Luhan loves the time he gets to spend with Baekhyun, because he doesn’t get much of those. Like a time bomb, each second seems to go too fast that everything becomes a blurred memory soon enough. It gets strenuous, trying to remember when was the last time Luhan had a long and deep conversation with Baekhyun. Was it the night they snuck out of their rooms, just sitting near the elevator of their hotel, asking about each other’s well-being? Or was it that time Luhan woke up too early in the morning, when the sun was not up yet, and the creaking of the door woke Baekhyun up, so they stayed in each other’s company until the others are up?

What Luhan remembers is that scary feeling he gets whenever he is with Baekhyun. That feeling that seems to carve a growing hole in his chest; the reason sometimes he over thinks so much that he fears he might just combust on the spot and set Sehun’s hair on fire. He remembers how he seems to long for Baekhyun’s presence more and more each day, a growing, parasitic infatuation that he wishes would go away.

Because Baekhyun seems just fine without him. Baekhyun doesn’t look like he needs Luhan the way Luhan needs him. He seems to be going on just fine with Chanyeol and Jongin, always flanking his sides. How is Luhan going to steal more bonding time with Baekhyun, the boy he is crushing on?

Is it more than a crush?

The question lingers in his mind. Flashes of images reminds him of the way they are with each other, behind everyone’s judging eyes, when Luhan is not required to be the Han in Hunhan and Baekhyun isn’t needed to be the Baek in Baekyeol.

Luhan loves the way Baekhyun listens to him, even when he gets angry at how they never get to rest. Luhan loves the way Baekhyun laughs at whatever Luhan says, because he says Luhan is funny. Luhan never knew he was funny. Or maybe he never listened to anyone else who told him he was, because it never mattered to him. Luhan loves the way Baekhyun trusts him enough, to tell him he once took a fan’s gift when the manager specifically told him not to. He had admitted to the wrong doing, panicking slightly until Luhan laughs loudly and tells Baekhyun that he, too, had disregarded instructions and given an autograph to a girl. They both felt much better then, comforted by the fact that they will not be alone in taking responsibilities for their reckless actions, if they were caught.

“Hyung, go to sleep,” Sehun leans on the edge of his bed dangerously, staring at Luhan intently. His eyes have dark bags underneath them and he sounds like he is ready to pass out. Luhan puts away his cube on his table and clicks on the switch, letting darkness swallow them. He is thankful he has Sehun next to him, everywhere he goes. He thinks they might finally be used to being together. There’s a unique sense of comfort and security he feels with Sehun around. He turns around and goes to sleep, not wanting to think about things further and make his head hurt.

In the darkness, Sehun thinks he sees a spot of green in the sea of red on the cube. Luhan couldn’t solve his cube.

---

When did hostility become okay between them? Baekhyun couldn’t think straight because all he sees is red. He has had it. He is not okay with HunHan and he can never be. He is not okay with Luhan pretending what they have should be kept as it is…Which is nothing. When it really isn’t nothing. Not when they both know they like each other. Not when they both know it is clearly something more.

“You don’t think I get jealous too?” Luhan says, dangerously close to shouting. Baekhyun does not back off.

“Of what?” He laughs mockingly. Luhan fumes.

“Do you think…I asked for this? Do you think…I want all this? Because I don’t! I never asked to be involved in it. I never asked to be in it with Sehun, and you know this.” He starts raising his voice but soon calms down to a more intimidating, quiet voice. Baekhyun scoffs, blinking tears out of his eyes because the last thing he wants to do is cry in front of Luhan. They are alone in the hall of the hotel. The bone from Luhan’s wrist is more noticeable than ever and Baekhyun’s cheeks have grown more hollow.

“You seem like you’re enjoying it, so please, just carry on. Don’t mind me. It’s not like I am ever there anyway. Go take care of your baby,” Baekhyun says aggressively and turns to leave but Luhan catches his wrist. Baekhyun expects to come face to face with vicious eyes but he sees a pleading pair of brown.

“Baekhyuna, I…I don’t enjoy it. I just do it because I have to. You must understand. The…This thing that you do so naturally, it’s not easy for me. I can’t just…I can’t treat everyone like you treat Chanyeol. Sehun is…He understands me most. He’s okay with it. And he’s the same. His friendliness doesn’t come naturally to him. And we both fake it together. It becomes almost real, Baekhyuna. But it isn’t. The closest thing to real that I feel is…when I’m with you. I’m sorry if I don’t seem to care. I do. I do care, Baekhyuna. I-I love you,” Luhan chokes out and Baekhyun’s gaze softens.

“I love you too, hyung,” Baekhyun admits, closing his eyes and letting himself lean on Luhan’s chest.

A few doors down, Sehun watches them, his own tears raining down on the deep red carpet. It wasn’t Baekhyun or Luhan who cried that night. It was Sehun. Their loud voices woke him up. Arguments have never settled well with him.

He promises himself that he will leave Luhan alone. Even if he might just like Luhan a little. Just a little.

---

Baekhyun almost jumps in glee when their new choreography position is posted up. Their trainer claps loudly twice, and the boys scramble into position. Luhan holds out his hand, smiling and Baekhyun takes it without hesitation, too eager to start since hours ago.

“Tree of Life position, go,” their choreographer says and Baekhyun leans back, spreading his arm out. His other hand holds onto Luhan’s. He takes a glimpse of Luhan, leaning away from Baekhyun with a smile.

They are finally partners. Baekhyun is glad Luhan is the boy he will have to trust not to let go of him. Luhan squeezes his hand and Baekhyun holds down a laugh. Things are going to be okay for now.

‘Wolf’ starts playing and Baekhyun panics when he thought he slipped. He feels a tug from his hand as Luhan steadies him. Luhan winks from across and Baekhyun blushes, making them late in splitting up so that they are the only ones standing together in the midst of independent wolves.

When they are rewarded with extra practice hour, Baekhyun finds that he doesn’t mind. Why would he, he thought, as he slips his fingers in between Luhan’s, making them fit in all the right places and all the right ways.

---

Hands clutch the cold, gray railings that feel like prison bars. Luhan looks out to the skies above and smiles. It’s pretty. Like Baekhyun’s eyes that shines with the light. Luhan’s hands soon turns clammy from the warm summer night but the nape of his neck gets goosebumps from the occasional biting breeze. He hugs his knees close to his chest, remembering the way they all went to the market together just this afternoon. It feels nice…to be together just like that, without tension in the group. Luhan might be wrong but recently he felt the awkwardness between Yi Fan and Chanyeol, which seems to have melted away. Someone joins Luhan and leans his head on Luhan’s shoulder. It’s familiar but it isn’t Baekhyun.

“Hey Sehuna,” he greets. Sehun mumbles a greeting back. Luhan doesn’t move away, letting Sehun rest on him because it feels right. After all their skinship on stage, he will be lying if he denies not being used to the idea of them together. Sehun’s touch doesn’t feel cold anymore. He doesn’t hold back as much and they don’t flinch from each other’s hugs.

“Hyung, can I tell you something?” Sehun mutters, not moving his head. Luhan nods. They have grown as close as best friends, even confiding in each other when they have things they rather not share with the other boys. Luhan can almost trust Sehun as much as he can trust Baekhyun, if not on par. He has found another person to be his comfort shelter. Likewise, Sehun might have gotten comfortable with Luhan too. He has always been Sehun’s favorite anyway. Always.

“Of course. What is it?” Luhan wonders aloud in his mind. He has always known Sehun to be breeze through things, not letting anything weigh him down with guilt or pain. He laughs, cries and lives in the moment. He never takes things to the heart. He barely remembers about being annoyed by Tao when he dropped Sehun’s phone in the morning when he went to sleep the same night.

Sehun sighs heavily and sits up straight. A light on the street flickers and dies. Sehun still doesn’t say anything.

“Hyung, do you like Baekhyun-hyung?” he asks suddenly. Luhan is taken aback and his skin prickles. He feels uncomfortable in Sehun’s presence, all of a sudden. He realizes that he never discusses Baekhyun with Sehun before. He never wants to.

“Why do you ask?” Luhan murmurs gently and Sehun looks down on Luhan’s hands, not daring to look straight to his eyes. He doesn’t want to break down.

“Do you?”

“Maybe, yeah. Sehuna, look at me. Why are you asking?” Luhan can almost see the answer written on the skies that graces them tonight but suddenly, it doesn’t seem as beautiful to Luhan anymore.

Sehun still refuses to look up. He chips off the paint from the railing with his short nails.

“I-…Nothing,” Sehun holds himself back. His body feels heavy and he hates how hard it is for him to breathe.

“Sehuna, you’re crying,” Luhan speaks softly, wiping away just a drop from Sehun’s pale cheeks.

“I don’t know how, hyung. How or why. I didn’t know when it started, but I swear I didn’t mean to…” Sehun chokes and Luhan wraps the crying boy in his arms tightly. He wants to erase Sehun’s pain, or whatever is making him sad but he is afraid he can’t.

“What don’t you mean to do, Sehun?” he asks slowly, dreading the answer that bubbles to Sehun’s lips.

“I didn’t mean to fall for you.” 

A/N: Do I hate myself for coming up with this? Yes I do. Ohkai, what do you guys think tho?