'I Love You' three words that looks simple but have a thousand of meanings, the phrase which looks easy to be pronounce but it’s not especially to our crush and that what keep lurking me this past 5 months. I want to confess to him, I want to say that phrase to him but it’s always fail to me until I think my courage had disappear and also my hope. I open my diary and reads back all my write in there, almost every page in the diary stated his name which I realize how much I love this man, how madly I admire him and how badly I want him into my life. As I read through my diary, I found a note that I write regarding how to confess to someone that I found in the net and almost every steps in the note I’ve done but somewhat my mission always fails which makes me wonder if the article that I’ve found is lying or I’m the one who never had a luck. ‘Kim Jong Kook’ I read again his name in the diary, the man that I’ve ever dream for, the man that had give my heart pounding so bad even just by saying his name and the man that I know not easy to be reach; he is like an expensive germs that had been adore by a lots of woman make me realize can a normal person like me will ever had a chance to have him, will I be lucky enough in my life. I know we are in different life cycle, he is from the high authority while I’m just a normal person, we like a prince and the pauper; he is my boss while I’m just the normal salary woman who keep struggling everyday in my life. But just like a fairytale or a drama, I hope my life also become like those in the story and I know I don’t have to lose hope but reminiscence all my life these 5 months keeps me wonder maybe I’m not the special person that will experience  those things in my life.

“Are you nut?” still I remember my best friend said to me with her shocking face when I told her I want to confess to him. I know she seem didn’t acknowledge my intention because it looks really crazy, I think if everybody know my intention will have the same expression even myself also  think this decision is foolish and sound ridiculous at first. The girl confess to a guy and the guy is not an ordinary man, he has everything in his life; life, money and reputation while the girl just only a normal person; didn’t it sounds bizarre but for me it’s better if we try rather than everyday keep admiring and in the end frustrated when he is with someone else; for me better if we regret after we had told our feelings rather than regret for keep hold a secret in ourselves. “Why are you like him?” my best friend ask me again that day make me wonder in my answering. Maybe because good looking, maybe because reputation and wealth like what the others girl admiring him but with a smile I reply “Because of his attitude, because his warm hearted” and still fresh in my mind the day when I had crush to him; the day when he helping one old lady with an Alzheimer disease to find her home where is the old lady is my neighbor. 

Still lying in my bed and reading my diary I feels somewhat all my mission will be futile someday, maybe I’ll never had a chance in confessing to him, maybe from the start I shouldn’t have this thinking at all  or even it is never been a chance to me from God. Still I remember, the first day I had crush to him when I has make decision to get know him better, I eagerly want to be friend with him, knowing all his interest or even to know either he is someone lover or still single as he is one of the mysterious man that suddenly I adore even though he already works in my company for almost a month before. Never I expect in my life I will have crush to this man like the other female officemate since I always has thinking in myself that I’ll never like the rich man as they usually are snobbish and proud of themselves but thanks to him slowly my way of thinking changes; maybe there still 1 from 100 rich peoples out there who still has a warm hearted and down to earth which make me feel sorry for always have this thought before. I remember well, how I become like a stalker or a detective, be friend with his secretary in order to get all the information that I wanted even I feel thankful for my title as a team leader that I can get closed to him without boundaries even though its only in the meeting or a discussion of our job project; it still enough for me.

After I get to know him better, my other steps in confessing is to be friend with him. In doing this, sometimes I’ll talks something that he is interested to during our job discussion and in my surprise jokingly he invited me to join him in the gym that he always work out to but didn’t know why with keeping my heart throbbing my mouth slip a words no rather than yes, make me feel regret in my own mistake but rashly I said “maybe another time, I can’t today” which he reply with a simple nod and a sweet smile in his face. But starting from that time, we become closed; our relationship not just a boss-subordinate relationship but we now are closed enough to be call a friend. Sometimes, we will eat lunch together with his secretary and the other team leader and manager or even we can talks something unrelated to our job life. But, I never get enough, I really want him in part of my life, I want to spend my entire life with him, I want to be not just a normal friend to him but a special friend as well known as his girlfriend but I also know I can’t push him to like me or obviously showing my crush to him as I didn’t want it will break our closeness; I need to do it slowly but in obscure way.

In doing so, secretly with ignoring my sleep headed in myself I wake up early in the morning just to seeing him doing his jogs at the park nearest to my house, the park where he found my neighbor loitering there. Sometimes also, I will buy him hot cocoa and left it on his car with a note and myself widely smile when I see the curious in himself but then without thinking he drink the cocoa. Despite of saying 'I Love You' on the note I rather write something simple like good morning or wishing him a happy day; I think it is more appropriate in doing it. I don’t want to be found as lame if one day he caught me done my secretly things here. For me can seeing him have his happy moment in his life and drink the cocoa that I secretly give really has made my entire day feels with happiness and cheerful even I didn’t stress out with the hectic job life that I facing on my workdays. But, didn’t I imagine one day he will share this story to me that make me feel fidget and in wishful he didn’t found that his secret admire is me.  But after that, to be found not obvious, rarely I done my secret act until I stop it as the fears caught me.

After three months be friend with him, I feel that we are getting more closed each day.  Sometimes also we will call to each other, sharing our story; from one topic to one topic we talk but mostly it is related to our job life. I feel that we already have the comfortable level of familiarity which make me realize I should take the others step in my confession until one day without doubt and further thinking and didn’t know what had being be inside me, I ask to him “Kim Jong Kook-shi, do you free tomorrow? Can we hang out together?” and in the second without thinking much he said his sorry word and refuse since he has another appointment.  Taking his sorry word and believe in what he saying, I just receive his answer without asking much even though my heart feel a little sad but I never expected he will lie to me. On that day while I’m at the hotel lobby waiting for my friend, with my own eyes I see him walks together side by side with one girl enter this luxury hotel , they looks so closed laughing together before they disappear inside the elevator and I know they heading to one room together. In my delusional mind, I keep thinking what they are doing inside the room, my heart feels broken and in a second I ran from the place even I ignore my friend who keeps calling me.

Since that day, I keep ignoring him and only talks to him regarding our job discussion. My broken heart become more worsen when sometime that girl come to our office and he looks so happy each time the girl come to see him even he will cancel the meeting that we had schedule before. Usually, if the girl come they will go out and he only come back after 2 hours with his cheerful face which make me feels jealous and angry in seeing him like that while in the same time keep holding my sad face and be focus towards my job until I reach home and burst all my sadness inside my room. The wound in my heart cannot be treat anymore, the pain is killing me, I feels like I’m not fair to myself and I know I should stop this before myself become more hurt, I pretended like I happy during the day while inside of me is full of sadness. Even I can’t count how many times I cry alone here, how much my tears had flows because of him while he is still laughing happily with the girl which make me feels stupid in myself and because of that today I make this decision inside my heart.

Closed the diary in my hand, I walks towards my work desk, turn on my personal computer, type my decision in there before I print it out and put the letter inside one envelope that I already write his name above the envelope.

*********

With my slow walks, I go to his room and greet his secretary before said my reason to be there. After received permission by him, with a nodded head I walks towards his luxury room but didn’t know why I feel hesitate to knock the door. On the door I can see his name and his position as General Manager stated at the plank which makes me realize how small I’m compare to him; even though we are now friend but the boundaries between us still exist.  Take a deep breath to ease the feelings I have now, in courage I knock the door and enter the room after get his permission. With a warm smile he greet me “It’s such a long time we didn’t talk, emm what make you want to meet me? Anything problem?” while asking me to sit at the chair in front of him.

Taking my sit, sitting face by face with him I can feel my heart throbbing inside of me make me think either this the right decision to make, will I not feel regret for it later but I know since I already come to this room I can’t turn my back again I must continue my future life and this is the best way I’ve thinking.  With a shaking hand I take out the envelope from my hand and slowly pass it to him with my burden feelings. With his questioning and blank face, he takes the envelope and read the letter inside but not even a single word come from his mouth after he finish reading it. Feelings like he can accept my decision, in a bow I stand and walks towards the door while trying to hold my tears from coming out. ‘Good bye my love…thanks you for the happiness you give me… Farewell… I Love You’

As I was about to pull the door knob, suddenly I feel someone holding to my hand from behind “Song Ji Hyo-shi, don’t go” Still with my hand in his, I turn my back in facing him and I can see how sad his face now.  “I’m sorry Kim Jong Kook-shi, I’ve made my decision. Goodbye” I said to him and move my hand a little as a sign to him to let me go. But, he didn’t utter with my decision and my sign even he pull me towards him and within a second I completely are inside his tightly hug. “Ji Hyo-shi, Ji Hyo ya don’t go, please I need you here, I need you in my life…how can I face my life here if you’re gone. Don’t go please… I need you…I like you…I love you”

Those three word from him make me froze inside his hug and I can feel the tears already flow in my face. I can’t believe in what I hear now, those three words that I always wanted to tell him suddenly being told to me by my crush. With some strength, I push him from me but still he didn’t let my hand go from his grab. “Don’t you have a girlfriend? Love me… don’t try to lie” with a smirk face I asking him, I hate him for saying those nonsense word to me but only a laugh I received from him. “That girl, she is my niece, Kim Soya”

“Don’t try to lie to me, I had saw both of you in that luxury hotel and I can see how happy you are when she come here” still in my sneer face I rebuke to him but he only laugh and then grab me inside his hug again “Didn’t I hear some jealousy in here? Did you love me too Ji Hyo-ya?  We at the hotel to meet her father there, we had a discussion regarding our project in Busan that they handling now, since she is staying near here and her father had a habit of doing sudden meeting that why she will drop here first before we walks together in meeting him”

Feeling stupid with my assumption and thinking, I feel numb inside his hug and no words come in myself only a tears flow from my eyes in accepting his word; suddenly I feel happy in myself and shy when thinking his confession  and I can feel my heart which is broken before had been treated by his explanation. Then, he loose his hug and hold my face facing him, wipe my tears in my face he ask me again “Did you also love me Ji Hyo-ya? Can you be my forever love?” Without saying a word I just nod to him with a blush in my face.

“Really?” in disbelieve and happy face he asks me again and put up my courage I face him and looks into his eyes “Yes. I love you Kim Jong Kook-shi more that you ever…” without I can end my words he already pout my lip with his and we share our passionate kiss together. Our passionate kiss only end when we feel hardness in our breath and with still holding to my hand he ask me “So, did you really want to leave?”

With a nodded I reply to him “Yes, I will leave and goes to your heart Jagiya” only a chuckle I received from him before he take me again inside his hug and we share our kisses again. Inside his hug and his kiss I feel relieve in own self to make this crazy decision, even I can say those three words to him and I feel thankful to God for given me this opportunity in my life. ‘I promise I’ll not leave you and always be by your side Jagiya. I Love You’ 

p/s : Hope you all like it and it's more better if I continue with one-shot story or a whole story in my future write? 

cr. to wikihow.com in the idea of this fanfic ^^