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"Fallin' Out"

Been sitting thinking about you and I and wondering why were not getting along
so frustrated 'cause what we had was a happy home.
I don't know what the situation is but I can tell in the way we kiss
we don't talk no more it feels better when I'm alone

Sometimes I feel like there's no getting through to you
like you don't appreciate all that I do.
you gotta show me that you want me to stay
don't turn & walk away

baby I'm slowly falling out of love with you
I don't know what to do,
how did we end up here this way?
what are we gonna do?
I'm slowly falling out.. baby
we're tripping on silly things
boy I need you to meet me halfway,
if you want me to be with you..

I remember when, I'd be with my friends
you checked on me and made time to call
but how things have changed? --
now I don't hear from you at all.
Yeah yeah yeah

don't let your pride get in the way,
for something we worked so hard --
don't throw it away
I've been tryna make you see
everything you need is right here with me

Slowly falling
slowly falling

How did we end up here this way?
Oh

- Keyshia Cole (x)

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Bom stared at the droplets of rain, racing on her windowpane, releasing a sigh every now and then. She did not know where her life was leading her as of right now.

All she knew ever since she was a little girl was that The Little Mermaid Disney Classic had inspired her to sing and live in America, was what her life was all about. It wasn’t just the fame factor that makes her want to be a singer, it was the idea of being surrounded by music all the time. And to meet other music enthusiasts. Or fall in love with one.

But that’s where her problem started, isn’t it?

Ever since he entered her life, everything changes. Her life turned upside down. Her heart was filled with love, lust, happiness, sadness all at once, several times a day. It was freaking distressing but worth it.

Very worth it… at first.

Because, looking at where things are heading right now… She doesn’t know anymore. Her heart has that nagging feeling that something was wrong. Very, very wrong.

Should I think about this right now? Or next time when we meet? Bom thought in silence.

Next time? She snorted at the thought. When is that even gonna be? A million years later? She shook her head and sighed loudly.

"Even the droplets get together again after being apart and landed on different places after a period of time." She said out loud as she turned to the bedroom's window again, while listening to the “dot a dot dot”  sound as described according to the poet Eve Merriam.

Despite being bundled up in her comforter and many pillows, she still felt cold. Metaphorically speaking. She hasn't had a cuddle, a kiss or even , with her boyfriend in such a long time that she forgets the feeling of being touched by a man.

She hadn't stepped out of her bedroom since yesterday and no one was at home anyways. Her parents were paying her big sister a visit for a few days so she didn't see any point of going out from there. And since she was all alone, she was pretty much wearing only her lace and a big comfy sweater.

She laughed at herself. She was not even wearing her boyfriend's sweater but rather something that a close friend has bought her.

Well, isn't this romantic? Bom rolled her eyes which then landed on the sight of her phone.

The iPhone was only a hand’s reach away and yet her heart was feeling so heavy just by looking at it.

He hasn’t called her. It’s been two months since they have any kinds of interaction and haven't have the time alone together since many months before that.

Sure, they texted once in a while… but they were short and simple.

“Hey sweetie~ ☆*:.｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆ How are you? *^^* ”

She always started the convos.

“Doin good. You?”

Short replies from him.

“Yeah! (((o(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)o))) Just finished recording. But it was kinda hard today 。・゜・(ノД`)・゜・。”

Tried to seek comfort from him. So she was hinting it by using emoticons.

“Really? Oh. You’ll get better at it. You know you always do. Hwaiting! ^^”

Seems like he's gotten the message but the reply sounded too impersonal.

As if he was replying to a fan/acquaintance.

“Thanks. Have you eaten?”

She replied back using short answers. Let's see if he's aware of her disappointment in his lack of care.

“Yeah, dinner was great. Heading for a meeting now.”

Ah... was that why he replied in short texts?

“Okay, take care.”

No replies.

“Love you.”

It was almost two hours later when he replied.

"Yeah, take care of yourself too. Saranghanda."

*Saranghanda... If that didn't broke her heart.

And that was pretty much their conversation. The last text she received was over a month ago.

He never updates her. She always found out stuff about him online or from the staff.

She found out about him coming back to Seoul from Twitter, finding pictures of him clubbing for after parties from SNS, finding out that girls were groping him from the staff, finding out rumours that he drunk kissed his celebrity fangirls from other acquaintance.

She didn't text or call him about any of those because she wanted him to tell that to her face. She knows that it would hurt like a but this is how it goes for her. But that's not happening anytime soon because that's just how it is.

Park Bom is forever G-Dragon's secret.

Their relationship has been a secret. It always has.

Bom told Jiyong to go public with everybody or at least to their friends but he refused.

"Wait a little longer," he said. "Just a little bit longer."

But she was not getting any younger. She has needs. She has other dreams, as a woman.

She wanted a person that can spend the rest of his life sharing love with her. It may not necessarily, "I'm gonna marry him this instant." kind of relationship, but rather a relationship that can make her think that they have a future together until the end of time.

She wanted a commitment.

There have been many men that have been asking her if she wanted to go out for a coffee, or a stroll in the park. She rejected all that because she believed in Jiyong. She wholeheartedly believe that And now... everything is in that blurry line of blind faith or desperate wish.

She was not even sure about how serious Jiyong was about their relationship, despite the five years of dating each other.

And the stories that came from Jjangmae and Chubby Manager, who usually provide the most legit information was the final trigger.

She knows it was stupid to feel paranoid if the thing wasn't confirmed by the man of the story himself but that nagging feeling she has earlier... It was not stupid. Fate was just gonna be a to her today.

She thought at first they were talking about her - the fact that she was his secret girlfriend, after all - but as they kept on talking about the recent incidents, Park Bom was sure that she did not went anywhere outside Korea except for the recent Super Live Concert in Japan's USJ, to spend all night with him in the hotel room.

In Osaka, towards the end of April.

Because sure as hell, she was at Busan. And then had a quick getaway to Jejudo with the girls.

She wasn't present in any of the pics that the girls posted because she was moping around that day, worried about Jiyong's insistence on performing with his fever still running high.

She worried a lot about him at those nights. She texted and called him. He reassured her that he was feeling fine and dandy, that he was not going anywhere; that he would be staying in his room the whole night.

At the moment, she felt like a fool as she realized that Jiyong wasn't lying to her that night but he sure as was not telling her the whole truth either. He did spent the rest of his night in his hotel room and feeling fine enough to a nameless woman.

Bom sighed. She was pretty stupid, wasn't she? She knew something was wrong but her blind love for him begged her to keep herself in denial.

Without her realizing it, her vision turned blurry.

Tears were falling down her cheeks, onto her palm.

Taking her corn plushie, she stuffed her face onto it and screamed.

Park Bom screamed until her face stung… until her tears were flooding the bed… until her heart bleeds out.

At least being alone in this apartment, nobody could hear her pathetic sobs. Her pathetic cries for a love ignored and abused.

Kwon Jiyong, you stupid, stupid boy.

How can you not know how I feel? How can you not know that I died a little inside every time you ignored me and played with the others? How can you not understand that the love I feel inside my heart manifested from the first moment I met you? How can you not remember that I was always there for you when you broke down during your bad days? How can you not remember the times when we used to hang out during our day offs? Our secret vacations? Our kisses and hugs? Our love?

How could you do this to me?

"Jiyong ah..." she sobbed. "It hurts."

Bom hugged the pushie tightly and curled up into a fetal position.

She bit into the plushie, tearing it a little, as she heard her sobs were getting out of control.

"It hurts."

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A/N:

So guys...? How was it? I'm a bit rusty in writing since I have been on a hiatus for so long, so really I hope the story came out well TT___TT Oh, and do you guys think I need a part two for this? Leave your comments and thoughts below, thank you. *^^*

*Saranghanda - Saranghanda is an informal way of saying I love you but more masculine and forced, I think? Correct me if I'm wrong *^^* (x)