I don't know anymore

I hurriedly dressed myself and ran out the door hoping I could reach him in time. But he was no where in sight. "Niel!!! I said I was sorry!!! Please...give me another chance!" I shouted and ran frantically left and right. He was gone. How could he? Did he call someone to pick him up. Suddenly it felt like the world crashed down on me. I know I just met him but still...I just feel like we were destined to be together. For the first time in years I felt happy. I just want Niel...I just know that he is the one for me. I ran and ran, shouting his name over and over. I felt so deperate...so alone...I want him so badly. I don't want to be left alone again. I don't know what to do anymore.

Hours passed by and I finally gave up searching for him. I went back to the motel exhausted, collasped onto the bed. Suddenly my phone rang. I sighed as I saw the caller ID read Lisa. Damn, I guess she finally noticed I'm gone. I threw the phone down onto the carpet and sighed as I layed back down onto the bed. What do I do? I just want to give up. No way am I going back to her. No way...

Few minutes later I find myself moving on my own and before I know it, right in front of our door. There's no other choice. I sighed and opened the door and was welcomed by a shouting wife. "Hey! Where did you go? Do you know how worried I was? I was about to call the cops because of you!" She shouted. I sighed again, thinking sure...worried? Pretty unbelievable, I'm pretty sure you were just on the couch watching T.V until you noticed I wasn't there any longer. Yet I said the complete opposite. I hugged her half heartedly and patted her back apologizing, "Sorry, I just needed to go out for some fresh air. I won't leave again." She accepted my apology and went back onto the couch. I laughed inwardly...see? I knew all she cares about is her dramas.

I'm just so used to her cold hearted ways that I'm numb to it. I guess I could go on with my life the way it is. I guess I can hold on until the end.