It had been several months since that night when Seunghyun and JiYong had spilled their most private feelings to each other and the period following had been anything but easy for both of them.  They had finished their promotions and concerts in a mutual truce; neither of them mentioned Bom after agreeing that everything should and would look exactly the same as it did before they had talked.  So, Bom had twice come to join them in concert and the first time JiYong had refused to speak to his hyung after the concert.  Seunghyun accepted his anger without even thinking that it might not be fully justified.  In both concerts Bom had finished the song holding Seunghyun’s hand and finally after the second concert Jiyong could keep his anger silent any longer.  Bom had left and both men were alone in the dressing room. Seunghyun turned around to find JiYong standing in front of him, arms at his sides, fists clenched and looking completely vulnerable.  “Tell me hyung.”  His voice was shaking with feeling and Seunghyun blinked and looked away, trying to shield JiYong from his own pain.  “Tell me what it was like knowing she chose you, what it was like holding her hand, feeling her fingers wrap around yours and trust you… tell me how it made you want to protect her and made you feel so much bigger, tell me how you wanted to just stand there and stare at her hand in yours and let your fingers trace patterns on the back of her hand and…”

“Mianhae JiYong-ah.”  Seunghyun’s voice was unsteady as he felt JiYong’s pain.  “I didn’t ask her too.  You know that.  I didn’t think any of that.  I’ve told you, I’m not trying to win her, if she loves you…”  His eyes, so much darker with the enormity of his sacrifice, met JiYong’s.  “If she loves you, I won’t ever try to stop you, I’ll help you all I can if it will make Bom happy.  I don’t care about me; if you can make Bom happy.”

“Don’t you get it?”  Slowly Jiyong crossed his arms, looking even more vulnerable, all anger wiped off his face.  “I can’t make her happy.  Only you can.  You make her happy.  Everybody notices.  I may as well be dead for all the chances I have of making her happy like you do.”  He turned and started to leave but Seunghyun grabbed him.

“Please don’t hate me anymore JiYong-ah.  I can’t help it.  I haven’t done anything; I have hardly talked to her since that night.  Only what you’ve heard.”

“I don’t hate you hyung.  I just… can’t love you anymore.  Please just leave me alone.  Mianhaeyo Seunghyun hyung.”

The two men stood in silence, JiYong turned away from his hyung, one hand on his other arm, forming a bar across his body; Seunghyun, pleading, defenceless for his leader to obliterate if it so pleased him.  Finally JiYong had left and Seunghyun had once again gone alone to a cold single room to pour his sorrow into lyrics that would one day top charts all over the world for weeks at a time.

After the concerts had finished and JiYong and Seunghyun began living with the rest of YG Family and gradually the tension between them relaxed.  2NE1 were promoting a new single so the rest of YG Family rarely saw the four girls.  When they did, it was always in a group and both men were grateful to fade into the background and simply watch Bom.  Seunghyun began noticing however that Bom had become much quieter.  At family gatherings Dara and Bom usually spent half the time teasing each other and laughing at each other’s silliness.  But Bom had stopped teasing Dara and, even worse, Dara had stopped teasing her. 

Seunghyun strode towards his room frowning.  That night there had been a celebratory party for 2NE1 after their last promotion.  Once again Bom’s unusual quietness had upset Seunghyun to the point he had left early claiming he felt sick.  Roughly he shoved his thumb onto the scanner at the back of YG building then pushed through the door and up the stairs.  Swinging around the corner he started towards his room then froze.  Bom was calling him.  He turned and watched her walk to him, breathless from running.  “Seunghyun-ah… why… did you leave?”

He stared at her.  “Why are you asking me that?”  

“Because I want to know.”  Bom sounded as if she wanted to cry.  “You used to talk to me.  You don’t now! I don’t know who you are anymore.  I miss you.  Why don’t you talk to me anymore Seunghyun?”  Tears streaking her face, Bom shoved a handful of papers at him then turned and ran back down the hall again. 

ing a shaking hand into his hair Seunghyun watched her then turned suddenly and drove his fist into the wall with a groan of frustration.  If something hadn’t changed by the YG Family concert he would resign.  He couldn’t handle causing other people so much pain any longer; first JiYong, now Bom. 

Sitting down on his bed Seunghyun unfolded the various bits of paper and skimmed them, sentences dancing off the paper and searing into his heart.  “It’s been almost a week since I really talked to you. I see you a lot for promotions together but you never really talk to me anymore.  What have I done wrong?”

“Today I missed Seunghyun so badly I listened to his songs and cried.  I haven’t heard his voice speak to me in so long.”

“Why don’t you ever smile at me anymore?  Are you angry with me?”

“Everything is becoming so unsure.  I thought Seunghyun… well I thought he loved me.  Maybe only as a sister but I thought I knew.  Now I don’t think I did know and I’m scared.  What can I trust if I can’t trust him?  He made me feel so treasured like no blackjack has ever made me feel.  Now he hardly looks at me.  I’m scared and I feel like I’m slipping back into what he rescued me from. Seunghyunnie, please come and keep me safe.  I’ll even give up corn for you.  I need you.”

“I miss him so badly.  I can’t think about anything else.  I miss him.”

Seunghyun threw the papers away from him, picked up his pillow and hurled it across the room with a growl of frustration.  He jerked his head back to flick the hair out of his eyes then flung himself across the room to pick up the pillow and put it back on the bed before grabbing his jacket and leave the room, reefing the door shut then grabbing it again just before it slammed.  Thankfully tomorrow night would be the last concert and then he could give up the deceit that felt like it was killing him.  it was torture seeing Bom every night without being able to love her the way he longed too; especially after reading those words which were now shouting in his head.

Two hours after the YG Family concert Seunghyun and JiYong were still taking pictures with the last of the most persistant V.I.P’s.  Finally the last one left and both men drew a relieved sigh.  With mutual consent, the wall that held them apart for so many months dropped under exhaustion and for the first time in a long time Seunghyun and JiYong actually talked.  They were discussing the audience reaction to their cover of I’m The Best when they suddenly came across Bom curled up asleep on a lounge under a blanket.  Both men stared blankly, first at her then at each other.  Finally it was JiYong who reached forward to shake her awake.  “Bom-noona, why are you still here?  The other girls went home a long time ago.”

Bom looked up, still half asleep and frowning against the light.  “I.. told them I’d wait for you guys. I wanted to walk home with you both.”

So the three of them started walking the fifteen minute walk back to YG building.  JiYong’s exhaustion led him on and soon he was chatting crazily; anybody passing them would have thought they were all best of friends rather than a very confused and rejected feeling girl and two extremely hurt young men. 

A figure on the footpath coming towards them made Seunghyun push slightly closer to Bom to make room for him but as the figure came closer it began to walk slower.  It passed the three then Seunghyun suddenly felt something startlingly cold press jerkily against his head as he walked.  He froze and heard a voice say, “I hate you T.O.P.” 

Slowly he turned around and found himself facing a boy, holding a small gun, glaring at him with hate filled eyes.  Seunghyun knew instantly that JiYong had never hated him.  The look in JiYong’s eyes had never been hate.  This was hate, not that agonised confusion he had seen from JiYong.

“I hate GD and T.O.P.”  The young man’s voice sounded just as hateful as his eyes.  “Know why? My girlfriend broke up with me because she liked you guys better.  She went to one of your concerts and met T.O.P afterwards.”  His eyes fixed on T.O.P again.  “He apparently shook her hand and told her she was beautiful and she broke up with me the next day.  Do you know how much I hate you because of that?”

“I’m sorry.”  Said Seunghyun, tearing his gaze away from the gun barrel to look the boy directly in the eyes.  I really am.  I didn’t know she had a boyfriend or I would never have said that to her.  I am very sorry.  Please forgive me for hurting you.”  He was trying to placate this boy before anything happened but instead it only enraged him

“Yeah I’ll forgive you!  Forgive you when you’re dead!” 

As he spoke, he levelled the gun again at Seunghyun’s head and Seunghyun closed his eyes, feeling that he was once again in a movie scene only something had gone horribly wrong.  Suddenly he heard a scream and felt himself pushed back slightly.  He put his arms out by instinct and found he was holding Bom just as a bullet entered her back over her heart. 

As soon as Bom had realised what the boy was going to do, her brain had simply shut down.  Seunghyun had pushed her slightly behind him as he turned to face the younger boy but now she ducked around him and as the gun levelled, Bom jumped forward, wrapping herself around Seunghyun.  She was unaware of her own scream.  All she heard was Seunghyun’s heart beat firm and reassuring against her ear then sudden deafening pain exploded through her and Bom felt her fingers unclench from Seunghyun’s shoulders as she slipped to the ground in helpless agony.

As soon as the gun went off the youngster dropped it in shock.  Seunghyun felt the impact though Bom’s body; heard the sound she made as the bullet ripped into her and felt her weight slip away from him.  A lot of fans said T.O.P could look scary.  He looked truly terrifying now.  He took one, two steps towards the boy, his fists clenching and then the boy was running.  Seunghyun let him go, JiYong was calling an ambulance and Seunghyun turned back.  In a few seconds JiYong let his phone drop from his ear and went down on his knees beside Bom. Seunghyun looked at him then held himself still and stepped back; once again remembering: if JiYong wanted something he must have it no matter what the cost for Seunghyun.  JiYong loved Bom so Seunghyun must not want Bom as well.  He ignored the screaming voice inside his head that wanted to be beside Bom, holding her, sharing her pain.  JiYong must come before Seunghyun.  Bom’s gaze swept over JiYong then came back to him.  Her voice when she spoke was so unlike Bom’s that above her, Seunghyun felt the breath leave his body as solidly as if someone had punched it out of him.  “Where, is, Seunghyun?”

JiYong’s voice was gentle.  “He’s right here.  Hyung…?”  He looked up and in that single glance Seunghyun knew that JiYong no longer claimed Bom.  Bom had chosen.  Seunghyun felt no thankfulness.  He would infinitely rather watch Bom and JiYong live happily ever after and have Bom alive than know she had chosen him and have her die.  He lowered himself onto the footpath on the other side of Bom and slid his hand under hers. “Bommi-ya…”

Bom’s eyes turned to his and both men saw her body relax as she met Seunghyun’s gaze then tense again as she fought for breath.  “Seunghyun… please, don’t… ever… let me go.  I.. love you Seunghyun.”

Seunghyun didn’t look at JiYong, he bent forward, his hands going gently around Bom’s face, letting his fingers fit around the curve of her cheeks.  “I won’t, ever. I love you Bom.  Oh Park Bom, I love you more than life.” 

As gently as he possibly could, he eased his arms beneath her, lifting her to rest against him.  As she was moved Seunghyun felt rather than heard Bom’s moan of agony and felt it hurt him as much as it hurt her.  Once she was lying against him however her breathing eased slightly.  “Seunghyun, you gave me life, you made me happy when I could only think of sadness.  Why… did you do it… for so long?” 

“I loved you.  It hurt me to see you think so little of yourself.  I needed you.” At the last sentence Seunghyun’s face went down into Bom’s hair.  He had almost forgotten JiYong but speaking his most private feelings out loud still required a lot of courage.  “Bom, Oh Bommie, I still need you.  I’ll never stop needing you.  You make me so much better, please don’t leave me alone.”  There was raw anguish in his voice as he pleaded with her to stay.  The wail of a siren met their ears, Bom steeled herself and managed to bring one hand up around Seunghyun’s neck, locking her fingers into his hair.  JiYong clenched his fists and turned away.

“Seunghyun, I need you too.  I always have, always will.”

“Then don’t you dare die now!” Seunghyun’s voice broke as Bom’s fingers slipped away from his neck, dropping back onto his arm.  Beneath him, Seunghyun could feel Bom breathing in short shallow gasps that brought her little or no air.  He silently begged the sirens to grow louder and quickly.

“Seung… Don’t ever mind what other people say about you… what you look like…. Or sound like… just… remember… I love you… you are perfect… to me.  In every… possible… way.”  Her words were slurring, Seunghyun could feel the pain-tormented tension in her body relaxing and he was terrified because he knew it meant she was not living.  He bent over her, his body straining to press against her, willing his life into her.  With her last energy, Bom was coughing blood; choking her last oxygen into red liquid dribbling from her lips.  Seunghyun slid one hand up under her chin trying to lift her face slightly and make it easier for her to breath.  Their eyes met and locked; Seunghyun saw the moonlight reflecting into Bom’s eyes and for a moment she was dazzlingly, perfectly beautiful.  Then he felt slow, thick warmth spread red over his fingers and could not for the life of him refrain the shudder that ran through his body.  Bom’s lips turned up ever so slightly as she felt his body shiver beneath her.  “How many other people would be willing to end their life just so they could die where I am right now?”

“Don’t.”  The one word was a sharp cry breaking from Seunghyun’s heart.  Of all the celebrity jokes that Bom made about Seunghyun, this was the most unwanted.

Bom started to say something then her breath caught again and her eyes closed in silent torture.  Breathless himself with dread Seunghyun willed her to breathe again, mindless of the sirens that were so much louder now.  “Bom.  Bom-ah!  Breath Bom!”  In sudden panic he clenched his hand over her waist.  Bom’s eyes jerked open and her lips parted in silent pain, too weak to do anything else. Horrendously guilty, Seunghyun opened his mouth to apologise but Bom stopped him as the ambulance rounded the corner.

“I… love you… more than… life... Choi Seung… hyun… love you…” by some super human effort, Bom turned and wrapped herself around Seunghyun, spending all her dying strength in a last passionate embrace for the man who had so selflessly given her back her life for so long.  Seunghyun felt her warmth around him, the weight of her love against him, the imprint of a kiss sealed in blood pressed against his neck, then he heard Bom’s last whimpering whimper of agony and she collapsed limp into his arms as two paramedics skidded onto their knees beside him.

Seunghyun was almost oblivious to the strange men moving around him.  Bom’s lifeless weight lifted off him and he stood, feeling a strange unreality drifting over him.  He felt almost as though he was floating in some very dark and painful sky, looking down at the scene on the footpath.  He stepped backwards, disbelief numbing him as he watched the paramedics try vainly to restore life to the most alive girl he had ever known.

“Bom.”  It was one word, spoken in a tone of almost in wonder to JiYong’s ears.  He pulled his gaze away from the desperate scene before him and looked at his hyung.  He could see the incomprehension on Seunghyun’s face but underneath that, JiYong would see the agony beginning lurking in his hyung’s eyes; the deep raw torment that would soon reign supreme in Seunghyun’s mind and allow him no rest or comfort.  In that moment JiYong lost all jealously for Seunghyun and all his fierce brotherly love came flooding back, intensified a hundred fold with pity. 

“Hyung.”  As gently as JiYong tried to speak, Seunghyun still flinched.  “mianhae Hyung.  I’m sorry, I’m sorry, please forgive me.”

“There’s nothing to forgive.” Seunghyun’s voice was still dangerously empty.  “If I had tried harder maybe, she would not have done that, she would have stayed for you and be still alive.”

“Hyung…No...”  JiYong reached out, desperate to break down the barriers he had built in his anger.  As his hand went onto Seunghyun’s shoulder it seemed to also shatter a wall in Seunghyun's mind.  He looked back at the paramedics and JiYong withdrew his hand, frightened at the look in his hyung’s eyes.  “Hyung…”  He whispered again and suddenly Seunghyun had fallen against him, choking sobs wracking the man’s body as grief overwhelmed him.  JiYong let his arms lock loosely around his hyung’s shoulders as all barriers between them melted into empathetic sorrow and cried with him, for all the things that could have been if not for Bom’s ultimate sacrifice of love.

Hiiiii, so this isn't the happy ending I'd said I was going to do but it IS COMING!  I thought, I'd write happy and sad.  just cause I'm weird and for some reason sad stuff is easier to write.  Hence... this.  hope it's not to... whatever.  happy ending coming up soon hopefully! :D  please comment, tell me what you dont like about it?  :)