The sky was gray, dark and buzzed with airplanes taking off, shaking the army base’s old hospital building.  The fluorescent lights flickered endlessly as screams of pain echoed the hallways and people rushed through.  Down in the reception area South Korean refugee’s crowded the space, family members of injured soldiers.

Jaejoong had tunnel vision as he pushed open the heavy doors and weaved through the people, not even caring that he was all wet because of the pouring rain he had just run through.  The air was suffocating, muffling him with unusually extreme heat and gave him an even worse pit of grief in his stomach.

“WHERE’S YUNHO?!”  Jaejoong screamed, speaking in Korean, because of his panic, after he finally made it to the counter, not noticing that he pushed past everyone else waiting in line.

The young Japanese receptionist, with messy ponytail hair, whom looked like she had been there for days without sleep, was startled.  She responded in her messy Korean “S-sorry sir but who are you refer-“.

“YUNHO! THE YUNHO! MY YUNHO!” Jaejoong shouted banging the table, near tears and hyperventilating.  He gripped at his chest, wrinkling his uniform and covered his mouth as a sob almost tore its way out.  Yunho’s base had been attacked and he was the only person from his division found alive.

“Mr. Kim! Calm the down!” His lieutenant shouted, coming in after him.  He got to the table, exchanged an assuring look with the young woman, whom was almost in tears as well, after enduring so much stress all day, and said to her “Tell us where Officer Jung Yunho of first division is, please”.

“O-okay” she quickly turned to her computer and speed-typed “Third floor, room 315”.

Jaejoong bolted off once more as the lieutenant followed after slower “Thank you ma’am” the lieutenant bowed.  He knew Jae needed his space but he also knew that he would need him too.

Tears were streaming down Jaejoong’s face now as he decided to run up the stairs rather than wait for the elevator.

Visions of his Yunho flashed through his head. 

Yunho, the last time he had seen him, right before they both enlisted.  They held each other and kissed that very last kiss, only briefly, before parting.  Thinking they would see each other again in 2 years.

Yunho, the day Jae had left their DBSK apartment, so much anger, sadness, and betrayal in the man’s eyes, those watery eyes that still haunted him some nights.

Yunho, during TVXQ’s Tokyo Dome Tour, when they were on their dream stage, he was so handsome, with the brightest smile he had ever seen.

Yunho, the first time they won Best Artist of the Year, and Yunho wrapped his arms around all five of them and hugged so tightly that they felt each other’s warmth and each other’s great strength.  They felt each other’s comfort and they felt like they could conquer anything.

Yunho, the first time DBSK won an award for HUG.  His eye’s shone with so much pride, so much hope, he was so young, so full of dreams back then.

Yunho the first time he’d ever seen him, coming back from one of Dana’s performances as her backup dancer, with his confident smile, tiger teeth and his amazing charisma.  He remembered how even back then, with his rough ways, everyone loved him, everyone respected him.

Yunho was born to be a leader, a man of men.  It’s no wonder he was promoted so quickly in the army, Jaejoong had no hope of being able to stay near the man, and it took him farther and farther away from Jae and closer and closer to danger, closer and closer to this impending day.

‘My Yunho’ Jae thought ‘Please be alive’.

Yunho with the big dreams, strong heart, confident smile, warm hugs…

Has it really been so many years since he’s seen him?  So many years since Dong Bang Shin Ki split? Over 20 years since he’s met Yunho?  How could time had gone by so fast? How could their times of happiness already be over before they truly began?

This wasn’t the plan.  This wasn’t THEIR plan.  They were supposed to be out of the army by now.  How many years has it been since they had joined?  More than 2, Jae only stayed because Yunho stayed and Yunho stayed only because he was needed.  But Jae needed him too, and right now, even though he knew it was selfish, he was angry at his whole country for needing Yunho and Yunho picking their country over him. 

Yunho and him were supposed to be together.  They were supposed to get married.  DBSK were supposed to be together again too.

This isn’t how it was supposed to be. 

North Korea wasn’t supposed to attack.  Now the war raged every day, South Korea’s only immediate refuge was Japan, in little run down hospitals like the one they were in now, for now at least.

‘Yunho…’ Jae thought ‘Please be okay.  Please, please, please…’

Jaejoong heard a shout of pain and was immediately brought back to reality.  Was that Yunho?  No, Jae knew it wasn’t but just the thought of Yunho being in enough pain to scream like that shook him to the bone.

This isn’t how it was supposed to be.

Jaejoong made it to the third floor and found the room quickly down the right hall.  An older man in a white walked out right when he got there. 

Out of breath Jaejoong stopped in front of him “How is he?”

“Who are you?”  The doctor asked in Japanese, fixing his glasses on his aged face.

“I’m Kim Jaejoong” Jae said back in Japanese, having enough sense in him to speak the proper language this time.

“And who is this man to you?”

“He’s…” Jae got out after taking in a gasp of air “H-He’s… just a fr-…”

…Just a friend?

No.

He’s my lover, my sunshine, my protector, my heart, my other half, my life…

Jaejoong’s large eyes widened and started to water once more as he looked straight into the doctor’s eyes.  There was no point in hiding it.  Not now, not when the whole world seemed to be falling apart, his world. 

“… He’s my everything…” Jae paused and bit his quivering lip before continuing to speak “Please sir, please tell me he’s okay” Jae came closer to him and grabbed his white coat.  The doctor was a little bit taller than him.  Jae was so sincere, his emotions strewn out in front of the doctor without holding back, that the man had to look away and cleared his throat before speaking.

“He’s awake” the man said.  This sent a rush of relief that fell through his body, cascading down him like a river, from head to toe.  He’s awake that means he’s still alive.  Jaejoong was about to push past the doctor when the man held him back and stood in front of him.

“W-what are you doing?  Let me go in!  I need to see Yunho!” Jae struggled, beginning to panic again.

“Wait.  WAIT!  JUST LISTEN FOR A MOMENT!” Jae stopped struggling and was silenced by the doctor.  A sick feeling was spreading through him, again.  He thought he was going to black out for a second “… Mr. Kim…”

“Wh-what?” he struggled to get out of his tightened lungs.

“He’s not in good condition, He hit his head… hard… and he’s bleeding severely, we managed to patch  him up a bit but… there’s not much more we can do… plus… he seems to be… delirious, doesn’t remember anything from over the last 18 years or so at least… but that’s the least of the problems, his body’s not responding well to the blood transfusions… at this rate he’s not going to…”

Jae gulped, everything seemed to narrow in on the doctors face, his lips moved in slow motion “… he won’t last the night”.

Jaejoong’s eyes widened like saucers plates, his mouth gaping.  His hands rushed to cover his mouth, his body shaking terribly.

No.  Not to Yunho.  This doesn’t happen to Yunho.  He always showed everyone, time after time, that he could cheat death. 

When he fell off his roof as a baby, when the bookshelf fell on him as a child, when he had to have throat surgery as a teenager, when he slept under the train station, when he was poisoned by an anti-fan, the list goes on and on…

Yunho was a survivor.

“This can’t… can’t be true… there has to be… a… a chance, right?” Jae stuttered hopefully.

The doctor looked away once more and shook his head “No, I’m sorry, but nothing is working.  The best we can do is make him feel comfortable.  He’s under a lot of anesthetics, he doesn’t feel anything anymore.  He’s awake now but… once he falls asleep… He won’t wake up again”.

Jaejoong’s tears fell freely as he shook his head.  This couldn’t be real.  Yunho was really going to die?  Now?  Like this?  He still had so much he wanted to accomplish, so many things THEY haven’t been able to do.  What about their dreams?  What about DBSK?

A brief shiver ran through Jaejoong, thinking about how his other members were still fighting in Korea.  How their lives were in danger too.

“M-may I please go see him?” Jae asked in barely a whisper.

The doctor looked at him, sympathy gleaming in his brown eyes “Are you sure?”

Jae nodded.  The man stepped aside to let Jaejoong pass.  He wiped his tears on his sleeve and several deep breaths, building up courage to see the man behind the door, and shakily lifted his hand, grabbed the doorknob then swiftly opened the door, never once looking back.

“Get away from me!  Go away!” Jae jumped a little as he heard a crashing sound come from behind the curtain.  It was Yunho shouting in his Gwanju accent.

“S-sir!  Please stop!  Don’t get up!  Ah! D-Don’t pull those out!!” He heard a woman say in Japanese.

Jaejoong quickly pulled the curtain open.  Yunho in a blue hospital gown, wires connected to his arms, his head half wrapped, the blanket had fallen to the floor and Jae gasped at the blood stains around his abdominal area.  Yunho was trying to pull out his wires and get out of bed. 

“Get off me!  Where am I?!” Yunho shouted “Why aren’t you speaking Korean?!” The poor nurse, whom obviously only spoke Japanese, grabbed Yunho’s arm and tried to pull him back to bed but Yunho kept pulling away angrily.

“Yunho!  Stop!!” Jae cried running to him and pushing his shoulders down to the bed.

Yunho immediately stopped struggling, his body seemed like it had to give out anyways, but spoke in a fast and alarmed voice “J-Jae?  Is that you?” He squinted his eyes and quickly held one of Jae’s hands and caressed Jae’s face with his other “J-Jae, I can’t see clearly.  Jae where are we?  Jae-“

“Sshhhhh… be still for a second and let the nurse fix you up again” Jaejoong soothed, touching their foreheads together.  Jae’s wet face and hair from the rain dampened Yunho’s forehead.  Yunho closed his eyes and tried to steady his breathing, not wanting to be seen in such a state by Jaejoong.

Was the doctor really correct?  Yunho was about to jump out of bed a second ago… could his condition really be so serious?  Maybe the doctor was wrong… Yunho…

But Yunho looked like he was really really hurting… he could dance on stage as if nothing happened when he had a sprained leg… He could act like he was fine when he had a raging fever… right now he seemed as if he was about to faint too…

‘I can’t let him faint’ Jae thought ‘What if he…. Doesn’t wake up again?’

Jaejoong waved his free hand for the nurse to start attaching his wires again “Nurse it’s okay now, can you please help him out?” He said in Japanese.

Jaejoong found that he had to be calmer and more collected if he was going to stay with Yunho.  He didn't want him to get so excited he would bleed out.

Yunho opened his eyes and focused on only Jaejoong’s eyes as the woman went to work “Jae, why are you so wet?  When did you learn Japanese?”

Jae smiled as a tear fell from his eyes.  So he really doesn’t remember?  Jae wondered how far back Yunho’s mind went.

“A while ago” Jae replied in a calming voice “Now be quiet for a second, okay?”

Yunho nodded, obeying.  The woman finished attaching all the wires and checked Yunho’s wound, seeing that it was fine, or as fine as it was ever going to be, she put the blanket back on him. 

“You may go” Jaejoong said kindly to the nurse “I’ll take care of him”.

She nervously nodded and left the room.

Finally Jae spoke again “Yunho, how old are you?” Jae asked, keeping his voice surprisingly steady.

“Eh?” Yunho said baffled “You don’t remember Joongie?!  I’m 18!  Just a little younger than you are!” Yunho made a pout and Jaejoong’s heart squeezed painfully. 

‘So he’s lost that much memory… but at least he still remembers me… I wonder if…’ Jae shook his head, not even wanting to finish the thought but couldn’t control it ‘I wonder if he remembers DBSK?’ 

If Yunho’s mind was 18, it was the year that they had become DBSK, but did he have memories of after creating the group or before?

“Where’s our member’s?” Yunho asked, answering Jae’s questions himself.  Jae inwardly jumped for joy.  He didn’t know if he could handle it if Yunho didn’t remember the most important part of their lives.

But then his flying heart sunk like lead at the realization.  Where are the members?  They were fighting in the war.  What was he supposed to tell him?  Yunho, whom was 18 years old in his mind? A Yunho who didn’t even know about the war?

“Th-they’re…” Jae struggled, “They’re at home”.

Jae gulped and waited for Yunho’s reply, did he believe him?

“Oh…” Yunho said in a wistful way, Jaejoong’s heart broke a little at how much admiration, love and peace came to his face through just thinking about the members, Yunho blinked again trying to focus his eyes but to no avail “They must be tired from so much training…”

“Y-yes… they’re sleeping…”

“Jae… you look different… “ Yunho then blushed red “Not bad I mean!  B-but… you… I mean…”

“Silly,” Jae said nervously, trying to sound soothing.  That’s right, He’s 18, they haven’t even started dating yet.  Jae debated for a second whether or not to tell him that he lost his memory and that they were older but decided to tell him anyways.  It wasn’t like Yunho wouldn’t be able to tell.  Obviously Jae looked older than he was at that time.

“You hit your head and lost a bit of your memories” Jae said blurted unceremoniously.  Not the smartest way to tell him but he didn’t know any other way to say it.  He could feel Yunho tense and Jae immediately placed a hand over his chest and tried to sooth him “Sshh… don’t get up.  You’ll open your wounds”.

Jae could tell Yunho was trying desperately to keep calm but was failing miserably.  Jae could see Yunho’s heart rate on the monitor go up, beeping embarrassingly. 

“H-how much memory did I lose?” Yunho asked.

“J-just a few years…” Jae said.

“A few YEARS?!” He tried to sit up again.

“Don’t you dare Jung Yunho!  You have to lay down now!” Jae commanded.

“H-how… what year is it?” Yunho asked still panicking.

“Shhh, calm down a little bit and I’ll tell you” Jaejoong said.  Jae was surprised by his own calmness.  Just a while ago he was panicking himself.  Maybe it was just being with Yunho that gave him such strength?  Jae squeezed Yunho’s hand in both his.

Jaejoong demonstrated a deep breath and Yunho followed.  A loud crack of thunder was heard and they both looked out of the window at the other side of the bed.  The rain was thick and the wind blew hard and loud, the storm must have gotten so bad that the helicopters stopped coming and going.

Jae got up and closed the curtains, then turned towards Yunho, whom was watching his back.

Yunho blushed and looked away.  Jae smiled sadly.

“It’s been more than 18 years since you were 18…” Jae told him.

Yunho looked towards him again, mentally trying to process this information “That means we’re… ?  That’s way more than a few years!” His heart beat raced once more.

Jae nodded.  Instead going back to sit in the chair, he sat on the bed and leaned over Yunho.  Yunho blushed again, holding his breath.  Jae demonstrated a deep breath again and Yunho copied.

“That means… I mean… are we?” Yunho blushed again.

Jae surprised himself by giggling before kissing Yunho as an answer.  Yunho was surprised at first but deepened the kiss after a second. 

Yunho’s smile after that kiss made Jaejoong gasp.  How could a dying 30-some year old look so pure and happy?  It did something strange to Jaejoong’s insides.  He wanted to keep Yunho’s smile like this, always like this, as if all the bad things never happened.

Yunho blinked his eyes tiredly and yawned quietly.  Jae was suddenly brought back to reality.  Tonight, they would only have tonight left…

Jae grabbed Yunho’s hand and squeezed “D-don’t fall asleep!”

He saw Yunho was startled “I mean… I want to talk with you more… please stay awake…”

Yunho just nodded carefully.

“Jae” Yunho said trying to change the subject “Where are we?  Are we in Japan?”

Jae nodded, regaining his composure, wiping his eyes “We are in Japan.”

“Why?” Yunho asked innocently, like a child.

“B-because… because…” Jaejoong paused, North and South Korea are at war and your unit got hit by a bomb and you got injured and flown here, you're the only one still alive, “It’s… our honeymoon”.

“Eh?!” Yunho said blushing again “Wh-what?” Yunho’s excitement was obvious but you could tell his anesthetics were starting to work their magic increasingly on his body now that the wires were attached once more.

“Shh, Calm down” Jae said, cradling Yunho’s cheeks in his hands.

“I-I can’t believe I don’t remember!” Yunho told him, and Jae tensed wondering if Yunho believed him.  But then came Yunho, lightly laughing “I’m sorry, Jae, you must be mad right?  On such an important day, I end up in the stupid hospital.”

“Pabo, I’m not mad” Jae whispered, trying to smile again even though he wanted to cry, Yunho seemed so happy to hear this false news, “I’m just so glad I can see you and be with you again…”

‘one last time’ he added in his thoughts.

Yunho closed his eyes and Jae knew he was starting to lose him to his subconscious state “Jae… can you tell me?”

“Tell you what?” Jae asked lying beside his love, squeezing himself into the space beside him, trying not to touch Yunho’s injury.  Jaejoong was all wet but Yunho didn't mind at all and pulled the man closer.  After finding a comfortable position where he could feel Yunho’s warmth he settled.  It was odd how Yunho was still so comfortably warm, his arm still so large and strong around his shoulder.

“Tell me everything I forgot of course.  It feels empty… not being able to remember” Yunho said wistfully, almost in a dream like state “Start with DBSK…” Yunho said “tell me, did we travel the world like we said we would?”

“Of course we did” Jae answered “Of course”.

“Tell me” Yunho sighed out.

“Well,” Jae hesitated, “Dong Bang Shin Ki became a big hit right after we debuted…”

Jae looked up towards Yunho’s face, he was smiling proudly, this encouraged Jae to go on.

“We went to promote here in Japan, and after a few years we were higher and happier than ever before.” Jae told him, reaching for his hand and squeezed it.

“That’s why you can speak Japanese” Yunho said.

Jae laughed “We all can speak Japanese now”

Yunho laughed softly “Then what?”

“We…” Jae paused “We toured the world after that” he answered, “We went through Asia and then through Europe, we went to American and even South America and Africa…” Jae smiled picturing it “And after all that we ended up back in Korea.”

“Then?” Yunho asked.

“Then…” Jae thought for a second, he had this moment, this moment to tell Yunho about their lives, their lives… skip all the sad parts and tell him about their lives... the lives they should have been able to lead... if they hadn’t lived in such a cruel world.

“Then we bought a big plot of land”  Jaejoong told him in an absolute voice, “where we built a big house that fit all of our families, All five of us, so we could always live together like we promised we would” Jaejoong blinked back the tears threatening to spill down his face.  Yunho didn’t seem to notice, his eyes a haze, his thoughts wrapped up in Jaejoong’s tale.

“What about Heechul, Kangin, and everyone else?” Yunho asked.

“Oh, Super Junior?  Umm…” Jae said “Well they don’t live with us but they visit a lot” Jae added “especially Heechul and Hyukjae.”   

This earned another laugh that made Jae’s heart flutter “Ah, I see”.

“Y-yeah,” Jae said after being encouraged by the laugh “They mess up the whole house!  They’re horrible”.

They laughed for a while as Jaejoong told Yunho how beautiful the garden was, how they had their own personal hotspring, how everyone came over for drinks and they would stay up all night in the movie room watching movies together or in the karaoke room singing like fools, and how Yunho had created his own dance studio and Jae would yell at him for spending too much time in it. 

The story went on and on through the night from late night snack arguments and laundry arguments that actually did happen in the DBSK dorm to birthday parties and anniversary and stories about pets and people that Yunho had never even met yet at 18 but Yunho wanted to hear it all so Jaejoong continued to tell him.

Yunho yawned.  “Hey!  Don’t fall asleep!” Jae pouted in a small panic as he pinched Yunho’s shoulder.

Ow… I’m not… falling asleep” Yunho got out tiredly.

“Liar, don’t fall asleep” Jae pleaded, squeezing his hand. 

Yunho could feel his shoulder get wet with warm tears. “Joongie, don’t cry, please don’t cry.”

Jae sniffed and wiped his tears on his sleeve “S-sorry, just…. Don’t fall asleep Yunho”.

“Okay,” Yunho answered “You haven’t told me one thing though”.

“Eh?” Jae asked “What haven’t I told you?”

“How did I propose?  How did we get married?” Yunho asked, his eyes were closed, he was too tired to be embarrassed anymore.

Surprised Jae was silent for a second, he had forgotten that he told Yunho they were on their honeymoon.  Honeymoon meant they got married, of course.

“Well, um…” Jae hesitated “It was during one of our vacations… Paris”.

“Paris?”

“Yes Paris.  It's so beautiful there, Yunho.  We were actually shooting a photo book, but we had one day off.  We had ridden the Ferris Wheel during the shoot and you saw how much I loved it.  On that day off you took me on the Ferris Wheel once more.” Jae looked up at the ceiling imagining the scene in his head, “The sun was setting and the sky was turning orange and purple, you could hear the people laughing down below, and as we reached the very top you got down on one knee and said to me ‘Jaejoong, I love you, will you marry me and be mine forever?’ and I was so stunned and told you, ‘Of course I will, I’ve loved you since I first laid eyes on you and I loved you ever since and I will love you forever, only you, my other half.’  And I cried and you held me so close and we promised we would be together always…”

Jaejoong sniffed and wiped away his tears at the proposal that should have happened instead of Yunho’s actual proposal on the day before he enlisted before they were separated for years and years.  The words were real and the tears were real, but the context and place just changed.

He smiled and continued, getting caught up in his own story “Afterwards, we decided to have our wedding at our big house, in the garden.  You said the red roses were just like Cassiopeia and it fit perfectly.  I agreed.  There were so many red roses, Yunho.  We filled the whole garden with them, and we had flower petals floating in the river and along the walkway down the isle.  The wedding was broadcast on TV of course, so we could share our moment with our fans.  You wore a black suit with red accents and I wore a white one with red accents.  Yoochun, Changmin and Junsu fought over who would be best man, so they played rock paper scissors for it.  Changmin got it.  So Yoochun got to be ring bearer and Junsu threw flowers as our flower girl.  It was so funny Yunho.  They were all so happy, Yunho.  We were so happy.” Jae laughed imagining them, “The after party was glorious, Yunho.  We put up lanterns in the garden so we could be with everyone all night.  The lanterns had wonderfully kind messages from our fans saying how happy they were for us.  We danced and we sang and we laughed all night long… Then, finally we made it on the flight here to Japan, for our honeymoon…”  Jaejoong tiredly turned his head up towards the leaders face, “…Yunho?”

Jae stared silently at Yunho’s face, at his closed eyes and peaceful smile.  He looked so alive, so happy, so much like he would wake up at any moment.

“Yunho?” Jae asked shaking him a little, but it was apparent that he had fallen into a deep sleep.  Tears formed in his eyes as he tightly hugged him and let the salt water flow down his cheeks. His hands clenched in the fabric of Yunho’s hospital gown and his body glued to the side of Yunho’s body “…I love you”.

*WILL NO LONGER BE UPDATING ON ASIANFANFICS!!!! MOVED TO : http://tsubasangel.livejournal.com/