“Luhan”

*Kris*

  “You’re a brilliant and talented individual,”

*Thank you.*

  “And the company greatly values your work.”

*I knoow. And it’s high time I get mah promotion.*

  “However… We cannot over look how during time periods of large scale and stressful projects, things around the office just start to disappear.”

*No… what?*

  “So, ahem… We will welcome you back with open arms when you fix your little, uh, problem. But for now it’s goodby–”

  “WAIT!? The company’s firing me?” Hands slam down on the worktable, pencils and papers flying.

  “No. Sort of- No. Well, just think of it as a long unpaid vacation. It’s a causal lay off. They say you can have your old position back or a better one when you–”

  “I DON’T have a problem Kris! You know that!”

  “I – ow! Luhan! Don’t hurt the messenger!”

The tall and usually stern face boy ducks as another flying pen soars over his head. Yes of everyone else working here, send the tall and intimidating guy to relay the bad news. They were all probably scared of Luhan’s undeniable temper sass. But he had the right to it; he is.. no was.. that still is after all one of the oldest ones working here.

  “You do too have a problem Luhan. But if you’re angry, just know this – it wasn’t me but Jongdae that filed the complaint on the grounds that his penguin coffee mug went missing.”

  “I didn’t- I don’t have a probl–” Luhan begins to sputter incredulously. Why couldn’t they just complain about stuff to his face? Right the sass.

  “Look the sooner you realize it the sooner you can get a hold of your special condition and the sooner you can come back.” Kris begins to neatly put Luhan’s papers into a folder.

  “Don’t! I can get that myself thank you very much.” He shoves the papers into random pockets of a messenger bag and violently slings it on his shoulder and he pushes past Kris.

  “Luhan… making a scene won’t help.”

  “And you can go back to designing your stupid kiddy toys! Have a great life Yifan!”

And so here ends (temporarily) his paid intern at the new design company that he barely worked at for a year. It was really like a job, but he was sure the owner, a snobby, cheapskate, yet a designer prodigy Kibum, called it a paid internship to attract the willing and bright students of the nearby art university, that Luhan attended, and have them slave away for him for little pay. And it apparently worked because besides himself and Jongdae, there is the glam duo Baekhyun and Tao who waltz in to their intern job wearing ridiculous outfits and makeup. *Kibum wannabes…* Kris along with four other guys fresh out of college all work full time for Kibum, and Luhan was promised this too when he could quote unquote, get his together.
He rounds the corner of the hallway and finds a ducky Jongdae bending over to fish a snack out of a vending machine. As many times as he’s been told that his doll like face doesn’t work angry expressions in ways that could be taken seriously he still tries to contort his facial muscles as he calls out,

  “Hey you!”

  “Luhan!” The boy drops his snack and straightens up.

Despite Luhan’s seething mood he has some satisfaction of the slightly terrified look on Jongdae’s face, so he withholds a string of forceful words he was tempted to unleash and continues to stride out of the office.
In “getting his together”, Kibum meant then for Luhan to actually finishing his schooling but probably now to fix this - uh - little problem that just got him fired. Luhan bewails how under his parents’ nagging, he had to pursue getting a degree in order to secure a decent life in the future. Why couldn’t he be like Kris who is the same age as himself and has already finished his schooling or even better like Kibum who didn’t even have to finish college to be a successful designer company owner?

The door of his apartment always gets a bit jammed because for some reason the door frame is just too small or something and it makes a scraping sound whenever it opens and closes. Today it just takes one forceful tug open it and Luhan slams it shut and flops down on a worn sofa in the living room before perking up at the smell of freshly baked cookies. That’s strange. Between himself and his roommate Minseok, neither of them can cook more than ramen. He hears some scuffling in the kitchen and his puffy cheek roommate sticks his head around the corner.

  “Luhan! Just in time! Eh heh..”

Luhan, suspicious, heaves himself off the couch and walks into the kitchen to see Minseok standing beside a very busy looking
Kyungsoo who is pulling a tray of golden crusted cookies out of the oven.

  “What’s all this?” Luhan tries to reach for one of the cookies on the hot tray but has his hand promptly batted away by Kyungsoo.

  “Uh they’re for you.” Kyungsoo looks up with large and very concerned eyes.

*Aw.* Luhan feels the warm and fuzzy feeling of gratitude before remembering why he was in a dejected mood just a second ago.

  “You heard from Tao or Baekhyun already didn’t you,” Luhan grumbles flatly.

They both nod.

Figures they were always playing on their phones at work. He perches himself in one of the squeaky plastic kitchen chairs and is back to silently musing how so much of his life has been pretty mundane and unsuccessful.

  “We’re really sorry Luhan,” Kyungsoo is now bringing over a plate of warm melty chocolate chip cookies and Luhan is distracted by the especially large cookie at the very top.

  “Uh huh… I'll be alright.. I guess.” *cookie..*

  “What are you going to do Luhan?” Minseok sighs.

  “Well… right now I think I’m going to have myself a cookie, thanks guys I- ,”

  “Oh don’t think me yet.” Minseok wrestles Luhan’s outstretched hands away and nods at Kyungsoo to pull the plate of cookies away.

  “I’m sorry Luhan, but this is necessary.” Kyungsoo is looking extremely guilty as he stands behind Minseok holding the platter.

  “Hey! But I thought those are for me!”

  “And they are.” Minseok shrugs, “But they are also for us as our leverage.”

  “Huh?”

Minseok slides a flyer onto the table with the words blazon on the top: Kleptomaniacs Anonymous.
Luhan feels like he just got slapped in the face.

  “No.”

  “Yes Luhan.”

  “No. I don’t need it.”

  “With what happened today, it’s obviously getting worse.”

  “I- I.. I want my cookies.” Luhan is feeling pretty frustrated right now and he doesn’t care if his starting to sound like a five year old.

  “I know you do,” Minseok coos as he pats Luhan on the head, “And here’s the deal. Promise to go to one meeting; we’ll let you have your cookies.”

  “Just one…”

  “Mmhmm, but if you go to two meetings, we’ll have Kyungsoo cook us a full course meal.”

  “What I never- ,” Kyungsoo begins.

  “Oooh, anything else?”

  “Start to fix yourself and you get your intern back, we’ll get Kyungsoo to cater for us forever!”

Minseok is now dreamily looking out in the distance at that prospect.

  “Wow! Really?” Luhan turns to Kyungsoo.

  “NO! I never promised-,” both Minseok and Luhan turn to Kyungsoo, pleading baby faces on in full blast. “… that…”

  “Please, please, please, Kyungsoo! Do it for Luhan!” Minseok clasps his hands together as if he’s praying.

  “OKAY! Fine. I’ll cook for you guys for just one whole week alright?” Kyungsoo is now muttering under his breath something about getting turned into a personal chef without his consent.

  “Sweeet! It’s a deal!” Luhan pockets the flyer and holds his hands out for a cookie.

  “Oh and one more thing,” Kyungsoo is about to set the plate down again when Minseok stops him again, “Get yourself a job soon. I’m not paying all the rent.”

----

  “Welcome to Kleptos Anonymous! Wow I think this is the biggest show up rate we’ve had yet!”

A horsey looking boy greets Luhan as he steps into a quiet library study room where the meeting is taking place.

  “We?”

It is his first time here and it is also obviously just him and the other horse boy.
The boy points behind Luhan and he turns to see a tall and gawky boy shyly peering into the room from the doorway. And well, despite being in a public city library that anyone could go to, they all happen go to the same university. Awkward.

They all sit on different sides of the study table, Luhan across from the tall kid and the horsey boy between them. It is obvious why the boy across the table has klepto issues. He is a bit too bright and cheerful; like he is trying to nervously cover up something. And he bobs up and down in an agreeable manner with whatever the horsey boy says. Right, the horse boy was talking. Luhan tries to bring his focus back to the meeting.

  “So I guess we’ll commence Kleptos Anon open meeting number seven with three members this week. Yay.” The boy lamely claps his hands a little before turning to Luhan, “I’m the mediator Yixing by the way.”

  “Uh huh. Luhan.”

  “I’m just a psychology major that Chanyeol here…”

  “Hi” Luhan is surprised by the very low voice produced by the baby face giant across him.

  “…had asked to start this group therapy thing so that he wouldn’t feel so alone in this."

Yixing turns to Chanyeol,

  “So since Luhan is new, Chanyeol why don’t you share how your week went?”

  “Okay um hi! I’m Chanyeol, and I’m a kleptomaniac." He pauses and looks expectantly at Yixing.

  "Hello Chanyeol," Yixing sighs.

   "Uh so last week, I tried to avoid the mall as much as possible, but I had to um go
grocery shopping cause even though I live in a um dorm and our school cafeteria food and- ,”

  “Chanyeol.”

  “Right, and I saw that kid again. The same one I told you about last week. The same one I saw in the mall that was shopping with I think his scary boyfriend or something. The, the, eyeliner kid, remember?”

  “Yes, Chanyeol.” Yixing is starting to sound bored but Luhan almost drops his jaw and tries to stifle his laughter. If he’s right, then he thinks he has an idea of who Chanyeol is talking about.

  “Right, he was in the grocery store. And I sort of panicked and I sort of walked around the store to avoid him and I think he was trying to follow me or something. And I sort of managed to shake him off but I also found myself outside of the store with a few cereal boxes that I didn’t buy.”

Chanyeol finishes his story by glumly hanging his head and looking at his hands folded on the table.

  “Aww. It’s alright Chanyeol. You tried," Yixing begins hesitantly in a comforting tone, "Why didn’t you bring your roommate with you?”

  “I dunno, he was kinda busy.”

  “Well after Luhan’s story, I’ll share with you a method I just did research about that could help your guys’ problem. Luhan?”

  “Uh…” He really doesn’t feel like getting personal and sharing his intern losing story just yet.

  “You don’t have to share exactly what happened last week. Since you’re new, you can share like why you’re here or any coping mechs that you find helpful.”

  “Coping mechs?”

  “Mechanisms. How you deal with you klepto urges.”

  “Oh. Okay.” Luhan clears his throat, “I’m Luhan.

   "Hi Luhan!" Chanyeol exclaims excitedly.

    "Umm... I’m a...well I sorta have this klepto problem. Um. To be honest I don’t really have any coping mechanisms because I never thought I needed them. In high school, when stuff went missing, I wouldn’t get blamed because everyone was like: ‘Aw it can’t be the cute Chinese transfer kid.’ And I don’t really have issues in college because the classroom styling is different… But now I kind of want to get my problem under control for personal reasons, so.. yeah. My sad tale. Come help a bro out?”

Luhan lamely finishes up his story and both he and Chanyeol turn to Yixing who either seems to be in deep thought or spacing out.

  “Oh uh, right! Your wish is my command.” Yixing smiles snapping out of his daze.

-----

  “So how’d it go?” Minseok looks up from his laptop at the sound of the apartment door scraping the door frame.

  “There was a weird guy named Chanyeol who looked like he was high and another dude named Yixing who seemed stoned.”

  “Uh… well did you get anything out of it?”

  “Oh.. just to be conscious of.. my.. actions. Yeah I guess. Sorta.”

Luhan shuffles off to his room and flops down on his bed, the meeting still fresh in his mind. He didn’t want to share with Minseok that he actually thought the whole meeting was completely bogus and not at all helpful. After Luhan’s shared his little back story, Yixing delve into a ridiculous method called flooding:

  “Basically I want you guys to throw all your ideas of systematic desensitization out of you mind. Since its obvious that baby steps with trying to slowly grow out of urges to pick things off shelves is not working, I want you to charge head on into a store full of any kind of steal-able junk and see what happens.”

  “What?” Luhan was completely flummoxed. Chanyeol looked like he was going to faint.

  “Just think of it a bit like throwing yourself into a country where you don’t know a single word in the language. Eventually you’ll get the hang of it. The key really is to stay calm and observe your surroundings and to be conscious of yourself.”

  “Or you can see as throwing someone who can’t swim into a pool of sharks and laughing at what happens.” Luhan retorted

Luhan was a bit disgusted and had walked out after that. Since Yixing didn’t really have a klepto problem, how would he know what would really help. Luhan rolls over and looks at the closet that is hanging open off to the side of his small bed. Other than holding hanging clothes, the floor of the closet is littered with literally an accumulation of junk that he had picked up here and there. One moment he would be nervously playing with the glossy cover of a magazine and the next he would have maybe a stack of one or two under his jacket as he tries to pull himself out of the store before he could take anything else. He glances at the latest additions to the pile in the closest. An unopened packet of coffee filters, masking tape, oh and a coffee mug shaped as a fat, blue penguin.
Luhan hears as sudden surge of voices in the living room. They are getting louder and it sounds like Tao and Baekhyun badgering Minseok to see him. He is about to get up and open his door when it flies open on its own.

  “Ah there he is!” Tao has his arms outstretched and looks as if he hasn’t seen Luhan for years.

  “What are you guys doing here? Come here to gloat?” Luhan scowls and buries his head under his pillow.

  “We missed you! Work is pretty meh and boring without people freaking out where things have gone.” Tao shrugs.

  “Uh huh. Speaking of which, we are also here to collect Jongdae’s penguin mug.” Baekhyun adds as he peeks out from behind Tao.

  “Why didn’t he come himself?” Luhan grumbles as extracts the mug from the pile in his closet.

  “Oh he’s scared of you. And also got scared of us because we were pretty upset that he got you fired.” Tao smirks.

Baekhyun sighs.
  “Just look at you. I thought that the pink hair- ,”

  “We thought. I was part of it too,” Tao interjects.

  “I THOUGHT, that the pink hair and the eye catching hipster look just might make you a bit more self conscious of your actions.”

  “Well looks like you damaged my hair with numerous chemicals for nothing.” Luhan runs a hand through his salmon pink hair.

  “No we didn’t. Your nouveau chic look could probably snag someone’s attention and get you a date.”

  “As it has with you.” Luhan eyes Baekhyun's plum purple hair.

  “I’m working on it! I know there was this cute guy that was totally checking me out the other day at the mall.”

  “Does he happen to be the same guy you then chased around in a grocery store later?”

  “Yes. No. Wait. How do you know?”

  “I have my sources. But just a heads up ditch the tail. *nods to Tao* He thinks you two are dating.”

  “Ew gross.”

  “Um rude, I’m fabulous.”

---