented as he smiled heavenly.

 

"Well, your waiting is rewarded. I picked up donuts and coffee for us." Anna made her way over to Nichkhun's desk as she leans on it. Lowering herself to his level, she pecks his lips gently.

 

"Sweetness." Nichkhun winks.

 

-----------------------------------

 

Everyday as Nichkhun goes to work, his feelings for Anna continued to grow. Charlotte knows nothing about his meets and cheats, but she believed her husband wasn't one to be such a person. Nichkhun slowly drifted from his little family, spending less time with them. To him, his wife's coffee only grew bitter as Anna's coffee became sweeter. Anna's appearance became lovelier than Charlotte's which only became plain. His heart sped for Anna like a young lover whereas his heart only felt empty and hollow around Charlotte. The husband grew silent in the house and soon, the wife became silent as well. Charlotte didn't know what to say, how to be, who she was, or who she was married to anymore.

 

"Goodnight, Nichkhun." Charlotte felt her husband creep into bed just to see that he turned his back towards her. There was a fine gap between them. The gap only seemed to grow farther as every night passed. Charlotte never bothered to push her husband into telling her what was wrong, but she knew things had changed even if she didn't know the reason why.

 

"Mhmm. Night." Nichkhun looks at their wedding picture on the night stand. He extends his arm and placed the photo frame face down before he shuts his eyes.

 

As time moved on, Charlotte never fought Nichkhun over his actions even though it killed her over and over. She gently dealt with his quietness and distance. She too, stopped saying 'good mornings' and 'good nights'. It came to the point that she stopped cooking meals because he no longer ate at home with her and Nicholas. Nichkhun grew tired watching Charlotte act with kindness and gentleness even though she didn't speak with him any longer as well. The more his wife endured his cruel silent treatment, the more he felt he should file the divorce papers. He didn't want to keep her any longer if they stopped feeling love toward one another. His love had stopped a long time ago. He only kept her around because he pitied her. He knew she still loved him, but now it seems as if she had also grown weary of their life together. To him, he believed it was time to call an end.

 

 

"Charlotte, we need to talk." Nichkhun came and sat on the couch across from Charlotte who was watching TV after she patted Nicholas to his nap time.

 

"What is it?" She turned off the TV and listened to Nichkhun intensely, almost excited to hear what he finally had to say to her after a long duration of time.

 

"I think it's best for us to go our own ways now." Nichkhun looked down to his feet as he folded his hands together.

 

The woman's heart clenched tightly almost suffocating her. She hesitated upon speaking. "Can I ask why?" Her eyes held tears that were trying not to spill. "What did I do wrong?" She blamed herself before her husband could even clarify.

 

Nichkhun heard her voice quiver which caused him to look at her sorrow-filled expression. "It's-it's not you. It's because we're just not right for each other." He rubs his hand together as his heart slowly weakened to see the tears of the girl who once was his best friend and lover.

 

"Is it what you really want?" Charlotte asked carefully hoping he'd take back what he said.

 

Nichkhun swallowed and nodded. He pulls a brown folder and slipped some papers out. It was none other than the divorce papers. "Please sign where all the 'X's are." He slide over the papers on the coffee table.

 

"I'll do as you wish." Charlotte took the pen and replaced the blank lines with her signature.

 

Nichkhun made his way to the bedroom and from there, he could clearly hear the piercing sound of his soon-to-be-ex-wife's cry. He could tell she was trying to hold in her wail. Somehow, he felt his heart pity her even more. He never thought he'd hurt a woman, but here he was going to divorce his wife. He was more than sure to go on with his plan. After all, he had Anna who was willing to love him and care for him. Her soft hands felt better in his. Her face was more glamorous next to his. Her kisses were to-die-for. Her body felt perfect in his frame. Their similar profession was a bonus. He was ready to say goodbye to Charlotte and make it official with Anna.

 

---------------------------------

 

After the dreadful night, Charlotte returned the documents to Nichkhun. Luckily, she caught him just in time to talk to him before he left to the university. Partly, it was because she couldn't sleep at all.

 

"Nichkhun, can we talk really quick?"

 

Nichkhun looked at his watch. It pained Charlotte's heart to see him glance at his watch as if he was in a rush to leave.

 

"Sure," He sighed.

 

"We'll get a divorce, but please give it a year before you send in the papers. Wait a year until Nicholas is 5 and then we can separate." Charlotte controlled her tears to not let them fall. "I want us to see him start kindergarten together. Until then, can we act lovingly in front of our son before we depart? I want him to see that we love each other although that may not be the case."

 

Nichkhun gave it a long thought. "A year is quite long. I don't know."

 

"Please, a year is all I ask for." She found herself cling onto his arm as she begged. "Let's do this for our son."

 

Her husband finally nodded in agreement. "Fine." After agreeing, he left the house.

 

---------------------------------------

 

 

"She's asking for a year?! Why not now? Don't you want us to start a life together soon?" Anna hugged Nichkhun around the waist from the back as he drank her coffee, looking out the window of his classroom.

 

"Trust me. A year will go by quick. Don't worry." Nichkhun turned around to kiss her forehead.

 

 

 

Nichkhun and Charlotte cuddled on their bed with smiles as Nicholas sat in between them. Nichkhun had finished reading a storybook for his son and patted him to sleep. Charlotte kissed her son's cheek as his eyes slowly closed. Once he's drowned in deep sleep, Nichkhun carried him to his room and nicely placed him in his bed.

 

"Goodnight, baby boy." Nichkhun pecked him lightly before leaving the room.

 

As Nichkhun walked in, he saw that Charlotte was no longer in the room. Ever since they decided to put on an act for their son, she no longer looked at him or spoke with him unless Nicholas was around. The only light in the house now was their son. Through all the days and night of them pretending, it was the first night that Charlotte wasn't in the room. He decided to wander for her. Fortunately, he found her only in the next room, asleep or so it looked like she was.

 

Charlotte heard the door crack open and suddenly tightened her eyes shut. She knew that he probably was smart enough to find out that it was unbelievable for her to fall asleep this quick. Knowing that, she still didn't make a movement just to avoid confronting him, seeing him. Luckily, she heard the door close after he only peeked in.

 

 

-------------------------------------

 **1 YEAR PASS**

 

"Baby, are you ready for school?" Charlotte smiled widely.

 

"Yes mommy!" The little boy pulled on his Captain America backpack and his lunch pail in his free hand while the other balanced him while resting on his father's shoulder. Nichkhun had bent down to tie his son's shoe.

 

"You're all ready big boy!" Nichkhun patted his head.

 

The "happy" family drove off to the son's school to help him start his first day. As they reached the schoolyard, the parents kissed their little one goodbye and expressed their love to him before letting him go. Tears could be seen coming down from Charlotte's face as Nichkhun glanced at her.

 

"What's wrong? Why are you crying?" He placed his hand over Charlotte's which tightly clung onto the strap of her purse.

 

Removing her hand from under his, she spoke simply. "Nothing. I just can't believe Nicholas is growing up so quick." She wiped her tears. Although, that was part of her reason, it wasn't the full truth.

 

"Yeah. He's growing up." Nichkhun shortly agreed.

 

"A year went by too quick..." She whispered.

 

"What was that?" Nichkhun questioned.

 

"Nothing. Please drop me off at the hospital." She notified him dryly.

 

"Why? Are you not feeling well?"

 

"No, it's not that. I have to turn in these papers to the hospital." She breathed. "I'm reapplying for a job again since Nicholas no longer needs me to babysit him." Charlotte reasoned.

 

"Do you want me to wait-"

 

"No. Go on home. I'll catch a taxi back if anything. The interview is going to be quite long. Remember to pick Nicholas up." Charlotte cut him short and ran into the hospital building.

 

----------------------------------------

 

Everyday she'd send Nicholas to school and picked him up, but ever since she told Nichkhun she got the job at the hospital, she came home late every night. Nichkhun was now responsible for watching and cooking for Nicholas and himself from the evening into the night. 

 

On the weekends, the family would always be doing something whether it's out to the park, the lake, or out to eat somewhere nice. Today, the family stopped at an ice cream shop for something sweet.

 

"What kind of ice cream would you like?" Nichkhun asked Nicholas.

 

"Chocolate! I want the chocolate one!" Nicholas jumped up and down excitedly.

 

"Okay. What do you want sweetie?" Nichkhun asked his wife.

 

Her heart winced at him calling her by that, but she didn't show it. "I'd like vanilla."

 

Eating their hearts away, Charlotte had a smear of vanilla ice cream on her lips.

 

Her son points at her and she grew confused. Nichkhun didn't understand either.

 

"Daddy, mommy's lips! Mommy's lips!" He gleefully chirped.

 

Getting the wrong understanding of it, Nichkhun questioned, "Kiss mommy?"

 

Once Charlotte heard that, she responded, "No-"

 

Too late. His lips met hers. The peck ended quick as Charlotte pulled back and pushed Nichkhun away. "Why would you do this in front of the child?" Charlotte hid her butterflies under her annoyed tone.

 

Nichkhun blushed and only smiled. Everything about him being sweet to her around their son made her feel as if they've traveled back into their young days. It tore her heart apart that soon, they weren't going to be together anymore.

 

 As night came, the nightly routine of sharing the bed and reading to there son came again. 

 

"Goodnight mommy!" Nicholas was carried on Nichkhun's back on the way to his room.

 

"Goodnight, baby. Sleep well." Charlotte waved off and prepared herself to go sleep in the next room like all the other times after the first when Nichkhun had discovered. Just as she was going to step out, Nichkhun met her on the way.

 

"Where are you going?" He asked, blocking her way.

 

"Sleep. " she ran her fingers through her damp hair.

 

"Oh, right." He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

 

She moved to the side to find her way out, yet he blocks her again.

 

"Sleep here tonight......with me......" He persuaded her.

 

"It's fine. I'll sleep in my room." She attempted to escape again.

 

"No, please sleep here in our room." Nichkhun wouldn't stop until she agreed. "Just tonight, please? What if he runs into the room because of a nightmare and finds you not in bed?" He reasoned.

 

"He wouldn't. He never did."

 

"He might start to." A small smile could be seen forming on Nichkhun's face in the dim light.

 

Charlotte heaved and her shoulders dropped in defeat. She walked back to the bed and laid on her usual side of the bed with her back towards him.

 

"Just tonight," she said to herself. "Only tonight..."

 

Nichkhun leaped on as well and scooted towards her. To him, it felt as if time with his family made his heart begin to stumble for his wife again. All the family dates and affection they've put on for their son slowly made him want his wife all over again. As he scooted towards her, he lightly placed his arm over her waist. Charlotte stiffened at the contact.

 

"What are you doing? Nicholas isn't even here." Charlotte told him.

 

With her scent traveling into his nostrils, he grinned happily. "Let me keep my arm here just incase Nicholas comes in. You don't want him to think we hate each other, do you?" Nichkhun enjoyed lying his way to reason with her just so he can start holding her close again.

 

"Not now. Don't make me fall for you even more when the year is almost over." Her inner self spoke within. "It's almost the end for us."

 

To Nichkhun, he embraced the moment and once she was asleep, he turned her over so that he can take a glimpse of her features. Looking closely, he could see that indeed, she was the definition of beautiful. How could he see Anna worth more than his own wife? Her fare, flawless skin was still visible although he could see that she has aged a little after the birth of their son. Regardless, she was still just as beautiful with her petite body that fit his and with her calm face that never let negativity wash over. Her lips were still just as kissable and her long, luscious hair was still so soft. He kissed her softly as he closed his eyes to soak in all that he can. He was guilty for being such a jerk, but at least he could comprehend that. This woman in front of him deserved all of him as she had already given all of her to him. She gave him her heart and entrusted him to keep it well and overall, she gave him a beautiful son. Why wasn't he satisfied from the start?

 

 

-----------------------------------------

 

 

"Anna, I don't want us being like this. This year has taught me to love my wife. I can see that she truly loves me. I have a child to care for and I can't afford to let my family down like this. There's many great men out there and you deserve someone better." Nichkhun confessed to Anna.

 

"Nichkhun, why are you saying this?! You're suppose to get a divorce with her and we were going to get married!" She stormed as she broke the pencil in her hand.

 

"I'm sorry. It's not right for us to be like this especially because I'm a married man." He fled her classroom and was on his way home to tell his wife he loves her.

 

 

 

He made a stop at the floral shop and bought his wife her favorite flowers, pink carnations. After buying a dozen, he carefully placed them on the passenger seat and sped home to meet his wife. As what seemed like too long for his heart to contain, he reached the drive way and bursted through the front door.

 

"Nichkhun, quiet down. Nicholas is taking is nap." Charlotte looked up from her ream of papers at the table.

 

Nichkhun cared less about his wife's remark although he whispered an apology for his sleeping son. 

 

"Now that you're home, I'm leaving to work. I already made dinner over there and everything is set." She neatly lined up the papers in front of her together. "Here."

 

She handed him the papers he had forgotten about. His heart broke at the scene, but he wanted to clarify to her that he no longer wanted a divorce and confess his apology and beg for heart again. With the carnations still hidden behind his back, he didn't know how to give them to her at this point. He watched her pack her bags and was about to reach for the door until he blocked the doorknob to prevent her from walking out on him and his life.

 

"I don't want these papers. I want you." He started.

 

"Are you crazy? Move." She tried pushing him aside, but instead met with her favorite flowers as they were presented in front of her. "Carnations?" She dropped her bags onto the wood floor and held the batch of carnations.

 

"Your favorite. I remember it well." Nichkhun smiled proudly.

 

The sight of the man she loves and the carnations made her heart flutter. It was obvious that a part of her have softened up, but she had to toughen herself. She let go of the flowers and slammed them onto the glistening floor. It hurts her to be like this to Nichkhun, but it was a must. His warm smile vanished and his puppy eyes turned into sadness as if his heart was just stepped on.

 

"Nichkhun, it's over between us. A year ends today." She harshly pushed him out of her way and picked up her bags.

 

"I don't want us to end anymore. I call the deal off." He gripped her wrist to stop her. "I want us to be a happy family. Can't you forgive me?"

 

"I forgive you, but it's all too late. We can't. Please, just let me go." She wailed as she looked down to his hand that was wrapped around her wrist. "Let me go. It'll be easier for me to let you go forever if you let go of me. You're only making it harder on me. You've already moved on, so now let me move on." She spoke through her tears.

 

"But why can't you accept coming back to me? I've held on to your words and through the year, it made me realize how much I love you. Don't you love me too?"

 

"Of course, I love you. I never stopped, but now is the wrong time for this. In my heart, I've already accepted our separation and I'm sticking through with it. When I agreed to you wanting to divorce me, I made sure I was going to abide to your desire. There's no turning back."

 

"I don't want to lose you. Can't you stay?" His voice trembled as his tears began to stream down his handsome face.

 

"You haven't lost me yet, but you're going to." Her response triggered his mind.

 

"Have you met someone? Am I that late?"

 

She shook her head. "Bye, Nichkhun. I have to go. Take care and tell Nicholas I love him dearly. I already kissed him goodbye, but please kiss him once more for me."  With that, she popped the door open, ran into her car and drove off. Nichkhun was two steps too late to catch her. Seeing her drive off, he cried loudly and screamed out his aching soul.

 

"Daddy? Are you okay?" Nicholas appeared through the hallway, rubbing his eyes.

 

 

--------------------------------------

 

 

A day passed and Nichkhun had no way of contacting Charlotte. Nicholas kept asking, but Nichkhun had no answer. He began giving his son excuses that were different every hour. 

 

"I miss mommy, daddy. Where did she go? Did she go get ice cream without me?" Nicholas pouted.

 

"Silly, I miss her too. She wouldn't be that mean to go get ice cream without us." Nichkhun kissed his son's cheek just like Charlotte always did.

 

Suddenly, his phone rang and he hopped it was Charlotte returning his calls. 

 

"Hello........?" He answered.

 

Whatever the person on the other line said, it made him dash Nicholas and him into the car. 

 

-------------------------------------

 

 

"I'm sorry Mr. Horvejkul. Your wife didn't make it. The cancer cells took over her body too quick that chemotherapy couldn't save her in time. I'm sorry for your loss." The doctor spoke to Nichkhun in his office.

 

"It can't be doctor. She told me she works here. She never once told be she had cancer." His swollen, red eyes were visible as he choked out his words. It was then he realized that every night she said she went to work at the hospital, she never once dressed in her nurse outfit. It then clicked that she lied to him while the purpose for every night was for treatment. He cried harder into the palm of his hands at the thought.

 

"She probably didn't want you to worry. She's a very considerate person and very lovable too. She never once turned negative during every visit for treatment. You're a lucky man to have had such a lovely wife." The doctor consoled him. "She's in a better place now, so don't you worry."

 

Every word Nichkhun heard, it didn't make him any better. It only made him hate himself for putting Charlotte through so much when she was physically hurting, yet he made her emotionally burdened.

 

"Before I forget, she wrote this last letter and told me to give it to you." The doctor handed a white envelope to Nichkhun.

 

 

He opened it with determination to see what she had left him. His eyes skimmed each word and with each word, a tear drop highlighted it.

 

 

To the Love of My Life:

 

Nichkhun, I'm thankful I had the chance to share my life with you. I believe I'm the happiest among all the girls in the world. Even better, we were able to have a beautiful son who kept me companied everyday you went to work. He reminds me so much of you. Being with him, I could go on with the day feeling as if I also spent the day with you too. After a while, you got busy with work and time drifted you away, but I never doubted your love for me. I'm sorry I made you work so hard to support your son and me. I know I told you I resigned from my job to care for Nicholas, but the truth is that I had cancer and my workplace no longer wanted me there. The day you presented those papers to me, I was jubilant that you finally spoke to me though your words crushed me. It was the exact day I discovered my cancer had gotten worse. The doctor told me I had a year left and I had to spend it well. Because of my sickness, I decided to make that deal with you. Through the last year I had, I enjoyed every bit although I didn't show it to you very much. Every date we had together as a family and every night we read to Nicholas, it was all a dream come true. I know many cancer victims desire to travel around the world for their last time, but all I wanted was for our little family to be happy and for us as parents, to show our son that we truly loved one another. I asked for us to pretend our love, but truthfully, I expressed every bit of my feelings. The ice cream kiss sent butterflies in my stomach and I regret pushing you away so soon. The last night we shared the bed, the warmth of your body made me feel protected and I was able to sleep. I've missed sleeping like that. I knew you stole a kiss from me that night, but it's okay because I loved it very much. Your scent expanded my lungs and made me forget that I was severely ill. Last but not least, thank you for the carnations you gave me yesterday. They made me happy knowing that you went out of your way to buy them just for me. Hearing your last confession made my world a brighter place and I was more than happy to leave knowing you love me. I was glad that through our pretending, we actually weren't. We meant everything with our heart. I love you and Nicholas so much. Please take care of him and yourself. I love you.

 

Charlotte Horvejkul

 

 

Nichkhun's tears were unending. He lost her. He was too late. There was no way to bring her back into his arms, into his life. It was a real goodbye forever.