CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

On Thin Ice

 Sehun treaded the burgundy carpet floor with light, restrained steps as he tossed occasional glances over his shoulder. He had spent the entire day trying to put up with the girls at the academy and by lunchtime it got to the point where he could no longer simply endure their gawking and their squealing. He had wanted to ask Soojung to accompany him for lunch but she had been rather preoccupied with another boy and seeing how comfortable she seemed, he didn’t want to impose.

Now, he seemed to find his peace of mind in the library where few people were during the late afternoon. He had finished his last class morning class twenty minutes ago and was now on his midday break. Not surprisingly, the morning classes were more focused on generic high school subjects and as much as it bored him and his brothers, they knew it would be a breeze to pass.

Sighing, his steps slowed considerably as he fell into the sweet scent of old books; their soft, almost crumbly yellow pages that held evidence of a past he had long forgotten. He walked down the aisles and aisles of books running his finger along their charming little spines, revelling in the comforting silence before he felt Jaehwa’s distinct scent flitter into his nostrils.

He traced it to her and surely enough, he found her on tiptoes reaching for a book in the darkest part of the library. The air was thick with the scent of decay but she seemed unperturbed by it as she set all her attention on the book she was reaching for. A smile graced his face as he leaned against the shelf with his arms crossed over his chest. This was exactly what he needed – Jaehwa tending to the tiniest of human affairs with a determination that he found utterly amusing.

She was like a breath of fresh air – a breath of much needed fresh air amongst the mundane routine of his first day. She wore a modest, light-blue dress that had a white rim around the edges – nothing extravagant and she would’ve been easily missed in the halls but he liked that. He felt safer that the uniform muted her charm because he would never forgive himself if she got hurt in any way.

“Ah!” She yelped and it immediately tugged him from his thoughts.

Jaehwa had lost her balance as the book tumbled from its shelf and while he had expected her to fall with it, she gripped onto the edge of the rack swiftly. With a pointed foot, she kicked the book so that it flew up into the air again, just high enough so that she caught it with ease. She sighed contentedly as she dusted off the cover.

He had never seen her as graceful as she had been in that moment – as though nothing could ever go wrong in Jaehwa’s world and as though having her in his would make everything alright.

“I thought you were going to help me.” She had taken a step the other way, pretending she hadn’t seen him but when she tossed the most charming smile over her shoulder, he knew it was time to reveal himself.

He stepped out from behind the shadows, hands tucked into his pockets as he cast a look at her from under his lashes, “What gave me away?”

Hugging the book to her chest, she shrugged, “I don’t know. I just… knew.” They took small, controlled steps towards each other, slowly closing off the distance between them before they stood face to face. She knew that if this had been her fifty years ago, she would have confused this knowing with some higher power like her childish belief in soulmates but she refrained from that now.

“Look at you, being the model student and everything.” She flicked the edge of his untucked shirt and he snickered.

“You know I’ve never been a model student.” He whispered lowly and she pulled away, shaking her head. The sudden air that flooded between them made it easier for her to breathe.

He tried not to let it disturb him – the way she pulled away each time he tried to get close to her but it did. He wished she would let him in so that he could protect her because he could. He was stronger now but she never gave him the chance to prove it. Fifty years ago, she was in his arms, waiting for him to provide her with the safety he offered now and he hated that he didn’t take advantage of it. Things had changed so much and he was afraid that her strength meant that she didn’t need him anymore.

“What are you reading?” He pointed down at the thick book in her arms.

“The only book in this damn library that has anything on guardians.” Jaehwa sighed.

“It’s not surprising – not many people read or write anything about guardians and if they do, it’s all a myth.” Sehun tried to comfort her but Jaehwa didn’t seem to be listening. He sighed again as he set himself onto the floor, leaning against the bottom shelf and it wasn’t until moments later that Jaehwa noticed he had sat himself down.

She smiled to herself before she mimicked his gesture, “Sorry. I didn’t mean to zone out.”

When he didn’t say anything to that she wondered if she had offended him with her silence but she barely had the chance to comb through her worries when he decided to speak again.

“Why did you do it?” There was the slightest tremble in his voice and she could have sworn it revealed only a fraction of his sadness but she tried not to dwell on it.

“Do what?"

“Turn.” He stated, fixating his gaze on her in the most demanding way and she felt her heart swell. “Why did you become a guardian without knowing what you were getting yourself into? Why did you do it if you didn’t even know what you were becoming?”

Unlike the first time, his question wasn’t an accusation or a reason that he used to diminish her worth – it was actually a question that he wanted answers to. The truth was, she didn’t know herself. A part of it was because she had felt indebted to the King and her father; another part of it was because she had a duty to the kingdom but she knew that her love for Sehun had definitely contributed to her decision too.

“I-I’m not sure.” She whispered, “My father, I guess… and yours. I think… I just wanted to find out what I could do without anyone holding me back or telling me what to do – what I could achieve without my father or my family or… you.” She let it slip through her lips and she caught they way he breathed in sharply. “I- I’m sorry I didn’t mean it lik-“

“No. No.” He shook his head to mask the pain he felt in his heart, “I took you for granted when you were there for me… you should be the last person apologising in this situation.”

She sighed, “I thought we agreed to put this behind us…”

He nodded, “We did.” He mustered the best smile he could for her and she returned it with so much more ease that it hurt. It hurt to know that she had undergone all of that pain to escape him. Perhaps it was irony or just karma but now that she was exactly what he desired, she no longer wanted him the way she used to.

The grandfather clock in the corner of the library anno