Remembering You
Remembering You
Remembering You
for Lonelyday
Song: Quasimodo - SHINee
[If you see words that don't make sense all of a sudden - they're from the song]
The traces of you that fill my heart
Give me breath.
I still remember your smile.
I still remember your eyes.
I still remember your toned abs.
I still remember every single part of you.
When the night becomes engulfed by moonlight
Will this impossible waiting end?
Begging for a miracle, I respond
Oh love
I still remember when you broke my heart. I trusted you, I trusted you to take care of my heart. I trusted you to take it, and keep it in a safe place. I trusted you to not take it and stomp all over it like it was nothing.
I want to touch your heart
But I cannot speak
But why, why do I still remember you? Why do I still remember you like you’re a part of me not willing to go away?
I step outside of my house and sit by the sidewalk with a tiny little bench. Wooyoung and I had broken up two days ago, and it was because I found Ji-eun and Wooyoung kissing. Ji-eun was younger than me by four years, and she had the habit of hitting on guys way out of her league. I guessed that Wooyoung didn’t like me anymore because he gave in into her seduction. Or it could be the other way around but I didn’t know.
Like starlight hidden behind frozen clouds
‘I love you’
This painful confession always lie on my tongue
I’ll end it all
I didn’t bother to ask for an explanation. I went straight up to him, used all the strength I had in my hand and slapped him. When I saw red marks turning white against his skin, I smirked and said, “We're over.” But then when I turned around, the smirk turned upside-down and tears streamed down my cheeks uncontrollably. I felt Wooyoung tug down my hand but I pushed him off.
“Come on Wooyoung oppa, she’s such a . You’re way better off without her.” I heard Ji-eun say before really letting my tears out and running out of the bar. And yes, we were at the bar. Wooyoung liked to have dates at the bar. At first I was naïve and I didn’t know, then later I grew to realize that Wooyoung wasn’t sincere to me.
We dated for half a year without breaking up. We didn’t even have an anniversary.
And let the words flow with my tears
The arrows that reached my heart
I stare outside into the distance, and it’s almost as if I see a silhouette of you. Why do you haunt me? Why? Why do you keep returning to me as if I’m supposed to be the one guilty of luring you into my trap, asking you to play my game? I’m not supposed to have this. I’m not your little helpless animal anymore, not a small ragged doll that has been thrown into a corner. I don't want to be haunted by all our memories. The scars of our relationship like broken glass from a mirror, piece by piece, memory by memory stuck into my heart. You could call it a pincushion even. I am the soft pillow with a fragile interior, and there you go, pushing countless sharp pins into me that poke holes.
The truth is?
I guess are now a part of me
Even if it hurts so much I want to die
You’re so deep inside me, I can’t remove you
Because it’s love
Because for me it is love
My love
That I still love you, because you’re my everything. Remember when you sat down next to me that night on the fields at the park where it was so dark if I spoke, you wouldn’t see me and you would only feel my breath on your skin? Yeah, it’s that night. You told me things I would want to hear from only you.
“Tiffany. Tiffany, look at me. You are the most beautiful creature I’ve seen on this earth. You are a living, breathing, alive mystical woman that has sent me into a trance, a never-ending hole that I can’t escape from.”
Even if I can’t be with you
Even if my feelings end,
barred by a wall of destiny
I still love you,
To forget this would be more painful than even losing it. It would hurt so much for you to turn back time and return to me. Every memory is stuck in my head right now. It’s a broken recorder that constantly plays, an automatic replay button that I can’t stop.
Even if I so badly want to.
If I can just be somewhere where I can see you
Because you’re my everything
I sense the rain coming. A few drops at first, then much, much more drops of rain pelting against my bare skin, the wisps of wind cutting against it. I don’t move a muscle; I don’t even look in another direction. More memories come flooding back to my mind
December 13th 2009 7:39PM Outside a café
“I’m sorry…” A guy helped to pick my book up from the snow and wiped the snow off it, and smiled at me.
“No, it’s alright.” I bent to pick my other stationery. When I looked up at him, I saw his beautiful angel-like face. It was absolutely beautiful, like Michelangelo sculpted him from scratch and made him time-travel to the future. He had short-cropped hair round the sides, thick furrowed eyebrows, capable-of-hypnotizing eyes, a roundish nose and a pale pink mouth that complimented his face shape.
“You know, staring isn’t very polite.” He smiled mischievously, breaking me from my chain of thoughts.
“I guess not.” I shrugged. “Thanks.” I tore my eyes from him.
“Hey, what’s your name?” He asked, as I was about to leave.
“Tiffany.” I said, smiling to myself and leaving. I wouldn’t want to get too attached.
“Mine’s Wooyoung!” He yelled – in a desperate attempt to call me back. I purposely walked further. I had a deep, and not to mention strong, gut feeling that we’d meet again.
Our first meeting was not bad wasn’t it? You and me, outside the café down my house. Almost as if you had been wanting me from the start. If I’d known your motive to hurt me I wouldn’t have fallen so deep, would I?
I’ve spent so many nights awake
So when my star like tears
start to fall like the half-hearted rain
Please remember
That I loved you
My love
January 10th 2010 9:00AM Hea Jung University
“Tiffany…” I heard someone breathe down my neck. Of course, it was you. I still remembered you. You left a deep impression. “Wooyoung.” I greeted politely. “How nice to see you again!”
“Yes, how nice.” You had said. “Tiffany noona!” It was another boy calling me. “Run.” I said, because I knew he was a crazed stalker that followed me around. You grabbed my hand and I tugged on the strap of my bag, securing it in place. You nodded at me and we ran together, synchronized steps and everything. It was like a typical scene in a movie. The prince would save the damsel in distress. The question was: how did you know I would be at my university?
By the time we lost that boy, we were panting and huffing. You turned into a corner when you saw the boy and dragged me along with you. We went into a narrow corner where the two walls were two peoples’ spaces apart. My heart thumped at like 200km/h. We were directly in front of each other. Luckily you were taller than me if not we’d be kissing. The prospect of it sent butterflies into my stomach.
It was like the world stopped – time stopped. It felt surreal, being with you then. You smiled and winked. I opened my mouth to say something, but you put a finger to my lips. You came nearer and nearer to my forehead. I wasn’t ready for it yet though.
You never gave me a chance to prepare. You kissed me on my forehead. I struggled a little but then I gave in.
Funny huh? You didn’t give me a chance.
The rain hits my lips and my taste buds tingle. I swallow a few drops of rainwater. It tastes nice. It felt like… your lips.
Even if I can’t be with you
Even if my feelings end,
barred by a wall of destiny
I love you,
January 20th 2010 5PM My house
I heard stones hitting my bedroom window. Cliché much? I opened it and saw you below my house. Appa and Umma had strict rules of not letting anyone into the house that they haven’t met before. Crazy, I know.
“Fany!” You called.
“Shhh!” I replied. I was clad in a loose tank top and really short shorts. I climbed down the tree near my house that I used.
“Tiffany.” You breathed. I smiled at you.
“Hey do you do that to everyone?” You asked.
“Do what?” I whispered.
“That eye smile.” You pointed to my eyes and I could feel the colour come to my cheeks. Luckily it wasn’t too bright out.
“Don’t do that to other people. It’s only for me from now on, arasso?” You patted my head and said in English. I wasn’t surprised.
“Alright.” I said in English to you.
You took my hand in yours and we sat behind the house against the steps. You took out a tiny box and presented it to me proudly. I glanced at it and before I could ask anything you said that it was a gift for me. I opened it and inside was a necklace. It was vintage style.
“You own the key to my heart.” You said, sending me into a fuzz of happiness. “Cheesy Wooyoung.” I tutted, while admiring the necklace.
“I know.”
I couldn’t say anything more because Umma was calling really loud. I could hear her going up the steps.
“Bye Wooyoung, I have to go I’m so sorry. Call me.” I said. I turned and stuffed the box in my pocket and prepared to climb as fast as possible.
“Wait,” you said, “This.” You took my face and kissed my lips. It wasn’t my first kiss, but it felt special.
I blushed more and dismissed him before going back up.
“Tiffany dear, where were you? I have been calling!” Umma crossed her eyebrows and looked at me. “Tell me the truth.”
“I was having some fun climbing trees.” I shrugged.
“You’re too old for that.” She sighed and left the room. “Don’t make anymore trouble, your father’s having a video conference.”
“Yes umma!”
We’d been accustomed to speaking Korean, with the occasional English words.
You see, Wooyoung, I had to lie to Umma, just for you. Now do you understand how much hurt I feel? I sigh and even though I’m already soaked, I don’t move. Umma wouldn’t care. She isn’t at home anyway. She’s changed a lot and she understands me now. I never told her, and never will, about you. I have to hide so much from other people because of you, you know that, Wooyoung?
If I can just be somewhere where I can see you
Because you’re my everything
February 15th 2010 8PM Han River
“It’s cold.” I said. You put your coat around my shoulder and hug me from the back. “There, there, my jewel, you okay now?” You said.
“I’m alright.” I smiled, feeling warmth radiating from you. We weren’t the only ones there that day, but we were (it seemed) the only couple. Children were staring but you didn’t care. You kept your arms around my waist.
“They’re staring.” I warned.
You snuggled into my neck and said, “I want the whole world to know that you’re mine.”
“You’re full of pick-up lines.” I turned to face you and gave you a peck on the cheeks.
“But that’s what gives me my kisses, isn’t it?”
I smiled and laughed a little. Cute, I said. You took my hand and we walked along the Han River together.
My love (I need you)
Even if I can’t be with you
Even if my feelings end,
barred by a wall of destiny
I love you,
Of course, there were many other instances, but I’m already too tired to think of them, you’re not worth it are you Wooyoung?
And then suddenly, someone arrives.
“Tiffany.” It’s you. The same luscious voice that got me trapped in the game from the start. “Tiffany, I missed you. If you give me a chance to explain I’ll explain it to you I promise.” You say. I fight to hold back tears. It’s still raining as hard as ever.
I think about it for a moment – if I took you back, and then you’d give me all I want again. You would take me where I want to. But if I didn’t, I would be more hurt.
If I can just be somewhere where I can see you
Because you’re my everything
It’s not a burden
Oh no
If I did, what expense would it be at? Will you hurt me as you did before?
You turned around and expected me to think that I would be okay, and like any other girl who’s had a broken heart, I’m hurt. In fact, you’ve probably toyed with so many girls’ hearts; you’d be the world’s Casanova.
Yet.
I still think of you, and I remember you. My heart is never being mended, ever. It will never be, and I don’t think it ever will. Remembering someone has never been so difficult. My late mother, she didn’t make me ache so much when she departed this world. But when you left my world, left your footprints right there, you expected me to say I was okay?
You’re wrong, Wooyoung, terribly wrong. To hurt me like this, to treat me this way, makes me not want to speak to you anymore, but I ache to hear your voice. I ache to feel your presence and your arms around me, your hand in mine.
I turn to you, determination sparkling in my eyes, no matter how cold I am. I think, I’m going to get a cold after this. But it doesn’t matter to you now Wooyoung.
“Wooyoung, dear. You didn’t shed a tear for me when I left did you? But I did, I shed so much tears for you. Someday, you’ll cry for me like I’ve cried for you. Someday you’ll miss me like I’ve missed you. Someday, you’ll need me, like I needed you. Someday, you’ll love me like I loved you. I want you back Wooyoung, very much. But I can’t – there, there – take you back in fear of you breaking my heart again. I can’t – won’t – afford this pain anymore. Wooyoung, you want me and I do. We both love each other, right? But I don't want to get hurt again. This relationship is over, and I won’t take you back.”
Without saying anything more, I turn and go back into the house, soaked through like there’s no tomorrow. Amidst of all of my tears, I smile, because now, I’ve finally broken away from you.
Because you are
Because you are you
Through the pain
Through the tears
I love you
Did you like it, unnie(s)? I know both of you are reading this(:
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