I thought the operation was a success one but since it’s not like that.If the operation is success one then I won’t be treating DongWoon like this now.Being cruel to him and force him to break up with me.But as I expected that he is so stubborn and won’t agree to break up.Even so,I just leave him behind and never meet him.I had keep in from darkness and I felt it’s hurt to see him like that.

He linked around my arms as he support me to walk towards since I just pass out a while ago.I just stared at his lovely and charming face that beside me.How I wish I could hold it once again and never let go of it forever.I guess I really love him a lot.

“DongWoon oppa,you can leave me to walk myself now.I felt okay already,”I hissed out as I don’t want to trouble him yet I just want to stay away from him because I don’t want to felt as close to him anymore as I don’t have any time already.I want him to feel that I’m a bad person that will do cruel things.

“But…I can..”before DongWoon can said anything I stop him.

“Just go now,”I said coldly again to him as I get out from his embrace already.I walked in front first.

After the operation a few months ago,I felt quite better in the first few months and the doctor also tell me that I have no need to worry anymore as they take out the tumours from my head already.I felt relief for a moment that I don’t have to keep DongWoon from the darkness anymore.I can be with him just like we did before.

However,there’s one day that I felt my head ache again and I just ignore it because it’s might be only the hot weather.After a while,my head get hurt again and the pain in unbearable. I just can’t stand with the pain that in my head.I went to see the doctor again.

“I have a bad news for you,”the doctor said.

“Bwo?”

“I think the tumours in your head had get back again and now it’s serious that it had spread inside your body.I guess I can’t help you anymore.It’s a miracle that you can still hold up with it until 2 years,”the doctor explained.

My eyes got widened and tears just flow from my eyes .I felt my heart throbbing as I heard the bad news.I walked out from the hospital with tears just keep flowing from my eyes.I can’t believe I got such a diseases.I can’t believe my life will be that short.After that day,I didn’t meet DongWoon at all as I thought it’s hurt when I see him.I felt it hard to leave him behind.I want to hold him tight.

I didn’t call him or answer his calls for me.I keep myself in my room and crying all alone.

I even thought of suicide that I had prepare the knife in my hand that place on my wrist.When I was about to cut myself,I pulled back the knife again and throw it away to somewhere.I just didn’t have courage to suicide at all.I felt it’s so stupid that if I suicide like that and leave my family and DongWoon behind without telling them anything.

So I decided not to doing some stupid things like suicide.The only way now is that being cruel to DongWoon so that I can break up with him.I don’t want him to waste anytime on me anymore.It’s not worthy for him to waste his time on me , a person who will die soon.I started to being cruel to DongWoon and never go on date with him.When he come to my apartment,I just ignore him and even change my mobile phone number.

He didn’t know anything at all.I rather him not to know it than know it because it will hurt him as well. I rather one person to be hurt than two persons to be hurt.I don’t want to involve him in my own pain.

We had reached the bus station .

“Alright,we’re here now,”I said as I pointed at the bus station.

I turn to DongWoon and I can read his face that he is sad and don’t want to leave.He is wishing the time is longer and the road is longer so he can walk with me for a little longer.The expression that he have in his face right now.It’s making my heart throbbing and felt like want to cupped his face and give a peck on his lips while hugging him tightly.I walked towards him who was standing still there and head down.

I reached out my hand slowly and want to cupped his face with my hand,but suddenly my head hurt again and that’s what makes me pulled back my hand.The reality stuck again that I shouldn’t do like this to him.I pulled back my hand and just stand still in front of me while he slowly move up his head and look at me.

“YAH!The bus is here already,”I said coldly again to him.

DongWoon just keep silence and look at me with a sad expression.He is really making me want to hold at him and never let go of him.I pushed him a bit,”Just go now.The bus won’t wait for you,”I utter out.

He just keep in silence and finally walk towards to the bus,”Good night and I love you always and forever,”he said before gripped my arms and give a teddy bear hug to me.I felt so warm under his embrace.I just hope the time can stop right there and never move again.I want to be with him longer.I want him so much.I need him.i can’t live without him.It’s the warmest hug I ever have from him.I felt not so cold anymore even it’s raining even hard.

The hug being break as DongWoon walk towards to the bus station and walk inside the bus.I turn away from him and didn’t want to look at him who walk inside the bus because I know my tears will shown up as I look at him like that and he will realized about that I still love him. I told him I want to break up with him because I didn’t love him anymore.My heart didn’t have him anymore yet the truth is that I love him so much that his name still in my heart forever and always.

My tears just keep falling as I turn away from him.As I turn back ,the bus had gone and it had move to the corner of the road.I just looking at the bus leaving from me and turn to the corner.I want to ran to catch it back but I didn’t.In fact,I stand at the middle of the road with no one and just me while feeling the rain that hit my  face and I get all wet.Still starring at the corner that the bus had just pass.Wishing it will be turn back again but no.The bus had move far already.I felt cold when DongWoon leave me.I guess he never see my tears because it’s  washed away with the rain.It’s really hurt and cold.I freeze up and suddenly the figure in front of me disappeared and I just fall down to the ground while the rain keep falling.I think I can’t hold it anymore.I have to go now.Go to a far place that will separated DongWoon and I.I will always love him.He always the one in my heart.My first and also my last love.

DongWoon’s POV

“I love you,”as I turn on the next page.

It’s the diary that HyunAe had write before she gone.I shouldn’t leave her that night.I should had notice she being weird recently when she is pale only.I should care about her more.I just didn’t understand  her enough.She had gone for a month after the day I went to her apartment and meet her .I went to her apartment to pack her things up.And,that’s how I find about it when I packing the things and got her diary.She write down every moments that we have.

My tears fall when I read her diary.I felt I’m a failure that I don’t understand her enough.I regret that I didn’t being more caring about her until I didn’t notice that she got tumours and having a lot of hard times behind.

If I got one more chance,I want to hold her in me and never let go of her anymore.I would rather the  pain that she face can be share with me.I don’t want to see her be in that pain.She didn’t deserves it.

I take the things that I had packed up and walked away from the apartment.But before that I wrote a word in the diary….

I LOVE YOU FORVER