The Side Effects
Something FluttersPresent Day
Jongin stares at his reflection with a noticeable frown. He's wearing a specially tailored Armani white tuxedo with black satin lapels and a matching bow tie, his hair is sleek and styled up, his skin flawlessly golden. Everything about his look is perfect, except his eyes – his terrified looking eyes. He's not ready.
“I can't do this,” he sighs, shaking his head, and sounding slightly mournful.
“What you do mean you can't do this?” asks Tao from where he sat.
Jongin turns to face his best men, who were both dressed in identical black suits with white ties. “I don't think I'm ready,” he panics, his voice cracking near the end.
Tao glances at Sehun who quickly meets his gaze. “Didn't I tell you he was going to be like this?” Tao asks, and though he tried hard not to, Jongin could tell that Tao wanted nothing more than to showcase his usual smirk.
“That's nice that you know so much about me, Tao, but could we focus on the bigger problem here? I'm minutes away from walking down the aisle, and I'm nowhere near ready. Is that not a major concern for you guys?”
Sehun chuckles, as if Jongin's problem was some sort of joke. Jongin represses the sudden urge to throw something at his friend.
“You're just nervous,” Sehun informs him. “It's perfectly normal.”
Jongin loosens his bow tie (it felt as though he was being strangled), and he shoots Sehun a hard look. “But you weren't this nervous on your wedding day.”
Sehun smiles and shrugs. “I was going to marry my soulmate. Honestly, the thought didn't terrify me at all.”
Tao chuckles. “Being married to Luhan has made you soft, Sehun.”
Sehun's smile grows wider at the mention of Luhan. “Has it?”
Jongin groans. “Guys, let's get back to my problem,” he urges, turning back around to face the mirror. “What am I going to do?”
Tao stands up and casually walks over to him. “Simple. You're going to marry Kyungsoo like you are supposed to,” he says, placing his hand awkwardly on Jongin's shoulder – his attempt at comforting him.
Jongin shakes his head and closes his eyes. “But I can't. I'm picturing us at the altar, standing there, facing each other, and it just all seems hazy and scary. I almost feel dizzy, and my heart is beating too fast, and I – I just can't.”
He opens his eyes again, and sees Tao giving him a pitiful look before glancing over his shoulder for backup. He gestures for Sehun to come help.
“Look, Jongin, it's fine to feel this way. This is a huge step. You're getting married,” says Sehun as he makes his way over to where they were standing. “It's a promise of forever, till death do you part.”
“In front of hundreds of people,” Tao adds, causing Jongin's heart to race even more. He's forgotten about the guests. There were so many of them. All waiting. He swallows thickly.
“But don't let that get to you,” Sehun advises. “You're going to marry the love of your life, and that's all that matters. Just picture Kyungsoo in his suit, smiling at you, eyes warm and ready to give you his forever. Doesn't that sound perfect? Don't you want that?”
Jongin sighs. “I do.”
“So what's the problem?” asks Tao, expression confused.
“I – I put on the ring this morning, before we got here,” explains Jongin as his fingers brush against the cold metal object in his pocket. “And it felt.....heavy. Unbearably heavy. There's just so much that is expected of me once I put on that ring, once I give Kyungsoo his ring. I'm not sure I can handle that.”
Sehun places a firm hand on his other shoulder. “It's only heavy if you believe it is.”
“What do you mean?”
“What I mean is that you're over thinking this – this marriage thing. It's not going to drastically change your life, Jongin. You've been living with Kyungsoo for years. You know him better than anyone, and you love him more than anything. Marrying him isn't going to change that. It's just a ring, an official title – another label. Don't let that label stop you from being happy.”
Tao quirks one of his eyebrows, looking surprised and amused at the same time. “Damn, Sehun. You've never sounded so elegant. I couldn't have said it better myself. Guess marriage does have its benefits.”
“I speak from the heart,” Sehun says with a cheesy smile.
“I spoke too soon,” exclaims Tao with a snort.
“Do you really think I'm over thinking this?” Jongin asks, eyes on Sehun. “I'm not really terrified, am I? It's all in my head?”
Sehun shakes his head. “Oh, you're legitimately scared, but why you're scared is simply a result of your over thinking. Does that make sense?”
“I – I think so? So it's all up here.” Jongin taps his forehead. “I just have to stop over thinking this entire thing, and just do it.”
“Right. Glad we got that –”
“What if I'm the wrong person?” Jongin blurts out. “What if Kyungsoo deserves someone better?”
Tao drops his hand, and shakes his head. “Here we go.” He walks back to his chair and sits down. “Back to square one,” he says.
“Trust us, Jongin,” Sehun starts. “You're the right person. Kyungsoo would have never, in a million years, said yes if you weren't the right one.”
“What if the only reason he said yes was because of my smoldering good looks?”
Tao snorts from where he sits. Jongin ignores him. “What if I can't be the husband he wants? What if I'm a major screw-up? I can't cook very well. I haven't figured out how to do our taxes. I can't do laundry even though I've tried. I don't make a lot of money, not even a fifth of what you two make every year. I'm horrible with my in-laws, and I think I may have road rage. Honestly, on paper, I sound like someone you should avoid marrying.”
“Can't argue with that,” says Tao.
Sehun shoots Tao a look that basically meant You're not helping. Tao responds with a lazy shrug.
Jongin groans. Leaning his forehead against the mirror, he whispers, “I don't want to ruin his life.”
“You're not going to,” Sehun says tersely.
“But I –”
Knock. Knock.
Jongin's eyes widens, and there's real fear in them when he turns around to face the door. Tao and Sehun also look toward the door, though they didn't look as anxious as Jongin did.
The door creaks open, and Luhan's face makes an appearance before the rest of his body does. He smiles at them and asks, “Are you boys ready?”
Jongin releases an ugly gargled sound, and quickly turns around. Sehun sighs at his pathetic reaction, while Tao tries not to laugh at him.
“Um. No, not exactly,” answers Sehun as he steps toward Luhan, blocking Jongin from Luhan's sight.
“What's wrong?” Luhan asks.
From the mirror, Jongin could see Sehun glancing back at him before answering Luhan, in a hushed tone, “Jongin's experiencing...um...stomach problems. Yeah. He's not feeling too well at the moment.”
It's not exactly the best lie he could have came up, but Jongin's glad nonetheless that he can count on Sehun to be his supportive best friend. Tao, on the other hand, is slowly turning red as he continues to suppress his laughter.
“Oh.” Luhan peeks over Sehun's shoulders, and he catches Jongin's eyes for a brief moment. There's understanding in Luhan's sparkly brown orbs, and Jongin finds it oddly comforting.
Luhan brings his attention back to Sehun, and he starts whispering something. Sehun nods and answers Luhan in a quiet voice, too soft for Jongin to hear. After a minute, when they were done talking, Luhan gives Sehun a quick kiss on the lips before he left. Sehun turns around and blinks at Jongin, unable to hide his brilliant (satisfied) smile.
For a second, Jongin wonders if he smiles like that whenever Kyungsoo kisses him...
Does he look as smitten as Sehun?...
He quickly chases these thoughts out of his mind.
“What did he say?” he asks.
“He said he'll help us stall for a few minutes,” replies Sehun as he takes a seat across from Tao, who, thankfully, has calmed down. “Only a few minutes though. This wedding is still going to happen, Jongin.”
“Yeah. We didn't take time out of our busy schedule for you not to get married,” Tao adds. “You just have to get over this.”
“But I can't,” Jongin moans as he plops down next to Sehun. “I just feel so unsure, and everything doesn't feel right.”
“Should we bring Kyungsoo over here?” Tao asks, tapping his fingers on the armrest of his chair. “Would that help?”
“No!” Jongin quickly objects. “I don't want him to see me like this. It'll make me feel worse because apparently, he's ready to marry me.” He looks at Sehun for confirmation since he was the only one who spoke to Luhan.
Sehun nods, and Jongin's heart cracks a little. Kyungsoo's ready to marry him, but why isn't he ready?
“I feel horrible,” he suddenly confesses. “Sick to my stomach actually.”
“So Sehun's embarrassing lie comes true,” Tao utters with amazement.
Ignoring Tao's comment, Sehun reaches over and pats him on the back. “You'll feel better soon when you see Kyungsoo. Trust me. And doesn't the thought of him ready to marry you any minute from now cheer you up? Does it not make you less hesitant?”
Jongin blinks. Sehun's right. There is comfort, real assurance, in knowing that Kyungsoo wants to marry him. The person he loves wants to marry him. Why is he hesitating?
“I – I guess you could be right,” he mutters, his mind suddenly bombarded with images of Kyungsoo in his white tuxedo, smiling and saying I do. It's no longer hazy, and though his heart continues to beat faster, it's not out of fear anymore.
“I'm going to marry Kyungsoo,” he slowly states, as if tasting the words on his tongue. “I'm marrying Kyungsoo,” he repeats, sounding more sure.
“Who else would you marry?” Tao asks, eyebrows furrowed. Sehun silently tells him to be quiet.
Jongin abruptly stands up and starts pacing. “There's a good reason why I asked him to marry me, right? Because I wanted to marry him. I was sure when I bought the engagement ring that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. It made perfect sense then, and it should now. I'm happiest when I'm with Kyungsoo...I shouldn't be hesitating. It's what I want – what I dream of doing.”
“Yes.” Sehun gives him a proud smile, while Tao starts clapping slowly, dramatically. “We're finally getting somewhere,” says Tao.
“Maybe I was nervous because I've never been a husband before. The thought of being someone's husband is scary because it's new to me. But I shouldn't be afraid because like you said, Sehun, it's just a label. I'm still going to be Kim Jongin. The only difference is that I'm going to be wearing a ring everyday from now on – a ring that symbolizes my commitment to Kyungsoo. And I'm not afraid of commitment. Definitely not.”
“Does it all make sense now?” Tao asks.
Jongin stops pacing and nods. “It makes a lot of sense now.”
Sehun gets up and, putting his hands inside his pockets, he calmly asks, “So now you know what you have to do?”
The corners of Jongin's lips tug upwards. “I'm going to marry Kyungsoo, and make him mine.”
“Because?”
“Because I love him,” Jongin states. No hesitation. No worries. A definite answer. One that has always been there.
“Finally.” Tao stands up and stretches. “I'm getting hungry, so can we please get Jongin married right now?”
Sehun chuckles. “I think we can do that.” He eyes Jongin. “You ready?”
Jongin takes a deep breath before answering, “Yes. I'm ready.”
“You can do this,” Tao cheers with a grin on his face.
“I can do this,” Jongin repeats. “I'm going to marry my amigo.”
“The shortest amigo,” Tao adds with a playful glint in his eyes.
Sehun shakes his head. “Let's do this.” He stretches his hand out in front of the others. “On three.”
Tao reluctantly places his right hand on top of Sehun's. “I'm honestly too cool for this.”
“Shut up, Tao.”
Jongin smiles. He walks over to where his best friends stood, and puts his hand on top of theirs. “One.”
“Two,” counts Tao.
“Three,” Sehun finishes.
“WOO!” they shout as they lift their hands up.
“That was definitely embarrassing,” remarks Tao, causing the other two to laugh.
Jongin takes a quick look at his friends. “Thanks guys.”
“No problem, Jongin. We're always here for you,” says Sehun.
“Now let's get you married!” shouts Tao, and Jongin couldn't have been more excited to do exactly that.
*******
Kyungsoo plops down face first on the sofa. “I can't do this,” he says, voice muffled against the cushions.
“Can't do what?” asks Yixing when he makes his way over.
Kyungsoo turns his head to the side, revealing his alarmingly pale face. “I can't marry Jongin,” he breathes, lips trembling.
Luhan, who was fixing his bow tie in front of the mirror, frowns. “That's not good.”
Kyungsoo knows it's not. It's definitely not good for him to be second guessing his decision to marry Jongin on the day of their wedding. It's completely wrong.
He groans before quickly hiding his face inside the soft cushions once more.
Yixing sits down next to Kyungsoo, and instead of letting Kyungsoo lay there, he forces him to sit up. “Talk to us, Soo,” he demands, although his voice was gentle.
Kyungsoo sighs. “I'm scared.”
“Of marrying Jongin?”
“Of everything.” Kyungsoo puts his head between his hands. “What if we're not ready for this? We're still young, you know? Are we prepared for this? Living together and being married isn't exactly the same thing, is it?”
Yixing and Luhan look at each other before answering simultaneously, “It's the same thing.”
“Wh – What?”
Luhan takes a seat on Kyungsoo's other side. “You're thinking too much, Soo. Being married to Jongin and living with him isn't any different from what you've been doing. He's still going to be the same sloppy Jongin.”
“Except he won't be simply Jongin – he'll be Jongin, my husband.”
“And why does that scare you?” Yixing asks.
“Because – because I – Jongin – husband,” Kyungsoo mutters incoherently before and covering his face in shame.
Yixing nods as if he understood what Kyungsoo said. “It's okay, Kyungsoo. You're just nervous. It is a big day.”
Kyungsoo takes his hands away from his face and stares at his friends accusingly. “Then why weren't you two nervous when you got married?”
“I was ready to marry Suho,” answers Yixing, voice reminiscent. “He was, and still is, the one.”
Comments