November was never been this cold. I can sense that my foot was going to froze in a seconds, and my body is willing so much to enter a warm place. I cannot fullfill all of it, because i am still walking on the way home now, and my home is still 10 minutes away.

I look around. People were having their time with their loved ones. They were busy having PDA (Public Display Affection) in front of me, while now i am just standing there and watching them doing that silly things together.

But, it triggers me to something else. To something that i would never get in my life.

And it comes again. That pictures. The series of pictures when i am busy with his lips in mine, doing it like there's no tomorrow. I can feel his fresh scent, and my hand is busy wrapping his y back. His hand is touching my cheek, entering my mouth more deeply. He wanted to feel my lips; i know it. And i allow it.

Someone pokes me from behind. I looked back, and found a stranger look at me.

"Sir" he said "You had been standing there for a long time"

"Really?" i asked with a confused look in my face.

He nodded. "Are you thinking about something?"

"Me?"

He nodded again. I shook my head

"Then be careful" he said "If you doing like this again, someone may taking your stuff or kidnap you"

"Like you care about it"

"Hey. I don't know you, but i just gave an advice to you"

"I don't need an advice from a stranger"

"If you say so"

"Chanyeol, come here!!"

That stranger left me with a discusting look in his face, as his friend was yelling at him in the other side. How can he giving me an advice like that, but he even didn't know me at all? What a strange man.

-------------

I hate bad dreams. I hate when i have to seeing a series of unwanted things in front of me, and then i will wake up and scream out loud like a scared man. But after i wake up, i will just realize that it's only a dream.

But your dreams can dissapoint you, right?

The other things that i hate is voices. Not voices from people, but voices from other things than people, such as a bird, a dog, even a flower. I can hear that they're speaking to me since i was child, but my parents never appreciate it. Even they think that i'm crazy, so they dumped me after i became older. Even though i hate the voices, but actually they understand me well, more than everyone else.

Tonight, i have a bad dreams again. This time, i was with that guy. The guy that always come into my dream. The guy that i love so much.

He came to me, and then give me a light kiss in my lips. I smiled at him happily, because i really love that.

All of the sudden, he hugged me. I felt a scent of comfort on it.

But it's just for a while.

After that, i felt a sharp thing-y was inserting my body. He released the hug, and i was shocked so much.

I found a knife in my body.

At that moment, i realize; he stabbed me. I can see his eyes stares at me pitifully.

I slumped to the ground, as the bloods were stream out from my body. I cannot do anything; i cannot move my legs, my hands, and even my body. He lift my body up, and then grinned.

"You look so nice with those reds" he claimed "It's my pleasure to see you die peacefully"

I was about to cry. I didn't want it to be like this; i wanted to be with him forever, not like he will see me dying slowly like this.

I looked around. I didn't see anything, but i can hear a loud laughter from any side.

It was a torture, for my body and my soul.

I screamed out loud, aiming to stop those laughters. But it turns out that it just a dream, because now i see my room. Looking by the watch near my bed, it's still 3.20 AM.

I stood up from my bed, opening my refrigerator and drink some milk. While i'm drinking, i turned my head to see a wilted rose on the dining table. I walk closer to the rose, then sit down.

"You have another bad dream?"

I nodded, as what the rose asked. It sighed.

"You're too thinkful about him" it said "Your eyes was blinded by the truth"

"No, it's not"

"Yes, it's true" said the rose. "You cannot accept the truth. I told you many times, Kyungsoo, that--"

"You keep telling me the same, that i cannot accept the truth" i said, as i throw out the milk box to the trash. "Why you never believe in me?"

"The question is, why you never ask yourself?"

I looked at it confusely. "What do you mean?"

The rose sighed again. It whispered at me.

"I'm not going to say this again, Kyungsoo." it whispers "You have a problem in yourself. The problem is that you didn't want to accept the reality. When you didn't accept the reality, your 'heart' will broken. The more you do that, the more your 'heart' will broken."

"And what happened if i keep doing that?"

"The more you do that........." It whispers became more slow than ever. "............. You'll be suffer, in the end"

I wanted to ask more about that, but checking at its condition, i can only conclute that the rose's dead, in the end. I stand up, and go back to sleep.

And now, i didn't have any nightmares.

-------

The one that keep coming up in my mind, my dream, and everywhere, is appear in front of me.

His name is Kim Jongin. He is younger than me, but he looks more older than me. He is tall, have a dark skin, and his hair is always messy. He likes to dance and do sports. Also, he likes fried chicken so much. The first time we met is on High School; i used to help him with his homeworks and stuffs like that, and he helps me with my sports stuffs. He teaches me some dance tricks in additional.

But after 5 months, we're not so close like in the old days. I wonder why. In the old days, we used to have fun each other, having lunch together, went out together, watch movie together, and even spending times together. We used to hold hands and hugged like a couple.

But now?

He keeps a distance from me. We rarely spent time together, and he was rarely ask me for help with his homework. Even so, he rejects me when i ask his help at sports. Plus, he never answer my calls and my text messages.

Why he was changed? Why? I wanted to know so badly, but i never have any courage to ask him.

And today, in the end of December, he ask me to meet up in our favourite cafe near his house. I was so happy, yet i even wear my favourite clothes and rushing up to the cafe. It's been a long time that we didn't meet each other, and i was very delightful to meet him again.

10 minutes passed. I arrived in the cafe. I quickly go inside the cafe, because outside was as cold as being in a freezer. I looked around, trying to find Jongin. He was a tall man, so it shouldn't be a hard task to find--

"Hyung!"

I looked around. He was stand behind me, smiling innocently. I was shocked, and then smiling like a children who arrived in a theme park.

"Jongin!" I hugged him "It has been a long time!"

"Yeah, hyung.." he immediately released the hug. "Let's go over to my chair"

Me and Jongin walked together to his chair. Finally, i can have a time with him again. Just the two of us, like in the old--

"Annyeong"

A strange guy stand up, as we arrived in a table near the window. I look at him confusely. According to what i remember, Jongin doesn't have any brother in his family; he only has a sister. So, who's he?

Jongin smiled at him, and then he stand beside him. Jongin look at me, with his beautiful smile in his face.

"Kyungsoo hyung, this is my boyfriend, Sehun"

Your boyfriend??? i thought. I was so speechless; I was deeply sinking in a condition that i wanted his love, but he even didn't realize my love. Even worse, he finds someone else. SOMEONE ELSE.

I was tried to keep calm, and i gave a weak smile at him. Three of us were sitting now; i keep an eye on him, as he hold Jongin's hands happily. Jongin only smiles at him.

"So..." Jongin starts the conversation "How's your day?"

"It's fine"

"Sorry for keeping away from you for these 5 months; i feel so bad about it"

"It's okay, Jongin"

"Really?"

I looked at Sehun. There's a smirk in his face.

"From the rumour that i heard, people said that you're deeply in love with my Jongin." he thought, as he plays with Jongin's hands. "Is that true?"

I wanted to say 'yes' , but it's not neccessary. I just shrugs, and said: "Don't know. Gossips are everywhere, you know"

"But what happened if it was real?"

"Sehun-ah, stop it" asked Jongin as he tried to comfort Sehun. But he failed. Sehun keep trying to attack me, as he knows that i'm in love with Jongin.

"People in your class says that you're a weird man" said Sehun with a playful voice "They said, that you like to talk to things, such as flowers, birds, cats, dogs, goats, and even a window. And you can spent many minutes with it"

I keep silent, throwing a gaze at him. "What do you want?"

He smiles innocently. "Just wanted to cross-check that you're a crazy man"

"Sehun-ah, stop investigating my friend"

"Really?" Sehun looked at Jongin "Okay, Jongin-ah -- Do you didn't want to know, that you're lovely friend is a mad crazy man and he loves you so much?"

"Sehun-ah, i--"

"Do you ever caught him talking with something, Jongin-ah? Do you?"

Jongin look at me, confusely. I hope he says 'no' , but......

"... Yes..... I ever caught him talking to a tree, for 10 minutes"

Sehun smiles, and then looked at me. He feel so satisfied with the answer. If i don't have any manners, i would punch him right in the face right know, because i was so pissed off with him. But i can't; Jongin is in front of me right now, and i didn't want to ruin my images in front of him.

But now, Sehun is ruining my image now. He now looks at me happily, but i can see a evil smile and gaze in his face

"So, Kyungsoo hyung...." He plays with his phone "Do you really love my Jongin?"

I stay silent. Jongin look at me.

"Kyungsoo....." Jongin speaks to me, giving that gaze to me. "Do you love me?"

I look down, and then meet Jongin's eyes. "Do you love me, Jongin? Do you?"

Finally i can ask that to Jongin-- Finally. I hope he say 'yes' , so Sehun can go out from here and we can have a time together.

But the answer is different.

"I don't love you, Kyungsoo."

My heart was ripped into pieces. My mind was filled with anger.

After so many years i gave my full attention to him and keep thinking of having a relationship with him, saving my own hearts and love for him, and he never realize it? Bull!

"Accept the reality, Kyungsoo hyung" Sehun said as he chuckles happily "Jongin-ah never loves you! He only thinks of you as a friend! And in fact-- he also agree that you're a crazy man!"

Sehun keep intimidating me. Jongin only stays silent, look down. Feels guilty, maybe.

"And what did you do, Kyungsoo hyung? You keep begging for his love! You keep thinking that you can get his love, but it's useless! Jongin-ah was ashamed to see the real you--"

"You think so?!"

I stand up immediately, and stares at them furiously. I cannot hold my anger anymore-- i just, can't.

"You think you feel so happy to see me suffer like this, huh??" I pointed my hand at Sehun. "Just beware, Sehun-- today or tomorrow, you'll be in an accident. And you won't survive"

Sehun looked quite shock. Jongin stands up from his chair, staring at him.

"Don't try to curse him, hyung!"

"And you shut up" I pointed my hand at Jongin. Jongin was shocked, because he knows that i never talks so harsh to him. "After Sehun suffers, you'll be the next one"

Jongin looks so shocked. I take my stuffs and go out from the cafe, afraid that people will angry at me because i nterrupt their time.

I run back home, and then cried in the corner of my living room. The rose was right: I will suffer because of cannot accept the reality. Now i wanted to try to accept the reality, but why it hurts so much??? 

I keep crying and crying for 2 hours, plus screaming out loud for 3 times. After that, i see the little bear doll; the doll that Jongin gave to me because he made it by himself and he want me to keep it.

"Don't look at me like that, Kyungsoo"

"S-hut up..."

I keep sobbing so hard. The doll just keep silent.

"Now..." i speak to the doll "What should i do? Jongin has betrayed me, and his boyfriend is killing me!"

It turns its head, staring at me. "You already cursed them. Right?"

I nodded a bit.

"If it's so, then just let it be. Tonight, Sehun will got an accident, and he will die at excatly 12 AM"

I look at the doll. I walk closer to the doll.

"H-how.... How do you know?" i said, as i wipe my tears

"Just my feeling" it said. "And now, what will you do to Jongin?"

I just stay silent. I don't know what should i do to Jongin.

"I will..... " i whispered. My whisper was echoing in the room "... I will let him.... feels....."

"?"

"I will let him feels my anger..... If i do that, he'll be suffer as i do"

----------------

The doll was right. As i woke up in the morning and seeing the news, there's a news about an accident that happened at 8 PM yesterday. The victim, Oh Sehun, was founded with a heavy wounds in his body. The doctor tried to save him, but he was die at 00:00 this morning.

I was shocked to find out that the doll's prediction was right. I thank the doll, and i hugged it. It says thanks to me and asked me to stop hugging him (i don't believe that it's a boy).

Sehun already suffers, and i feel so happy with that.

--------------

January is still as cold as a freezer, but it became better than December. I was busy preparing my lunch at home, while i let my TV like that. Guess that the doll is happy to watch something rather than staring at blank TV like that.

TOK TOK TOK

"Please wait"

I stopped cooking, and i opened the door. I was quite surprised to see the one that appear in front of the door.

"Hi, hyung"

"Hi, Jongin." I said coldly. "What do you want?"

Jongin look around for a while, and then stares at me again. "Is it okay if i come to visit your place?"

I nodded. "Sure"

I let him in, and i rushed back to my kitchen to continue cooking. Jongin sat on the sofa, watching me cooking.

"Yah, Kyungsoo" said the Sofa "Why you let him go inside your house?"

I just shurgs, and keep cooking. Jongin look down, seeing his handphone screen.

"Thinking about Sehun?"

He look at me, as i preparing the table. He just nodded.

"I never knew that he will die so quickly like that"

"Yeah, me too"

There's a moment of silence in here. Then, Jongin sit on the dining chair, looking at me.

"Kyungsoo hyung... Do you--"

"Just eat, Jongin. It's okay."

Jongin shut his mouth, and then eating the food that i make. I make a fried fish and a simple tofu cooking. Plus, kimchi.

I also eat with Jongin. We keep eating in a silence until Jongin stand up suddenly. I look at him confusely.

"What's wrong?" i said

"I don't know, hyung...." Jongin said weakly "I felt weird, and---"

Suddenly Jongin felt to the floor. I stood up, walk at him, and stand near him. He look at me with his pitiful eyes.

"H-hyung...." he said with a lower voice "W-what did you....."

"I put a posion on your food" I said with a smile. "I told you long time ago, that you'll suffer after Sehun suffer, right?"

"B-but... T-this is..."

I close his mouth with a kiss. He didn't kiss back; even he just push me away like that.

"Y-you're a mad men, hyung..."

"Yes i am, Jongin"

And suddenly, Jongin stand up and grab a knife near his plate. He was going at me, but i avoid it easily. It took a quite long time until i was trapped in a corner of the kitchen and Jongin is standing in front of me with his knife.

"You're going to dead, Jongin...." i tell him. "Are you already prepared to--"

Suddenly, i felt it. A sharp feelings in my stomach.

Jongin step back, and then he slump down to the ground. I look at my stomach; the knife is already there.

Jongin smiles a bit. "I will meet Sehun in heaven. But you, hyung? You... won't meet... anyone...."

Then, Jongin closed his eyes. I smiled a bit, and then slumped to the ground. I pull myself to go near Jongin, and now i was laying down near Jongin. I kiss his cheek, and then i wrap my arms in his body.

"I will meet you, Jongin" i whisper in his ear, as my vision is getting blurry. "I will meet you there, and make you as mine..... Forever"

After that, i saw so many pictures in my head. The rose, the doll, Sehun, and then Kai

And then, everything turns black