'MISS _____ NO TURNING AROUND, FACE THE WALL, YOU TOO MR KYUNGSOO' Mr Heejin shouted down the hallway as you turned around to whisper something to D.O, the two of you couldn't help but snigger and giggle as you turned around once more to face the corridor wall, standing on one leg to make it more interesting, nearly falling off balance. It sounded like Mr Heejin gave up, you winked at D.O, smiling.

 

You and your best friend Kyungsoo (or D.O as people called him) always got into trouble at school for talking too much, this time it was talking in the halls while the fire drill was being conducted. You couldn't help but laugh out loud when he pulled a funny face, he loved making you smile. 

'I don’t know why it was so fun even when we were being punished'

You'd known D.O for ages, he was your first and best friend since you started pre-school - you'd always taken care of him, protecting him from bullies because people seemed to think he was weak, but you knew he was the strongest person you’d ever known – he protected you and he helped you in ways even you didn't understand fully.

Do Kyungsoo was your rock. 

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Time seemed to fly by; your families always went on summer holidays together. You two were always stuck at the hip - Kyungsoo knew your deepest secrets; all your fears, hopes and dreams. You always knew he was more than just a friend....he was your soul mate, but you were too scared to ever say anything, afraid to ruin what you had - so you kept quiet for years, always rejecting the confessions you got from other boys, ignoring them when they tried to talk to you, because you were in love with your best friend, and he didn’t even know it….

Stuck together like the Astro twins, you were me and I was you

Although your bodies matured over the years; your minds were still the same - you hung out at D.O's place constantly, and he would sneak into your bedroom at night and you would stay awake telling stories; but everything changed that one summer...

Your childhood flew by while you were too busy having fun; it was gone in a flash. This was your last summer holiday before the last year of school and you would be graduating soon….

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You stretched your legs out the car, turning left and right to click your back - D.O watched you shaking his head. 

'What?' You asked raising his eyebrows. 

'You're a young girl and you act like an old man clicking your back.'

'Whatever, it's good for you, besides we were in the car for about 2 hours, give me a break.' you replied sticking your tongue out. 

'You kids enjoy yourself, we'll check in.' both your parents said walking into the reservation building - you were having the same summer beach vacation you always had - sleeping in huts on the beach. 

'Bet you can't catch me!~' you yelled laughing your head off, darting past D.O to the beach. 

'You haven't even got your swimsuit on!' D.O exclaimed running after you, almost catching up - jeez, when did he become so athletic? He was the more artsy type - constantly wanting to draw and paint you - claiming your face was symmetrical and he couldn’t miss up such a fine specimen, which meant you always had to join him in art club, but you didn’t mind, you enjoyed hanging out with him, watching him work – it was very therapeutic.

'Gotcha.' You felt two arms wrap around you, lifting you into the air and spinning you around, breaking you into fits of laughter as you struggled to escape and your heart pounding. .

'Yaaa Kyungsoo!!' You shouted giggling as you wrapped your arms around his neck - he was smiling at you brightly, showing his teeth. Your heart stopped as he settled you back down onto the floor, still staring into your eyes. But he coughed and looked at the ocean, the sun was setting and there was a beautiful orange glow over the water.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Our feelings that were precious because we were together

Later that night you both lied down on the sand, staring up at the sky

Like the deepening night sky, goodbye

'It's beautiful isn't it? I should paint it.' D.O muttered, hands resting on his chest, breathing gently, gazing at the stars. But something was on your mind as you tried to connect the stars into shapes in your mind.

'Neh Kyungsoo...what do you want to do when we graduate?' You asked still staring at the sky.

He kept looking up too, holding your hand, connecting the dots with you, making you feel embarrassed…

'I want to paint...professionally.' he replied nonchalantly.

You nodded, knowing he would say that.

'I think that's a great idea.' you stated smiling.

'What about you?' he asked curious.

'Hmm I don't really know...I'd love to study English…maybe become an English teacher after that....we'll see.' You muttered sinking your feet into the sand. 

'But promise me we won’t ever separate.' His voice half way between pleading and joking.

'I promise.' you replied giggling, trying to turn the situation into a lighter atmosphere. 

'Hey______...I have something to say....I've wanted to say it for a long time but-' 

'Yeah what?' You asked drawing circles, D.O sat up, so you did too, you always mimicked each other’s movements unintentionally.

D.O stared at you, an internal battle inside him.

But he lost. 

'You know what, it's nothing.' He muttered throwing a pebble into the sea, looking away from you.

'Well come on, let's go swimming!' You exclaimed taking your beach dress off and your shoes, D.O's eyes glazed over you as you revealed the not so pre-pubescent body you had the previous summer. Your hips had widened, your s were fuller, and your waist had cinched in. The moonlight hit your body in all the right spots, making you glisten. He stood still, awkwardly, turning to the ocean once more trying to drown his thoughts out. 

'Come on Kyungsoo, let's go!' you said pulling at his arm. 

He sighed. 

'If you don't take your shirt off, I'll drag you in regardless!' you yelled pulling him deeper into the waves. 

'Yaaaaah ok then.' he muttered pulling his shirt off. It was your turn to gasp - since when did he have muscles? His milky white skin glistened as the waves crashed onto his chest. He dived in head first, standing up again, flicking his hair around and brushing it back. Your heart pounded once more as you watched him. 

'Come on then.' he invited you with his hand out. You grabbed it grinning at him and he grinned back equally as cheeky as you both swam around, splashing each other like children, laughing and spluttering, taking pictures and enjoying yourselves. 

It was pure bliss that summer. 

He looked at you, watching him, with pure delight in your face, encouraging him to go on. 

He took a deep breath, gaining a confidence in your smile that no one else could give him. He sang a song he knew well; ‘Catching feelings…’ He knew it was something about confessing to your best friend, hoping deep down somehow you would get it, but he couldn’t help but let out a deep sigh when you shouted at the people around you pointing at him.

‘That’s my Kyungsoo isn’t he good?? He’s so amazing, he should go on K-pop idol, he’d definitely get signed…’

Your song on the last day of the school festival, the flickering summer sea

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That was before you'd been offered a chance to study in America... the day you told D.O you'd accepted...he was never the same...

It wasn’t an easy choice...you would have thrown the acceptance letter away immediately if D.O had objected to it, but he never did. You became worried as he became more distant...he'd stopped creeping into your room at night, and stopped bringing you to art club.

But you never told him how sad it made you feel...you just, let it happen…

You stared at your wall one night, it felt very weird; D.O hadn't come to see you, you were so used to hearing him breathe next to you while he slept. You gazed at your collages on the wall; one for each summer and each term of school - there were so many memories. You let out a sigh before turning around to sleep.

But then you heard a knock on the window. 

You knew exactly who it was; you rushed to the window, fully awake now, lifting it so Kyungsoo could climb in. 

'I thought you weren't going to come tonight-' he cut you off, wrapping his arms around your waist, hugging you tightly.

'What, what's wrong?' you asked confused, nervous by his warm touch, suddenly blushing.

'Nothing, can we just, can we just stay like this for a while?' D.O mumbled into your shoulder. But you could tell by the tone of his voice that he was upset. 

And then it clicked inside you: 

Graduation day was soon…and you’d be leaving for America…

He was scared and worried. 

But instead of comforting him and telling him it would be alright, you welled up; knowing things would be different… you’d be going to America, and leaving him. All you could do was hug him back tightly that night; listening to his heart breaking...and yours.

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It was the day before graduation…there were no classes…it was just a day for the students to say goodbye.

You cried so much on the day before graduation

'I'm going to the army.' 

You stared your best friend shocked.

You two were alone in a corridor. You were going to walk to the art classroom and reminisce…but D.O stopped you in your tracks and blurted that out.

'What? But I thought you wanted to paint and go to the army later-'

'Theres no point.' He retorted.

'What do you mean no point?' You asked confused, your heart pounding.

'If I don't have a subject to draw...then there's no point....If my inspiration leaves the country. I won’t have a need to paint.' He gazed into your eyes sadly, his eyes saying a thousand things, but you didn’t know what to do.

The words hit you like a ton of bricks. You opened your mouth, unsure of what to say. 

'D.O...I...' your eyes welled up. 

'It's ok....' He looked at the floor, fighting back the tears as you let yours slide down your cheeks. 

You held it in firmly since you’re a guy

'Just forget about me and enjoy yourself...you deserve it.'

'But D.O, there's something I have to say I… I’ve always Lo-'

'Don't...don't say it.' He ordered, cutting you off before you could finish.

You stood still, frozen.

‘But you know our relationship…we’re not just friends…were more than friends!’ you yelped desperately at him, desperate for him to say something. But he just stood still, listening to your unsteady breathing.

He pulled you in, wrapping his arms around you tightly, giving you a squeeze, wanting to convey some sort of message. You sobbed into his arms, just before your bodies moulded together, his grasp loosened around you.

And then

He was gone.

It was over.

Your best friend left. 

Just like that hot summer when we couldn’t say what we wanted, goodbye

You stared at his back as he walked away, each step further and further away from your heart. 

You collapsed onto the floor and cried like you'd never cried before in your life. 

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Graduation day went like a blur, you barely saw D.O, he avoided you just as much as you avoided him. You looked miserable and so did he. The class murmured knowing something was up, but no one said anything. 

You sat still; terrified the rest of your life would now be a blur without him. He always kept you grounded, attached to reality - but now...you slipped into emptiness...he was as much your muse as you were his.

The friend label is a label that I got to hate
The feelings I’ve hidden still remain as a painful secret memory
The photos that can’t define our relationship is a heart breaking story
I’m sorry, summer, now goodbye, yeah

D.O walked down the corridor, leaving you to cry your heart out, hearing your sobs. It killed him, it was torture; agony to hear you cry, but he couldn’t make it better. He was crying inside, he was screaming. His heart felt like it had been ripped out and stepped on. Why couldn’t he just say it? Why couldn’t he say those three words that would change everything? He leaned against a wall, punching it as hard as he could over and over again, but he couldn’t feel the pain of his knuckles bruising, the pain he felt over you was more than anything he’d ever felt in his life.

It was precisely that – if he told you how he felt – it would change everything….

He couldn’t do it, he couldn’t be the one to hold you back, you had to go and pursue your dream, you had to go to America and study English and achieve your dream. Even though he didn’t want it, he really didn’t want it. He knew it was the only way – he would sacrifice his happiness for yours…that’s what someone did for the person they loved…

And eventually you would forget about him…you’ll  be nothing but a picture on her wall…

What do I say, we didn’t have to play no games
I should’ve took that chance, I should’ve asked for you to stay
And it gets me down the unsaid words that still remain
The story ended without even starting