Holy ....

That was the first concious thought that ran through my mind in the early hours of that Saturday. Shifting slightly under the weight of the arm draped around me, I turned so I see the beautiful man lying next to me. . I just ed Minho....Choi Minho. If this got out, I would be dead. Probably literally. What's worse, we didn't even use protection! Holy , holy !! Why the had I not used protection?? I just knew he would hate me. If something happens, his career is going to be ruined! Probably along with all of SHINee. What was I going to do? There was no way I'd see him again, not after this. Tears streamed down my cheeks onto my pillow. Scooting into his warmth, I tucked my head under his chin. I was tired, but I didn't dare fall asleep. I refused to miss a single moment in his arms. It was no use, though. The warmth permeated through my body, the feeling of being wrapped in his arms and the steady beat of his heart lulled me to sleep before I even realized I was falling asleep.

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I awoke once more later in the morning, closer to noon. The heat was no longer radiating from the other side of the bed. I opened one eye and took a look around. Minho was no longer in sight. I waited a moment to see if there was any movement coming from the kitchen. When I heard nothing, I groaned, sitting up. I stayed there, in a daze, the night before came back. As I replayed the entire night in my mind, a tear fell, trailing it's way down my cheek to drip off my chin. I messed up. What would happen if I ended up pregnant? I couldn't tell anyone. If I did, there would be so many anti-fans. I would be harrassed daily, and his career...how could he be ok with all of the backlash it would create. I was never going to see him again. I wanted nothing more than to crawl back under the sheets and never come out again. There was no way I could do that, though. I had to just live my life without him. I had done so up until now, longing and pining after him as merely a fan, just like everyone else. Why couldn't I imagine going back to that life? Back to watching him from afar and secretly loving him. The thought of it brought fresh tears to my eyes. I felt as if this incident was turning me into another crazed fan, though I'd never cross the line to that of becoming a sasaeng. Still...I am back to square one after having a taste of what I've wanted for so long. It is so hard not to want to have him all to myself and never let anyone else ever touch him again. I knew it was impossible.

My thoughts were on a loop, going over these same things throughout the day. I hardly left the bed, even to eat. I was so depressed.

Finally, I was forced to get up around 6 when a knock came to my door. 

"Just a minute!" I called, throwing on a t-shirt and some sweats that had been lying around. What I hadn't expected was Onew to be on the other side. "Jinki-sshi..." I gave a small but quick bow. "Annyeong. What brings you here?" 

His face was somewhat serious, but slightly amused, almost as if he'd known what had taken place here the night before. The though of that caused my cheeks to heat up slightly. "Can you come to the dorm?" he asked. It caught me a little off guard. Noticing my confused expression, he chuckled. "It seems Minho has caught your cold." He did know! My cheeks were on fire at this point. "He wanted to come see you again, but we wouldn't allow him out of his room. I told him that if he promised to lie down and rest, I'd come and bring you over."

"Oh...o-ok. Give me just a moment. You can come in, if you'd like." I turned from him and grabbed a few clothes from my dresser to take to the restroom to get dressed. It seemed that Minho didn't hate me after all. I just spent the entire day depressed and hating my life for nothing...I could be such a dramatic idiot sometimes. I chuckled to myself, shaking my head and finished getting ready. I even applied a little bit of make up, just to hide the fact that I had been crying recently. As for the whole deal about having ot used protection, I decided to dissmiss it. It was only one, and the first time at that. I was sure everything would be fine.

Once I was ready, I came out to find Onew waiting patiently for me. "Sorry if I've caused you any trouble," I apologized as we headed toward SM's dorms. 

"None at all," he smiled ear-to-ear, that famous grin that pulls you in until you realize you're smiling too. However it lessened a little after a moment. "I want you to know something. Minho doesn't fall for anyone easily. In fact, you're the first person he's ever insisted come to the dorm before." This thought made me very happy. I was special to him. "If you hurt him, I will have to do something about it." Surprised by this, I looked at him with wide eyes. He was so serious, his eyes boring into me. I had no doubt he meant what he said. This side of the adorable and lovable Onew startled me, scared me even, but I had full respect for him. He was the leader of the group and he cared deeply for them, as a leader should. 

I nodded my head once, showing my respect. "I have no intention of doing anything of the sorts," I explained, hoping I had conveyed my sincerity well enough. 

"Good!" The grin was back on his face, almost comic like after the serious display of before. "Ah! We're here!" We had arrived at the guard house next to the interance to inside. "You might want to put these on." He handed me a trench coat, an hat and some large sunglasses. Ah, maj a! I forgot about the fans that make camp outside of the dorm.

I did as he had instructed, and got out of the car, hearing the squeals of those who had seen Onew. I saw a few quizitive faces, obviously curious as to who I was. I know there would be things on the internet the next day, if there wasn't already something already about me. It made me a little sick to my stomach to know that it had already started. I would be bringing a lot of unwanted attention to the boys. I didn't want that, but if they were willing to put up with it, I wasn't going to stop. Once the door had closed, Onew told me it was ok to take off the disguise. We made our way up to their dorm. Onew let me in. As I walked in, I was faced with their living room. Taemin and Jonghyun were sprawled out on the floor in front of the television playing a racing game with Key huddled up to a pillow on the couch. Key glanced up, nodded and returned his eyes to the screen. Again, there was a hint of sadness to them that continued to confuse me. 

"He's in there," Onew pointed to a door near the front door.

"Gomawoyo," I thanked him and went into the room.

Hey guys!!! I am SO sorry for taking so long to update!!! I started school and got busy. I kind of forgot. I just quit recently, but I'm just now remembering to keep up with this. Things have honestly been a little crazy recently. Please forgive me! ^-^ Anyway, I hope you enjoy this update. It's a little short, but it gets the ball rolling again, I hope.

Sorry again for taking so long!!

Here! Some aegyo for your forgiveness?

"Maj a" 맞아 ~ That's right!

Gomaweo 고마워 ~ Thanks (informal, but still slightly formal)

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