Voice On The Radio - Marie Digby

It’s amazing how the human mind can generate imaginations way beyond reality.

That’s why they said imagination was beyond our limits. True, I’d give brownie points to who ever said that.

With imaginations comes the word fantasy which we can define as the free play of creative imagination that could lead us to the word hallucination.

They said love was in many kinds of form, may it be love from family, friends and other form.

But in this case it’s a love that we can call ‘one-sided love’, the love all fan girls out there experience.

Bitter truth that would dawn on every fan girl.

I do include myself in that number of fan girl who is experiencing this dilemma.

Those moments when you’ll see updates of him in your dash boards, news feeds, and etc. Just looking at his simple picture would bring this unconscious smile in your face, this happiness you’ll feel inside with just a simple picture. Or seeing a video of his group that you had so long awaited to be uploaded in Youtube, this giddiness you’ll feel when you watch him do crazy stuff yet for you it’ll only make him more adorable in your eyes. Many more of a fan girls doing to just have this sense of connection and closeness to her bias.

It also didn’t help that once you got a taste of how awesome and clever fanfictions are, how they can be this so amusing and great in their flow that you could picture yourself as the character the author pairs up with your bias. It’s addicting, it’s amazing, and it’s magical.

This sense of feeling of escape.

The escape from reality that would always remind you that they are millions of miles away from you yet with these agents you’ll feel like there within your reach were there’s no such things as limitation. Like nothing is impossible.

What’s amazing in being a fan girl is that the ability to feel like you know them so much by just reading their facts online, watching their videos where you could pick out some habits, way of talking,  expressions of words, jokes and details about their life.

It’s surreal that you could somehow picture how their life.

All of that could build this sort of attachment towards them, the phase were you’ll want or desire to know every little detail about him, feel so amused with the things he can do, that possessiveness in you will come out when you’ll meet someone who likes the same bias you have and they’ll be a know it all and you wouldn’t even back down cause you feel like you know him more, where you think of him as your property and no else’s. Now with that comes this judgments from the people around you that would only say how delusional you are for liking ‘Korean’s who do gay stuffs’ they’ll say things about your bias that would make you react by defending them, you wouldn’t even care what comeback you’ll say as longs as their let you be because you wouldn’t even waiver from liking them even if they would throw comments that “They wouldn’t even know you exist.” But you’ll stay stubborn on liking them but once you think about it that fact would surface in your mind and would be your wake up call to reality.

It would make you think. But in the end you’ll bury it in the back of your mind and continue with what you do best, fan girl-ing.

Continuing it may give you bliss, your fantasies of him just escalate to a point you’ll think of more as an idol. A simple infatuation would grow into more.

A trap in disguise.

Love is a trap.

Loving him was a trap.

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How do you get out?

How can you survive with a permanently scarred heart?

How can you go on?

Simple, let go.

But it seems so hard to.