You threw your acceptence letter in the bin. 

You refused to go, you didn't deserve it. You didn't want it anymore. 

You forgot what hopes and dreams were. 

Your parents didnt know what to do to you, all you did was stay in your room locked up, throwing your life away. You tried to throw all the pictures of you and Kyungsoo together, but you just couldnt...you couldnt forget him even though he clearly wanted to forget you. 

'Kyungie...please...please text me or call me back..please.' That was the last message you sent him...out of the other 42 texts you sent prior that were all unread. 

What was a heart?

What was happiness?

You didn't know. 

You were dead on the inside. 

You'd lost the other part of you. 

What felt like years...

Had only been 1. 

They weaved in and out of eachother. 

One long, droneless eternity of empty loneliness....

'I'm sorry miss but the Do family don't live here anymore, they moved out a few weeks ago.' The Landlady who owned Kyungsoo's apartment told you. Your eyes widened in shock. 

'Wha- but, did they say where they were going??' You asked, your voice thick with desperation. You looked past her into the empty apartment.

'No I'm sorry dear, they didn't say since Kyungsoo was going to the army; his parents decided to move out of the city, that's all I know.

-------------------------------------

You couldn't believe it.

They had gone.

He had gone.

They had taken everything.

Along with your hopes and dreams. 

You didn't even bother wiping the tears away. 

There was no point. 

You curled into a ball wanting to die. 

What was the point?

 

=============================

'______-ah.' Your mother called knocking on your bedroom door. 

'We wanted to let you know....we're thinking of moving.' She said walking into your dark bedroom, the curtains had been drawn shut. 

You immediately sat up at her words; 

'No.' Your eyes widened in fear and horror. 

'But sweetie you're...you're not right here. And....and your father and I are worried about you-'

'No. No we're not leaving. We can't' You stated putting your foot down. Your mother combed your hair with her fingers, tryig to empathise. Tears formed in her eyes and so did yours. 

'Ok...ok...but if we don't move. My friend miss Kim, she owns a nice beach resort; it's a small one. You could stay there for a few weeks...just to try it out and...recuperate. Then we can think of something else?' Your mum cooed. 

You stared at her. 

'Which beach is it?' You asked already knowing the answer.

'Oh you know, the beach we always go to every summer.' She smiled thinking that would make things better. 

You bit your lower lip. 

But it was too inviting.

You would be able to surround yourself with...him...memories of him. 

'If you don't want to though I under-'

'I'll go.' You ended the conversation, sitting up straight. 

'Alright then! Ok well I'll let her know of your arrival.' Your mum said cheerily. 

You watched her walk out. She paused and turned to look at you.

'______-ah.' She said watching you.

'Yeah.' You said looking back up at her.

'I love you.' She whispered wiping a tear from her eyes. 

'Me too.' You mumbled feeling your cheeks flush. 

She closed the door behind her. 

Your heart pounded. 

Your eyes darted to your desk. 

You walked up to it, pulling a chair out and sitting in it. 

You pulled out some paper and absentmindedly began to write....

Kyungsoo-ah. 

You're not here. You've gone.  It's been almost a year. No one knows where you've moved to. But I know you're in the army, so I'm sending this to you hoping you'll read and understand. I don't hate you. I know you might hate me. I took up so much of your time and I'm sorry. 

I didn't go. I couldn't go. 

Just as I was your muse...you were mine. I've lost the strength to stand up and face life. 

Because I've lost you. 

I hope you're safe. I pray everyday that you're ok. Please come back alive...even if it's not me you come back to. 

I have to go for a few weeks...hopefully it wont be too long...I'm hoping where I go...I'll see parts of you there....and see parts of myself that I lost.

I stare at all the painting you made for me and I wonder....did I do this to you?

I'm sorry. 

I know it's selfish of me to say but I have to say it. 

I love you. I love you more than words or paintings or songs can describe. 

You are my life and soul. 

I'm sorry I wasn't more to you. 

I'm sorry. 

==========================

You folded up the paper and put it in an envelope; writing the address on the front and sticking a stamp. Hopefully he would recieve it in the barracks. 

The next day you were packed and ready.

You scrubbed up; wearing clothes that had actually been washed, and you cut your hair to it's original length, letting the curls fall freely. But you didn't care much for the way you looked....it didn't matter. 

You said farewell to your parents at the train station with your luggage. 

You watched your mum cry as she waved goodbye and train moved. 

You sat in the carriage staring out the window. 

The scenery grew thinner till the train finally met its destination. 

You got in the cab and let it take you to Mrs Kim's hostel. 

'Oh ______ you're here! How are you dear!' Mrs Kim jittered over you as you knocked on the door. she opened it excitedly. 

She was a nice, friendly woman who warmly welcomed you to her home. 

She owned a small hostel which pretty much was like renting out 4 extra rooms to guests. 

She had a cute son who was 8 years old. He was very intelligent and ridiculously insightful. 

'Why do you look sad?'

'Hoya that is not a polite thing to ask an aquaintance! Excuse him, he's shy that's all _____-ah.' Mrs Kim politely bowed for Hoya while you wafted your hand. 

'It's absolutely fine don't you worry about it.' You tried laughing for added affect. But it sounded so forced...strangled almost out of you. You didn't remember the last time you had laughed...

'Now come on Hoya you need to study your English, 30 minutes then you can have dinner!' Mrs Kim said pointing Hoya to the living room. 

'But I don't understannndddd.' Hoya whined taking his books out. 

'Oh dear, well you're going to have to try.' Mrs Kim said worriedly. 

'Oh...I know some English...I could help him.' You said watching Hoya's face semi-light up. his brown eyes were so large you had to look away - they reminded you too much of someone else's eyes....

You knew English because obviously...once upon a time you were studying to learn abroad...

'Oh my - would you help our Hoya? That would be amazing!' Mrs Kim clapped her hands merrily at your offer. 

'It's the least I can do since you're letting me stay here...' You mumbled feeling yoru face flush. 

 'Thank you so very much!' Mrs Kim said happily. 

'Say thank you Hoya!' She added. 

'Thank you...' Hoya muttered continuing to stare. 

'Now were is Jongin, that boy is always off doing his own thing, spending all his time outside, he's going to be late for dinner....'

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Days flew by and you managed to spend a few days walking along the gorgeous beach filled with memories...

'I'm going to be an artist! Kyungsoo sang fist-pumping the air. 

'Yay!!! you can draw me all the time since I'm so beautiful.' You exclaimed bouncing your curls.

'Bleugh girls are gross.' Kyungsoo retorted sticking his tongue out. 

'Who are you calling gross you little-'

You kept walking along the beach. The sun was setting and it looked gorgeous against the sea. You kicked the sand with your feet absentmindedly.

But you had to look down before you kicked. 

A brown dog with curly hair, and a white dog with curly hair playfully ran to your feet, jumping up and down. You stepped back in fear but then readjusted quickly - they weren't trying to bite you or anything. 

You whistled at them, patting your knees so you could pet their heads. 

'Monggu! Janggu! Come here you bad dogs chin-cha!' You heard a voice playfully scold the dogs. You looked up as the dogs rushed to their owner, playfully nibbling at his hand. 

'Aish I'm sorry, they're good dogs really, I guess it's just something about you that excited them.' 

Your mouth opened.

But you'd forgotten to speak. 

For a moment.

You were startled by this stranger. 

'Um, oh no it's fine don't worry, they're cute dogs.' You said feeling your cheeks flush while the brown dog came up to you once more wanting to be petted. 

You obliged since the dog's coat felt so good to touch. 

'That one's Monggu, and this is Janggu.' He said ruffling Janggu's coat. 

'Cute names.' You smiled crouching down, letting Monggu sniff the palm of your hand. 

'What's your name? I don't think I've ever seen you around here before.' He asked watching you curiously with a wonderful smile on his face. 

'Umm..' You couldn't bare to look at him for too long so you switched between looking up at him and looking at the dog. 

'It's _____. I'm only here for a few weeks. I actually teach the landlady's son English; the lady who owns the hostel near here?' You said tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear. 

The boy grinned. 

'I see.' 

'I haven't seen you before either, do you...work here or live here, or are you on holiday?' You asked keeping the conversation going. 

'I'm not here for long, just passing through.' He smiled crouching down to play with Janggu, his eyes met yours. You turned to look at the beach to break eye contact. 

'I see.' You stood up, wiping the sand from your knees away. 

'Well...I guess I should go, I'm sure they're waiting for me....It was nice talking to you.' You said waving goodbye. 

This was so unlike you.

Actually interacting with another human being. 

But then again. 

This was all a facade. 

You'd worn this fake happy, smiley mask for a while now - you could keep the act up quite well when you needed. 

'See you.' He smiled waving back, he looked a little startled that you wanted to leave so soon. He rose to his feet watching you leave. 

If you actually cared. 

You would've said he was the most beautiful human being you had seen in a while. 

He was so..

boy next door. 

His brown hair...his brown eyes...his tanned skin...

His baggy vest and black jeans...

But you just did not care. 

You couldn't. 

Your ability to care had been taken from you a long time ago. 

You reached the hostel again and could hear Mrs Kim hustling and bustling in the kitchen fixing up dinner for the whole house. 

'Mrs Kim should I help-'

'_____-ah, ______-ah I'm stuck on the alphabet, can you help me?' Hoya interrupted tugging on your leg. 

'Oh no ______-ah I'm fine, you go help Hoya. Aww he's so attached to his tutor huh~' Mrs Kim said pinching Hoya's cheek. 

He pulled you away to the living room. 

'Where is that boy? I told him to walk those dogs out and he's been out for ages. That boy is a daydreamer.' Mrs Kim sighed, but you didn't hear....

You lay in bed once more. 

It was another sleepless night. 

You hadn't slept well...

In more than a year...

You didn't dream anymore. 

Your dreams were empty. 

So there was really no point in sleeping. 

You sat up and absentmindedly picked up a piece of paper on your desk and a pencil and began to write...

Kyungsoo-ah. 

I hope you got my other letter. 

I've sent a few but here's another one. 

Mrs Kim is lovely, her son is so bright and sharp and...lively. I'm glad I can help him with whatever skills I have. 

The beach is beautiful. But it's not the same without you. 

I walk along it everyday and remember every wonderful summer we spent here. All our conversations. all our talk about hopes and dreams. It's like you never left....

I'm glad I came here. I get to re-live it every day and feel you near me. 

Those memories warm my heart.

Stay safe and stay alive. 

I love you. 

 

====================

Heya guys, due to popular demand I decided to continue this story a little. 

I'll only update if people like it because I have waaaay to many stories to complete. 

But yessssssss this is heart wrenching. 

You've lost your best friend but....

Someone else has walked into your life...

Someone who could..

Who might...

Erase the pain?

Will you let him though?

 

Stay tuned~