Its been seven years. Seven years since you were gone.

I can still remember that day like it was yesterday, and it haunts my dreams every single night. 

 

I also can remember your smile when I first met you, your laughter ringing through the crisp cool air as you caught me trying to coax a cat out from my car. You said I looked ridiculous, and your eyes turned into beautiful crescents as you giggled. Do you remember helping me getting Princess out from under the car? She jumped into your arms right after you called her out.

That was love at first sight.

I took Princess home after you told me to, even with her scratching my arm to get back to you. Your eyes widened when I asked for your number, and I remember yelling in victory upon arriving at home.

You've probably already met her by now. She followed you just two years back. Is she happier with you? I'd be glad if that were the case. 

I had been awake for the whole night after that, just thinking about you. Never had i felt that way before, and I would give everything to relive it again. I texted you the morning after, and you replied almost instantly. 

"How's the cat?" you said. 

She was fine, and you replied with a smiley. 

We texted daily for almost a month, and I finally had the courage to initiate a meet-up. Oh the joy when you agreed!

 

 

I remember you blushing as you sat down next to me, staring at your coffee. It was one of the most adorable things I've ever seen. You were wearing skinny jeans and a plain blue tee shirt, and you looked real good. I recall being jealous as the waitress stared at you. 

We talked, and we laughed, and you blushed. 

I really miss the times when you blushed.

Your cheeks would turn pink, as if you wore blusher. Then I would have the incredible urge to just kiss them. It was one of the many things that made you beautiful as you are.

I decided to confess to you the fourth time we met, on the twenty second of May, 2002. It was a friday. We sat on the beach, staring at the starry sky.

"I need to tell you something." We both had said at the same time.

You blushed again, and I left you to speak. 

Those five long minutes of waiting was worth it. 

"I like you."

Happiness I can't describe bloomed in my chest, and I smiled widely at your red face. 

Your eyes went big as I kissed you for the first time. Your lips were the most perfect thing on Earth ever made.

Tears had streamed down your cheeks when you realised I felt the same for you. 

Do you remember that secluded spot on the beach? it had became our own, and I went there far more times you could count after you were gone. Maybe one day, you could go there together with me again.

I remember on our first month's anniversary, I had decorated the spot under the tree, the one on the hill behind home. You were crying and laughing as you said "I love you" countless times.

I miss you saying "I love you". 

The tree is still there, protecting our shared memories, protecting our bond, protecting you. The carvings are still there on the trunk, so is your name intertwined with mine.

Do you know I've added another heart there after you went? 

It took another five months, before you gave yourself to me, and I gave my own to you. I held you tightly and passionately, relishing you beneath my arms. How I missed the warmth radiating off your soft, silky skin, the way your body shone with sweat, the moans that rolled off your tongue. 

 

 

Your father still hates me for everything. From the moment we told him I was your lover, his burning hatred for homouals only increased. He probably throws the money i send him every month in the bin. But I don't ever regret anything. 

What can I do to make him accept me? 

Maybe he never will...

Your mother is lovely woman. She visits you with me every month. I guess you already know that. I'm glad that she took me in with open arms and a wide smile. 

She's almost like the mother I never had. 

I remember the way that she sobbed when she saw you in the hospital. Your frail body just wracked her totally. She came to me, and I hugged her as we cried together. Your hand found mine, and our fingers locked together. 

Our rings met, and again, tears fell. I can remember your shocked face, as I proposed to you by the beach. You were crying and laughing, and when you said yes, I hugged you and kissed your lips. We couldn't have a proper wedding though; all we had was our love and a pair of couple rings. 

You picked those rings togther with me, remember? The way you smiled as your shining eyes looked for the perfect ring. You didn't even get angry when the saleswoman dissed you. You know, if not for your sake, I would have slapped her. 

Why does society damn people like us? I don't get it, and until a day comes when they finally understand we are the same as them, I never will.

 

When you fell ill, it felt as though my heart was breaking into tiny little pieces. You put up a smile, and told me it was alright, but it took everything, not to break apart as I watched you grow weaker by the day. 

Your lovely face was strained as you pushed your body to continue to with daily activities, and you became skinnier and skinnier due to the lack of appetite. 

Then you collasped, and had to admitted to the hospital. 

While you were out, oh how I cried. My heart ached for you, and there was no painkiller strong enough to ever cure that kind of heartache. My relief was short-lived, as the doctor informed me about your condition shortly after you awoke. I held you tightly at my chest, when you finally broke down and sobbed.

You tried to live with a smile everyday after that, and I tried my best to help you live your life to the fullest, even though inside, my heart tore a little with each passing day.

Then one day, you called me to your side, and whispered,

"Live on, for our sake. I love you ah, Jongin."

 

 

It was the last time you said "I love you" to me.

 

 

I never thought that loving you was this painful. But I never regretted it. 

I love you, and I always will. 

Happy 7th death anniversary Kyungsoo. 

 

 

A.N:

why does kaisoo have such fates. sigh. im sorry.

xoxoxo, PP