Now you are gone
And I have to try, even just to breath
Because you take half of my soul away…

I am alone and I feel like my life is meaningless,
How I should live on…

The table lamp illuminated the room weakly. With the help of the ivory light splashing onto the paper, I stared at those words that I just wrote and hoped that I could continue to write but my brain just couldn’t produce any idea now. I put my pen down, and looked outside the window. It must be already late, maybe around 2 or 3 in the morning. The atmosphere was extremely quiet. The view of the streetlight standing beside the leafless tree didn’t make people feel less lonely. Painful. Yeah, I was feeling that way. Because of the song? Or because I felt that pain and started writing? I didn’t know why. Something was strange tonight, but I still couldn’t figure it out.

“Eli!”

Knowing too well whose that voice was, I didn’t turn around. Feeling a pair of skinny arms wrapping around my shoulders, I naturally formed a smile on my lips. The paper was dropped softly onto the table surface. My hands quickly found his. His hands lied entirely in mine. I pulled them down so that they were hugging my waist. Kevin giggled cutely before leaving a peck on my cheek.

“What are you doing?”
“Writing, as always.”

Slowly he put his head on my right shoulder, and I heard a small humming from him.

“Only two paragraphs?”
“That’s all, so far… mind helping me?”
“Hmmm… let me see.”

He leaned forward and left my hand to take the paper. I just stared at him, watching every move he made and his cute facial expression when he was thinking. He never changed, not even once. The way he looked right now really reminded me of the first day when we met.

We were in the same class in our university on our first year. I thought he was a very annoying boy back then, thin, tall and wearing very ugly glasses. He didn’t have many friends, and always came to the class alone. Kevin usually asked our professors a lot, and that was what made him beloved by them. But the class hated him for that as well.

Every day, he started his class with being blocked at the classroom door and being made fun of. During the lessons, he was always disturbed by people sitting around. Before he left the class, someone or many pulled him back and bullied him for a while. Strangely, he just quietly left everything that way. He never got mad or took any revenge.  After dating him, I asked him why he didn’t react against that. He just joked with a pout that he had been waiting for a charming prince to come to the rescue but his prince took so long to do so. Sometimes I childishly wondered whether he really thought that. If so, I should be his prince, but I appeared to be more like his burden.

We officially talked to each other on one fine day when I met him outside the college. No, he was there when I was suffering from a heart attack and took care of me all the time. And how thankful I was to God, if it hadn’t been because I was sick, I wouldn’t have met the Kevin behind his ugly glasses, his shyness and his silent resistance. I wouldn’t have been able to meet and know the real Kevin, and I wouldn’t have found my true love.

“How about this…”

And if I fall in love again one day,
will you show me
Which part of my heart is not yours?

“My baby is so smart that he can write a good lyric in just few seconds!”

He just smiled before he handed me the paper. I started to write again, trying to remember everything that he just said.

“But Eli, why?”
“Why what?”

I looked at him, who was now sitting on our shared bed, not far from my working desk. Kevin was looking at me with a curious look and a small cute pout on his y lips. I didn’t know why everything that he did tonight was very cute, in a seductive way.

“Something is not right, isn’t it?”
“What? No…”
“I have known you for ages, Eli. You won’t write any song… a heartbreaking song like this if you are not sad.”

He said, pointing his hand to the desk. I put my pen down, and looked at him again. Just then I felt something hitting my chest. I touched my left chest and tried to breathe slowly. My heart was still beating, but with a slight pain in every beat.

“Are you okay?”

I lifted my head and saw him walking towards me, and I could do nothing but smile. He was right, though. I could never write something like that, and put all my emotion there if I wasn’t in a good mood. I couldn’t write if I didn’t have any reason to feel sad.

“Does your chest hurt again?”
“No, I am fine. I just want to make sure my heart is still there.”

I said, faking a smile. His worried face was gone now and was replaced with a smile. Kevin slapped my shoulder gently and held my hand.

“You are acting weird today, Eli.”
“Why?”
“You keep staring at me.”
“What? No! When?”

I bit my lips trying hard not to laugh at his sulking face. His pout, even though I saw it every day, never made me bored.

“Don’t lie!”

He raised his eyebrows, pulled my hand and dragged me to the middle of the room.

“Okay, yes I am, because you are the prettiest guy I have ever seen and fallen in love with,”
“So, all this time I am not pretty?”

He pouted again. How cute.

“No, who says that? It’s just you are prettier tonight.”

I pulled him into my embrace and wrapped my hands around his waist. He already clung his hand on my neck, smiling.

“Really?”
“Seriously.”

He rested his head on my shoulder, and I could feel his warm breath on my neck. I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to get rid of my ridiculous nervous feelings tonight, but it just didn’t want to go away. I kept feeling worried for nothing.

“Ellison…”
“Um?”
“Can we dance?”

He whispered. I leaned to another side just to find his eyes. Therefore, I could make sure what I had just heard was true.

“You… You want to dance?”
“You heard me Eli, and I don’t like repeating things.”

I just giggled for what he just said. Even he was mad, not that mad but still, I still found him cute. He was the most adorable thing on earth that I luckily got and must keep carefully.  

 “Okay, you choose the song.”

He gave me a cute nod before he pulled out his phone from his pocket and started to search the song. Again, my eyes were glued on him, not because his cute moves, but the way he acted tonight. Since the day I knew Kevin, he always refused to dance. I always went to the party alone because Kevin would never join me, because he hated to dance. He was the vice versa of me, because dancing was always my passion.

A slow waltz song filled our room. I put my hand on his waist again, and we started to dance. I felt like I was in a romantic movie, dancing with a slow song in a room that didn’t have enough light and we could barely see each other’s nostrils. The song was not my favourite genre, but as long as Kevin liked it, and made him dance, I was fine with it.

You're in my arms
And all the world is calm
The music playing on for only two
So close together
And when I'm with you
So close to feeling alive
 

The melody led us to a different world that belonged to only us. From the corner of my eyes, I could see the poor light reflect his mien. His line looming in the dark made him look like a sculptural statue. Enchantingly beautiful...

“Eli?”
“Hmmm…”
“Can you do me a favour?”
“Anything.”

He looked away, and took a deep breath before exhaling slowly. And then he looked at me again with a smile on his lips.

“By any chance, if one of us, okay let say me… If I die first…”
“Oh, Kevin not again…”
“Shhh… If I die first, don’t die with me.”

A life goes by 
Romantic dreams must die
So I bid mine goodbye and never knew
So close was waiting, waiting here with you
And now forever I know
All that I want is to hold you
So close

He chuckled. I didn’t know what was so funny about death that he could even laugh about it.

“Kevin…”
“Okay, promise me, you will get married and have a lots of kids.”
“Only if you are the bride.”

He suddenly stopped dancing and now looked at me with puppy eyes. Not to forget, he was pouting again.

“Eli, come on. We know that no one knows when he will die.”
“Yes but I am not here with you to talk about death.”

So close to reaching that famous happy ending
Almost believing this one's not pretend
And now you're beside me and look how far we've come
So far, we are, so close 
 

He sighed heavily. I could see frustration on his face. I touched his face with both of my hands and lifted it so that our eyes could meet.

“I love you so much, Kevin, that I would risk my life for you. Do you know that?”

He looked at me in my eyes and before he could say anything I already crashed my lips on his. The kiss was simple, more like a peck, but I didn’t know, I just didn’t feel like letting his lips go this time. My heart beat faster every time our lips met, but today it just didn’t feel the same.

I just felt painful there, I just felt like crying.

“Eli….”

He said between the kiss. I pushed him a little so that we could look at each other like just now, like just before we argued over the same thing.

“I love you too…”

It was hoarse and trembling, and I could sense sadness in his voice. His tears already welled up in his eyes. Did he feel the same as me? But why?

“But you know, loving someone doesn't mean you have to be with them, right?”
“Right…”

I lost in words. Why was Kevin saying something like this? And why did my heart hurt so much right now?

“Let’s finish your song. I think you should add something more there.”

He looked away and went to the desk. I could only watch him, sitting on our chair and started to write. I was frozen by his words.

“Is it okay if I just write it here?”
“Yeah, just write it…”

He wrote few sentences. I couldn’t read all the words since the room was poorly illuminated and I was standing a little far from the desk. But I could see his hands were shaking, but still, his writing was as neat as ever. The lines appeared to be very straight. I remembered seeing him like this the last few years, when we forced him to finish our assignment. He was so scared.

But if it hadn’t been him, I might have died and burned in hell for all the wrongdoings I had done to him.

“Can we sleep now? It’s already 03.30.”

Kevin already got up from the chair and walked approaching me. I just stared at him and couldn’t say any words. I didn’t know why I just nodded.

“Goodnight, sweetheart,”
“Kev…”

I was cut off by his lips. His lips were soft as they always were and I could only close my eyes, avoiding my tears from falling.

But still, I ended up crying in our kiss. Fighting our emotions wasn’t an easy thing to do.

*********

“Baby? Why are you crying?”

I open my eyes slowly and see a figure in front of me, looking at me with a worried face. She touches my face and my hair for a while before I slowly push her hand away.

“Do you have a nightmare?”

I shake my head and wipe my eyes. I give her the best loving look I have ever had and smile so that she will stop asking.

“I am fine.”
“Sure, fiancé?”

I nod and stand up from the bed then stretch my body and look at her again.

“Yeah.”
“If that’s so… Oh, I’ve prepared your tub and everything, don’t be late okay?”

Yoon Ji says while tidying my bed. I just watch everything while smiling, not even bothering to pick my towel or whatsoever. I am still thinking about my dream.

“I’ll wait you downstairs, okay? So hurry!”

She says before she kisses my lips and leaves. I follow her and close the door, I even lock it. Then I walk back to my desk to find the paper that I used to write a song with Kevin.

And when the time comes,
I have to close my eyes,
And force myself to say the word 'love' again
With you in my mind.

I read the last paragraph, it was written by Kevin himself. I grab the chair that Kevin used to sit, and sit on it. I stare at the handwriting that I will never have a chance to see again except on this last piece of paper. My eyes start to well up again.

He died last year, due to a car accident. He was the driver, and everyone thought it was his own mistake. They knew nothing. I was in the car, too. It was my fault. If my heart hadn’t been sick, if it could have beaten normally like everyone else, Kevin wouldn’t have lost his life. Kevin could have focused on the road, not on me.

 “I have just got married today, Kevin…”

Wiping my tears, I kiss the writing.

“…just as you wish…”

The melody of the song we first and last danced together silently appears in my head. We hadn’t finished it yet that night. No one knows when he will die…

How could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now? 
We're so close
To reaching that famous happy ending
Almost believing this one's not pretend
Let's go on dreaming for we know we are
So close 
So close
And still so far
 

A/N: 

The words in blue is the song they danced together, its name is "So close". Listen to it while reading if you can :D

We really want to produce more fanfics together, but it seems we have some trouble =(((

But anyway, wish that this isn't the first and last =)))