hehehehehhh

 

---

Broken

Useless

Trash

Unworthy

You're nothing.

 

I come from a broken family, no, i don't even know what a family is anymore. A family means a group of people you love. A family doesn't mean sadness, it doesn't mean depressed, a family gives you happiness, gives you laughter, gives you love. 

I didn't get any of that, because i'm broken. I come from a broken family, i have a broken life, i, myself, am broken. 

The years i've spent building these bricked walls, won't just come crashing down for nothing. No. 

 

 

Dear Diary,

today's a brand new day, a brand new beginning

for other people though, not for me.

Today, another layer of brick is added to my 'wall'

again and again, day after day, brick by brick.

It's been a while

It's been a year.

Today is March 21st

i saw her 365 days ago, barely alive, barely breathing

but i know, that she will go to a place, with everlasting happiness

everlasting love.

My 'wall' is becoming stronger every day

people wonder, people ask, people are curious

but me, i'm just...silent.

i'm just waiting for that somebody

to tell me to come out of my wall

and say that

everything is okay. 

 

 

 

A knock on the door awoke me from my thoughts, i quickly hid my diary underneath my blanket as the door opened slightly.

"Miss, time to get ready for school," a maid reminded me, as i let out a sigh, and said "okay". 

I got out of bed, and took the picture on my bedside table in my hands.

The picture, of my mum and I.

"I'm going to see you today," i softly whispered, as i gently moved my fingers over the picture. A silent tear escaped my eye and landed on the picture. 

i put the picture down, and got ready for school.

it was an everyday routine; a maid 'waking' me up for school, my chauffeur sending me to school, lessons, lessons and more lessons, reach home, sleep and repeat. It has been going on for the past 365 days, 365 days, because ever since she left, my life was just a boring black and white. She took the colours away from me, and I allowed her. Splashes of red, green orange, pink slowly started disappearing out of my life, just like her. 

I bid my chauffeur a goodbye, as I climbed out of the car and walked into my school gates. I said that my family is broken, but broken does not mean that my family is poor. Broken means i have no one else left to lean on, no one else left to trust. There's only me, myself, and I. In fact, you could say that I don't even have a family at all, because the family I have left, are just people. No, a person. The family I have left is just a person. That person doesn't provide me with the love, the happiness, the freedom I yearn for. That person, my father, doesn't understand me at all, not like how my mother did. My mother was the person who provided me the love, the happiness, the freedom, everything that I wanted, everything that I needed, everything...that I didn't have left. My mother was the only family I had. Was. I was left all alone, in darkness.