*Drip*

*Drip*

*Drip*

The ceiling dripped right above him throughout the night.

He was so used to that noise; Kyungsoo would just continue to sleep through it most nights as it wasn’t the worst thing about sleeping in these barracks.

"Ahh." He sighed rubbing his forehead. He was sure he had earned a few creases over the few weeks he’d already been here.

God he wished he could paint right about now.

Kyungsoo slid his fingers through his non-existent hair seeing as it had all been shaved off as part of his service, but he couldn't help the habit.

His eyes wandered across the ceiling; he could hear snoring from other bunks as well as hearing the clock ticking endlessly on the wall.

Weirdly enough this semi-reminded him of home.

Home...

Kyungsoo shut his eyes tightly before opening them. 

These sleepless nights always lead him to think of home.

The countless days he spent being yelled at, being mentally and physically broken down before being rebuilt exhausted him and left little room for thinking.

The shade of night gave him that luxury… 

Or curse....

It was a curse being able to dwell and reminisce.

Kyungsoo lifted his hand; watching the silhouette of his fingers move one after the other.

Wasn’t that why he signed up in the first place?

To throw the memories all away...

And himself with it?

Kyungsoo sighed once more and stared at the crack in the ceiling.

He didn’t even know where he was anymore. He was stationed in so many barracks and moved around with the other guys, he had no clue how close or far he was to the border.

Hopefully he was close.

Hopefully he was stationed somewhere dangerous…

Kyungsoo rubbed his palms that were sick of pulling ropes and handling gun machinery.

He remembered the days when he used to hold a paintbrush and slide it across the blank canvas with vivid colours. He missed being able to express himself through his drawings and he missed creating masterpieces of you-

-Kyungsoo froze.

His eyes widened.

His throat constricted.

.

He didn’t mean to.

He pushed the back of his head hard into the pillow, closing his eyes tightly and gritting his teeth.

He promised himself.

No Kyungsoo don’t go back to that place.

But who was he kidding.

You.

Just the thought of you was enough to break him out into a restless sweat. His heart rate quickened and his breathing deepened.

He tried so hard to block you out.

Rummaging around in the mud, learning to shoot a gun, living in this hell should have helped to push you out.

He wanted to numb himself from the feeling that was you.

And yet…

It was no use.

Every day

Every single day…

You entered his head.

Whether it be a fleeting thought

Or an old childhood scar that reminded him

You entered his dreams and Kyungsoo would wake up crying.

He thought about you Every. Single. Day.

Kyungsoo gritted his teeth thinking about the way he'd left things.

But he was hurt.

So hurt that you would just toss him aside without a second thought and leave him for America.

At least…

That was what he thought when he said all those things...

Kyungsoo immediately regretted it the moment he left you in that corridor…

But his pride wouldn’t let him back down.

He couldn’t forgive himself after doing that to you, after hurting you that much.

That’s why he had to come here as punishment.

Regardless of his parent’s objections you told them to move to the countryside and not to worry.

He wanted to replace the agony he felt leaving your side and making you cry with the agony of knowing you would move on and be happy without him.

Kyungsoo stiffened in his bed at the thought.

The thought of you abroad, with someone new…

Someone who made you happier than he ever could.

Kyungsoo broke out into a sweat, clambering at his bed sheets; gripping onto them and ripping at the seams, trying hard to fight back the wave of regret that hit him.

He was so stupid to have let you go.

You

The love of his pathetic life

The one who gave it meaning and hope and purpose.

His muse.

His inspiration to be fascinated by something.

The memories of you killed him.

So beautiful and bright.

How could he have let someone so perfect go?

Someone who knew him so well.

Kyungsoo pursed his lips.

This was what he deserved.

He covered his eyes 

And grunted in agony, afraid to start sobbing.

Then tear after tear

Slid down his pale cheeks like rain

He tried to hold it in for so long but he couldn't. 

How long can you hold in a broken heart?

He couldn’t utter a syllable.

He writhed in agony in his bunk bed.

He wished there would be a raid and he could be shot by the enemy.

A bullet would be a sweet release.

An answer to all of this.

He saw no end.

There was no end…

This love

This misery 

Consumed his entire being.

There was no end.

----------

 

Hey everyone!

So this is Kyungsoo's persepctive on the whole situation. 

It's heartbreaking to see...

Stay tuned for the next chapter because it's back to you!