Kaci Brown - Butterflies Don't Lie 

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This fancy I have for EXO member Kris is not something new to me seeing even before they debut I have set my eyes on him and listing him as my possible ‘new bias’. At first it was like, Yes I’ll be a fan of this new group and with a new group comes a new bias, browsing the teaser photos of them I stopped at this black and white photo with showcasing a strong side profile his features interest me, it was fierce and striking and I liked it. Soon then I waited for their updates, watching those ridiculously numbered teasers, wishing for their show case to be uploaded in Youtube, though I was still in a different fandom yet they caught my interest making me swivel fandom.

Then the long awaited showcase was uploaded I didn’t even care if at that middle of the night I needed to study for my college entrance exam, I just wanted to watch it because of the wait I was put through I couldn’t let a minute pass me by with not seeing it. I was sure I’ll make do’s with the test.

I watched it with interest going over the roof, my inner fan girl taking over me, shutting the world off and only focusing in the screen of my laptop. Impressed by the performance they put on I easily got hooked. I continued with watching it with full interest until the members walked by and started the segment where they would introduce their selves and my eyes automatically darted to each face looking for his.

Finally my eyes landed at him it was not hard to miss since he was beside someone who was grinning so big with those round eyes that can’t help but seek attention. He was sitting with a straight face on sporting this intimidating aura, throughout the whole video I’ve only seen him smile, his gummy smile which was surprisingly cute. With the way he presented himself I was sure he was my new bias, this mysterious and intimidating aura he possess draws me, he was different from all those past biases I had, he was strikingly tall, he knows how to speak English, he was athletic, his amusing brows were his label which you can’t help but adore, yet he rarely smiled and if he did his face would immediately return to emotionless. The way he carries and portrays himself was undeniably attractive. He was just different over all.

In no time I became one of those fan girls that would not have their day complete without seeing an update about her bias group. Every show they did I knew what happened and what were the highlights and etc. Basically I become one of those fans who are close to being labeled as obsessed.

Yet I continued on I didn’t care what people think of me, they had no way but to accept me since I would not want to change for them for I believe that I didn’t need to prove myself to anyone.

So I continued with this ‘hobby’ I like to put it.

And every day I would see and hear him, maybe my world would have been only about him if only school and family didn’t remind me that at times I need to recall reality we call life.

It was fine for a long time just seeing him as an idol and all but then joining in online groups and communities where there are this jokes you all built up with being the wife of her bias and all. Yes it was fun and treated as a joke at first but then getting accustomed to it like a role play gives this feeling that it’s real.

It shows you this light that somehow all of it can be true.

Foolishly I hold on to it.

Telling myself to stop thinking and having hopes about it, funny how it’s like a drug, like the mind of a man, something forbidden lures you onto doing it, man knows it’s wrong yet the feeling it gives makes make’s man forget about his judgment between right and wrong.

It’s ironic how one can be considered as someone reserved, quiet, has the qualities of a wallflower can be someone who’s outspoken, funny and free on the magical world of the internet.

Funny how Shin Minji was the ‘wallflower’ of the class yet on the mystical world of internet Shin Minji was someone who jokes around, shares stories, fits perfectly on the circle with people she only met through the internet with the same interest as her; being a fan of a Korean boy band.

Shin Minji was people might say bipolar.

For she has two worlds where the other one keeps her trap while the latter is her outlet of what she truly feels.

In reality she was rather well kept and more to herself, she’ll talk if you approach her and start a conversation, she’ll study within the side lines when her classmates would chatter, rather than going with friends to malls, she’ll rather put her head phones on and face her laptop to read fanfiction.  In reality she was someone we might consider ‘The one who fades in the background’ and truthfully she was fine with that.

Abnormal it might seem she was content with how she rolls.

Since for her it was a waste of breath and time for her to chatter would people around her that clash with her interest, it would only spark annoyance on one of the party and she would rather avoid that.

Truth to be told Minji would choose to be alone and in the comfort of her laptop, admiring Wu Yi Fan or known as Kris Wu , the leader of the boy band EXO M.

Maybe it was this trait of her that cause her own suffering, maybe it was this solitude she possess that she have fallen deeper.

Deeper onto this unknown feeling that scares her to the bone yet mostly chosen to be ignored seeing that this feeling is addicting and can’t be avoided.

This feeling of attachment to someone who you haven’t met.

This love she felt for someone who might never know her mere existence in this big world we live in.

This one sided love that was disguised as an unfathomable box that trap one’s mind into a fake euphoria but once time passed by being stuck in that box it will make one doubt her sanity if the line between reality and fantasy ever existed and one finds herself falling into fantasy more making one’s judgment between the two hazy and unclear.

Yet it’s completely ridiculous to blame one’s ‘bias’ as clearly she was the one responsible of how she thinks.

See how it’s a trap?

You love and love then you’ll come to the point of doubting if you still know what is reality to avoid being hurt is but you already are. Then the center of this feeling you have has no clue that he was inflicting this kind of pain in you.

Cruel isn’t it?

This love might be considered as love seeing one was first attracted to the other’s physical appearance. Still it’s a kind of love maybe considered as the lowest form of love but it’s still love.

But in Minji’s mind this has to end as every fiber of her being is now being shaken as this feeling shouldn’t go on more as suffering will it only bring.

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But everybody knows that love comes with happiness and hurt.

Like in this cruel world we live in there’s war and peace, good and evil, and many more that contradicts one another but can’t exist without one another.

Such paradox keeps messing with one’s mind but it can’t be avoided and change as the world lives in this situations for long years have come and go.

Still will I ever feel normal with this kind of love without doubting if I already lost a piece of my sense of reality? The question always was pinned in Minji’s mind. Like a plague it continues same with this emotion called love she feels for him.