The interviewer had mentioned Donghae's father passing, forcing the boy to talk about the painful experience for the first time on public television. 

Yesung had placed a gentle hand on his thigh, subtly trying to comfort him, but it had only made Hae more upset. He wanted his father to comfort him, his father to be the one to squeeze his leg and look at him with gentle eyes. He smiled gratefully at Yesung, knowing that the older boy was just trying to help. But inside he was screaming.

 

The tears fell from his eyes, and he stayed silent and sad for the rest of the interview. Kangin put his arm around him in the car, squeezing his shoulder gently and rubbing his back. But the younger boy didn't respond, didn't even look up. It was almost as though he couldn't see or hear anything. His eyes stared blindly at the floor for the whole journey. 

 

Sungmin tried to talk to him, Eunhyuk suggested games, but Hae would just sit silently with his head down. Kangin didn't let go of his shoulders, keeping his strong arm around the younger boy to give him some comfort.

The whole group fell into a worried silence as they thought about the vulnerable boy. 

 

As they got out of the car, Kangin helped Donghae who seemed unable to fully support himself. He wrapped an arm around the boy's waist and half carried him to his bedroom.

"Try and get some rest Hae" he whispered, lying the boy down on the bed and wrapping the blankets around him. When the boy still didn't respond, Kangin pressed a soft kiss to his head before whispering softly to him. "If you want to talk about anything, then please come to us. We're all here for you."

 

Later that night, the whole dorm was woken abruptly by a piercing scream. Leeteuk was first to run to Donghae's room, where the boy was choking on his sobs and letting out loud cries of despair. Ryeowook, who was sobbing at the sight, was led away gently by Yesung.

"Let Leeteuk look after him" the older boy whispered, cuddling Wook close. As they went back to their room, an anxious group followed them to go back to bed.

 

Leeteuk was sitting on Hae's bed, trying desperately to comfort him.

"Hae. Hae, come and sit with me."

"No, I don't want you!" He was taking deep breaths as he sobbed loudly. His chest was heaving and his eyes were wild. "Go away!"

 

Leeteuk felt hurt by the words, but didn't want to leave the boy alone. "Would you like someone else to comfort you?"

The boy looked up with tearful eyes, and he cried harder as he heard the question. Yes. He wanted his father to comfort him, to tell him that everything was alright. 

But his father would never come. So instead, Hae just rocked back and forth on the bed, sobbing uncontrollably. His hands went to his arms and he began to scratch and pinch the skin. Leeteuk grabbed his arms and pinned the boy down on the bed.

"Hae stop!"

 

"Let go! Let go!" Donghae struggled against the leader, but his body was weak with tears and he eventually gave up and lay on the blankets. Tears were still flowing, and he was breathing in short pants.

 

When the older boy was satisfied that Donghae wouldn't hurt himself again, he sat up to let the boy get up. But Hae didn't move.

He just lay shuddering on the bed.

 

Leeteuk sat quietly next to him, and looked at the marks on the boy's arms from where he had restrained him.

the marks tenderly, he whispered his apologies. "Sorry Hae, I didn't mean to hurt you, I wanted to stop you from hurting yourself."

The boy just looked at the ceiling, a flash of betrayal in his eyes. "I asked you to let go" he whispered.

Putting a gentle hand on his shoulder, and squeezing softly, Leeteuk replied. "I know Hae, but I wanted to make sure that you weren't going to hurt yourself. I'm here to make sure that you're okay."

 

Still shaking, Hae returned to his silence, sitting next to Leeteuk. Then he coughed and spoke tentatively. "Sorry hyung.."

"What for Hae?"

The boy sniffled. "For saying that I didn't want you.. I do want you hyung, I want you to stay with me so much. And I love you."

"I love you too Donghae, come and rest with me." He patted the pillow next to him as he lay in the bed, and watched as the younger boy sniffled and lay next to him. Cradling the boy in his arms, he waited for the sniffles to slow, and the boy's hair.

"I'm so sorry about your father Donghae, and we're all here if you need someone to talk to. Don't suffer alone, please come to us and we'll look after you."

 

Donghae nodded gratefully and hid his face in the man's chest, breathing in his sweet scent. "Teukie hyung" he whispered gently, before falling asleep from crying.

Leeteuk held him impossibly close, and remembered the promise that he had made to Donghae's father, to always care for his son. Watching the way the tearstained boy shuffled tinily in his arms, he vowed to keep his promise, and be a good new appa for Hae.

"I'll be your appa Donghae" he whispered. "You're not alone anymore."