Alone.

That is the word that can be used to describe my whole entire life. I don’t really remember anything that happened in the past. My name is Moon Eun Ae and I am 17 years old! I guess you can say it is a good thing I know my name! I guess that is the only good thing.

In my life I want to know so many things like why the sun sets, or why the sky is blue, and most of all who I really am. But that is impossible for me; I’m not allowed to know. And I don’t even know why! But I guess being the way I am, that curiosity slowly drifted away so now I don’t even care.

The rule takes over my life. It is a part of me; it makes me who I really am. But because of that rule I’m not allowed to know or do many things, like interact with not our kind, hang out with people, and the rule that never can be broken, fall in love. You must be asking why right? Honestly I don’t know either, I just follow it because if I don’t…Wait! I don’t even know what happens when you break the rules! But I assume it is very bad. Don’t worry though; I don’t plan on breaking the rules anytime soon. I mean my life isn’t that boring! I stay up all I want and go anywhere I want and that’s pretty fun!

But I rarely do those things because it takes to much energy. And I must save all the energy I can since I can’t get energy myself. Why? Because when I get the energy I need, I end up hurting another person. And I don’t want that to happen! So that’s why I just do nothing but sit and observe my surroundings. No one really cares if I am there or not, my presence is always ignored.

It doesn’t hurt to be ignored anymore; I am already used to it. Just sitting back and looking fulfills my happiness. I think the only bad part about that is the sun seems to disappear into the night sky too quickly. At night is when my people are the most active, and let’s just say they aren’t the kindest bunch. I usually just sit where and drift off to sleep and the cycle begins again tomorrow.

However, today, this one very day, was different from all others. Today I decided my usual spot on the serene meadow by a stray stream wasn’t where I was going to be to watch the scenery. This time I went to a school. This school was the hugest thing ever! It seemed like a great school too considering every uniformed student here were all chattering with excitement in their tone. I’m jealous of them. Jealous of how they get to go to school. That may seem crazy to you guys, but I can’t remember the last time I ever went to school. Maybe I was just a rebel back then and skipped classes!

I leaned against the school gate and watched everyone pass with my curious eyes. No one really paid any attention my way, which is good! I didn’t want them to notice me, which would be bad! But on the other hand some part of me wanted to reach out and just talk to them. Eye contact would be okay for me, but all I can do is just stand back and watch everyone pass before my eyes.

These days nobody really catches my eyes. I wonder if I ever loved anyone before either. I doubt it since I don’t even know what love is. As I just stared off pass the people, and into the nature ahead of me a light emitted from the corner of my eye through me off the trance.

This light, I mean person was just different. I never saw anything or anyone like him. The sun’s rays were radiating all around him, which made me take in every feature of him; from his tall frame, to his nice tanned skin, down to his shaped jawline, up deep into his brown eyes, and to his pink full lips. I think you can say this person would be called perfect by every other human being. It was weird for me to take interest in such a thing, but within myself I could feel that I can’t let this go. I must try to find out about him without getting too close.

I followed right behind him into the school building to his classroom; I sat in the empty seat in the corner and stared at the back of his head the entire time. Luckily for me I found out that his name was Kim Jongin during roll call, but later on found out during lunch that he is called Kai. Class wasn’t as fun as I thought it was after all. The teachers would talk so much and then assign random things for the students to do. Such a bore! At least Kai would take all the boredom away. I stood near in silent as I took in his melodious laugh that rang in my ears and watched from behind him as he turned his head to greet people with his sweet smile.

At last school was over and everybody went home. I walked behind Kai the whole time as he exited the school. For some reason walking behind his footsteps brought comfort in my heart. It felt like I had done this often many times to count.

“Hey Kai! Want to walk home with me!” A loud voice chirped which made me almost run into Kai’s back since I did not pay attention.

“Sure Eun Mi, but I have to get to my house early today.” He replied back to the girl in front of him. She gave a quick nod in return and the pair scurried off. I still followed behind them since either one didn’t notice.

But who was this girl? What does she mean to him? And why am I asking myself useless questions that I shouldn’t be caring about? I shook off the thoughts about his girl that raced into my mind. This girl, Eun Mi, was a petite girl with jet black hair, a small face, with doll like eyes, and small lips. I think this is what society would call pretty since guys would keep turning their way as the pair made way down the streets. Why should I even be thinking about her in the first place?

We all finally made it to Kai’s house since he said something about getting home early today. At last the end to that chipmunk voice has arrived. I couldn’t take anymore of her happy, peppy talk. It was annoying me to the point of wanting to die. He seemed he didn’t like it either when he quickly rushed through the door when they both arrived and letting out a huge sigh as he plopped on the couch. Lucky for me I rushed past him before he closed the door.

Some many minutes had past and he had not moved a single inch from the couch. I was sure he fell asleep so I took this chance to explore around his house. His house is pretty average I guess. It has all the room and things you essentially need. The weird thing about it as that there was no family pictures which made me conclude he lived alone. I know what it is like being alone, but I don’t think he feels the same way as me though. He has all these people around him who love him while I only have one friend that I never see a lot.

I made my way back to the couch since I didn’t want to intrude into his room. I hear that a guy’s room is like their private sanctuary that no girl could ever visit, so I will not risk that chance. I sat crisscross in front of the couch where his face was facing towards mine. His sleeping face was angelic that it made my hand reach out just to have a feel of heaven. My finger slowly traced over his chiseled jaw line and danced its way down to his lips which made him reach out to rub away whatever was on his lips. Our fingers slowly brushed against each other, creating a jolt of energy and I quickly pulled back.

That moment was heart racing for me. Beads of sweat started forming across my forehand has I held the finger that touch him close to my body. I was panting for a minute, but slowly stopped to notice the moon’s light shining through the window. Once again the day past by too quickly. I stood up and went over to the window to close the harsh beams that could have easily woken him up. I went back over to where I was before and just sat there staring at his angel face. I closed my eyes and disappeared into the night.

Morning would come again like it does each day and this whole new cycle would begin. I was great that he would never notice me as I would follow him from the morning to nighttime. The beginning of school to after school. But the weird thing was as the cycle continued he would glance my way. This was scarily different because it was like he knew I was there. It made me worry so I just stepped back sometimes when that happened.

And again I had to deal with the peppy chipmunk because it was a part of my new cycle. I swear that girl won’t stop being all over Kai. Not like I was jealous or anything, it just irked me that she thought he liked her or something. But whatever at least she has never seen Kai’s sleeping face before like I have. I know that sounds creepy, but trust me it is the best thing ever.

During the night was my favorite time. I would watch his dazed eyes drift off to sleep on the couch. He would never go into his room, but it didn’t matter to me. His innocent face when he fell asleep is all that matters to me. I would sit at my same position and watch him fall into his dreamland. 

I didn’t think today would be any different as I sat in front of him. I stare at his eye lashes down to his plump lips. For some reason my brain wasn’t complying with me as I absent-mindly caressed his face with my hand. I took it too far this time as it seems when I was greeted with a pair of surprised eyes.

He stood up as fast as he could with his tall frame overpowering mine. The moonlight shining through the window highlighted every one of his perfect features which made him stand out within the dark.  His chest heaving heavy breathes as he dragged his hands through his hair staring at me like a mad man.

“Is this a dream?” He raspy whispers.

“Just who are you?”