finish ; painful regret

PLAYLIST: [ X. X. X.]

 

April 26, 2002:

"Do you like me Bae Suzy?" the ten-year old Myungsoo asked me. We were in the playground then, just a few blocks away from our school. 

"No." I shook my head without even giving the question much thought. I swayed my swing harder to the point that I can almost reach the sky.. I looked at Kim Myungsoo. The boy who always sat next to me in class. Kim Myungsoo.

"You're bad. And I don't like bad people." I said. I don't mean bad as in---evil. Just bad, bad. He always teases me and makes fun of me. I get irritated to it at first, but now...hmmm. I don't know. Maybe I got used to his childish pranks. It doesn't bother me anymore.

I heard him chuckle at my response.

"Just keep it that way till we grow up." he said. Confused by what he said, I stopped swinging.

"What?"

He smiled at me then swayed his swing harder than I did.

"I said---you can't like me." Myungsoo looked at me. "You must promise me you'll never like me Bae Suzy." huh? I furrowed my eyebrows.

"What are you talking about?" I asked once again but he didn't answer. He just smiled...which eventually turned into a gentle laugh. His silence made me even more curious. I asked and asked him that whole afternoon but Myungsoo did not utter a single word.

I never knew what Myungsoo meant that time. I actually didn't even understand what he meant when he asked if I like him. It was the age where liking someone means asking him/her to ride the other side of the seesaw with you and saying 'I like you' means voluntarily sharing crayons during art class.

 

No complications.

No unanswered questions.

 

But it seemed like the eight succeeding years I spent with him can really make a change...A change even I didn't expect.

I feel exactly different from how I felt that day at the playground. Everyday, I become more and more aware of Myungsoo's existence. I am more aware of his presence now that it's scaring me.

 

August 13, 2010:

"Ya! Bae Suzy, are you even listening to me?" he snapped in front of my face to get my attention. Oh crap!! Was I staring at him for too long? It's lunch. And just like how we always did, we are eating at the giant steps at the old gymnasium of our school. I was sitting one step below him.

"Y-yes..of course! Me too...I like h-hotdogs the best.." I let out an awkward laugh. Praying and hoping that it was hotdogs that Myungsoo was talking about. I actually didn't understand a single word he said. I was distracted...d-distracted by his eyes...

He just stared at me which made me concious so, I looked away and sipped a huge amout of my melon milk---which was a mistake since I was planning to drink it slowly. Melon milk is my favorite.

I was surpised when I heard him laugh. A genuine laugh. A laugh which almost made him fall off the steps.

I made a face and looked at him.

"Why? Why are you laughing?" he continued laughing for a while before facing me. I gently smiled. I like the way his laugh sounds and the way his eyes smile whenever he does. Just watching him laugh makes me laugh too.

He pushed my forehead.

"It's not hot dogs but stray dogs." he chuckled. "I was talking about stray dogs." he smiled and pinched my cheeks.

"Myungchungi. [ Silly ]" he said then ruffled my fringe.

 

Dug. Dug. Dug.

 

He smiled at me again before munching on his burger.

I was frozen at that moment. I don't know how long I was staring at him before I came into my senses and looked away. I touched my left chest---I can still feel that beating of my heart.

Wait. What just happened?

I wanted to deny my racing heart but everytime I look at Myungsoo, my heart just kept beating faster and faster to the point that I was afraid that he might actually hear it from my chest.

 

That was the first time.

The first time my heart raced because of Kim Myungsoo.

 

And that wasn't the last time.

It happened many times after that.

 

Everytime he calls my name, my heart race.

Everytime he sat next to me at class, my heart race.

Everytime he looks at me, my heart race.

 

Whenever he smiles...

Whenever he pouts...

Whenever he smirks...

Whenever he laughs...

 

Everything he does and everything he says makes my heart skip a beat.

That was when I realized---

 

Aaah. I must have been crazy.

Crazy enough to fall in love with Kim Myungsoo. The despicable Kim Myungsoo.

 

The boy who calls me 'ugly' and 'fat'.

The boy who irritatingly stays with me everyday.

The boy who helps me carry my books.

The boy who makes me laugh with his corny jokes.

The boy who told me not to like him eight years ago...

 

That Kim Myungsoo.

 

*sigh* Eotteokhae? [ What should I do? ] He specifically told me not to like him---but here I am.

Falling deeply and hopelessly in love with him everyday...

 

October 28, 2010:

We were walking down the playground where we played when we were young. I stopped in front of the mailbox at the side of the street.

435. Mailbox 435.

"Ya. Bae Suzy. What are you doing there?" Myungsoo asked me.

"Does anyone even use this?" I asked, clunking its lock. I always see this mailbox locked and I always wonder if someone uses it. I mean, who uses a mailbox in this generation of smartphones and galaxy phones?

Myungsoo chuckled.

"Maybe." then he walked away. Smiling.

I furrowed my eyebrows at his strange response.

"Are you coming with me or not?" he shouted without looking at me.

"Y-Ya!!!! KIM YUNGSOO! Wait for me!!!" I ran towards him then ruffled his hair. I laughed at his surprised face. He always hated it when I touch his hair.

"Ya!" he said. I just smiled. He shook his head at me then laughed.

 

I am happy.

Happy that we are friends.

Happy that I can stay with him like this.

Happy that I could see him smile everyday.

Happy that I could love him silently this way.

I am happy.

And I won't ask for more...

 

March 27, 2011:

"Bye Suzy." my friends told me as they walked out of school, holding their diplomas and certificates. I smiled and waved at them.

Yes. It really is goodbye. After four years. It's finally goodbye.

I feel sad cause I know that graduation day may be my last day of seeing some of my friends in highschool. They say that this is not the end, but I don't believe them. The world is a big place. And the chances of meeting each other again is small. But there is one person whom I would want to meet again...

"So we finally graduated huh?" Myungsoo asked me. I looked at him. Looked at his face. Memorizing every line and every curve for I know I won't be seeing that face for a long time.

I smiled. "I guess we did." I saw him raise the corner of his lips.

We just sat there. Staring on the empty space.

 

Words can't seem to come out from my mouth.

Ani. I just really don't know what to say. And I'm guessing he doesn't too.

 

I heard him inhale deeply.

"Do you have anything you want to say to me?" he said. Finally breaking the painful silence between us.

"What?" he looked at me. "If you have anything you want to say to me, now would really be a good time." he said. I was looking for signs from his face. Any expression or action that would make me understand what he's supposed to mean. But I got nothing.

 

I just looked at him. It went for about a few minutes I guess. Wondering if it would be good if I told him that I love him.

But fear overcame my desire to let him know my feelings.

 

I hesitantly shook my head. "N-none."

He looked at me for a long time after that. I didn't turn away, for this might be the last time I'd see him.

When he saw that I am not saying anything, he looked away and smiled. But it's not his usual smile. It didn't reach his eyes. And it made my heart ache.

 

He is sad too.

I began regretting the fact that I let the chance to confess to him pass.

I want to take back my words and just tell him that I love him---but it seems like it was too late.

 

"Really?" Myungsoo asked, as if giving me the chance to change my mind. But I didn't. He sighed and stretched his arms.

"It's alright then." he said, looking at the sky. The sun is finally setting. A beautiful red and orange shade filled the whole sky. It was enchanting...It was so beautiful that it brings tears to my eyes. I am not sure though if the tears are caused by the beautiful picture, or of something else.

I looked at his side profile once again. I don't know what is more beautiful. The setting of the sun, or the sight of this boy beside me...looking at the sky...smiling and admiring the view. I can't decide. But at least I knew what I love more.

As usual, we walked together that night. The only difference is, there is nothing heard but silence. Normally I would not use this sentence since I do not actually believe that we could hear silence. But now? I can hear it loud and clear.

Again, we passed by the old mailbox in front of the playground. I stared into it. Wondering if I could pass here again with Myungsoo. I sighed. I guess not.

Walking towards home was never this heavy ever since. But now, I can feel the hesitance of my steps. I wish this road was infinite. With no end. Just Myungsoo and me, together. But a few steps more and we're in front of our house.

Myungsoo stopped.

 

I was thinking how I should say goodbye.

Or if I want to say goodbye.

I don't.

Probably that is the reason why I couldn't bring myself to speak a word.

 

I was surprised when he called my name.

"Bae Suzy." I looked up and saw him looking at me. Smiling. God...how much would I miss that smile... Just the thought that I might not be able to see it again brings tears to my eyes.

"I won't be saying goodbye to you ... YET." he said. Again, I gave him a confused look.

"When I believe that it really is goodbye, I would tell it to you. But for now?" he waved. "This would be enough." I laughed, blinking back my tears in a way that he wouldn't notice. Even for the last time---he does not fail in making my heart race.

"Arraseo." I waved back. He laughed.

I smiled at the sound of his laugh. I guess, I am not yet ready to say goodbye too. But I don't know...it feels like something is not right. The sound of his voice, the way he talks... I don't know...

I watched him walk away from my window. He always leaves when he sees that I entered our house. His head bent down, his hands inside his pockets.

I can't help but wonder... what was wrong?

 

April 26, 2013 :

I froze from where I was standing. I grasped the phone tightly, not being able to say a single word. It was Sungyeol. One of our classmates in highschool.

"Hello? Suzy? Are you still there?" he said over the phone.

"Y-yes." I said.

"You don't know? I thought if Myungsoo would be telling anyone, he would tell you first." Sungyeol said. I wanted to respond to him but I can't. I've never heard of this. I don't want to hear any of this.

"Just tell me the details about his wedding when he informs you okay?" he said.

"O-okay." I said just above whisper. I heard the phone beep. I put down the phone. Still frozen, I reached for my cellphone and typed a text message for Myungsoo. I haven't seen him since that day. But still, we send messages to each other. It seemed like the past year had been rough for him and his family but despite that, he still finds ways to make me laugh. I know that it should be me who'd try to make him smile but...

Hi. Sungyeol told me about it. Your wedding.

>>send to MYUNG-chungi

Those were just the words I typed. I don't know if it made sense. I can't even think straight. I just stared into nothing. Then suddenly, I heard my phone vibrating.

MYUNGchungi calling...

Without hesitation, I picked my phone up and answered the call. I slowly placed it in my ear.

"H-hello..." my voice hoarse from the tears caught up in my throat.

"Hello Suzy, did he tell you about it? About...about the wedding?" he asked.

"Eong." I replied.

"Oh sht. I specifically told him not to tell you!!!" I was shocked by the anger in his voice.

"This won't do. Where are you now?" he urgently asked.

"R-right now? I'm at home."

"Stay there. Wait for me." he said. I looked outside my window.

"Wait, what?! It's raining so hard!! Are you out of your mind?" the rain is pouring like there is no tomorrow and yet he plans to come here?

"YES! Yes I'm completely out of my mind!" I can hear the trembling of his voice and it made my tears fall. "...So please. Please do me a favor and just wait for me Bae Suzy..." then he ended the call.

I unconsciously looked outside my window. The rain isn't showing any signs of stopping. My heart is beating so fast. From the pain. From all the emotions mixed inside me.

 

I'm not ready.

I'm not ready to face what might happen.

I'm not ready to hear what he has to say.

 

Still drowning from these thoughts, I heard a knock on our door. My heart raced. I wiped the tears from my face and ran to open the door. And when I did, a drenched Myungsoo appeared in front of me. Just the sight of him made my heart ache. I missed him. I missed him so much that I thought I would die if I lived another day without seeing him. He was breathing fast. His clothes sticking to him and water dripping from him. Did he run his way here?

"What happened to you?" concern heard from my voice. "Stay here. I'll get you a towel." I was about to turn away but Myngsoo stopped me and held my arm.

"Don't go." he said. I felt my heart beat fast. I want to interpret his words in a way that I want to understand it. That he wants me to stay by his side. But I know that's not the case. He---He's getting married.

"Is it true?" I paused. "Your marriage..."

I saw him nod. "Eong. I am." I bent my head. I knew it. I knew this would be the words he would say. In a way, I was prepared for it...but I'm not prepared from the pain it would bring when I hear those words.

"... But I won't." I was shocked and looked at him. "I won't if you would tell me not to." his eyes pleading. Does he disapprove of this wedding? Does he want me to stop him from getting married?

"W-what?" I asked. he grasped for my shoulders. I can feel him trembling.

"I'm gonna ask you one last time Bae Suzy... Don't you have anything to say to me?" he asked. I looked into his eyes.

 

Don't go.

Don't marry her.

Stay with me instead.

 

I wanted to say those words but I was too afraid to do so. I was afraid that he was just asking me to pull him out of his wedding. Not because he likes me too, but because he does not want to. I'm scared of the rejection that comes after it. I'm scared of the consequences that would happen. So with a heavy and grieving heart---I shook my head.

Soul seemed to escape from his eyes. His grasp weakened and his arms eventually fell in a hopeless manner. He bent his head and wiped his eyes. Was he crying? I held my breath. He took something out from his pocket. It was a key.

"Mailbox no. 435. The second day of the second week of May. It is the day of my marriage. If ever you change your mind, open the mailbox. Call me then." he looked at me. "I'll wait Bae Suzy." he said then walked away, again under the pouring rain.

 

If only I could get to see his smile one more time...

 

Then I was surprised when he looked back at me. With the rain pouring dwn his face...he smiled.

Then he walked away.

 

I felt my knees weaken so I hurriedly closed my door.

The moment I closed it, I fell down. Hopeless. Broken.

 

I cried and cried. I know that it's the last time I would ever see his face.

Kim Myungsoo. The boy who I loved so dearly.

 

I looked at the key he gave me. It was the mailbox in front of the playground. I held it tight.. Should I go?

 

I walked towards my room. I actually do not know how I managed to since I feel like all my energy had been drained. When I reached my room, I sat on my bed and stared into the empty space.

Why?

Why is this happening?

I knew that I swore I would never ask for more...but this? This is too much...

 

I cried my heart and my eyes out that night. I cried until I could no longer shed a tear, but it seemed like it was not possible. Just the thought of Myungsoo being married to another girl makes my heart break into a million pieces...

 

may 9, 2013 :

I am awake. I actually did not sleep. Why? Because this is the day. The day my first love...my first true love would come to an end. I looked at the fancy invitation beside me.

 

We cordially invite you to witness the binding of two hearts.

Your presence would be greatly appreciated.

-

-

-

MYUNGSOO<<.>>KRYSTAL Nuptial

 

A tear fell from my eye.

 

In the end, I didn't come...I didn't have the courage to stop him...stop them.

I was afraid...I was a coward. A big, stupid coward.

 

*tok* *tok* *tok*

 

"Suzy-ah." I heard my mom call me. I immediately wiped my tears and went to the door.

"Why mom?" she looked at me...I know that she knows what I'm feeling right now, and she chose not to say anything. She inhaled deeply.

"Suzy-ah...Myungsoo-ngie.." I bulged at the mention of his name. I looked at my mom. "Myungsoo is outside..."

"W-what?" I asked, tears threatening to fall any minute now.

"He's outside. And he told me that he has something to tell you.." I was about to run outside to see him but my mom stopped me. "You don't have to go outside. He said you can just stay by your window. He said it's fine as long as he can see you..."my mom said. She looked at me and carressed my shoulders before walking away.

I immediately went to peep out my window...and there he is. Leaning against a black car. Wearing a black suit. Looking as gorgeous as he always had. He's playing with his feet, drawing circles in the ground. It was his habit. I raised the corner of my lips. He hasn't changed a bit.

I was surprised when he turned his head and looked at me. I held my breath and once again, my heart started to race.

 

Myungsoo-ya...

Myungsoo-ya..

 

He just looked at me. As if he was already communicating with me through his gaze.

Suddenly, I saw something shine from his hand. I took a clearer look...and my heart was crushed.

 

It was a ring.

A wedding ring.

 

I was wrong. He's changed. He is not the same Myungsoo who always sat next to me in class.

He is different now...because now, he belongs to someone else...

 

I saw him get his phone from his pocket without breaking his gaze at me. next thing I knew, my phone was ringing. I took it.

 

"E-eong..." I said.

"You're really stubborn Bae Suzy...You..Y-you really didn't come." he said. I bit my lip.

"I thought you knew me.. I was always this stubborn remember?" I tried to hide my tears with a fake laugh.

I saw him smile. "Yeah. I know. You were." he looked at me. "But not this stubborn.." he spoke as if he was standing on front of me, face to face. But his voice feels so distant. It gives me a notion that it is not him who I'm talking to right now. I heard him sigh.

"You were stubborn, selfish and stupid...but at least I thought that you were honest to yourself. Honest enough to follow what your heart tells you to do. Honest enough to stop me...from marrying someone else..." he looked down. "But I guess I was wrong."

 

Myungsoo-ya..

Myungsoo-ya..

 

His every word feels like hell. Tears are now racing down my cheeks, and I couldn't contain my cries.

 

Again, he looked at me with those dazzling eyes...but they were not shining like how it was before. It was filled with...with sadness. WIth that, he forced a smile...but that wouldn't fool me. He's not happy. I can tell. And it's breaking my heart.

"Aish. Jinjja. Until the very end Bae Suzy..you're still very stupid. How could you not take a hint? I liked you. Ever since... It was only you.." he said. I froze. Did he just say... I saw him wiped his eyes and heard him sniff through the phone.

"M-myungchungi..." Myungsoo said with his trembling voice. I could see him crying...I covered my mouth to contain my cries but I failed. Icried and cried. He went inside the car and drove away. I was left there, crying alone while holding the phone near my chest. It hurts...It hurts so much that I could die.

Just then, my phone vibrated. It was a text message.

 

Goodbye.

>>From : MYUNG-chungi

 

I cried harder. "Myungsoo-ya...M-Myungsoo-ya..." I don't believe this... This pain is literally killing me. I heard my mom rush up to my room. She saw me crying and wailing on the floor so she came to me and hugged me tight.

"Ssshh. It's alright honey...I know it hurts now." she carressed my back. I can feel her crying too. "It hurts now but everything will get better in the end...Eo?" she said.

 

I want to believe my mother's words. I want to believe that everything will get better. That everything will be fine.

But I know that it won't. And I can't force myself to believe in such a lie.

 

Myungsoo-ya...Myungsoo-ya...

 

Saranghae...

 

may 11, 2013 :

 

S a r a n g h a e.

 

Those were the words I never had the chance of saying to him.

Those were the words I longed to hear from him, but because of my fear...

I would never have the chance to hear it again.

 

I am now here at the playground where we used to play when we were kids.

Walking down this path makes me remember everything about us..about Myungsoo..about my first love.

 

Then I stopped in front of the old mailbox. Mailbox 435. I clunked the lock and reached over my pocket to get the key Myungsoo gave me. I only got the courage to take a look at it now since...since knowing everything wouldn't really make a difference. It's all done now.

Inside the mailbox, 8 letters were in it.

I took it and went to the swing.

 

I read the first one. It was written 10 years ago...

 

April 26, 2002

Bae Suzy.

The annoying Bae Suzy.

 

I asked you if you liked me today. I was actually not surprised when you told me you don't. But to be honest---it kinda hurt. Ch. I know you won't be reading any of this letter so I'm gonna say everything arasseo?

Do you know why I sat nest to you in class Bae Suzy?

It's because I found you pretty.

You were really pretty when you sleep in class.

You were really pretty when you pout at me.

You were really pretty when you smile.

Yes. You're right. I'm beginning to have this huge crush on you so I approached you first. But you know, liking someone isn't really my style so I tease you instead. This way, I can talk to you comfortably without you knowing my feelings.

But do you know why you can't like me Bae Suzy? Because i heard mom and dad talking last night. They said I have a fiancee. She's Krystal Jung. The daughter of the president of the company my father was working with. It was arranged Suzy. They said that if I would not agree then they would get everything that we have. I don't really understand it, but in time...I know that I would. All I know is that we are living in a cruel world Suzy-ah. And for me to survive in it, I need you by my side.

So let's be friends okay.

 

Myungsoo.

The goodlooking Myungsoo.

 

I smiled gently. That was the day he asked me if I liked him. Pssh, so he already had a crush on me then huh...I smiled bitterly.

I opened the next letter.

 

June 17, 2008

Bae Suzy.

The knucklehead Bae Suzy.

 

Yey. We're finally high school students. I specifically told my parents to enroll in the same school as you. I wouldn't want you meeting other boys besides me you know. tss. But anyways, I plan to stay with you until we graduate or for as long as I can so deal with it.

Ya, Bae Suzy. I already met Krystal Jung. The one that my parents want me to marry. Well...she's fine I guess. She's really very pretty and smart. And be cautious neon babbo-ya. She told me she likes me. And she said that she does not object with the wedding. It was such a waste Suzy-ah. I thought when she meets me, she would decide for herself that she would back-out and then everything would be fine but things did not happen the way I wanted it to be.

Do I have a choice Suzy-ah?

Could I disobey my parents and just stay with you?

If I choose to be selfish, bad things would happen to my family... But if I don't...

Bad things would happen to me...

What do you think Bae Suzy?

Should I try and be selfish once?

 

Myungsoo.

The boy who wants to stay with you, Kim Myungsoo.

 

I held my breath while reading his letter. When did he write these letters? Why didn't he give it to me? If he did...would anything change?

Ani...Ani Bae Suzy...

He tried giving them to you...

You just weren't brave enough to accept them.

Once again, I felt tears threatening to fall from my eyes.

 

August 13, 2010

Bae Suzy.

The girl who likes melon milk, Bae Suzy.

 

You paced out while talking to me once again this lunch. Tss. What is wrong with you? Well anyways, you were so cute when you started blurting out stupid things about hotdogs. Hahaha. Just as I thought, only you could make me laugh and happy this way.

I forget all problems at home when I'm with you Suzy. You know what, my father talked to me last night. He begged for me to go through with the wedding. He's asking his son to give him this request or else everything that he's worked for would be lost...

Isn't he being unfair? I never asked for this wealth. I would be fine even though we'd lose all our money...but I guess that wouldn't be the case for them. For them, money is way more important than the hapiness of their own son. And it makes me sad Suzy.

I wanted to try and help them so I told them I would.

I would marry Krystal...only if the person I love won't tell me that she likes me...

So Suzy-ah...

Please do my parents a favor, and don't like me...

Cause if you tell me that you do, I don't know how much of this I am willing to sacrifice.

 

Myungsoo.

The bad son, Kim Myungsoo.

 

P.S.

I'm beginning to like writing letters to you like this. It lays the burden off of me. I guess I would continue writing you these silly letters from now on :) 

 

I bit my lip. How could he bear all these pain by himself? Why didn't he tell me?

All I did was look at him and like him from afar---thinking that everything is alright.

What I did not know is after all this time...he's been hurting alone..

 

Myungsoo-ya...

Myungsoo-ya...

 

Mianhe.

 

October 28, 2010

Suzy.

The stupid girl, Bae Suzy.

 

I was really surprised when you asked me about this mailbox Suzy. I guess you weren't as dumb as I thought you would be. Did you feel the aura of my letters to you Suzy-ah? Are you some kind of a psychic now? Hahaha.

Don't worry Suzy, you'll get them eventually. I don't know when...but still. I want you to read these. Because I'm a coward. And I'm afraid to tell you these words face to face. Mianhe Suzy-ah.

Aaaah. You don't know how happy I am when I'm with you Suzy.

I am happy.

Happy that we are friends.

Happy that I can stay with you like this.

Happy that I could see you smile everyday.

Happy that I could love you silently this way.

I am happy.

And I won't ask for more...

Or should I say...i don't have the right to ask for more...

 

Myungsoo.

The boy who loves Bae Suzy, Kim Myungsoo.

 

Tears are now falling from my eyes...We were the same. I felt exactly as how he felt that time... I am happy. He was happy. But I guess that alone wasn't enough...cause look at where we are now...

In different places. And in the arms of a different girl...  

 

March 27, 2011

Bae Suzy.

The girl I love, Bae Suzy.

 

It's our graduation today Suzy-ah. I never wanted it to come actually, since I knew that it could be the last time I would see you. My parents already set a date for my wedding Suzy. It's on May next year. I don't have the courage to object...that's why I kept asking you if you have something to tell me. I was kinda hoping you would tell me you like me too...but then you said you didn't so.. I guess it's okay. Not for me but---

Who am I kidding?

I'm not okay.

Don't you like me Suzy?

I thought you did...so I gambled everything...

But I guess I lost...I lost bigtime.

Now I can't take my words back.

But I would still want to spend my days with you...as much as I can.

I'm not gonna say goodbye. Not yet.

Not until I can help it.

 

Myungsoo.

The boy who wishes for you to love me back, Kim Myungsoo.

 

 

April 26, 2013

Suzy.

Suzy..

Bae Suzy..

 

The moment I dreaded to happen finally happened. All because of that blabbermouth Lee Sungyeol. I'm sorry Suzy, I didn't tell you.

Or maybe I can't.

Please Suzy... Stop me.

Stop me from marrying her.

The one I love is you, and it's you I want to marry.

So Suzy...Jebal..

 

Myungsoo.

The one who'll wait for your response, Kim Myungsoo.

 

 

April 27, 2013

Suzy-ah..

Suzy-ah..

Suzy-ah..

 

I opened the last letter. It was just written recently. With a heavy heart, I read what it says...

 

May 10, 2013

Suzy.

The girl I would never forget, Bae Suzy.

 

The mailbox hadn't been opened. The letters weren't read...I guess you still didn't go here huh. Tss. Myungchungi.

I waited for you Bae Suzy. Until the last minute, I waited for you.

Even before I got on the car and drove my way to the church, I waited for you.

Even when I stood in front of the altar beside Krystal, I hoped that you would appear at the church door.

But you didn't Suzy-ah...

I hate you Bae Suzy. I hate it that I loved you this much.

Cause now, I know only I would be suffering my entire life. You know what, when I said my vows in front of her...all I could see was you. Your beautiful smile, your bright eyes. You Bae Suzy. That is why I was crying... I was crying all throughout the ceremony...because i wished that I was doing all of these with you..

I'm sorry Bae Suzy.

I'm sorry I wasn't brave enough to fight for you.

I'm sorry I was coward and stupid.

 

Mianhe...

Mianhe.

 

I love you...and...goodbye.

 

Myungsoo.

The boy who loved you, who loves you and will love you forever...Kim Myungsoo.

 

 

I put the letters near my chest. Words can't describe the pain I am feeling right now.

 

 

All that is left within me are the words 'what if'...

 

 

What if I told him I loved him the moment I started liking him?

What if I read these letters on time?

What if I tried to fight for my love for him?

 

 

Would things change?

Would we be happy now?

Would we finally be together?

 

 

I guess they were right. The saddest and most painful thing that could happen to a person is not knowing what could have been... It would be better to try and then fail, than to live a life wondering what if...

 

REGRETS.

 

These are the things that we could have been if only we had the courage and the will to try. And this is the only thing that is left of me.

 

 

Regrets are painful. They are painful as hell.

I learned that the hard way.

Cause now I know...the love between Myungsoo and I...is now over,

 

 

 

 

EVEN BEFORE IT BEGAN. 

 

 

end; "dasi"--again

AUTHOR'S NOTES; Hello guys. So what do you think of the new lay-out? HHIHIHIHI I like pretty things. :>> Thank you soo much for supporting my fics everyone. I really really love you all!!!! :"> *cries a million tears*

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