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Jiyong arrived at the apartment in less than half an hour. The amount of time he took in getting there was almost absent in his mind. He did not feel it was long but not that short either. He only remembered that he unlocked his car and hit the gas without thinking anything else but Bom. Occupied with the reason behind Bom's tears... He had this bad feeling that he might be the cause of it.

He laughed harshly to himself. Might? Try, "It was all his fault that she was crying at the moment."

That little happy fact brought his attention back to reality.

"Bom, sweetie? Open up the door?"

"Go! Away!" was Bom's reply.

Jiyong felt a bit hurt at her response but it was nothing compared to what he did to Bom. As she was entitled to feel frustrated and cry because of him.

"Bom, please, open the door. We haven't seen each other for so long."

Jiyong knocked the door again. And after a couple of minutes passed with him continuously knocking on the door, Jiyong heard a little, "Click", and the door was open.

Jiyong let himself in and scanned the living room area quickly. It really has been that long since he was here. The walls were repainted to a lighter brown color, the couch were replaced with expensive black leather ones accompanied by colorful tiny cushions, the coffee table was glass made in exchange to the homey old and wooden one. There was a mug, a box of tissues and a few art magazine spread on the table.

His eyes landed on the large family portrait hung on the wall of many colored memories framed. All of them were smiling, captured at their most candid and happiest moments. He remembered that was the day when he bailed on Bom because of his work. His eyes travelled to another one; it was during Julian's birthday that he had yet again bailed on because he forgotten about it. Another picture during this year's late birthday celebration but he was busy preparing for his first One of A Kind World Tour... but he had a beautiful pair of diamond earrings from Harry Winston shipped to her when he was busy, after he remembered about her birthday, that was.

He was a beautiful mess, wasn't he?

"It surprised me too when I saw Tabi came that night. It was together with Byung Young, the dancers... and the girls... and the rest of them." Bom commented unexpectedly out of no where.

Jiyong reverted his eyes back to the frame that was of Bom's private birthday party. Indeed, there was the hyung sitting next to Bom and Minji with their silly pose. The hyung has unexpected timing to appear on parties. Then again, the party was fillled with lots of the two's mutual celebrity friends.

Jiyong turned to look at Bom and she was leaning against the fridge. He felt his heart skipped a beat when his brain finally acknowledges her presence. He started to smile and it stopped when he take a real good look at Park Bom.

The woman was wearing her pink Chanel shades and a blue muffler wrapped around the lower half of her face. It looked out of sorts with that thick sweater she was sporting and he was betting on her not wearing pants underneath the baggy sweater.

"Bom, what are you wearing?" He asked in a deadpan.

"Sweater and... my favorite scarf." She said, almost inaudible because of the muffler.

"I mean, the shades..." Jiyong said, closing the distance between him and Bom a bit.

"Oh... It's just, you know, too bright in here." Bom replied, looking at anywhere but Jiyong.

"Bright?" He asked, perplexed. "Bom, this room's only lighting comes from that small standing lamp."

"What, are you the lighting expert now?" She asked, still looking at the floor but her voice raised a bit. 

"What are you talking about."

"Ugh. Just leave me alone." She said, heading to the kitchenette.

"Oh, I give up." Jiyong said, throwing his hands up in frustration but followed her from behind.

Jiyong looked at his woman having a fuss with the glass pitcher containing a generous amount of honey. Her hands were quick with the fruit knife, slicing a lemon after another. The hot pot of tea on the side, next to the honey jar. She then proceeded to pour the tea into the pitcher, and threw the lemon slices after.

"Do you want some?" She asked Jiyong quietly.

"Sure."

Bom poured Jiyong a glass of it. And added a few slices of lemon. And poured more lemon juice to the drink.

"That's gonna be really sour, Bom."

"Oh, I know."

"Then why-"

"Here, drink."

"Bu-"

"Drink." Bom said, firmly.

Letting out a frustrated sigh, Jiyong followed what Bom just ordered him to do and god ing damn it if it did not bring tears to his eyes. It was sour. Super sour. It was like drinking a cup full of vinegar. He coughed hard and spat out the horrid liquid from his mouth to the sink.

Bom hurriedly took a bottled cold water from the fridge for Jiyong, all the while rubbing his back in a circular motion as he drank desperately.

"What-" inhale, "the hell," inhale, "wazzat fo." coughed.

"I dunno. You just need not to be nosy sometimes. After all, I did not do the same to you." Bom replied in a nonchalant manner.

"What?" Jiyong asked in a barely there voice.

"You heard me." She said, shrugging.

They sat on the kitchen floor, waiting for Jiyong to recover. While Jiyong kept on drinking the water like his life depended on it, Bom was sitting on her heels, drawing invisible patterns on the rosewood floor.

"Bom." Jiyong said to the unusually quiet woman.

"Hm?" She replied, her forefinger tracing the seam of the sweater's hem distractedly.

"Take off the scarf." he said and surprisingly, she obliged but not without him getting incoherent cussing.

He really could not get over the fact that the woman sitting beside him was a grown up, with equal responsibilities if not more than his, could be this cute. It was not just her baby face but rather her manner and free spirited nature. Many people has said this over and over again but if they have yet to experience the craziness that is Park Bom first hand, they would not get how amazing it was just to hear her talk.

She really was an atomic bomb. So unexpected and yet you just know that she was something out of the ordinary.

But he was taking all the glory of having Bom as a girlfriend for granted, was he not? He can only fully appreciate the girl when she was there in the room with him. If that is not sad, he does not know what is. And that little thought immediately made him feel uncomfortable.

So he closed their gap, pulled her by one hand so that their bodies were against each other.

"What are you doing." Bom said in protest.

But before she could say more, Jiyong put one hand behind her head and another at her lower back. He caught her off guard and kissed the hell out of her.

"This is it," Jiyong thought.

When their lips met, it was still for a couple of seconds and then when Jiyong pulled back a little, he took the quick chance to her lower lips. That was what made Bom respond to his kiss. She s both of her hands slowly from his chest to his neck, one hand hanging loose and another grabbing a fistful of his slick hair at the back of his head.

The kiss was gentle but passionate. They were taking and giving each other so much in the matter of seconds if not minutes to redeem the days of not seeing each other. It was intense but oh so sweet. If they were on an sort type of movie, the setting that they were in at that moment would be the biggest highlight of that movie.

Jiyong lowered them down to the floor, with him supporting his weight on his elbow so that he would not be too heavy for Bom while he was on top and they continued to kiss, enjoying the pleasure of the simple communication between lovers.

Hands busy taking chances to touch each other's skin; Bom's were on his hips, taking turns on gripping them hard and tracing his lower back gently with her small hands that sends shivers down his spine, while his right hand was making way from her waist to her ribs, feeling her smooth creamy skin against his calloused fingertips, teasing her underbreast while the other was buried in her hair.

It was when his forefinger kept on making contact with something pointy did Jiyong realize that Bom was still wearing the shades. How it stuck on her while they were making out, he would not know because their kisses usually have a lot of... force.

And he took the chance to "accidentally" knock the eyewear from her by pushing his thumb against the temple tip.

"Hey!" Bom protested as she sat up. Her hands were flailing about trying to reach for the shades that fell and she was scrunching her eyes tight in hopes that Jiyong would not be able to see them.

"Bom... Let me see you."

Bom shook her head slowly, eyes still shut.

"Fine." Jiyong said but he did not move away. His face still an inch away from Bom's.

It went silent for a long while before Bom, as her curiousity peaked, opened her eyes to take a peek. A startled gasp escaped her lips and her body went on an auto pilot, pushing Jiyong away with the ends of her palms.

"What the hell!" She yelled as she stood up from her spot and now was staring down at Jiyong with her heart thumping wild against her ribcage.

"You don't have to knock me that hard." Jiyong murmured, rubbing his chest. He lifted the hem of his shirt to check his pecs and felt glad when there was only a little red tinge on them.

"You were crying, Bom. Your eyes are so red and too puffy." Jiyong said bluntly, standing up as he continued to talk. "I'm guessing you did that before I called you."

Bom did not reply.

"Did you cry yourself to sleep?" He asked.

She was frozen, staring at her own feet.

"Did I make you cry?"

She did not want Jiyong to know any of that.

"Was I really that bad to you?"

She did not want Jiyong to know that she was suffering inside.

"I don't want that..." He sighed. "I don't want to be that man, Bom ah. I don't want to be that man who causes you pain and make you cry every night."

Jiyong cupped her left cheek and for a second she leaned into his warm palm. It was familiar. All of it. His warmth, his voice, his presence. For a moment, she let her guard down, embracing the weakness to her heart.

Jiyong's love.

"I'm sorry if I did this to you but more than anything else, I'm sorry that I rarely tell you how much I love you. I really, really love you Park Bom."

At that "I love you" was made Bom snapped back into reality and made her angry for some reason.

“This is not gonna work anymore, Jiyong ah.”

"What do you mean?"

"Whatever it is between us, it's just not gonna work anymore."

“Then let's try to make this work.”

"I don't think I can. You can try as hard as you want, but I really don't think I can make this any easier."

"Why not?"

"I'm past my years to be playful, Jiyong. I'm having serious thoughts about life now."

"Serious thoughts about life?"

"Yeah."

Silence filled the void. Jiyong was scared to ask the next question because he knew exactly where this conversation is headed. He was sure.

"Like, wh- what?" He broke the thick stillness.

"Marriage."

"Marriage...?"

"And kids."

With that meaningful stare from Bom, he choked.

"But... I'm not-"

"Exactly." She took a deep breath. “I don’t mind if you are not ready for kids or marriage for that matter but I need reassurance, Jiyong. I need to know if this relationship is actually heading somewhere. If it will still exist in the future.”

He stared at Bom, tongue tied, dry throated. If earlier it was Bom who has a hoarse voice, it was now his turn. Jiyong clenched and unclenched his fists, mouth gaping and closing like a guppy but no words came. He could feel all the blood in his face drained into his feet. That he was shooting bullets of cold sweat. 

And somehow his reaction... showed Bom what she wanted to know.

In response, tears were starting to overflow from her already red eyes. Bom ran into the bathroom. He followed her and before he knew it, he was opening the door and hugged the crying Park Bom from behind.

"I dunno what you want!" She said in a half-scream, half whisper.

"I know I want you." He whispered into her hair.

"Stop this bull Jiyong. This is ing unbearable!" Bom yelled as she tried to pry off Jiyong's arm.

"I need you. You know that."

"No, you ing don't." she screamed again. "You have all those letting you them senseless for most of the years we dated."

Bom felt Jiyong's body became still and his arms loosened a bit. She grabbed that chance to break away and stormed back to the living room, all the while talking to Jiyong. Yelling here and there.

"That's right. I know everything Jiyong. The countless ing you have with those random people! You even lead Dara on. And some of those people I can't ing care whose names those were, Diamonds, Caramel Machiato? you, Kwon Jiyong! You are full of ." She screamed the last five words as hard as she could.

"Dara is my bestfriend! It's tiring to hear her whine to me about you! With Chaerin and Minji trying to tell me help her out to be with you! Ohhhhh! It was ing glorious!" She mocked. "And I obviously can't talk about our relationship to anyone because I'm your secret shame, aren't I?"

"Bom, hear me out." Jiyong said quietly. To which Bom stood still and turned to look at Jiyong venemously in the eyes.

"Fine." She said very calmly, it startled him. "Talk. Let me hear your side of the story."

But Jiyong couldn't. He did not know what to say to her. Her intense stare with an eyebrow cocked made his guilt came back flooding in full force.

A few minutes passed and Jiyong still didn't say anything.

Bom gave out a laugh that was strangled and a bit hysterical.

"You can't, can you?" She laughed again. "I knew it. I knew it. I knew it."

Jiyong still couldn't say anything. Shame and guilt burning him inside out, making him feel light headed. He walked over to one of the couches and slumped down.

"Let's just end this, Jiyong." Bom said tiredly.

Jiyong looked over to Bom who was now sitting on the floor Indian style with her back against the wall. Her beautiful head leaning on the wall, chin up with her arms lying lifelessly on the sides.

"I don't want to." He said in a very clear small voice.

"Why not."

"I don't want to let you go."

"We've been through this."

"I just can't, okay?"

"It's either me or those dirty you have on your speed dial, Jiyong." Bom said, her voice hollow. "It's either me or them."

Jiyong did not know what to say. He was shocked to know that she knows about the speed dials, the fact that he flirted with Dara and leading her on.

Bom let out a chuckle that sounded so broken it made his own tears started to pool at the corner of his eyes.

"You know," she said, "amongst all of the men in my life - friend, ex or family, you're the one that I thought would never, ever hurt me."

They sat like that for hours. Him on the couch, crying without a sound; her on the floor, clutching the front of her sweater as if trying hard to held her heart together from tearing apart.

What have I done?