chapter one

          I walked into the apartment, emptiness enveloping the whole atmosphere.

          "Ma'am, All your things are already here. Can I go now?" asked the Ahjussi. I nodded half-heartedly then fished out some thousand won from my wallet and gave it to him. "Kamsahamnida." I bowed lightly. The ahjussi left and it was only me again in this lonely room.

          My fingers ran through the walls where the paintings and the sketches that I made once hang. As I reached that specific corner, my chest tightened upon remembering my favourite sketch of all. I closed my eyes and memories began to resurface in my mind again.

-Flashback-

          I just finish sketching our photo. My favourite picture of us. It was during our prom. He was wearing a black tuxedo with a white shirt and paired with a violet patterned neck tie while I was wearing a short tube black dress that includes contrasting violet rhinestones and beads paired with a black stiletto heels and lastly, a choker necklace and violet gemstone earrings. We really matched our outfit for that night, going with black and violet as our motif. After all, violet was our favourite color.

          We had a red carpet during our prom and whenever each pair would arrive, the official photographers would start taking pictures of them. He motioned me to hold unto his arm like a gentleman and I gladly accepted it. I was afraid that I might tripped while wearing my heels but he gave me an assuring smile. He was smiling at the camera, while I was still holding unto his arm, looking quite uncomfortable, but I managed to curve my lips into a sweet smile. 

          It was one of the most memorable moments that we shared. Girls were looking at him and he would just simply hold my hand, making them jealous. We also danced to a slow song. He wrapped his arms around my waist, and I wrapped my arms around his neck while resting my face on his shoulder, not minding the others, just staring into each others' eyes.

          It took me almost a day to finish sketching that picture. It was charcoal sketching. It was hard but I managed to finish it. It was my gift for him for our 3^rd anniversary. I smiled, looking satisfied at the piece of art that I was holding.

          I was inside our room, deciding where I should hang the sketch. My eyes was inspecting the whole room when a vacant spot on the wall caught my attention. I hung it there. It looks perfect together with the other portraits and paintings.

          I can't help but feel excited upon knowing that any moment now, he'll burst inside our so called "little home" and pull me into a tight hug. Today is our anniversary but we can't celebrate it for the whole day because he still have his training in SM Entertainment. I didn't get upset because I understand him. I understand his dreams. I understand very clearly that when he chose to be a singer, he can't always be by my side.

          I was deeply absorbed in my thoughts when I suddenly heard the doorknob clicked, and soon he entered with his usual tired face, but he covered it up with his cheeky smile, washing away the hint of weariness.

          He walked up to me and pulled me into his embrace, "Happy Anniversary Baobei." He whispered into my ears, nuzzling it as his breath tickles my skin. I giggled as he did it. "Happy Anniversary Baobei." I replied and gave him a sweet smile and a quick peck on his lips. Yes, we call each other baobei. It was our endearment for each other. Whenever I would call him Yixing, he would pretend to be mad at me and sometimes I would purposely do it to annoy him.

-Flashback ends-

          I decided to unpack my luggage and place my things in my mirrored dressing table. Despite of being gone for quite some time, I could still memorize clearly how this room looked before. Maybe it was because of all the happy and sad memories that we have shared here together. After all, this place used to be our safe haven. When something doesn't go well, be it our studies or your career, we find comfort in each others' arms in this little home of ours.

          I was organizing a few stuff that I brought with me when I realized how quiet it was. I decided to listen to some songs on my phone while organizing my things. I put my music player in shuffle. Funny how the last song that I want to hear was the first one that actually came up.

-Flashback-

          It was during our senior year and he wasn't a trainee back then. I got mad at him because he has been spacing out a lot. He would always tell me to go home first because he can't walk me home. Whenever I would text him, you will tell me that you're busy doing something. I thought you were seeing someone else. Thinking of it made me really sad and broken. I cried my heart out at night just because of that thought. I started to ignore him whenever he would try to talk to me. I was scared that he would actually admit that there's another girl and he loves her more than he loves me.

          I ignored him for quite some time. I tried to put a distance between the two of us. I was afraid that maybe one day, he'll suddenly approach me to end things between us. Yes, I was paranoid because I don't ever want that to happen. A lot of girls were admiring him and he could easily replace me with one of them. After all, I would look nothing if he would compare me to those girls.

          Days went by and he began to notice that I was avoiding him. Whenever he would try to talk to me, I would suddenly come up with an excuse that I need to do something. He asked for our friends' help so that we could make up already. They persuaded me and eventually I agreed to talk to him. We were inside the campus, sitting under the tree inside the science garden. It has always been our favourite spot inside the school because we both love nature. As he sat next to me, he took his guitar from his back. He started strumming and after a few seconds, he began singing a song. He know that I love hearing his voice and maybe hearing him sing would prevent me from standing up and leaving. Well, it works all the time. When he finished singing that song, he began to explain why he was acting so different for the past month. I learned that he has been practicing a lot because he was going to audition for SM entertainment. I was relieved that my conclusions were wrong.

-Flashback Ends-

          I couldn't remember when was the time that I last heard that song. I intended not to because it used to be our favourite song. The song that once gave my life pure bliss, became the song that makes me feel the pain once again.

          I know that going back to this place will just only refresh the pain, but I still decided to. We have made so many memories here and they were the only things that I've been holding to. It's been almost three years since we broke up and maybe it's time for me to finally let him go seeing that he has now achieved his dreams. He is now happy and his happiness doesn't include me anymore.

-Flashback-

          "Let's break up Yixing." I gathered my courage to say those words to him. He just came home after your 2 weeks of heavy training and instead of giving him a warm welcome, those four words were the ones that he first heard upon entering our room.

          "Hsiu Mei" He walked up to me and hugged me. I pressed the back of my hands on my lips, trying to stop myself from crying. I know that once he sees me cry, it will just be harder for him to let me go.

          I have finally come to a decision to break up with him after weeks of deliberation and it did not come lightly. My reason? He was about to debut in a few months time and I know that before that happens, he has to sign that 'no dating' contract. He told me about it and he still refused to break up with me despite of what his future manager told him. I can't let him lose his lifetime dream because of me. It took him years to be able to finally reach this point and I don't want it to be wasted.

          "Is this because of the contract?" We were now sitting on the bed, he was next to me. "Someday you will thank me for leaving you." I replied, unable to look at him. "I could give up my dreams for you." He said without any doubt. A few tears escaped my eyes. "I can't afford to be selfish Yixing. You have the opportunity to achieve your dreams right in front of you. I know that you have to fly away someday and chase your dreams and I should have prepared myself more but I took for granted the times that we were still together." I managed to say between the sobs.

          We went through so many ups and downs and neither did I expect that we would be in this situation. The last three years weren't all happy memories. Sometimes, no matter how understanding we are, we also get into heated arguments but after just a few minutes, I could come to you with my childish smile and we would act as if nothing happened.

          We were actually a pretty messed up couple. No friends of ours actually expected that we would end up together. Your strongest point was my weakest and my weakest was your strongest and maybe that's the reason that we've been together for three years. We depend on each other.

-Flashback ends-

          I took a glance outside the window and realized that it was starting to rain. Droplets of tiny ice crystals began falling prettily from the sky. I wore my jacket and put my cellphone and wallet inside my pocket. I decided to go to the cafe where we used to hang out to clear my thoughts and have a little cup of coffee.

          I felt nostalgic as the scent of cappuccino welcomed me. I looked around, feeling satisfied for the interior design of the shop was still the same. I walked to the counter to order my all-time favorite hot drink- the café’s best-seller cappuccino. As I was trying to get my wallet from my pocket, I realized that it wasn’t there anymore. I tried to check my jacket’s pocket, but to my dismay it wasn’t there too. I was about to panic, when I felt someone tapping my shoulder. "Miss, I think this is yours. You dropped it earlier." I was glued on my spot, unable to move. Even without turning around, I knew who was the owner of that familiar, soft, soothing voice.