CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

Hit and Run

 RECAP:

She wiped profusely at her tears so that when she lifted her face from her hands, the only thing that revealed she had been crying were her red and swollen eyes, “You hurt me, Sehun. That’s what you did… You hurt me and I tried to be ok with it but it was you who taught me to have a little more respect for myself. Do you remember? You taught me to stand up on my feet again; to cultivate hopes and dreams for myself and that’s why none of this matters anymore.”

“It mattered to me when we were bound together by vows I took seriously. It mattered to me when I loved you…” She paused again to collect herself but saying those three words to him always hurt because she would always remember the painful silence that followed, “and when I wished that you would love me too. Instead, you hated me.”

“But that's not why I hate HyeRyung...” Jaehwa shook her head, “I hate her because aside from the fact that she betrayed me... she took away the only friend I had left. I hate her because she killed Songmi.”

Another harrowing silence hung in the air as Jaehwa’s words ran on a loop inside Sehun’s head. He had always felt that Jaehwa had been hiding something from him in their last year of marriage but he never knew what it was; telling himself that it didn’t matter and that he didn’t care. The truth was, he did care and sometimes it haunted him – the questions he had never asked, the time he had never spent out of fear of loving her and then losing her.

If he had known that she had lost someone she held close to her heart, he would have reached out to her sooner. That was what it would always be… if. If he had realised how much he needed her, he would’ve told her he loved her a thousand times over. If he had been more careful, someone like HyeRyung would never have tried to hurt her in this way. If he had been a better husband, she wouldn’t be standing before him, worlds apart.

“You probably don’t even remember who Songmi is.” Jaehwa hung her head because she knew that the brothers had never paid enough attention to her and her life to remember the name of her chambermaid. She never minded when Songmi was alive but when she passed away, Jaehwa suffered from the guilt of being unable to give her friend a proper funeral.

“She was your chambermaid… I remember.” Sehun muttered and in his efforts, he was trying to show Jaehwa that even though he had been afraid to give the extra effort to know her, there were things that he could never forget about Jaehwa. There were things you just knew when you loved someone this deeply.

“Then you know that HyeRyung took away the only family I had and you’ll understand why I need to-“

“You’re not going to see HyeRyung alone.” Sehun looked at her with a hardened gaze. Jaehwa could break him down and soften him but against the many threats that existed in his life, he would still be the warrior he been trained to become. Some habits, he would change for no one.

Jaehwa’s face told him everything he needed to know. She had completely misinterpreted the situation, assuming that what he had just said was out of care for HyeRyung. Instantly, he regretted his choice of words.

Sehun swallowed, “I’m not going to let you go alone – not this time.” He shook his head firmly, “I’m not going to let you face her all alone because you’re not in this alone. You never deserved to be.”

“If you truly think that way then let me do this alone… for Songmi-“

“I can’t.” Sehun shook his head, “I can’t and I won’t because all of this began with me – my carelessness, my stupid and childish attempts to push you away because of my pride-“

Jaehwa’s hands flew to her face and she breathed through her fingers, “Sehun. Stop.” Her mind had been placed under so much strain from reliving the past. She wasn’t ready to hear Sehun’s side of the story because she had convinced herself long ago that Songmi’s fate should never be considered in the context of Sehun’s feelings.

Sometimes, unconsciously, she would see how everything was inextricably linked but she chose not to let her mind wander down that particular path. She didn’t want to reduce Songmi’s life to petty matters of romance. The person Jaehwa needed to focus on was HyeRyung because the way she had tarnished Songmi’s name and brought her to her end was unforgivable; because Songmi was simply an innocent bystander that became collateral damage.

“You have to listen to me, Jaehwa.” He begged and she shook her head in response.

“I don’t have to listen to anything. I don’t have to-“

“You spent fifty years running away from this… from me.” He sighed, “Don’t you think that’s enough time? I know you know how I feel… I know because there is no one who understands me the way you do… I know because I see it in the way you look at me. You know, you’re just afraid to admit it.” Sehun’s voice was enough to coax out that warmth that she felt in her later years of marriage – the only hope she clung onto when nothing else was left.

“Would you believe me if I told you that HyeRyung didn’t leave me?” He stepped up closer to her and held her by the elbows, guiding her hands away from her face so that she could see his face when he told her one of the many things he had kept from her. “Would you believe me if I told you that I sent her away? Tell me, Jaehwa. Would you believe me if I told you those things?”

“W-What?” Her lips quivered and hidden beneath those sharp eyes, there was evidence of shock.

It had been Sehun’s fault all along. He had given himself the identity of a cold and heartless man when his actions had been completely the opposite. There were multiple signs that told him he had developed feelings for the strange human girl who had entered his life but he chose to ignore them, mindlessly following his instincts of protecting her. It was his fault for hiding his feelings so well.

There was not much he could tell Jaehwa that would convince her now. Now, only time could tell whether they had enough faith. In the empty spaces of their pre-rehearsed confessions, Sehun stood before Jaehwa with a broken smile, knowing in his heart that her answer to his question was no. She was always humble; always afraid to expect more of Sehun but somehow that kindness had morphed into endless doubt.

Sehun, there’s someone coming. Be careful. Luhan’s tense voice echoed into his head.

Instantly, Sehun stiffened and as he listened for the faint sound of footsteps, he closed off the remaining distance between himself and Jaehwa. She barely had time to process the exact meaning behind his words when she was dragged towards the opposite end of the room, passing rows and rows of empty beds.

“What-“ He cuppe