If I Were to Live.

   “Are you alright? You look pale,” Chanyeol says worriedly. I just give him a weak smile and pat his arm. “Are you in pain right now?”

   “I’m fine, Chanyeol. Don’t worry about me; I’m strong, remember? I could never get sick,” I say and chuckle. He smiles at me and my cheek with the back of his hand. Oh, how I would miss this.

   “If anything hurts or something, just tell me, okay?” he says with a grin plastered on his face.

   “Okay,” I reply with a small nod. “I’m just tired, I guess,” I add.

   “Do you want me to sing a song for you so you could sleep?” he asks, voice soft but deep and full of love. “I’ll hum you to sleep.” I just nod in response. He puts my head on his lap and my hair as he sings softly. He may never have the most wonderful voice but his voice is the voice I would want to listen to for eternity. “_____-ah, I love you…” he says and I smile.

   I lied. I am not fine at all—as far as I’m concerned, my condition is nowhere near fine. I’m sick; really sick. I’ve been diagnosed with lung cancer. At first, I had a cancer. I had a huge lump on my right before Chanyeol and I knew one another. I had it removed and I was cancer-free for four years. And now, the cancer reoccurred. This time around, however, the cancer cells decided to attack my lungs. There’s fluid in my lungs that most of the time I find it difficult to breathe. Nonetheless, I never told Chanyeol. I don’t want to worry and stress him. I don’t want to see him hurt. I don’t want to see him shed tears whenever we’re together. I want him to be happy. I want him to always smile. So, as much as I can, I want to spend my remaining time in this world with him. And when I finally take my leave, I hope he’ll be strong and continue on smiling. Park Chanyeol, I hope that when the day comes that we shall temporarily separate, you’d be okay. I know you will be.

   It’ll only be painful at first but I’m sure that as time passes by, you’d be happy again.

   “_______-ah, please hold on,” I hear Chanyeol say as he holds my hand. I fainted and vomited blood. “Please don’t leave me,” he whispers. Something wet finds its way down on my cheeks. He’s crying; this is what I’ve always been afraid of.

   “Sir, you can’t go inside the Emergency Room. Just wait outside,” I hear someone say. Then, I could no longer feel Chanyeol’s hand holding mine.

   “Please wake up, ______-ah,” he says and then, I was brought into the Emergency room.

   It is pitch black—I can’t see anything. I feel stiff; I can’t move. Where am I? I can’t see nor move. I could hear though. All I could hear is the beeping sound of an object. It must be a monitor, perhaps? I try opening my eyes but it was all in vain. What’s happening?

   “She’s in a coma. She may or may not wake up,” I hear someone say. “But you can still talk to her. According to the doctor’s observation, she’s not fully unconscious so I guess she would still be able to hear you but… she won’t be able to reply,” she adds. I’m in a coma?

   “I… I understand. Thank you,” a deep voice says.

   “I’ll leave first,” the woman earlier says again. Then, I hear a door close.

   “_______-ah, can