Lilac: Mauve - "Do you still love me?"

Two long years… it had been two years since your boyfriend Leeteuk of Super Junior; enlisted in the army. You were so happy, it was almost his release date, in a few days he would be standing outside your door, holding you in his arms, and telling you how much he loved you.

                His release date had passed; it had been two weeks since then. No phone call, no text message, and a simple excuse would have sufficed, you would have understood. He could have told you he couldn’t come, but he didn’t. Disappointment filled you, then worry, then a sense of “he doesn’t want anything to do with you anymore.” Filled you. You couldn’t fight the feeling that he wanted nothing more to do with you; he was probably with his band mates, laughing and having a good time. Maybe he was even with a woman! The thought unsettled you and the ugly feeling of jealousy coursed through your veins. Maybe it was time you accepted the grim reality and moved on. Just as you were about to grab the phone, your doorbell rang.

                “In a second!” you called, leaving your phone behind on the couch and making your way towards the front door.

You looked towards the clock hanging over the doorway, a confused look making its way onto your face. Who would be coming to your house at 2:37 am? You looked through your peep hole, just as a precaution and were surprised to see flowers staring back at you.

“What in the…” you unlocked the door, but kept the deadbolt in place, and opened the door. You were rewarded with the sweet scent of lilac hanging onto the cool breeze that warned you winter was coming.

“(y/n)…” that voice. Shock was all you could register, Leeteuk was staring straight back at you, his dark brown gaze apologetic.

“Erm… Hi.” He said softly, his voice wavering just a bit. You couldn’t help the tears forming in your eyes.

“What are you doing here.” You asked voice cold. He flinched and cleared his throat uneasily,

“I’m back!” he said in a semi-cheerful voice. What could you say to him? Welcome back? Why weren’t you here two weeks ago? I love you? All those seemed to fly out of your head as you realized that he was the one holding the bouquet out to you.

                “What are those for?” you asked voice monotone, but holding a small tinge of curiosity.

“T-they’re for you…” he said, his voice smaller than before. You gave him an icy look to which he responded with a nervous grin.

“Did you miss me?” he asked his voice soft. Silence, in your mind you were screaming that you did miss him, so dearly, you wanted to cry and laugh and tell him what had happened in the past two years. But that was weeks ago, now you felt lonely.

                “(Y/N)? Can I come in?” you awoke from your stupor, your eyes meeting Leeteuk’s through the crack in your door.

Before you could tell him ‘no.’ your body was already opening the door for him to come in.

“Thank you, it’s really cold out there!” he laughed, his tone light but warm. You didn’t make any acknowledgement to show that you had heard what he had said. Instead walking mechanically into your living room to sit on your couch – where you were moments ago.

                “Wow! You redecorated, it looks amazing!” he complimented, you gave a small ‘thank you’ before the both of you drifted back into silence. Soundlessly he approached you, the bouquets soft scent wafting towards you. He plucked a lilac from the bouquet and placed the flowers on the coffee table in front of you, before kneeling down to rest in front of your seated form.

                “I was back a few weeks ago.” Leeteuk said simply, his voice sounding sorry.

“I know.” You responded, tone icy. Leeteuk grabbed your hands gently in his calloused ones, his thumb rubbing circles in your palm.

“I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner… the company wanted to talk to me. And the guys wanted to catch up.” Leeteuk said his voice soft and soothing.

All you could do was nod; everything he was saying was coming in through one ear and out the other. It didn’t matter to you, it wasn’t relevant. All you could feel was warmth, the way he touched you and the way he spoke to you – it was like you were priceless porcelain. But one thing he said caught your attention.

“Do you know what this flower means?” Leeteuk the flower before placing it in your lap.

“No…” you breathed.

“It means: Do you still love me? I know, I know, I should have -” he stopped short.

 “… I’ve been away for two years, and in those years you could have found someone who could spend more time with you, someone who could probably understand you better, someone who wouldn’t be scared to send a message – telling you that he was home and that he still loved you.” His voice cracked near the end and the tears welled up in his eyes.

“I’m sorry… I should have come sooner! I should have told you I’d be back, that I couldn’t make it! But I didn’t want you to be disappointed in me! I didn’t want you to be upset, waiting for me to come back home…” he drifted off, nothing left to say. He looked up at your face, and was shocked to see your face.

                “Baby, why are you crying?!” he exclaimed, his hands flying towards your face, gently away the tears.

“I missed you!” you sobbed. He wrapped his arms around your figure, pressing kisses into your hair while rocking you back and forth.

“I-I thought you didn’t care anymore! I thought you forgot about me! I thought you had found someone else when you came back!” you sobbed, hands gripping the back of his shirt.

“No, no, baby! Please stop crying! It hurts when I see you cry!” he pressed gentle kisses on your cheeks.

“I do care! I never forget about you, not even for a second! Every day I would think about you, you were the reward I would get when I got out of the army! I was so happy when I left, but I got scared I was worried you had found someone else.” Leeteuk ran his fingers through your hair, littering your face in sweet tender kisses.

“Oh baby, I love you! You’re everything to me, I would never leave you!” your sobs had settled down. You were nothing more than a sniffling mess.

“I missed you.” You whispered, voice croaking horribly. He gave a warm laugh before he kissed you gently on the lips.

“I missed you too, sweetheart. Now… you never answered my question.”

 You looked up at Leeteuk whose eyes were red.

“Do you still love me?”